| Moral Dilemma - she should tell him or not?
Posted: 10/1/2009 5:59:54 AM | I understand her not wanting her ex in their lives and protecting her child when he was younger but as he has grown and started to ask questions she should have answered him truthfully, especially now he is at an age to understand more.
The guy has the right to know he has a child, but without knowing the extent of his abuse to the childs mother its hard for anyone to judge her choice to keep it from him.
The childs welfare comes first, now he is old enough he deserves the truth so he can make his own choices. | |
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| Moral Dilemma - she should tell him or not?
Posted: 10/1/2009 6:49:13 AM | If the father is named on the child's Birth Certificate - then the child will have right to posession of that Certificate from age 18 and may have rights of access to it from 16 plus.
At age 18 the child becomes an adult and may also apply to the courts to insist that the mother names its father - if the mother knows the name of the father. The law is a little wooly - it crosses the Human Rights Act with ammendments to the Families Act 1986. If the child knows that a government body holds a record of its parentage it may also apply for those details under the FOI once it reaches 18.
The key issue is reaching the Age of Majority - 18. The mother may wish, rightly, to protect the child during childhood - but as adulthood approaches, she needs to make decisions. If it were me I'd want my child to know that I'd witheld the information for his/her protection and volunteer it when requested. The timing of that? Depends on the maturity and stability of the child, but I'd do it before they reach 18. | |
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| Moral Dilemma - she should tell him or not?
Posted: 10/1/2009 7:04:35 AM | | Tell him at 18. Then he'll be adult enough to hopefully understand all the perspectives of the situation. The fact is none of us personally know all the people involved so who are we to judge and make assumptions about any of them. Some violent biological parents should be kept away from the children to cut possible generational cycles, so maybe the mother is right, and then again maybe she's over-reacted, who knows, but a 13 yr old child isn't necessarily mature enough to deal with the possible trauma of such revelations. | |
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| Moral Dilemma - she should tell him or not?
Posted: 10/1/2009 7:11:14 AM | I think he gave up his rights the first time he hit her. I would wait till the child was 18 then write them a letter (why a letter? because sometimes when explaining things to someone they dont always take it in and constantly interuppt and might storm out without hearing the whole story) at the end of the letter i say why i'd written it and that i was waiting in the next room for them with nothing but love and happy to answer any questions they have with hope on my heart that they could in time understand my reasons for doing what i'd done.
We've only heard the one side of the story, maybe she was abusive to him, you just don't know.
Of course thats true as well but arent we only commenting on information given? not information which has not been given? :D | |
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| Moral Dilemma - she should tell him or not?
Posted: 10/1/2009 7:13:38 AM | We've only heard the one side of the story, maybe she was abusive to him, you just don't know.
And who said that the father would be the same to his son?
Basically, the father and son deserve to know, because shock, horror they are FATHER & SON!! | |
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| Moral Dilemma - she should tell him or not?
Posted: 10/1/2009 10:54:38 AM | I think she should tell her child at some point, but at what age is difficult, people grow up in different ways and at different speeds, and its easy to hide behond that to avoid a difficult job too!
She needs to be really careful about deciding when she tells him, but if he's determined and troubled to know, then this should be a factor.
She also needs to be ready for the child to want to judge his father for himself, the violence is unlikely to outweigh his curiosity and it's no reflection on how he feels about her. | |
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| Moral Dilemma - she should tell him or not?
Posted: 10/1/2009 11:15:02 AM | | well i did know i had a father but the man who raised me was my Dad, my parents parted when i was 6 and my brother 4 she escaped just with her life .....i dont remember my father and i was told about himi dont remember when, i was given the newspaper articles to read etc and i formed my own views i never ever contacted him and when i heard only a few years ago that he had died of liver failure yes he liked the drink as well as using his fists etc i felt nothing....and i hope he rots in hell ...... | |
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| Moral Dilemma - she should tell him or not?
Posted: 10/1/2009 12:07:26 PM | IMO the child has a right to know, that then gives him a choice. IF he wants details then he should get them. IF he wants to make contact then the mother should assist him. When he should be told depends on circumstances and his own maturity.
There is no 'father'. There is a man who created a pregnancy with a woman. His actions, or her perceptions are why the man does not know he created offspring.
The new partner should be told the truth if he is part of the family circle. Not to do so is just storing up more trouble and if he really cares for her, he will support her and the son.
So I guess in answer to the OP - the man who helped create the pregnancy does not have the right to know the child - unless the child wishes it. The mother did what she thought was for the best at the time. | |
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