| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/24/2009 4:53:07 PM |
What is the secret to attracting someone that you're really attracted to?
Being realistic and understanding why you are attracted to them.
Being able to control yourself to determine if you are attracted to them, or simply desire them for a one sided purpose.
Should one simply downplay the attraction to win them over?
Depends.
Manipulating someone won't really win them over, in the long run. But you may be able to use them to make yourself feel like you are worth one of the "really attractive ones" for a bit.
So, if you are looking for a real lasting and meaningful relationship...then don't downplay anything...unless that is your natural behavior. (but just asking this question implies it's not natural to you)
If you are simply looking to fulfill yourself at their expense, then downplay and manipulate away.
Is this nature's joke on us?
Nope. It's pure social training, exacerbated by misunderstanding biology. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/24/2009 9:03:27 PM | Okay just a few things
1. you are very nice looking and really tall, which should be a plus so looks shouldn't be a problem. One thing though, I have noticed that guys a tall as you have a tendency to stoop over a bit to try to come down to other's level. Don't do that, it implies a lack of confidence or a shyness (just my personal quirk)
2. I don't necessarily agree with the game playing scenrio (sp). It would work for some women, but would get you rejected by others. My (now husband) tried it once, royally aggrivated me.
3. If you like the person and don't get a horrible rejection (meaning she is clearly, really seriously NOT into you) then keep trying. Women love for you to give attention and sometimes you just need to give her time to realize what she is missing. try sending flowers or a gift certificate to a spa or some nice present to get her attention and make her notice how nice a guy you are | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/24/2009 9:27:56 PM | | Well, its simple. You keep doing what you've always done, and you keep getting what you always got OP. So if youve always showered women with affection and attention, then u know that doesnt work. So try the opposite. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/24/2009 9:39:08 PM | "where you both try to present your best side while hiding the real you and that can only last about 3 months anyway because eventually it leaks out and then you have to spend the next 3 months getting to know your real selves "
^^^^^^
This must be why there's this new 90 day no sex rule I was reading about in a different thread. Makes sense I suppose.  | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/24/2009 9:47:52 PM | OP, do NOT listen to DestructoDave, (notice that the first word in his name is "destruct?") It's NOT a game, it's a matter of just keeping trying till you find the right one. It's a matter of two people who are both attracted to each other finding each other at the right time. It takes a lot of patience. In the mean time, don't take this too seriously, just try to have fun and meet new people.
Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT pay any attention to anyone who tells you to play any kind of games. They might "seem" to work, but only in a very superficial way. You might get "someone," but you won't get "the right one for you" by playing games. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/24/2009 9:59:45 PM | But anyone who knows anything about women knows that that's just a load of BS .
last time I checked I am a woman, (quick downward glance) nope, no penis, so I guess that would qualify me to say that I know something about being a woman, and I don't have the time, patience or slightest inclination to play games.
Dangling a piece of cheese wouldn't work on me, now, chocolate, that I might jump for  | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:56:33 AM |
You'd be chasing after a guy playing said games in a heart beat. If that was meant for me, you are more clueless than you look. I didn't quit looking till I found the ONE man who didn't try to play games with me. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/25/2009 12:24:11 PM | Spoken for,
Actually, while I agree with you that he is absolutely clueless, I think the words of wisdom spoken by Mr. Clueless were directed my way....
As for Mr. Clueless, let me try to explain to you in terms more geared to your maturity level "Im rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you, nyah nyah nyah  " | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/25/2009 12:33:14 PM | People aren't always going to be attracted to each other the same way/intensity every time. Most people, I reckon, give up if they're not feeling butterflies in their stomach from the get-go.
It's a shame: I've always believe that romance/relationships are built. You get to know someone, you find similar interests which attract you, and you build from there.
I think people have some Cosmopolitan (The magazine/rag) based idea of what romance/dating is supposed to be, and when it's not they move on, or play Games.
Games are cheat-cards for people who don't know how to socially interact with others. They toggle with emotions in the hopes of getting the desired response. Are they learning and building something, or are they only learning how to manipulate others? | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/25/2009 12:37:44 PM | OP:
I grew up out west, and have found that a lasso is an excellent method for expressing affection...wait, that was cows...never mind. Hey men and women are probaly some cosmic thunderers idea of the best possible entertainment there could ever be. If you want the advice of an elder (fyi--chronologically speaking only)...if you are trying, you are working too hard. When the attraction is mutual and real, brother, you don't have to work . Well, maybe later...
