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| dating or seeing more then one...the rules
Posted: 6/22/2009 10:49:56 PM |
Really you mean every single man I meet is going to want to become intimate with me in short order???
no duh.....if not, why is he dating you?
Dress it up with whatever "nice", politically correct language you need, if a man doesn't "want" a woman sexually, then there is no hope for it to ever be a romantic connection. Desire doesn't develop "over time" for a guy. In fact, over time, he is more likely to lose that desire that underpins "romantic connection", as it's frustrated. I know, for me, I will not "want" that which is out of reach for very long, and once desire "fades out", there is no point to things. | |
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| dating or seeing more then one...the rules
Posted: 6/23/2009 3:49:26 AM | ren said: no duh.....if not, why is he dating you?
Dress it up with whatever "nice", politically correct language you need, if a man doesn't "want" a woman sexually, then there is no hope for it to ever be a romantic connection. Desire doesn't develop "over time" for a guy. In fact, over time, he is more likely to lose that desire that underpins "romantic connection", as it's frustrated. I know, for me, I will not "want" that which is out of reach for very long, and once desire "fades out", there is no point to things.
I think you missed what I said.. Not every man wants to bed you in short order. Some men want more than just a physical connection. So until they feel there is more to this attraction they want to take their time.
Now as for your spark fading out that is an easy one to understand.. It was purely a physical attraction and nothing more.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| dating or seeing more then one...the rules
Posted: 6/23/2009 4:04:30 AM | Just Jim said: Yes, love,like romance evolves and having time,well spent together.
There is no rush right off the bat as humans are very complex and yet were similar in wants and needs. So stir the pot slowly and if the chemistry makes a good soup,savor it and let it grow as to want not to live without it....and if he or she does not,at least you were at your best and disappointment will be melancholy but such is life at times .
I love that Jim!! A wonderful description of just how love grows..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| dating or seeing more then one...the rules
Posted: 6/23/2009 6:51:33 AM |
For me, all those "getting to know y0ou" meetings do, is bring out the "public persona, who has had 1000s of business dinners, and with the same attitude. It's not fun. It doesn't add joy to life, and I don't want to go through it.
We're either "into" each other, and wanting to see if we can form a relationship, one on one, or we aren't. If she isn't, or I' m not into her, that's cool. No harm/no foul, but ambiguity to me is deadly and makes life worse. It's either "yes" or "no" to go forward. "Maybe", for me, isn't a comfortable dating paradigm.
I understand your point and to get caught up in the,'interview date' can and is laborious and
imo if after a period of time to see if both persons want or are heading in the same direction.
Personally,I may date here maybe 3 or 4 times in one year cuz for me, the people who like me and I like them first, are more in tune in what is really going on here.
The ones who take the time with me are ones I want to meet and be with, for starters.
Call me old fashion but its something I found to be very comfortable with, and seems to work for me. | |
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| dating or seeing more then one...the rules
Posted: 6/23/2009 6:57:46 AM | just jim said:
Personally,I may date here maybe 3 or 4 times in one year cuz for me....
Truth be known I have had 3 coffee meetings which resulted in one date in the past 3 years and that was just recently.. Lots of emails probably around 50 invites but lots of people in a hurry and that is not for this girl.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| dating or seeing more then one...the rules
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:06:15 AM |
Dress it up with whatever "nice", politically correct language you need, if a man doesn't "want" a woman sexually, then there is no hope for it to ever be a romantic connection. Desire doesn't develop "over time" for a guy
I respectfully disagree as for many men here, still need and want a woman in a relationship who is also emotionally connected in a relationship with you.
And then there are many men and women here who just what to get laid and if that doesn't happen the 'show is over'.
So,imo,it a matter of preferences in what kind of relationship one seeks to be in. | |
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| dating or seeing more then one...the rules
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:18:23 AM | I think Jim and Ren Man both have it right - partly.
Many men do want an emotional connection, and a romantic connection can develop over time, but it's highly unlikely to develop unless the man also wants a woman sexually. Initially, that sexual attraction may not be there, but can sometimes develop if the woman's personality grows on the guy and she isn't actually unattractive to him. And sometimes he may find her very attractive, but initially is put off by some perceived personality or character or behavioral problem that is eventually resolved.
So I'd say romantic connection can develop, but only if there is also sexual attraction. | |
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| dating or seeing more then one...the rules
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:35:34 AM |
I'd say romantic connection can develop, but only if there is also sexual attraction
Exactly my earlier point.
For me, that initial sexual attraction will only last for so long, and it can only be strong enough to support a possible relationship, if it's singular. In other words, dating just one woman at a time, and finding out in a reasonable period of time, where things are headed.
If I'm merely "one candidate", who is supposed to try to "earn" her interest, my desire for her would quickly fade. "Hard to get" gets me gone every time. At most, if there were some reason to stay in contact, I might friend zone her.
While, in theory, it might be possible to "come back" from the friend zone, but it has never, ever happened in my experience. I never say never, but if I'm "just friends" with someone, that's authentic. No hidden agenda, no "hopes" for something "more". A friend is a friend, and a lover something altogether different.
Truth is, with one exception soon after my divorce, I have not slept with a woman, post divorce, that didn't go on to be a relationship. I have also not had a second date with anyone, if there wasn't any sexual desire for her on the first. I can't imagine sexual desire sustaining through some 3-6 month "mass interview" process. If it's too slow, complicated, and there's no positive reinforcement, I have always withdrawn and moved on. | |
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| dating or seeing more then one...the rules
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:58:20 AM | I don't think it's so much about the "rules", but is about how YOU feel about it...
Did you do the right thing? Yes. It sounds like you did the right thing for you (and the ladies involved). I really applaud you for being open and honest, and having the decency to tell her what was happening.
As for dating more than one at a time, I guess it is modern times ... but I still think it's all kinda weird (especially if there's any kind of intimacy at all). But, I guess not bad if people are upfront and honest about it all ... | |
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| dating or seeing more then one...the rules
Posted: 6/28/2009 12:31:46 PM | | Communication is key. Some ppl get so much attention they have to see a few people at the same time to find that perfect one. That said, some guys feel if you see or meet them, they've won you, you're theirs. Like it's their decision to make. Personally, I like to meet one man at a time. Less confusion. In the end one has to make their own rules. | |
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