| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 6:10:33 PM | | Who in their right mind would WANT to date a boor? I always thought that having a sense of duty, honor, commitment, probity, and respect for one’s self and others were “NO DUH” qualities that ALL people EXPECT in a mate. IMO, being “chivalrous” in modern times is far more than just pulling out a chair or holding a door open for your date; it is living your life by a certain code of ethics, moral duty and obligation (qualities that ALL human beings could benefit from, REGARDLESS of gender). Asking if “chivalry” is important is like asking if honesty, loyalty, trustworthiness, good character, et al., matters to you. Hell yes, it does. | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 7:40:53 PM |
I, myself am one of the last dying breed that have not forgotten the true meaning of chivalry.
Wow, pat yourself on the back much?
Maybe many men are tired of the sexist, one-sided view that requires men to treat females with respect while females show outright contempt for men. Of course, it may be that since there are very few ladies, men don't feel the need to live up to the old standard of being gentlemen. | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 7:50:45 PM | Chivalry is not dead. :)
And not to go off on too big a tangent but this begs a question.... why do some of you worry about whether or not it will be received positively?
If you're "that type" BE that type... not something you think your date would like better. Being yourself means... attracting people who are better suited to YOU. The logic behind that is too simple.... | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 7:50:46 PM | True...nastyjerk...sad, but true...
If a man treats me with disrespect, he will get contempt from me. If he treats me with respect and treats me like he would a lady, I have all the respect in the world for him.
Kind returns kind... | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 8:05:02 PM |
OP: I, myself am one of the last dying breed that have not forgotten the true meaning of chivalry.
NastyJerk: Wow, pat yourself on the back much?
Maybe many men are tired of the sexist, one-sided view that requires men to treat females with respect while females show outright contempt for men. Of course, it may be that since there are very few ladies, men don't feel the need to live up to the old standard of being gentlemen.
I've come to the conclusion that there are some sad people in the world who need to tear others down -- I can spend some time speculating as to why. Low self esteem; mean spirited, envy. Just an overall negative view point about life and people is what you'll find in common with these sorts.
The why just doesn't matter. What matters is that these types of people will tell you that you're not special; tell you that your standards and requirements for the way people treat you are "too much" or unwarranted. They'll tell you that your values are worthless.
They just have a great need to strip away your self-esteem and get you to accept and agree to the bear minimum when it comes to good treatment.
I love how they'll tell you that because you happen to not be in a relationship, this is proof positive that what they've said is true; that there is no one out there for you; that you're fvcked up.
What I think we should ALL hold out for is that ONE person who thinks we are the pie in the sky. That man, who, if you're a woman, treats you with respect and honor and love and kindness, and thinks the world of you.
The woman, who, if you are man, treats you with respect, honor and love and kindness and thinks there is no one on the Earth like you.
There hasn't been a man I've dated who hasn't treated me with chivalry who hasn't gotten the same treatment in return. It was when their actions or words told a different story that they got treated differently.
We all deserve to be treated like we are special by that special someone. And anyone who wants to waste their breath telling me that I'm not worth that is doing just that -- wasting their breathe. | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 8:31:07 PM |
Courting is one of the biggest differences between us. Sex and it's drive.
To make a woman think like a man...or to make a man think like a woman is just insanity and brings dysfunction to the genders.
I get what you are saying in one sense--men and women are "wired" very differently in some ways, but you can't lump everyone in together. Some women ( I would argue a growing number) see sex very much the way men do....which has affected the "courting" process.
I love men, and I love spending time with them, but for some reason, the "traditional" so-called romantic behaviours are just lost on me. I pull out my own chair? So? I order my own food? Doesn't bother me. Valentine's day? Yawn. This does not mean I am cold, or unloving, or unfeminine. I just don't care about chivalrous stuff, per se.
A loving partner can do many things to express his/her love, respect, or thoughtfulness on a daily basis----I just don't see those behaviors as being gender based. Anyone can leave a little note for his/her partner to find during the day, anyone can prepare a favourite treat for the SO, anyone can send a sexy text message, anyone can buy small thoughtful gift to let his/her partner know he/she is thinking of him/her. I prefer that kind of thing to someone being a perfect "gentleman". Then again, I would never describe myself as a "lady"...
