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| Married Men on POF
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:14:40 PM |
Oh, and for the 'looking for a woman to help you through' guy - get a life. Women aren't responsible for getting your life back together, making sure you're fed, laid, and happy. Get your act together. Pathetic. To me it sounds like he is "done" with his marriage and is lining up prospective candidates for his new one.....new MARRIAGE (I thought that's what some of you ladies wanted yeah?). What's wrong about that? What if he doesn't NEED years to sit and pout about his previous marriage and instead has accepted the end of it as a foregone conclusion long ago and is simply needing the legal aspect to finalize? So judgmental....... | |
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| Married Men on POF
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:49:38 PM | Im still married unfortunally.I have been seperated for a very long time/Plan to divorce but its very expensive.Not everybody on here who is still married on paper are liars.Just be honest about the situation.I have zero contact with my ex..zero.So all married people on here are not the same.Some of us are just trying to start over.Although I admit it would be easierto be completly finished with the legal stuff before dating. | |
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| Married Men on POF
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:55:50 PM | | Another clue ..if you start dating and it turns into a relationship it will be easy to tell if the guy is married or not.Or stillis with the ex.Look in his house.That will be very telling.Does he hide phone calls?etc..Does he or she break dates. | |
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| Married Men on POF
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:35:14 AM |
To me it sounds like he is "done" with his marriage and is lining up prospective candidates for his new one.....new MARRIAGE (I thought that's what some of you ladies wanted yeah?). What's wrong about that? What if he doesn't NEED years to sit and pout about his previous marriage and instead has accepted the end of it as a foregone conclusion long ago and is simply needing the legal aspect to finalize? So judgmental.......
Blah blah blah...for some I'm 'judgmental', for many who have their lives on track, I'm logical and make good sense.
In your quote above Rarebird - you try to use 'marriage' as some sort of bait. Crazy. The guy in your instance should finish his FIRST marriage before contemplating a SECOND. Listen, I've been divorced. It doesn't cost that much if, like a lot of these guys who are still living with wives say, they all get along and are like roommates - it shouldn't be a contentious one. So if everyone gets along so darned well, get a quicky divorce, do things the right way, and move on with life. It's not right to ask a person to consider a new relationship with you while you still have your other foot in the old one.
What would a man/woman in this situation have to offer that a totally spouse free person can't offer without so much drama? If there's two nice guys for me to choose from, one is still living with wifey and continues to have his life entangled with hers, the other is divorced/single and has his own life. I'm going to choose the latter, and any woman with her head screwed on straight would do the same.
I'm not being judgmental (but that word is thrown a lot at me and other who agree with me - it's a convenient cop out word - like "golddigger"), but a lot of the guys who can't seem to get their sh*t together like to throw the word at those who see their situation as unacceptable for dating.
I'll take judgmental over moronic any day. Get a divorce, get your life on track - THEN date. Why do people feel the need to run out and get another lover so quickly? What's wrong with taking some time out to put your life in order? Why is everything now, now, now? I don't get it, and I think it's really unhealthy. | |
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| Married Men on POF
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:21:05 AM |
Some of us married men have a valid reason to be searching in we are planning on seeking a separation & divorce, due to trying for many years to make the marriage work. I have been trying significantly hard to restore the relationship, but I've been at the end of my rope over and over at some point I want to move on and start a new marriage with someone else, so looking for someone to help me through. I"ve never cheated on my wife and have more determination than most men to make the relationship work, and I think a woman would value these qualities in someone. I would carry on my qualities into my next relationship, so just talk to the quy before you just think everyone who is married is plain out to cheat.
Well, you're obviously not determined to save your marriage NOW, are you? Clean up your mess with your wife or wait until you're divorced before you start trolling for women. Talk about bad values. No wonder your marriage isn't working! I'd be very interested in hearing your wife's side of the story too! At least I don't see HER on here trolling for men behind YOUR back!
You said a m0uthful when you said "so looking for someone to help me through." It's obviously all about YOU! Buddy, go save your marriage! Naw, nevermind, your wife deserves better than you. | |
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| Married Men on POF
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:34:34 AM | | Let me also add: that kind of thinking is very typical of people who embark on affairs. It's the "poor me" - my spouse is so bad - he/she drove me to this point. No one drives you to any point. As any psychologist would tell you: you're making excuses & rationalizing your own bad behavior - and you're blaming the victim (yes, the person who gets cheated on is the victim) too. It's cowardly and dishonest. It speaks volumes about your character - or lack thereof. Some of you need to take RESPONSIBILITY for your actions. People like you will never make good spouses for ANYONE - quit deluding yourself! (I'm almost sure you've convinced yourself this is situational, out of character for you, and will never happen again. As I said, you're delusional - and so is any "new" woman who buys into your notions. Then again, if you find some woman who buys into it, she's probably just as void of decent values as are you - birds of a feather...) | |
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| Married Men on POF
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:33:02 AM | i think people dont really represent themselves in all honesty..thats been my experience here on POF. they write profiles about the person they wish they were, not the person they reallay are in the present. i think most men use online dating sites to hide their real intent of being womanizers while applying double standards to justify the womanizing behaviors...i could go on ..but i wont...
ideally men here should be upfront about what they get up to so that the woman has the same option to make a concious decison as to how she wants to proceed in her next steps...men want respect for being a man but sadly cant give women the same kind of respect to allow concious decisions to be made before any kind of sexual activity occurs or emotional connections that occur... | |
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| Married Men on POF
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:51:59 AM |
i think people dont really represent themselves in all honesty...ideally men here should be upfront about what they get up to so that the woman has the same option to make a concious decison as to how she wants to proceed in her next steps.
