| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/23/2009 1:29:41 PM | I'm kind of new here myself - and only recently just started to dive into the 'sea'. I've posted a couple of pics and wrote out what I figured would be a decent description of myself (without giving too much away) and things I would do on a first date. Maybe I need to make it more intriguing.
I've even emailed a couple of members - and I mean good, well-thought out messages and I also didn't get any responses thus far. of course, I could assume that maybe it wasn't what they're looking for. Still, they could've at least acknowledged my message even if I wasn't their 'type'.
Gotta keep trying and make my presence known, I guess. Just like a lot of things in life, it's a numbers game...and maybe I'll get a response sometime in the future.
By the way, I'm curios about the new 'Date Night' feature. Anyone about to give it a try? | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/23/2009 6:32:56 PM | ^^ Welcome to POF. Yes, I find it incredibly rude that people don't respond to messages sent out. I wonder what they are thinking when they think it is ok to just ignore someone who has taken the time to write a nice message. But then again aren't we getting some insight already into their personality so I just take it as they did me a favor.
I "assume" that maybe I don't meet their "standards" but then find it interesting when I look a few weeks or so later at those who haven't received an email and there they are. I guess they have turned off enough people that now no one is taking the time to bother with them. I just can't believe that people at this stage of life don't have the class to say thanks but no thanks. I know that is never easy....just did it last week to a guy who I had been chatting with occassionally for the past few years. I was honest and just told him that when I had met him-my 50th birthday there just wasn't a connection felt by me. I tried to be honest without being mean and not leading him on and wished him well in his search. Is that too much to ask????  | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/24/2009 7:11:17 AM | What I find rude is when a polite rejection is met with disdain. Better to err on the side of caution rather than face the wrath of a suitor scorned. Besides, rude or not, if I'm not interested in a person, why should I care if they think I'm rude?
And for guys who whine about this, do bear in mind that there are women on here who receive hundreds of emails a week. If they took time to reply to them all, they'd scarcely have time to go on a date with you. Be grateful it was even read if it was. | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/24/2009 12:13:50 PM | Good point, vainh.
I take it the women here more often than not get a TON of email replies, so they can be choosy (hmmm...sounds like many a company in lean times like now).
Anyway, I'll come back here every now and then and see how it goes. | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/24/2009 12:25:09 PM | Its just easier to delete and move on, without feeling rejected
but what if they themselves dont not know what they want
Some of you who have been here a while know what I`m talking about
Some the same people who delete without responding
will here and have been here for years, some even keeping the same picture.
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/24/2009 12:45:05 PM | I have gotten an angry response from my response before and it didn't bother me at all. I understand that this person is angry over getting rejected and I take whatever she writes in anger with a grain of salt. The thing is though, she got angry over the actual rejection, not my reply. I did my best to let her down humanely and that's all that matters to me.
As for the women who get hundreds of messages a month, a lot of them are still single and looking even after months of being on this site. However, they probably would have found what they were looking for a long time ago had they just took a little bit more time out of their day. I imagine people who are too busy to reply to messages are probably too busy to read them, let alone read other people profiles, initiate contact or even consider making small talk. | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/24/2009 12:47:26 PM | When I've respond to ads on here some of the replies I've had are "thanks fort he interest but I have met someone else and is seeing where that goes". Well if you've met someone then hide/delete your profile and you won't get these messages. I all ways try to respond but it is hard telling someone your not interested.
KK | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/24/2009 3:13:05 PM | [And for guys who whine about this, do bear in mind that there are women on here who receive hundreds of emails a week. If they took time to reply to them all, they'd scarcely have time to go on a date with you. Be grateful it was even read if it was.]
That quote just shows me that most men are looking for the same women on line. Those women make up for maybe 10% of the available women. I don't think that should even be taken into consideration as an excuse as to why women don't email back. I'm sure most of us regular gals are lucky to get a couple a week, if that. I for one do not receive many emails at all. So, I suppose I have the time to reply to all my emails. . 
That's not to say I haven't read and deleted before. When I get an email, first thing I do is check out a profile. If something in that profile tells me this guy obviously didn't read my profile because he's definitely not looking for what I'm looking for, I read and delete (ie. sex mentioned...looking for someone casual etc.). I sometimes get tired of the "hi how are ya" with a profile as boring to match. Put some thought into your profile if you can't take the time to write a decent first email.
I've also been the recipient of nasty replies back if I've been kind enough to say, " Thanks for the interest but I don't think we're a match. Good Luck with your search!". It definitely shows the maturity level when their big come back is, "I wasn't interested anyways" or"you're too fat for me anyways". If that was the case, why did you email me?