It seems some people try to separate genders, and the way they think, into two separate groups ( Obviously Men or women ). Instead of letting them think as separate individuals. I can tell you not all women think the same way or men for that matter. I find a lot of men & women share too much of the same thoughts and ideas that can't be explained away as gender specific.
Agreed. | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 9:38:57 PM | Can we get over the semantics of chivalry? The historical origin of the word is of little relevance today.
To me chivalry is synonymous with being a gentleman. And that's a man who displays impeccable manners, treats his woman with deep respect and adores her completely. A man who intuitively understands her needs and desires, and does little things for her without being asked. He does this for no other woman but for his love. Of course when a woman has a gentleman like that – he's a keeper, she will take care of her man and ensure his needs are met too ;)
Some men say chivalry is dead.
Some men say this is the 21st century (2009).
Some men say today we have equal rights.
What these men don't say is that: they have not met a woman who have respected their belief on chivalry.
Picture this on a Valentine's date:
a) A woman opening and holding the CAR door for her husband.
b) A husband opening and holding the CAR door for his wife.
Which one is about equal rights? Which one is more respectable?
I'm all for equal rights, but if a man wants to look like a wuss so be it.
EDIT: OKAY I EDITED AND ADDED CAR.... | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 9:43:17 PM | I agree; chivalry is dead; and women killed it;
Dave Chappelle was right.
Look at all the posts; I see it also with friends and co workers; women date jerks and they take so much crap, get disrespected and then they act like they have some magical love affair.
Love is action; I look at what people do; not what they say. Instead of women being the better sex, they are just as bad as men; and just as insecure. | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 9:46:44 PM | | Chivalry is a waste, while your being polite and a gentalman, some neanderthal that is rude and had his hands all over her is now jumping her bones and you're in the "friend zone". | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 9:50:42 PM |
Picture this on a Valentine's date:
a) A woman opening and holding the door for her husband.
b) A husband opening and holding the door for his wife.
Which one is about equal rights? Which one is more respectable?
I'm all for equal rights, but if a man wants to look like a wuss so be it.
Hey....if I get to the door first, I'm opening it for him and whoever else might be following behind. | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 9:51:06 PM | | What do you hink the answer is. Would you like to be around a bunch of friends that don't have your back when someone trys to beat you up? So why would I want to have a guy around who has the ability to protect himself better then me, who won't do anything to help me out, and have my back when I need him. | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 9:56:39 PM | Can we get over the semantics of chivalry? The historical origin of the word is of little relevance today.
No we can't. There are people such as myself that pride themselves in thier ancestory. Don't knock others beacuse you can't relate. It makes you look jealous.... | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 9:59:22 PM |
Picture this on a Valentine's date:
a) A woman opening and holding the door for her husband.
b) A husband opening and holding the door for his wife.
Which one is about equal rights? Which one is more respectable?
I'm all for equal rights, but if a man wants to look like a wuss so be it.
Damn, dude, Its only a door. I'm more worried about us going through it, then who opens it.
Usually I would say whoever gets to it first.
Hey....if I get to the door first, I'm opening it for him and whoever else might be following behind.
As would I. | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 10:01:20 PM | | If you want to be happy act happy. If you want to be miserable just keep up the gerat attitudes in life. I'm sure men, you have your issues in life but, don't get all bitter because you think your future is non-existent in love. Most girls who date jerks do it to kill time, shits and giggles, or they can't stand to be alone at the time. Why focus on wome you feel are less then what you want. Wait to until you find a real gem. | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 10:02:39 PM |
Hey....if I get to the door first, I'm opening it for him and whoever else might be following behind.
Go back to my post, I edited it and added CAR. If it makes no difference for you then perhaps hook up with the men on here who are advocating for equal rights for dating. Because treating you equal in dating is no better than treating you equal as a co-worker in the workplace :D | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 10:17:17 PM |
Go back to my post, I edited it and added CAR. If it makes no difference for you then perhaps hook up with the men on here who are advocating for equal rights for dating. Because treating you equal in dating is no better than treating you equal as a co-worker in the workplace :D
Lol...oh,ok, change it to "Car door" when it works more to your advantage, when the building door didn't. Its funny you changed the question, when you found out it didn't get your expected answer.