Voshie,
On the subject of honesty, there's another dynamic to that... many people here are chasing a dream that doesn't exist... like women looking for a "soft hearted bad boy" or looking for a guy who is in his 30s or 40s and has NO past relationship baggage... AND is good looking, AND is tall, AND has a great career, AND is doing at least reasonably well financially, AND has his own place... AND has all that and has the time and inclination to pander to anything a given woman wants... such as be willing to settle down into a Long Term relationship Right Now and have kids VERY soon... Yeah right! That's reality.
You see... many people BS on their profiles because IT WORKS.
I can tell you from 1st hand experience that being completely Honest and Open is NOT the best approach for getting dates.
Have a look at my profile and see for yourself. I've been told I'm "good looking and should have no problem getting dates"... but the truth is that my honesty about my situation scares most people away.
Note that I could EASILY lie... my Ex (whom I'm still friends with) even offered to back me up in dating situations and just say something like "we're just roommates and I rent an apartment off of her". You could call my house, have her answer, and she'd just hand the phone over and there would be no drama.
And about "men should be upfront"... women should be too. I've encountered many women who aren't upfront either.
So it's not just men... women embellish themselves in similar ways... and that includes saying they are single when in fact they are either married, divorced or separated.
You don't get rewarded for being open and honest on the dating scene... you get punished.
If a woman is honest about being separated for example, all she'll get are people looking for short term flings since anyone looking for a relationship will just pass her by.
I know this with absolute certainty as I've seen 1st hand what my Ex goes through (I want her to date) as well as what I've heard from women I've befriended on here.
So why don't *I* lie? Because I'm not looking for a short fling and I don't like BS. Oh sure, I want sex/intimacy/love etc... but I feel that by lying from the start, it sets a foundation of BS... and that's something I don't want.
I decided for myself that I'd rather be single than have a relationship full of BS where you have to be careful with what you say and always watch yourself... too stressful and not enjoyable.
But I'm in the minority.
My profile is written to attract the type of woman who appreciates not only Honesty, but openness and can actually handle honesty and openness.
Because let me tell you... at least half of the people (men or women) out there who say they want honesty, can't actually handle true honesty. I also get the impression that some people consciously or subconsciously WANT to be lied to. But that's just a hunch.
I wish it wasn't that way, but it is. | |
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| Married Men on POF
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:28:58 AM | You certainly appear very honest and forth-coming, I'll give you that!
FACTS are; MOST women here DON'T want to get involved with a 'married' man, and all it's associated RISKS!
And LYING won't get you a meaningful, LTR....
A relationship is built on more YOUR dreams...
You want lies?
Ok, You;re THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE! Now.. As the Mad Cow Containment Team moves in....
J/K!
Mebbe..mebbe not..
:shrug: | |
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| Married Men on POF
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:37:14 AM | Blah blah blah...for some I'm 'judgmental', for many who have their lives on track, I'm logical and make good sense.
In your quote above Rarebird - you try to use 'marriage' as some sort of bait. Crazy. Maybe for you that's the optimal progression but maybe for some they are already "on track" aside from some legal finalizing. What's best for you might not be best for some. And I did kinda use marriage as "bait" to help persuade that the guy doesn't deserve the derogatory venom but even if he wasn't seeking another marriage my stance would be the same. People can do things at their own pace based on what suits them best, yes? Nothing wrong with looking or talking/meeting when your marriage is on it's way out IMO.
I would probably be scoping things out as well if I was in the same situation. I agree that rushing into a new relationship too fast probably isn't healthy for most people...but looking...scoping...maybe talking is reasonable to me. | |
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| Married Men on POF
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:01:43 AM | Sure Rarebird - talk with people - men and women, have friend fun, learn about yourself, be healthy, get over the death of your marriage...but it's unfair to a potential lover to be encumbered with a pesky wife or husband living in your home. Get your house in order, get your life in order - then you'll be in a optimal place to have a successful relationship. Divorce doesn't have to be expensive, especially if people are simply living as 'roommates' as many of these people claim. Get a mediator to iron out the details, share a lawyer to file the paperwork. It's well worth it in my opinion, and any other excuse is just that.
Listen, when my marriage broke up, I wanted to find another guy - to have a rebound, to prove I was still lovable and worthwhile. But, I knew I had to get my act together. I had to find a new home to live in, I had to heal, I had to get my legal house in order, I had to concentrate on putting my old life 'to bed' so I could start a healthy, happy, positive new life.
I'm really happy now, I'm with a good guy that I don't think I would have been able to properly appreciate if I was still entangled with my ex or legal issues. I took time out to heal so I could find a great person. I think it was the right and healthy thing to do. | |
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| Married Men on POF
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:59:43 AM | The problem exists because there is no such place where men/women can be busted out on the web. We need a site called
BUSTER.COM
lol  | |
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