| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/20/2009 4:11:09 AM | Thank you, the responses were uplifting, hairy palms, hum, NO, but would rather play on the forums in fun, was serious or 24 yrs, only to be cast aside for another, so I am thinkin just taking things lightly works for me, this is just my way of unwinding, just tired of readin all the profiles and sraring at all the photos, great way to take a break.
And perhaps I should be reading more, maybe my grammar and puntuation would improve, but meeting me in person I don't think you would ever know. There always seems to be those that tend to criticise first and never really want to trt to get the point ones tryin to make, case in point there was no point to this, lol. | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/20/2009 6:05:32 PM | Seems to me that men and women think completely differently about most things and misunderstandings are oh so common. Most no all of us at this age have been hurt probably many times. so yes, we are gun shy. And lonely. But to the point...maybe the point is that we don't want to hurt each other and don't even understand that we are doing it but we get stubborn and communication completely breaks down and then no one is happy
IMHO | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/21/2009 9:31:36 AM | Welcome to pof, OP, and my version of "Women 101" in the interest of "fair play" and to answer some of your questions.
I wish women came with manuals
I'm currently working on it. Place your orders early, because I expect it to fly off the shelves.
Seriously, "the manual" is good communication. It's not rocket science. Since the men tend to give you pragmatic answers, go into AAGuy and ask for tips on communicating with women and understanding "key" signs or "vibes" that women give off that men will recognize. There are threads on this topic to look up as well.
There are some very beautiful women on these sites, and for the most part many have been here awhile, why would that be, personality plays a large part im sure,
It differs so much from one person to the next. What I tend to see and have experienced is that the younger crowd (35 and under, let's say) see a lot of this as a drive-thru candy store with too many choices to choose from. I'm not saying this applies to all people, but quite a few. There is also a bit of a different mindset among this group, IMO. I have read and posted many threads on the topic of "Pursuing vs. Not Pursuing Women", and "Who Makes the Initial Call/ Contact", etc. and, invariably (for the most part), the people under 35 say it should be equal among men and women, and the people over 35 (for the most part) prefer, like it best when the male contacts the female, pursues her, etc. The youngest group (25 and under) are trying to figure it all out, so to speak. They are in the midst of dating and having maybe one or two long-term (in their opinion) relationships that may one day lead to a concrete, true LTR.
Add to this the dynamic of men and women in their 30's (and 40's) not looking to / wanting to marry or have an SO- a current trend for the past 5 years that I know of, and apparently appears to be an an ongoing trend. There are people looking for friends, to date, to hang out, to go long-term etc.
As for the women who have a lot of people contacting them or they are very attractive and you'd think would have met someone-- who they are on the inside and who they are looking for just hasn't happened yet, and just because you are attractive doesn't mean that you have all of your emotional (etc. ) ducks in a row.
Probably more info. than you are looking for, but I thought I'd lay it out there and you might find something that helps.
If you're a dad, Happy Father's Day, OP. | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/21/2009 10:12:19 AM | Manuals would be really nice, but even more important is the Return Policy.
To quote Russel Peters... " Somebody's gonna get it."
PARAGRAPHS!
please!
And STRUCTURE will improve how your thoughts are recieved.
Cus women think how you type....
is how you are.
Not saying it's right or true.
Just is.
...How very intuitive. And why is it you're still swimming around this pond?
OP...this whole dating thing is a gradual learning process. Especially on-line dating. The real difference is people can hide behind the anonymity of a computer screen. So it can be a real challenge. Hang in here....the forums are a terrific place to get to know someone.
...maeflowers | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/21/2009 2:10:53 PM | | Is there actually honesty between the sexes I recall a recent relationship,where I was 100% honest and yes it was hard as hell because i had to look at myself in a different light. ( always honest by the way) But it seems to me and I maybe wrong that if you are 100% flatt butt honest people (not a gender thing) dont want to hear it. Or hey run for the hills if that makes sence. So my question is do you continue to be honest or do you sugar coat the truth? | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/21/2009 2:15:57 PM | I am a brutally honest person, always have been. However, fluffy people get very upset with me about my honesty.
I can't stand it if someone candy coats the truth................I wouldn't stick around a person like that.
People are different in their preferences, and should stick with people they are comfortable with. | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/21/2009 4:07:12 PM |
So my question is do you continue to be honest or do you sugar coat the truth?
My answer is you continue to be who you are. Why would you change you for anyone other than you? If you do, then you aren't being you but merely a facimile thereof. [Gawd, can you tell I spent too many years in a legal environment!]
If you are an honest person, you continue as an honest person. If you are a person who sugar coats then you continue to sugar coat. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's no so good but you will attract what you portray. | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/21/2009 5:42:18 PM | " They could be looking for a very special person, a very close match, and not be willing to settle for less. That might take time. "
This is the reason I've been in this pond more than 2 years , J David. And I guess this the reason for most people. | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/21/2009 8:16:37 PM | "Manuals would be really nice, but even more important is the Return Policy."
Sorry; once you 'use' us, you void the warranty!  | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/22/2009 12:42:44 PM |
So my question is do you continue to be honest or do you sugar coat the truth?
Well, if you want mail, continue to sugar coat!
Us women have to post the sexy pictures and go on and on about how much fun we like to have....
....just to get mail!!!!! | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/22/2009 1:57:16 PM | "The 'brutally honest' are nothing more than bubble-poppers and enemies of love. "
Oh please, if more people had the courage to be honest and have a realistic relationship there wouldn't be all this rushing into the next bad relationship.