That's just how internet dating goes. You need to grow a thick skin when entering the world of internet dating. | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/24/2009 3:56:55 PM | I think if the person you are emailing has over 500 fav`s
that should tell you something
or they start their profile by saying I`m cute or I`m good looking
and then go on with their full page wish list of what their date should be or look like
again that cuts down your chances of getting a reply
on the other hand they mention you must be financially secure and you mention your driving a Benz , Bmw or Lexus along with your min. 6 figure income- that may increase your chances for a favourable reply
You get my drift -you might get what you ask for! | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/24/2009 6:06:49 PM | I've become pretty mature when it comes to that. On top of that, I do keep myself busy so I'm not exactly hinging on any replies - so it's not a big deal. Just gotta spend more time here.
Basically, if nothing happens, I just move on and find who's next. | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/24/2009 7:01:27 PM | | .................. No , I don't think you are off base . The bottom line is it shows a little class answering someone's email whether it's yes or no however you want to word it . But the problem , as you have found Blades , is not everyone has " class " & who wants to be with someone who has no class ! Cheers to the ladies who answer their email ....................... | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/24/2009 8:02:48 PM |
That quote just shows me that most men are looking for the same women on line. And you'd be wrong in my case. I look at them once in a while, but personally, I don't look for them. Eye candy is nice once in a while, but it usually* leaves you emotionally and intellectually malnourished.
*Disclaimer: not always. No need to be offended for its own sake. | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/25/2009 7:50:54 PM | People don't respond for the same reasons, that they remove you from their favourites list, as soon as you add them. You are guilty without a trial. They look at your photo and figure you are not good enough for them, without giving someone a chance.
No wonder so many here can't find someone, and then cry a blue streak when they get hurt or lied to or cheated on. Maybe if they showed some civility and less thinking of their superioroty over others, they might make more contacts, friends, and potential relationships. What you give to the world, often comes back to you in ways one never imagined. | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/26/2009 3:59:39 PM | | Well said, dreamer_Paul! Sometimes even on here, some of us will always be overlooked. However, since I'm kinda new here I'll give POF a chance and see how it goes. | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:31:21 AM | It is impossible to respond to every email one gets. It's not being rude, it's a matter of not having an hour or more everyday to sit at a computer and think up responses to guys you've no intention of talking to again for whatever reason.
It's obvious most that guys send messages based on pictures alone. They don't read profiles at all, and I am sick of it. And I think it's one of the big when reasons girls don't message back.
I've written explicitly in my profile that I'm not sporty, outdoorsy, religious, or a particularly 'good hearted' girl (as so many guys seem to be looking for) but EVERY DAY I get messages from guys who's interests include nothing but sports, the cottage, or, my favorite - I've gotten about ten messages from guys who specifically have "Looking for good hearted girl" as their headline! And they messaged me!
And I did not answer them. Why should I? They didn't even do me the courtesy of reading anything I put in profile.
If you don't take the time to read profiles guys, guess what - girls do - before they respond to your message. So please do us the courtesy of at least putting thought into reading our profiles before you put any thought into a message to us. | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/27/2009 10:04:14 AM | Oblivion, I have messaged a lot of women who didn't match all the qualities I was looking for but that doesn't mean that I didn't read their profile. There are a lot of guys who understand that perfect matches/soul mates don't exist(or if they do, they are statistically impossible to meet) and they are willing to compromise on some things. Relationships and individuality are not mutually exclusive, you can still be with someone without agreeing on everything they believe in.
Don't assume that someone didn't read your profile just because he's not a 100% perfect clone of your personality. If they contacted you, then I think it is safe to say that they were very much interested in who you are, not just your pictures. I know there are a lot of women who are set in their ideology of never compromising but there are a lot of people who are ready and willing to.
I also want to point out that there are just as many men who read profiles as there are women who judge only on pictures. There are a lot of women who did not read my profile before deleting my messages and I have also been rejected by women who's profile, which I read in their entirety, were as close to a perfect match as I consider possible. I can only assume that those women only judged me only on my pictures. In any case, if you have time to read someone's profile, you have the time to write something back. | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/27/2009 10:05:57 AM |
There are also a lot of women who have not read my profile before deleting my messages.
how do you know this?
you do know that it is possible to hide yourself so that others cannot see that you have viewed their profile, don't you? | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/27/2009 10:29:26 AM | I'm not talking about what a guy is looking for in a girl, I'm talking about what she IS based on what she's taken the time to write about herself.
I'm also not talking about anything like perfect matches or soul mates. I'm taking about blatant disregard.
