| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:08:17 AM | I'm kind of an absolutist. I believe that with any increase in intimacy there needs to be an increase in disclosure. We all bring something to the table that is less than ideal.
If someone is carrying around something that is a "deal breaker", then they owe it to the other person to to reveal it and give the other person the right of refusal.
If pains me to see people who come up with things like "age is just a number". Like that lets them off the hook to approach with integrity. So it's just a number to you. They might see it otherwise. They deserve the option to have their requirements and boundaries accepted.
If you go in with a lie on age or whatever, I don't hear: "well I feel 40". I hear: " I want what I want and I'll say what I have to to get it". "Your desires are irrelevant". | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:09:41 AM | | Well this is a very touchy subject. It's been my experience that those who want honesty really don't. Now there are all kinds of honesty, from age, to "I had sex with your sister but it didn't mean anything" LOL yea it's an extreme but every one has there own level of what truth they want to know. I've had good and bad experiences on this site from men lying by omission to others who tell me everything about their live which is way to much honesty. I believe in the best policy is I tell the truth about the stuff I think that matters, age, pictures, drama, (or lack of it), weight (of which really makes a big deal to me) drugs and alchohol. The rest just goes with getting to know someone. If a guy is to honest with me (tells me everything about his last girlfriend) well I just move on and feel sorry for next gal. LOL | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:17:21 AM | have caught several people in lies and when a guy said he wanted me to come meet him at his house but his profile says he only meets people at a coffee shop for first date, I questioned him about it. He got angry and snapped, "Well, can't I change my mind if I want?" My reply, "If you changed your mind, you should have changed your profile too to reflect that too" But he lied several other times in email and I caught him contradicting himself. I told him, "not interested" because I want nothing to do with someone who would lie from the start.
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First off, I would never meet a man who I didn't know at his house. But, that's me.
We all have our limitations for what we will accept from others.
This exchange was rather petty in my humble opinion.
You should have been more concerned for your safety, then whether or not he was telling a lie about where he preferred to meet women. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:23:18 AM | I wouldn't consider whatever you wrote in "first date" as an absolute and a lie if they ventured from that... good grief.
My profile says first date my dog will sniff their butt, lick their face and report back to me... I can assure you -- I'm flexible on that. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:25:10 AM | | you mean shall YOU tell the truth.please dont tar us with your brush | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:31:14 AM | Not everyone can handle the truth!
They say: There are two sides to every story...and somewhere down the middle is the truth...
amd Then there are times....
it's better to Smile.... and say Nothing at all!
Smile and a wink! | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 12:35:05 PM |
you mean shall YOU tell the truth.please dont tar us with your brush
Happy Boy, are you saying that posting serious topics are strictly prohibited here?
Hmm. If so, then I am sorry. But you actually avoided to answer my question -- what is your credo regarding this topic?
Would you like to turn this thread around and make it "fun"? If honesty isn't what you want to discuss, let's flip the coin and talk about cheating.
I know people who think that cheating is fun. Many years ago one of my schoolmates told me how much fun he has cheating on girls. It was some kind of intellectual game for him to see what kind of tricks he could perform. Could you share some of your experience? Why to be honest knowing that others are not?
What would be the rules? | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 12:39:18 PM | I am always honest, but if I don't feel comfortable telling someone something then I won't.
I list on my profile that I am unemployed. There is no shame in that? It isn't going to be forever so what difference does it make. I don't really appreciate unemployment being listed beside 'hooker' 'got out of jail' etc on that list btw. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 12:59:12 PM | | Honesty is important, being tackless is a different thing. I don't feel the need to tell someone something that I know will hurt them, a little white lie is ok, if it keeps someone from being hurt. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 1:14:58 PM | Though women say they want a truthful man, they do not.
Truth is what one wants to hear.
Especially if you use the Forbidden word (Sex), no women wants to say she may be interested in that word.
Most prefer a fantasy of a life, as long as I do not know about it or hear it, It does not exist.