I'm just saying | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/25/2009 12:52:38 PM |
OP, do NOT listen to DestructoDave, (notice that the first word in his name is "destruct?") It's NOT a game, it's a matter of just keeping trying till you find the right one.
Totally disagree with this one. Guys, do not take advice on how to pick up women, from women. They will teach you how to be not the guy, or the boyfriend, but a "girlfriend." Take advice only from guys that have been successful at picking women.
If you don't believe me, then don't, just make a tally of all the times that the girl tells you, "I like you, butt...can we be just friends."
As opposed to the "why haven't you called, I miss you so much." | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:27:45 PM | | Well, Outmind, if your way works so well, why are so many guys who subscribe to this nonsense still here, still single, still looking? | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:36:42 PM |
Well, Outmind, if your way works so well, why are so many guys who subscribe to this nonsense still here, still single, still looking?
The ones that are still hanging around here are usually b itching about how women don't give them the time of day, while they are nice, and good to them and they just get dumped and treated like a door mat. They are the ones that listen to the "just be yourself" type of argument and eventually give up.
The ones that have put to work some basic things and have taken what they have learns as part of what makes them, have had much better results. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:38:49 PM |
Well, Outmind, if your way works so well, why are so many guys who subscribe to this nonsense still here, still single, still looking?
Ah, but you presume that being single is the sole responsibility of the male, or that the women involved are never to blame.
Playing Devil's Advocate only works if you play all sides at the same time, or you have an audience which isn't paying attention :) | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/25/2009 2:03:35 PM | Outmind has it spot on OP. Taking relationship / women advice from women is just about the worst thing you can do to improve your chances with women. Learn from womens actions not from their words, the two often do not correlate. It's fun to debate, but do not under any circumstances trust their "advice". It's time to grow a pair and throw off the shackles of female advised emasculation.
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein
Read the above quote and etch it into your brain.
I would like to add that this post does not apply to all women. There will always be rare exceptions.
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/25/2009 2:08:29 PM | Or allow for both actions and words to be true, sort it out and integrate it into your life as needed.
I know women who I would trust more than some guy friends for advice. There are so many variables, too, especially from both genders when taking advice. Generation gaps to overcome, regional differences, etc. I don't think it's right to peg a gender into such a spot as saying one gender is only good for this, but not this.
People are people, we're different, frequently moronic, and often never have our best interests at heart. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/25/2009 10:46:57 PM |
destructodave, how is that game playing working out for ya???
For me personally if a guy did that crap for a while I'd get the impression he's not interested, therefore I am not going to knock myself out on him either, in fact I will be long gone with someone that doesn't play games like that...
Last year I met my SO, I wrote him, I actually didn't think about him in a romantic sense, because I was tired of all the freaking lying and games I had dealt with for almost a year... However he was into something I wanted to learn more about, so I wrote him, asking if he'd care to share more about it...
We started e mailing, sharing interest, and then he even cracked out his web cam so I could see what he looked like as a person, NO NAKED STUFF, what a change...
We met and the rest has been history...
Had he played the of call once in a while, and act all uninterested, then he'd get that back in return... However some people have the right chemistry and things just maybe were meant to be...
OP, dating is hard, yes I have often felt it was some sort of universal joke... Just as going bald, having periods, grey hair, wrinkles, morning sickness, bad baby diapers, colic, and a host of other things that simple seem like things we could go without in life...
If it were really that easy would we have as much of an appreciation in finding that one person????
Perfect example nexthyme, in a dating sense women are more interested in a guy that can sweep them off their feet from the bat, which is why many men have to play the game and so do many women. They simply dont know what they are missing from other guys that dont give them that thrill initially which is why they lose interest. Which is also why 'players' get more attention from women. They give them that fantasy and they fall for it.
Notice nexthyme wasn't interested in a romantic sense initially, she just wanted to pump him for information in another sense, and from that got to know him better, and low and behold their actually was something there more than that! If it werent for the "non-romantic" interest, or "player" thing off the bat they might have never really gotten to know each other.
You want a real woman, that isn't confused by a guy that tells them what they want to hear, just be yourself, you want to "snag" a woman put up a front im sure you will get more of them.
Personally I really could care less about quantity and value quality much more. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/25/2009 11:06:46 PM |
If that was meant for me, you are more clueless than you look. I didn't quit looking till I found the ONE man who didn't try to play games with me. Nah, that wasn't directed at you.