"I do not at all like sports" in a girls profile. Then some guy messages her and his interests are "football volleyballwrestling baseball basketball and hockey" - and nothing else.
Or worse, a girl says in her write up she is only lokoing for dating, and is not a sweet, old fashioned, good-hearted type of girl. Then she gets messages from guys who's whole profiles say they're looking for a sweet, good hearted to settle down with!
WTF?
The bottom line of what I'm trying to say, is that it's obvious to me by of at least half the messages I get, that guys are not reading my profile or - worse - reading it then disregarding everything it said. And I feel no obligation whatsoever to take time or thought to reply to people who obviously took none themselves. | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/27/2009 6:01:23 PM | its cute to see so many bitter misunderstood singles that cant leave a simple answer without going into a tyrade about other peoples igorance . I`m sure that most people havent listed ALL there interests , hobies ect in their profiles . Way I see it , Your Time is the most valuable asset you can share with someone how someone chooses to spare it is up to them . lol Oblivion....your name is well suited for the stains youve left on this thread....good job champ
and btw ... lol men and sports basicly go hand in hand ... i mean if you want a couch potatoe ...why not invest in a body pillow , cause eventually thats what all male couch potatoes becomes . | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/27/2009 6:56:00 PM | The point is the same Oblivion. I could be looking at a woman's profile that says she hates sports but she also has everything else I am looking for. Now, if I was to be a sports fanatic, read her profile and willing to compromise I could either do nothing and move on or give it a shot and see if she's also willing to compromise on the sports issue.
Without knowing that persons personally, I don't know how serious she is about the issue and I don't know how flexible she is. In any case, I think it would be very safe for me to assume that you would not be the first woman on earth that did not like sports at all but got involved with a sports fanatic and lived a happy and fulfilling life.
For your second example, someone that is looking primarily for a long term commitment could still be open for dating. I, myself, am looking for long term but if someone interesting was to come along and offer their company, I wouldn't say no either. Meeting someone new and engaging is more appealing to me than not meeting anyone at all.
If someone wants to hang out or be friends, I can still do that while looking for long term. If someone wants to date without commitment, and is fine with the arrangement, then I can also do that until I find the right person. (Unless the person I am dating changes her stance on commitment, which can happen. People change.)
Anyway, I do think those emails could easily have been justified and don't prove that your profile wasn't read but I can understand why you wouldn't want to reply to emails that offend you. My own basis for replying lies entirely on a sense of pride, courtesy, benevolence and empathy; none of which would apply should I consider a message to be blatantly disrespectful. | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:18:26 PM | Ok, Roninvince, if we’re going to be so flexible about what kind of relationship we’re looking for, and about our interests, then why do we put them there at all?
As for ‘someontookmyname’ - people come onto these threads to express their opinion about the topics, not to make nasty statements about each other, and it seems to me you know a little something about bitter yourself, to say something like that to me. Classless.
And the couch potato thing – I’ve dated lots of guys who weren’t at all interested in sports and still looked great. It’s called the gym. | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:10:41 AM |
[And for guys who whine about this, do bear in mind that there are women on here who receive hundreds of emails a week. If they took time to reply to them all, they'd scarcely have time to go on a date with you. Be grateful it was even read if it was
I've sat at my friends house and watched her on POF, she literally has so many POF emails she sometimes just tags them all and deletes them in bulk - unread.... she says otherwise, she'd never read any of them.... replying to them all would obviously be out of the question. And as we sat there, a half-dozen more had appeared in only a few moments... And as the bovinity have stated, most of them are particularly pathetic emails... some are so lame it's an embarrassment to be part of the same gender that wrote them... | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:18:46 AM | To each their own (way of dealing with responding) but me personally, think it's rude not to answer an email. It's a new way of communication in this day & age and if you were approached by someone in a "singles" situation in the "outside" world that said hi to you would you just walk away and not at least say hi back? Probably not because that would be rude, right?
It's takes a few seconds to respond to someone and surely we all have enough time in our lifes to be kind enough to do that and who knows, it might even brighten that person's day, right? Okay, guess I'm not talking about the people that get 500 messages a day then I'd say...hmmm, hire someone to answer your emails because you're well on your way to "celebrity" status, lol and need the help. | |
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| Is it rude not to respond to an email???
Posted: 6/29/2009 2:14:39 PM | | When saying hello to everybody I've been passing by... I don't "expect" any of them to give me what-so-ever a response just because I've been polite, it's rather those who do kindly respond that makes me feel more cheerful, especially when they're smiling back at me in a huge way which I sometimes thought to properly introduce myself to a few of the ladies who do that, but most girls seem to not want to get hit on unless they've seen you around quite often. | |
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