| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/22/2009 12:16:31 AM | Well I very rarely have to ask these questions as people just naturally tell me everything.
I do think it is important to know if someone can evaluate their own actions in problems they have had in the past. However usually if they can they tell you up front that they are not perfect if not they blame their x for everything.
I guess I am more interested in knowing what they would like their life to be like from this moment on rather than what has past.
I would really like to know who has been an influence to them in their lives though this is kind of a digging question and it helps you know what the person values and how they related to this person. It also opens up this whole topic of bucket lists and really gets to the heart of who someone is.
I try to steer away the conversations about the x on the first couple of meets to tell you the truth I want to know who the person is and what they like to see if we are even compatible I do not need to know a list of trenches they have fell in or dug their way out before we even hit it off. | |
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/22/2009 6:25:00 AM | A good conversation isn't an interview. A good conversation doesn't come with a checklist of pertinent questions to ask. If you think THAT is a good conversation, then I'm sorry to hear that you have a somewhat jaded view of how exactly a good conversation and communication can be.
Now if you want to contend that what works for you is a rehearsed conversation with
pre recorded questions (and hopefully the right answers)...then feel free of course. I'm not building a "house of cards with my heart" (hehehehehehe!), I'm having a
conversation...letting things flow naturally. As in any conversation where there is a mutual interest...most things come out eventually or they can be eased into.
But since we're "building houses of cards"...while your technique might certainly lead you to the crux of the matter regarding your interviewee, perhaps it's the reason you're still having first dates and haven't advanced further?
My guess is...your way isn't working either.
I guess I can tell the difference between an interview and a conversation...and I know which I'm having.
Like I said, it's just my opinion, and whatever works and doesn't chase people away. | |
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/22/2009 6:35:31 AM | I believe it isnt what weanswer but how we answer questions that really tell alot about us but if I were to give three defining questions they would be...
1) One thing you would change about your past..
2)What do you have on your bucket list...
3)Which would be a better best friend for you---Ginger or MaryAnn? (for those that are wondering that is from Gilligan's Island....) | |
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/22/2009 6:52:54 AM | | I dont like things that are rehearsed and feel well like youre pushing a checklist ..if i felt someone coming at me like that my first thought would be umm analretentive not my type move on...conversation should flow naturally questions should cme because you are intrigued by the person and what they have just said... | |
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/22/2009 10:01:02 AM | | So, those are the questions we would ask. Pretty interesting! How about some posts about the answers we would give if we were asked the same questions? They might be even more interesting! | |
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/22/2009 10:16:46 AM |
and if they were asked to me I'd get very uncomfortable.
Agreed. If the asker wouldn't answer the same questions, they they shouldn't ask. IMHO, the questions tell as much about the asker as the answers tell about the ask-ee. | |
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/22/2009 11:30:00 AM | BrownEyes~...you're missing the point entirely...and after reading your profile I kinda see why. It starts with negative statements and hard stated boundaries from the first sentence and continues that theme throughout.
You are absolutely right...A GOOD CONVERSATION ISN'T AN INTERVIEW...I know I'm good at listening, extrapolating and reflecting meaningful dialogue back...I've been told this too many times. It's not a ploy...or a game...it's simply providing the opportunity to take off their masks and be real...and gawd...how many times have I read "I just want a man who is real" from women's profiles.
And as far as not having advanced further, it's so nice that you have an insight into my life...oh that's right, you don't. My way works pretty well, I've dated far more than most and have had several good/great relationships...mean, angry, not ready to date people reveal themselves quickly. Bear in mind...I NEVER said anything about this being a first date conversation...in fact, I made it clear this was after a lot of the other initial discovery...so yeah, just like some want to know your job, your car, your social status, your work/sleep schedule, etc., I want to grasp how you feel about your own mental health...since if things go well there's a chance this is going to affect me...big time. And to me, feeling confident that the person I'm investing myself into...her life, her family, her future...has a generally positive disposition about relationships, and moreso, has an understanding that we don't all magically just appear on the dating scene all healed and ready to go and that relationships take work and communications...well, that's key in my belief that when we hit those rocky patches that we have a basis from which to resolve those issues and come together again. I'm looking for someone else emotionally healthy and happy as the foundation for what may happen in the future.
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/22/2009 11:34:13 AM |
2)What do you have on your bucket list...
This is one of my favorite questions, whether asking or being asked. It is not only a GREAT conversation starter but it can really tell you a lot about the person.
Much better than.. what are your goals, dreams, or something like that... | |
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/22/2009 12:24:09 PM | Well you're right about one thing...I'm absolutely right...a good conversation
isn't an interview...and that was the point of MY post. I'm also pretty sure you
didn't read I want a man who is real on my profile...
