| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 5:58:19 AM | | so if you are like me and you like swingers and bi sexual women would you post thatin your profile? | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 6:03:34 AM | | but now days people are not honest and open because of several factors. judgementalism. the fact that people have been hurt. the fact that as someone said vengence. (its hard when a friendship ends or you get in a fight because well you were like this or you did that in the past, usually when its a 3rd party that gets hurt). for me though its about protecting the woman i am with. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 6:07:52 AM | | so is it dude your breath is really rank. havent you heard of toothpaste and mouth wash i mean your breath could melt the paint off my car. or is it dude you know i really love my breath being fresh. its really a good feeling. and you know you might like brand x toothpaste and mouth wash. which is is it? i would prefer the ladder over the former. its not what you say but how you say it. its all a matter of samantics | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 6:10:59 AM | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
@ bgrumling
so if you are like me and you like swingers and bi sexual women would you post thatin your profile?
Why wouldn't you? If you met someone special to you, don't you think that is going to come up eventually? | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 6:17:01 AM | Totally agree with you its a learning process and the building of a relationship takes time.
You need to give and take the whole time and be able to share but when asked a question be brutally honest in giving an answer this would save each other from being dissapointed or mad at each other at a later stage .  | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 6:21:26 AM | Everything is subjective and this question is going to be different for everybody. In the examples you cited, I would think that the person with the problem with the age thing is the one who thought everything was great with looks, personality, and suddenly they are unsuitable because? If you met them somewhere else, you would not ask their age, would it make a difference when you found out? But if it is for "you," then yes, I guess that omission is important.
I would never understand someone who is in a situation and won't deal with someone in the same situation, that is hypocrisy, not dishonesty.
My policy on the truth is that generally I tell it. I try to find a way to ensure that the truth is as innocuous as possible and I have the stones to tell it even when it may wind up hurting me. I am not so hellbent on the truth that I go wielding it willy nilly with no thought to the consequences either.
Truth also requires the ability to recognize the capacity for others to hear it. If you have a friend in a bad situation but they are still so in love they won't do anything, telling them what you see will not help them and may remove your ability to be there for that person. Timing can be everything just as evaluating whether there is even a point to telling the truth is crucial, i.e. whether the person will listen. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 6:27:00 AM |
“What is the strongest and weakest quality of my character,”
I believe my Strongest Character quality is Honesty. I don't necessarily "offer up" .. all of my innermost thoughts - But .. if you ask ..  .. you will get truth.
My profile is my "intro" .. of course I'm not posting Everything there is about me .. crap that would just take too long and then who would buy my book? lol .. That said .. IF I am with someone and feel we are on that path to 'something special' .. longterm - I'm an open book. I have a history, sure I do .. nothing I'm ashamed of, nothing I'm afraid will pop up and send a good man running .. blahblah ..
My "Weakest" character "quality" is that I expect Honesty from others and get disappointed when I discover it isn't there.
Second to that is my friendly nature .. it's been misinterpreted .. but I like it so .. I'm gonna keep on sayin "Hi" to strangers.. ..
So… Shall we tell the truth or not?
Absolutely. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 6:34:42 AM |
I would think that the person with the problem with the age thing is the one who thought everything was great with looks, personality, and suddenly they are unsuitable because? If you met them somewhere else, you would not ask their age, would it make a difference when you found out?
I think the person who feels a need to lie about their age should stick to meeting people in situations where you meet in person and these things aren't addressed.
When listing the facts about yourself, like on this site, it isn't the time to decide others can't handle your age. If you can't handle being honest about it, you shouldn't be here.
To me would be the same as meeting someone in person who tells me one thing, then later says "I lied about that..." | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 6:39:20 AM | I don't think the general public should know everything about me. Even when getting to know someone you don't share everything upfront, that's just ridiculous. It takes time to know someone well enough for them to know you well enough. Ground work needs to be in place before intimate sharing can take place. Like knowing their value system, ethical stances, way of being in the world, how they cope with things, and much more. If you don't know someone well enough telling them something personal is like playing Russian roulette. You have know idea what they are going to do with that information.
You cannot by pass getting to know someone by dumping your personal garbage on them and think that you are close. I think this is a common mistake that many people make with intimacy. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 6:41:46 AM | ameerra, I love your posts. You are an intelligent lady, and I really agree with what you wrote...
Sometimes it's worthy to articulate the truth in a way that another person can digest it.
Right on. I love it when people are honest with me, I hate bullshit.