People who live in La La Land, get La La Land relationships. Just don't complain when you get what you are serving. | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/22/2009 3:11:42 PM | | Some of us on this thread have anger issues, Mellow, it will be ok, don't take life so serious, hell no one elase does, great post though. | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/22/2009 4:00:51 PM | Just to further confuss the issue My Truth isa joke.
I no longer have to shave my palms as someone is doing a good job of clipping my horns. Still need glasses to read. | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/22/2009 4:05:16 PM | Masturbation causes blindness and if we got more sex we wouldn't have to masturbate so much, therefore we would be able to read.
Honesty. You want honesty?
All these years I thought I was going blind because I didn't eat enough carrots!
Now you tell me........Dang, another thing I have to give up.........
Well, until my toad comes riding in on his white steed, you can't make me.............Now, where did I put my glasses? | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:29:22 AM |
Folks........men and women............listen to what people say.............chances are they mean it. Don't read anything in. Just take their words at face value.
ahhh, but there's the rub... women (and i don't mean ALL, just the majority) dont say what they mean... they expect you to read into what they're saying... SO, when they read men's post, they look for whats between the lines. WHILE men (most, not all) say what they mean (we are pretty simple in that respect)... so when we read a woman's profile, we expect what we see is what we get. and surprise its not.
I've had this conversation with many girlfriends down thru the years. the ones who wont tell you what the problem is, but expect u to figure it out from what they're saying, and they assume you have hidden agenda in what you're saying instead of just taking what u said as what you mean.
it's very scary
I'll tell you though. it is SOOOOo nice when u do meet the woman who means exactly what she says, and listens to what you say, and not accuse you of some hidden meaning. | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:38:55 AM |
So my question is do you continue to be honest or do you sugar coat the truth?
naw, dont sugar coat the truth, if u cant be truthful, be quiet.
lies and sugar coating come back and bite u in the ass. most people lie because they're embarrassed by the truth. If you dont wanna talk about something, dont. it's a free country, but if you're gonna , tell the gut honest truth. AND hopefully you're with someone who is not judgmental and it's all good. (of course this is a 2way street, you have to be non-judgmental about their truths too).
Openess, honest communication and non-judgment. | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/23/2009 11:02:32 AM | | Hit the nail right on the head, thank you thats what I was lookin for. THANK YOU | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/25/2009 3:07:33 AM | | ShadwEagle hit it right on the head. I was talking to a women the other day and she asked me what i had planned for the day. So I told her I was doing this and doing that.She asked a few more questions,which clearly indicated to me she was interested and or did not have a full grasp on what i was saying ,so I told her exactly what i was planning to do. You got it she ran like the****ns,but its all good. I think Shadw said it best when he stated that they're embarrassed by the truth. The only trouble is thay want someone honest,Hummmmm. Reminds Me of the quote by Jack Nickelson " You want the truth.You cant handle the truth." So as far as this goes I will continue as I have been,telling the truth and hopefully whom ever responds really wants the truth and as that so elequent writer ShadwEagle once wrote " Openess, honest communication and non-judgmental " that is what you get when you get me. | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/25/2009 11:28:58 AM | Manuals would be really nice, but even more important is the Return Policy.
There is a Return Policy. Ask any divorced man: It comes with a 50% restocking fee. | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 6/27/2009 4:45:08 AM |
Men just don't read manuals. Elle Kaye: I'm going to say I have to agree with you here. Being the visual creatures that we are, we often visualize the final product and think we can assemble it without the instructions. We also often don't read road maps and try to work our way through the maze, counting on our so-called "good sense of direction". It does makes us fumble and bumble here and there.
But theres ALWAYS the other side to this. Women tend to read TOO MANY manuals. There are countless books, periodicals, self-help tapes, workshops etc etc, informing women of all the "do's and don'ts". The Book "The Rules" is a great example of this. http://www.learntounderstandmen.com/
Women tend to, in my opinion, seek perfection in a man and are willing to hold out until the perfect one comes along. The years go by, they wind up living alone, which some claim to not mind doing, but their's that underlying feeling that if I just wait long enough HE will come along. I'm certainly not saying a woman should "take what she can get" but that she needs to understand that life isn't everything written in a manual. Life isn't perfect. Neither are Men. | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 7/12/2009 7:14:32 PM | LOL ... this is so true and funny!
and all of this goes both ways! I would really very truly have made use of a return policy on my ex-husband - for a full refund! I'd have been so much better off ...
but it would also take some of the fun out of the process. after all we are supposed to be open and communicating with each other. honesty is not all that hard to come by if people are secure in themselves. | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 7/13/2009 1:25:13 AM | I remember being at work some years ago and one of my co-workers was asking for relationship advice from a group of about seven of us. It struck me that every person in the group had been through at least one failed relationship! I suggested to this girl that she'd be better off seeking advice from people who had managed to maintain good relationships, rather than we of the damaged goods category.
To the OP, I could say you'll be fine, keep plugging, you're a good bloke, love will come along. I could tell him about the two simple principles I work on... "Say what you mean" and "Mean what you say". But does that work for me and will it work for him? As he's discovered, many of us have been here for quite a while and probably will be for the forseeable future. We now roam the forums and spread a mix of joy and good humour, or in some cases depression and bitterness to our fellow fish, but as they say... You wouldn't be dead for quids! ;-) | |
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| honesty between the sexes
Posted: 7/13/2009 3:11:15 AM | message 36, ran ran said:
"This is a really silly thread. Lovers don't want brutal honesty, they want poetry. The 'brutally honest' are nothing more than bubble-poppers and enemies of love. His friends got brutally honest with Don Quixote and it ruined him - another great lover gone - they won't be happy until there's nothing left but accountants and attorneys."
now that was very very funny!
i see now where i have been going wrong all these years. bring on the poets and the baseball players!  | |
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