I'm guessing I have a pretty good insight into your life...because you are here...
looking...just like most everyone else and apparently giving advice that has or has not worked for you on the threads. I'm merely giving you some advice (hehehehehe) that has worked for me. There is no right or wrong answer to this.
You didn't make it clear the interviews was after a lot of the other
initial discovery...you said during an early conversation. When you have an interest in
someone...and she has an interest in you...you will find that everything you need to know will flow naturally during the course of events. No one is going to feel comfortable being interrogated...but as I say do what works for you.
I didn't read your profile...but I can still see why things aren't working for you either.
Good luck in your search. | |
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/22/2009 12:40:53 PM | This bothers me a little bit. Some people have serious food allergies....and may be a bit hurt by your description of them as picky or boring eaters.
They can't help it if they have those problems...and they may be really disappointed that they can no longer be an adventurous eater...no sense in forcing anyone to taste anything that they may be allergic to.
Boundaries and respect are important. | |
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/22/2009 12:47:20 PM |
I'm guessing I have a pretty good insight into your life...because you are here...
looking...just like most everyone else and apparently giving advice that has or has not worked for you on the threads.
That's so not cool...I was just expressing that I wouldn't be comfortable doing things that way. No need to get all personal is there? | |
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/22/2009 12:51:17 PM | I think these are good questions, but how and when you ask the questions is important.
There's a way to get people to open up about these things without them feeling like it's an interview.
But some people actually like to feel like their being interviewed.
You just have to gauge it. | |
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/22/2009 2:00:38 PM | Sheesh.
Most conversations with someone new ARE a series of questions and answers.
Hopefully the conversation flows nicely with many tangents that weave back to the original topics.
I know I personally do a lot of questioning. In a past life, I was probably a highly effective inquisitioner/interrogator...don't even have to use branding irons to get most answers.
I'm also very open about most everything.
I see people who aren't open or have an ability to converse as being people who are uninteresting or with something to hide.
Several people have expressed that they'd want to waite until a later date to answer 'personal qustions'. Who wants to waste time with someone you feel you have something in common with, click on other levels but, eventually find there IS a deal breaker.
Take the ever present family/ friends questions. Sure, we'd like someone with a healthy attitude towards family but, do you really want a mama's boy/daddy's girl? Something that might come out quickly if you as the questions but would be a relationship destroyer when it eventually does come out.
Same thing when nearly every activity you engage in...has one or more of their friends present.
Past LTRs and Marriages? I'd like to know why you're marriage failed. Most common thing I hear ammounts to a lack of basic communication skills. Something I can't live without.
Mine? My ex is mentally ill. Long, drama filled story involving her poisoning my dog and Jerry Springer worthy antics. Some might want to hear that early. Despite it all being in the past, that does tell someone something about me. My failure was failing to seek treatment for her before she left.
To me, those who hide such things are seeking to hook someone. Somewhat dishonest. "I likes 'em LOTS! I hope they'll like me lots too! So they don't run when I tell them I have herpies and my ex, who's in prison for murdering my last BF, gets out in 2 months...and my drunk dad lives in a closet in my house..."
Anyway, those who end up being evasive...tend to not be someone I'm seeking for a variety fo reasons.
Same for those who don't have any interesting questions to ask me. Kinda implies that they lack some ability to ask questions and communicate on a meaningful level or have anything that's important to them to ask...or they're really NOT interested in me personally. Just the shell they see...and imprint their own ideas into.
I'm also not a very judgemental person. So, maybe that's how I can pull off a lot of questions. Most seem to enjoy it. That I actually take time to listen to them and ask further questions for clarification.
*shrug*
I just know that those I eventually get along with have no problems with this and we can spend hours discussing various things from the mundane to the profound.
Those I've really hit it off with...tend to have similar beliefs, experiences and attitudes.
Those who can't talk but are still somewhat interesting may get a 2nd chance. So that they aren't as nervous about a 1st meet.
But, basically, I'm not here to waste my time nor yours if you're serious about finding a mate. If you're just here to find friends or something along those lines...I'm a lot easier going but, we'd probabvly have to have had some interests in common before I decided to hang out with you. My friends are based on common activities and interests.
My 13.91 | |
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/22/2009 3:57:24 PM |
People! Its not a job interview! Its a date! Its supposed to be fun.
WRONG it is an interview......unless you are here to meet ppl for a hang out or friends mind you!