Here's my view on opening car doors. I have two vehicles. One that unlocks doors automatically and one that does manually.
If I take my truck, I unlock the door for her first so she does not have to wait outside till I get in to do it. If I take my other vehicle I just unlock both doors from the controller. But either way I let her open and close the door. I have closed the door on a few foots before so I let them do that now for safeties sake. | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 10:23:57 PM |
Lol...oh,ok, change it to "Car door" when it works more to your advantage, when the building door didn't. Its funny you changed the question, when you found out it didn't get your expected answer.
Here's my view on opening car doors. I have two vehicles. One that unlocks doors automatically and one that does manually.
No, no...in my head i automatically thought CAR door but didn't think it would be misinterpreted that i left the word car out. but did so ...sorry.
building door, of course i would expect responses like "whoever gets there first."
first it was semantics, now it's technicalities - automatic or manual...  | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/18/2009 10:35:58 PM | | Chivalry is not limited to how courteous and kindly a man is to a woman. It goes way beyond that to protect and champion what you feel is right. Chilvary should be seen as protection of the weak , strength with valor, justice, modesty, loyalty, courtesy. While the concept of chilvary has been handed down by the wonderfully woven tales of knights and their conquests, it has left us all with a legacy we should strive to practice in how we treat our fellow human beings. I cherish we have been given these wonderful tales and the opportunity to set our own character by these chivalous acts. Thank you to King Aurther and his Knights and the women they chose to champion. | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 3:12:11 AM | I myself believe in treating women with respect, honor, and courtesy. While I don't mind independence it's good to do even small things such as getting a cup of tea. There could be overdoing it I suppose and those boundories need to be established. Perhaps it's a mutual willingness to be good to each other more then anything?
I've also a selection of swords appropriate to this thread. *grin* | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 12:25:03 PM | I've stayed out of this thread because anyone who's read my postings already knows my thoughts on how a gentleman/ gentle man behaves...
So, any comment I would make would just seem as self agrandizement.
This is a thread asking for a womans point of view....i.e.polarized.. | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 12:31:32 PM | Irish, I just re-read the OP and it's written by a man and nowhere in there is he asking specifically only women what their views are:
Do you still believe in the ideals of chivalry in an relationship? Or, do you think chivalry is demeaning and condescending?
I don't recall your previous posts but I'll assume you agree with the OP, but it's not self-aggrandizing. it's just an opinion. Both men and women have stated that to them, it works both ways, it's not just a male-to-female behavior per se, but an attitude of respect in general. | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 12:39:36 PM | Yes, I do still believe in the ideals of chivalry in an relationship, and no it's not demeaning or condescending. Miss Manners lives! Thank goodness.
That said, I also like the scene in "Pretty Woman" where Gere's character climbs up the fire escape with roeses in his teeth and asks, "So, what does the princess do after he rescues her?
She said"She rescues him right back."
I believe there is a female version of chivilry that men are entitled to just as much.
 
. | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 12:52:41 PM |
Do you still believe in the ideals of chivalry in an relationship? Or, do you think chivalry is demeaning and condescending?
For me? It's mandatory. I like something more "traditional" and in return? I offer the same. To each their own. | |
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| How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?
Posted: 6/19/2009 1:03:02 PM | I think that women in the Western world have serious misunderstanding as to the roots of chilvary.
Chivalry was formed at a time when women were seen as inferiors and needed to be "protected" by their men.
Our society has changed....but some not very worthwhile attitudes have remained.
Do I open a door for women?
Yes....but that comes w/ mixed results...and often no "thanks you" for what is an act of common courtesy.
Do I pull out a woman's chair?
In formal settings,sure...in other times..No.
If you want to be treated as an equal, you have to act as an equal.
"Chivalry" prevents that from occurring,IMHO. | |
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