An old joke from a movie with Bill Cosby 2 couples are talking about their sex life, bill says oh my wife has never cum, She Arrives!!!!!!!!.
Perception. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 2:07:10 PM | Being young I value honesty, but I've been dishing out honesty lately and it seems to do more harm than good. I don't think people are geared to hear honesty especially because when people hear the honest truth they only sense an attack and don't see it for what it really is which is honesty. I'm slowly coming to the fact that you can only be honest with people you care about and who you have a best interest for, after that all the other people don't matter. Not to sound rude or anything but the relationship for honesty just doesn't exist between acquaintances like it would between two people who know each other really well.
Here's another quote
"A wise man has SOMETHING to say, a stupid man ALWAYS has something to say" | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 2:10:47 PM | | an early warning is much more than later compromise...i put it all out there (truth) and it is those that have to go from there, life's too short to beat around the bush | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 2:23:32 PM | | Try posting honestly. I've had lots of comments, and it has started dialog which was fun to respond to. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 2:29:38 PM | Good question.
We all know that nobody tells the truth. and we should keep it that way.
doesn't matter we should or not- even if we should, nobody will tell anyway.
if you do, you will have to be on POF for a long time, you know what i mean.
brndn  | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 3:04:05 PM | There is always a high price to pay for telling one's own truth.
I prefer to keep my mouth shut, unless it is a matter of transparency in regard to the personal relationship with my partner; in this case honesty is due ( for me, for others it is up to their own judgment). | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 3:20:17 PM | Discretion is the better part of valor, so one should be very careful how the truth is delivered and why.
I do not know of one person who is totally truthful about everything, to everyone, all the time. If that person truly did exist, they would not be working with anyone, not have family that talks to them, or supports them, and they would be living alone on some mountain top spewing their truth from afar.........
We are discreet with our children, our parents, family, friends, coworkers, and many strangers we meet each and every day. None of this means that our intent is to just lie about things, people, facts, situations, concepts, opinions, and the like, but it does mean that truth can be ambiguous as well as situational, depending on how we perceive it, and hand it out.
I so have little patience for those that think they tell the truth, when we all know that white lies, discretion, and situations, will determine how we state each and every fact as truth or not.
Black and white just does not exist all the time, when one uses tolerance and understanding of those situations that need to be handled in such a way, that gray is a much better form of the truth for all involved.
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 3:31:24 PM | | Choosing not to tell someone every single detail of your past until you are more deeply involved with them is not lying. However, giving a different age or saying you are divorced when you are not are blatant lies in which the only purpose is either to deceive or related to serious insecurity issues.....that should definitely matter. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 7:15:57 PM | Well there is the actual truth, and then there is the perception of the truth.
I tell more and more truth on my profile, because screw it, might as well know it upfront. It also helps that I'm looking for friends, but even with that, I still scare many away.
I know that part of it is that my profile pic seems misleading - it's me 20 yrs. ago. It was on my profile originally just to advertise my excellent genetic potential :) But, someone complained to POF about my original pic, which showed my face just fine thank you, and POF yanked it, chose that one to stick there, and told me that if I posted something questionable again, I'd be banned from the site.
So, screw it, I left it up, and just called it youngster. I refuse to explain it in my profile If someone wants to construe that it is deliberately misleading without speaking to me, well, so be it. I don't think it's possible to come to a conclusion that I am somehow less than truthful after reading my entire profile. Insane perhaps yes, but a liar, no. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 7:46:13 PM | My take on this is that you don't have to be an open book. There are things that do not concern a casual acquaintance or the general public. It is not a lie or an omission unless you are asked and you do not answer with the truth. But to include some things in the profile in the name of honesty is completely pointless. When you have met each other and there is a serious chance that you are interested in each other, then that is the time to divulge more than what is asked for in the profile. Other than that, it is none of anybody's business.
If truth means you have to tell your whole story in your profile, I don't think it is necessary. When you start getting to know each other, then it is up to you. As long as the basic things are in the profile. My policy is to listen to information that is voluntarily given. I do not probe. I think there is no reason to play detective more esp. if you are just starting to know each other.