So are you trying to tell me that you don't ask your date questions to get to KNOW them?? There isn't 'specific things' you want to know right off the bat...Please - EVERYBODY does..... and that is the FUN part....learning about the person you are interested in to SEE if you 'click' on ALL levels not just the physical or sexual one.....HELLO!!!!!!!!!!
And the subject of this thread " Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly....."
If you don't have any ?'s WHY bother reading this post and WHY COMMENT out of cynicism? Geez.............. | |
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/22/2009 4:04:43 PM | :
That's so not cool...I was just expressing that I wouldn't be comfortable doing things that way. No need to get all personal is there?
Not sure why you think a post I made in reference to a post that was directed to me
was actually meant for you? | |
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/22/2009 10:35:41 PM | Ahhhh...PirateHeave~...and BrownEyes~...pardon me, but...ahhhhh...Bull$hit.
We all have a fixed set of questions...the most common one being "Is there chemistry?". But aside from that we arrive with questions in our mind like...
...do their pics look like them?
...are they taller/shorter/fatter/skinnier?
...will the place be too crowded, too empty, too loud, too casual, too romantic?
...can they maintain a conversation or is this going to be a chore?
...am I enjoying myself?
...will they be nervous? am I nervous?
...how do I get out of this if they're a huge loser? should I have a friend call me 15 minutes in or is that approach too jaded?
...we're meeting for dinner...what is appropriate? WHO PAYS? Will they want sex in exchange for it?
...how do I handle it if they're a jerk?
...what if it's dislike at first glance?
And in fact, the biggest BS is called based on the fact that you are actually meeting and talking...That means...
...You had pent up curiosity based on initial communications. Curiosities are often unverbalized question...but don't even begin to say that you arrange dates with no curiosity...if so, why would you need to confirm in your mind what your thinking has led you to believe...you can judge the book by the cover.
Conversation flows because there is mutuality and a desire to learn more about the other.
Take either away and you're not really dating.
Dating is a game. Men can say they don't want it to be, women can deny it. That doesn't change anything. It's a game.
To date, one has to play; it's not a choice. If people don't play, they don't date.
The only choice is who to play with and a hope that he or she wants to play as well.
That he or she will be as open, as real, and as engaged as you chose to be, whatever your station in life.
Pay attention, and enjoy each other.
Life isn't too short for games... it's too short for losing games.
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/22/2009 10:55:05 PM | Yes I have three very important questions that are a must ask. After all they can be a deal breaker.
1. Do you squeeze the tooth paste from the bottom or top.?
2. Do you Clean the sink out after you spit and rinse.?
3. very critical. Coke or Pepsi?
LOL okay come on. Questions are important but there is a time and a place and should be done with respect. After all the is what communication is for and getting to know the person. It should not feel like an interview process.
LCS | |
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/23/2009 7:49:50 AM | Sorry. No. I don't have important questions I ask.
I just have conversations with the person I'm with..
Anything important comes up in the course of these
conversations.
Like I say...whatever works for you.
And like I also said...apparently YOUR way isn't working either.
It's all a matter of opinion...there is no right or wrong answer
to this topic.
but yeah...now that you mention it...coke or pepsi would be
at the top of my list!
Oh...and PS...ahemm...sending your bullshyte back
have a nice day!
Ohh...and PPSS...I confess to not reading past your first line in your
most recent post.
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/23/2009 5:36:12 PM | Hi J!dub,
Wow, your position is refreshing. Your questions are very insightful as they reveal where and what stage a person may be in the process of rebuilding their lives and wether or not they have done their work. Often times you see people jump right back in the same dysfunctional relationship they have left without ever discovering or wanting to discover what went wrong. If you can't determine what is broke then how can you fix it. Anyways I appreciate your comments and just wanted to say thanks.
Guitar Chik | |
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| Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted: 7/23/2009 6:13:17 PM | I thought this was a post on 3 ?'s that tell me a lot....since when did it become Deary Abby???
I am guessing I have a pretty good insight into your life...because you are here...
What the hell is that suppose to mean?? This was inadvertently directed to me as well in my opinion because that was a pretty cynical comment to direct based on your 'insights' . Whatever 'reasons' YOU are on a dating site are for your own self to theorize on but don't be casting your refelections onto others.....
Because our reasons for being here most likely are NOT the same reasons you are and that is my insightful hypothesis!!!
And like I said ..... apparently YOUR way isn't working either
WRONG or RIGHT depending on which way you look at the fact " because they failed the interview" 
In all sincerity I am single because I CHOOSE to be, and NOT because I asked my date some flipping questions to get to know him better ...............good lord!!!! Since when did throwing ?'s back and fourth become this "INTERVIEW"???? pppffffftttttt
Wierd but awww well..................
ROCK ON~ | |
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