Thanks, hon. You know, Me, too! But as you know, not everyone feels this way, and not everyone is sane enough and healthy enough to know what's bullshit and what's real -- which can get really frustrating when you're dating. Like a person who lies about their age - that's a person who doesn't feel good enough.
It's that simple.
They've ascribed a negative connotation to their age that they feel makes them less than and a positive connotation to whatever age they've chosen that they feel makes them better.
It's about insecurity.
Why would I tell a person that I'm 25 when I'm 38 -- that's just stupid? I am NOT 25.
And if I can't accept myself and embrace myself at the age that I am, how will someone else? | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 6:48:01 AM | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks, hon.
You are welcome.  | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 7:31:18 AM | The truth shall set you free......
some truths are painfull and designed for the psychiatrist's couch , simple truth required hear........ pleased send a resent pic of yourself, (not high school 20yrs ago) correct age and martial status.  | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 7:50:24 AM | Very good post op
1. You can't handle the truth.
2. The truth will sent you free.
3. Thou shalt not lie.
4. Its rude to tell the TRUTH if it hurts their feeling.
So many internal contradictions. I stick with #1. If you tell a person the truth, you get the next 3. If you don't you get hell to pay. So which is worse? I would rather tell the truth and get dumped right up front. To me it just says they don't have the Character requirements that I need.
I don't judge people by their past. We all did the best we could at the time. So who am I to judge you, and who are you to judge me? Is my past or yours. so important, that it superceeds my connection to you today?
For me,,I would rather think before I ask. How important is the question I need to ask this person. Is it really important to me today? Will this change the whole person I am? Or is it really just an excuse to give me control over this individual. To make me feel better about my choices, or me.
So yes the TRUTH is best and an only choice for me. You be the judge, I want no part of that.
Lbiker | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 7:53:51 AM | For at least the 10th time in the last month (doesn't anyone do thread searches?), my opinion about truth and honesty is that, unless you are a minor claiming to be 18, lies about age are no big deal. Unless you are married or in a committed relationship, and claim you are available, lies aren't important. Unless you have been convicted of a felony, lies don't mean much.
It doesn't matter to me if you claim you enjoy camping, and in reality, the last time you went was the Boy Scout Jamborie when you were 12. If you claim to be average, and can't see your shoes because of your belly, I'll find out. I won't have any kind of relationship with you, not because you lied, but because you won't be able to do the things I enjoy doing.
The biggest lie anyone can tell is to pretend they’re totally honest
The above quote is from another poster on a recent thread about honesty. Anytime I see a profile that touts complete honesty, I know I am reading a lie. Anytime a person tells me they are completely honest, I know I am looking at a liar.
I can allude to dozens of examples of how people who claim to be honest, lie. But then, all those people will say I'm comparing oranges to apples, or they are just stimulating a child's imagination, or they are creating a fantasy, or it was just a misunderstanding, so they aren't really lies at all.
A lie is a lie, no matter its purpose. It is simply a matter of deciding what kind of lies you can accept. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 8:00:46 AM | [I appreciate your comments... but why did you mention skeletons?]
Knowing me, I just decided to throw a little extra in :)
Being honest is one thing....
I agree we should be truthful and honest about who *we* are....
But, I wonder if anyone will spare another hurt by being reckless with their truth.
I dunno.... I should have coffee first. :) | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 8:10:42 AM | There's a difference between lying and holding something back to avoid hurting someone.
That's where I draw the line. When I do have something to tell, it's true. If it will hurt MORE than help, I keep it to myself or try to find a way to get the info to whoever needs it. Probably a lot of hoops to jump through, but worthwhile. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 8:16:16 AM | Tell the truth? Yes. If you meet someone under false statements it's not going to work out anyway. Why waste everyones time?
As far as a profile goes? I'm not into giving a lot of details about my life....I have the forums for people to get to know me. I tell the minimum required and I tell the truth.
My strongest points are my love for my children and my family.
My weakest points are my self esteem issues...which are improving and I'm working on. That dosen't need to be in the profile...lol
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 8:37:59 AM | Yes it can be hard when to know when to be honest. This is my rule of thumb.
Never am I honest to save my own ass at someone elses expense.....
Alot of times doing the right thing is more important then being honest.
And anytime I'm not sure what to do. I go to friends, family to make sure I am doing the right thing. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 8:56:16 AM |
I can allude to dozens of examples of how people who claim to be honest, lie.
So, you claim that
lies aren't important. Unless you have been convicted of a felony, lies don't mean much.