Or are you asking if we have to tell the truth in the Forums? Of course, otherwise, why participate? We don't have to be in a discussion if we are not speaking the truth. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:59:29 PM |
So while I honor truth and integrity, sometimes it's worthy to just hold the truth inside of us and not share it. Sometimes it's worthy to articulate the truth in a way that another person can digest it.
I don't know about that Ameera. Spoon feeding the truth doesn't give the receiver an opportunity to grow...People fear hurting others because they perceive everyone else is going to digest the truth the same way as they would, I can honestly say I’ve learned the most by brutal honesty, straight to the point fair dinkum truth!, it gave me the opportunity to digest it the way I choose to, and if anything I learned the most by my reaction to the truth. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/21/2009 8:32:55 AM | you know i was just having a similar conversation with a friend...
they should make a site that people are totally honest and discuss their quirks openly...
my profile would read:
Hi, I'm a great girl with a busy life. I may not have all the time in the world but i'd love to have someone to share it with. I am far from perfect. I am confused about what i want but i expect you to know. I stirve to be better but get defensive when you tell me how. I love to laugh but sometimes when i laugh too hard i get stuck and sound like Bert from Seasame Street. I have great aspirations for my life but need some motivation along the way. I am can be tactile sensitive and freak out when certain things touch me (like newspaper, for some reason i just can't stand the feeling of them) and i might go nuts in the middle of the night when i realize something is touching me but then not remember that i did it in the morning. I sleep with my teddy bear in one arm and a pillow over my head and i get a little squimish when a guy i don't know that well stands to close to me... love me anyway???
do you think that would still get me a guy? | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/21/2009 9:53:10 AM | I tend to be very open about myself, a little too open. And sometimes, that scares people away. But my attitude is, if they can't handle the truth, then they were never truly my friends to begin with. Because nothing narrows down who your true friends are faster, then
telling them a secret about yourself.
For example, I happened to mention to some coworkers who used to be friendly to me, that I suffer from some depression. You'd think it wouldn't be a big deal since so many people deal with depression these days, but they both treat me like I have the plague now that I've mentioned it. Now, if feels as if they try to avoid me. I thought to myself, what a bunch of phonies. Only willing to be friends with me, if I fit their standards, but now suddenly I'm not good enough just because I suffer from some depression. I realized they weren't really friends at all.
I guess I'm always surprised at how judgmental other people still are, considering how non-judgmental I am. It just seems so ignorant and immature to me, but I find that too many humans are still extremely ignorant to the suffering of others. But I don't let that change who I am. I still like to be a truthful person. If some can't handle the truth, that's their problem, not mine. | |
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/21/2009 11:32:33 AM | kpmav9,
I think it would be great to give more details on your profile, and I am going to re-do mine also. It might not win in quantity of the men, but their 'quality' would be higher. If I was a man, reading your profile, I would think, "All right, we all have our plusses and minuses, our ups and downs. And I could definitely deal with those, and it would save my time on discovery of what is "hidden" inside of every identical profile I read on this web site."
But I am a female, and you know that our logic is very different. So... good luck to you!
I just spoke with my friend and she asked me how I was doing on POF and I said that there are not too many 'fishes' in my local pound, as I live in a very rural area. She said, “At least you’re out there, taking a risk. Me? I’m dating the ex-husband. Yep, every time either of us wants to go to dinner, or movies, or there’s a family event, or we just want to go out drinking, we always go together. It’s like the divorce never happened - except I don’t have to listen to him snore and fart."
I laughed. After talking with her I thought that I need to put this disclaimer on my profile, "I can't stand a man who wasn't trained not to fart when he is in the same room or car with me." But how would I say it more politele way? Any ideas?
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| SHALL WE TELL THE TRUTH?
Posted: 6/21/2009 11:35:19 AM | | You and I share that strength and weakness called honesty. I have overcome it now. Little 'white lies' are essential to a healthy relationship. | |
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