But come on. More clueless than I look? Can't you do better than that? | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/25/2009 11:12:24 PM | Actually, while I agree with you that he is absolutely clueless, I think the words of wisdom spoken by Mr. Clueless were directed my way.... I'm clueless because what a woman says ("Games don't work on me!")and what a woman does(Chasing after a guy even harder because he isn't like every other guy who showers her with attention) are two totally different things? Come on, you're a woman. According to you, you should know this by now.
As for Mr. Clueless, let me try to explain to you in terms more geared to your maturity level "Im rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you, nyah nyah nyah " There's no need to be offended by what I said. You can say it doesn'twork all you want, and you can hurl as many insults at me as you want. In the end though, I'm just here to let people know that it does work. Not only from my experience, but it's pretty much plain as day. It's not that hard to see. Seems like the last few posters have the right idea. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/26/2009 12:23:36 PM |
Should one simply downplay the attraction to win them over?
In real life - downplaying was/is not my feature. I'm sure that my eyes gave away my attraction. That being said ... if this visual embrace didn't strike the chord with the other party, c'est la vie. There just has to be m u t u a l attraction for nature to take its course. 
On here I learned not to read much into mails. Mails give some inklings about the other person but only face to face one can feel if the physical and mental attraction play forte. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/30/2009 2:42:32 PM | Spoken for you can hate on me and my name all you want, but the sad fact is in the real world what i said works and goes 90% of the time. I mean hell the entire act of "chasing a woman" is basically playing her game anyways. But women dont look at it like that do they? Its only a bad game when you force the woman to chase you back.
And any guy that has ever had any real success meeting women knows that you need to force the woman to do some chasing. Be it games or whatnot. I keep seeing, "oh its built on false promises." Most of the time any relationship at the beginning is built on BS. So much is let go because of the attraction. Couple months in when all those little annoyances and real opinions start coming out is when you learn the real person, whether you 2 played games with each other or not.
And for one, Im not single. Ive never even met a girl on here. I came here awhile back to check it out just to see. Ive been dating a girl for a few months now, which i met and used some real world principles to separate myself from the pack and seem desirable. Funny thing is we dont play games anymore. Even though some of our initial attraction was built on being coy and game playing, we are the same as any other relationship this far in. Talk all day, have fun, see each other all the time, etc.
Games are part of life sorry. Get over it. OP as others said dont listen to women about picking up women. You might as well get "doormat" tatooed on your forehead if you do because you will be consistently hurt and friendzoned over and over if you do. Trust me. It took me awhile to realize what women say they want and what they actually want are always 2 different things. They want a challenge.
Nearly everyone plays games whether they admit it or not. In some shape or form, everyone has or is playing games. Unless you've magically got lucky and met your clone in an opposite sex, someone is chasing someone, and whoever is being chased is infact playing a game.
And where the heck does this misconception come from that playing some attraction games that you will never find the right person? Seriously? Who comes up with this. Even players settle down. Hell take my little relationship for instance. Im not saying its meant forever, you never know. But we look back and laugh about the coyness and game playing that went on when we first met. No sense in letting that crap bother you.
I mention my relationship because just like all the other people here telling you, "oh well we didnt do that and we are soooooo happy been together for 1 year, or some other small amount of time and its perfect. My way is perfect. And dave has no idea what hes talking about." Well i play games OP. Or did to meet my woman. And guess what were still together, and I met her out in the real world. So dont think you cant actually get something meaningful unless you doormat it up.
I'm not saying you have to. As you can see from other ppl's posts, you can meet someone without playing games. Its not impossible. But if you want the greatest chance to get the woman you want, give yourself a fighting chance and play a few games.
OP here is the only advice you need. MAKE THE WOMAN CHASE.
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/30/2009 5:00:16 PM |
You're a gorgeous young hunk, you should have the world by the balls. bklynrebel: I prefer the "short hairs", but there aren't that many of them around anymore!  | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/30/2009 5:50:34 PM | The UPS AND DOWNS that you are creating with this type of behavior is appalling. The game you are playing is toxic and will make a poisonous relationship. It will make your female sick. If she is sick already, she will fall for this uncertain, unreliable, unstable type of bad behavior, because this sick feeling of Loss and unpredictability is is somehow familiar to her, probably due to a bad family upbringing.
This yo-yo effect can feel the same as bipolar disorder. The uncertainty of "where things are headed " can only be attractive to the most desperate women, who will allow you to abuse them. | |
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| Is this nature's joke on us?
Posted: 6/30/2009 5:58:01 PM | What does nature have to do with it?
Putting it down to nature takes away your responsibility of decision making, as if your conscious thought is totally removed from what happens.
That's ridiculous IMO. | |
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