How interesting. I guess it's just a matter of personal choice or one of those questions we just can't answer. For me it just much more difficult to be in peace with my inner "i" if I have to hold on truth and be quiet for someone's sake.
Many years ago, my husband was diagnosed with cancer. At that time a place the doctor's wouldn't tell the patients about it, believing that truth would break their will and ability to fight for their lives. But they did tell the spouse about it. And then I had to face the horrible situation, "Shall I tell the truth?"
My then only 30-year old husband looked straight into my eyes and asked, "What the doctor told you? Tell me the truth. I know you never lie." And I couldn't. I procrastinated. I said, "It's very-very serious, but we'll make it out from this hospital. Please believe me."
He passed away just in a few days... and I found out that a second house he bought on OUR money he actually put on his lover name, and I had no idea he was in relationships with someone else. So... if I would not care about his feelings and told the truth -- maybe at least he would think about our child and rather signed off this house for her?
A lie is a lie, no matter its purpose. It is simply a matter of deciding what kind of lies you can accept.
I just don't know what to say on that. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 9:29:42 AM | A lie is a lie, no matter its purpose. It is simply a matter of deciding what kind of lies you can accept" And;
"I just don't know what to say on that."
I've thought about that...trying to understand it myself, here's what I came up with. Suppose someone believed because the were 50 years of age they were being bypassed by many that listed in the age preference 40-49 for example. So, they change their age to 49, and later after meeting someone where everything was going great said "I have something to tell you" and disclosed they were actually a year older than they told you. Would you accept that....or say, "you lied". | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 9:35:52 AM | Msg 1 My belief is when it comes to reality there is no lie and truth, the only truth is our feelings at the moment. And how we percieve and interact that affects us.. Every moment we are evolving like the Earth shifting into different directions, because of our experiences. = we change all the time so we can not time lock what we have in mind about us or* our promises to other* .Example, I was attracted to a white collar job man now I am attracted to a grease monkey blue collar man. Am I telling a lie ?? No...Or I get high on shopping spending money like there is no tomorrow but not now before I let go of my one buck it squick...
The bottom line is I don't rely what a person said about themself/their profiles,their action will prove to me when I met them personally.  I even gave the benefit of doubt about this Rich and Handsome( punchline line) in my profile...LOL
That quote in the bible > "Only a fool *speaks* his whole mind." I totally agree with that and my motto is " To see is to believe".... For actions speaks louder than words.
Keep rockin !! | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 9:47:07 AM |
Suppose someone believed because the were 50 years of age they were being bypassed by many that listed in the age preference 40-49 for example. So, they change their age to 49, and later after meeting someone where everything was going great said "I have something to tell you" and disclosed they were actually a year older than they told you. Would you accept that....or say, "you lied".
If I have an age preference of 40-49 who are you to try and trick my system?
I think that's pathetic. And it's happened to me several times. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 9:53:52 AM | Truth/honesty does not exist in a vacuum. There also exists discretion and judgments about what the affect on the other person will be for telling the truth and is there any benefit.
People TELL the truth to hurt other people, it IS the truth but it serves no further purpose.
It's a very rare skill to be able to tell the truth with consideration for another person's feelings and in a way that causes the least amount of harm. Call it diplomacy, but if the other person is not being taken into consideration at all, then what would be a person's motive for telling the truth?
It's not always easy to tell someone the truth, but then adults either learn how to handle difficult situations or exist on a level of immaturity. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 9:54:56 AM |
. So, they change their age to 49, and later after meeting someone where everything was going great said "I have something to tell you" and disclosed they were actually a year older than they told you. Would you accept that....or say, "you lied
Yes, that is a very good example.
I recounted the story of my Mom and Dad in another thread. My Mom and her Mother rigged a phony birth certificate in order to marry my Dad. He thought she was his age because she had already graduated from high school. She was actually almost a year younger. I suppose my Dad could have jumped up and down and yelled and hollered when he found out. He could have held it against her, or even divorced her because she was a liar. But my Dad understood Mom loved him so much, she was willing to risk the lie to be his wife. It became something to joke and tease Mom about in a good natured way, in which we all participated.
People lie everyday about the silliest, most trivial things. It's when people lie about life shattering things that I become concerned. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 9:57:43 AM | "I'm just telling it like it is!"
"I can't help it if I'm honest and you/they can't handle it!"
Never ever tell the person living by this self assigned mantra the truth about themselves.
They cannot handle it.
It is called couth, tact, timing, and delivery. Lost arts. | |
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