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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 1:50:33 PM |
Iwant a woman who has the things I have- my status, education, quality of life, similiar type of profession, physical condition, etc. Why is it so HARD to find that woman?
This might sound NOT nice, but let's get realistic. I (or ALL of us) work hard to achieve what we have. I also noticed that lots of people here want a LOT from their dates/boy-girl friends/future spouses. You might all deny but deep down, you do NOT want to settle down for anything.
So, I don't think it is wrong for me to ask my girl to have the similar values and even qualities I have.
Here is what I have:
I am single, never been married.
I have NO kids.
I have a master's degree.
I have a profession.
I am at least average or slightly above average looking.
I am in good shape.
These are only SIX qualities.
I am very frustrated to have found out that it is extremely hard to find someone with those SIX.
At this point, I am sure I made ALL SINGLE DADS and MOMS FURIOUS. Don't be offended. Don't take it personally. I did not say anything negative about YOU. I just want someone who is like me.
I tried hard to reach where I am now. I fought hard the temptations to lead a "decent" life, waiting for someone who has done the same or at least similar.
Now, I am about to give up. brndn It's taken just over a month from you to get from I want a woman with these six qualities to I 'm getting used to being single. Could it be that patience isn't one of your strengths? JMO | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 1:56:27 PM | | Oh yes, so many many times I have felt this way. I enjoy being single as I need to improve on some things in my life, but at the same time... Being single scares me to death because I do not want to live the rest of my life alone and without that special someone. I mean, family and friends will always be there, but they can only do so much. | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 2:23:45 PM | The simplified reality of the situation is this:
We make the journey of being born on our own, we live alone inside our minds, we make the journey of dying alone. Somewhere between we seek deep and meaningful connections with fellow lonely beings. It's not all doom and gloom tho... Sex is fun, to laugh is to live, to question is to feed the mind, to love is ultimately painful but arguably worth the pain.
My advice to you would be this. Don't worry about being in a relationship, don't worry about being single. In essence...don't worry.
--brightspark-- | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 2:56:39 PM | Single here too Although I have had several long term relationships, I don’t think they challenge the essential ‘single belief’ inside me. What has struck me however, on reflection, is that the quality of the singleness varies. At first I was just angry.. trying to find my way in the world after the marriage train wreck. Then doing the raising of adolescents alone – no time for anger there. Then the empty nest ( although my son came back – sigh). The last couple of years have been sort of lost , wandering and trying to find a path again.
I’ve built a stack of assets - don’t panic, don’t take the slaps from the universes e as a personal rejection, don’t compare yourself to others …. 3 am wakey times are a good time to plan the vegetable garden or clean the linen cupboard.
Now another phase is coming. I crashed my car a few weeks back and as I sailed towards the barrier , the value of life, of living struck me with a visceral intensity. All those things – autonomy, breathing, feeling the sunlight on your skin, a loved one laughing….all zoomed up in my mind and I suddenly knew myself as the human being that I am. I’d like to translate that feeling ( and the gratitude to the fates for not killing me , although my car was a wipeout) into doing something for the world so I am going back to nursing which I left 15 years ago.
And just for once, I am intensely grateful that I don’t have someone there to complicate matters .
Lucky me!! | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 3:16:14 PM | Iam So glad I am single now-I have actually retired from being a nurse and a purse!
I have always had that someone in my life but NOW my freedom has arrived!
I am using and loving my freedom-I can not believe that I can do now things I could not do before.I have always wanted to write a book about my life and NOW am actually sending CDs to moviemakers !!!I am doing things I dreamed about.One of my greatest joys is going out with young guys and having them tell me how they feel about girls across the bar-it is amazing to see how they "read girls".
I have wonderful male friends who I go out on town every now and then........
Ok -yes I would get serious about a guy who...................yadayadayada.
It is just wonderful to be treated with respect .....al the games are gone.I know who I am.And yes -have "willing great male friends" to put a ring on my finger once I am willing to "settle"...I quess I am a "run-away-bride".Just love it -love it! | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 3:19:27 PM |
After having been SINGLE for a long time, I feel now getting very comfortable with my SINGLE status and even feel as if I am getting better and better at that as time goes by.
This is one scary thought because I do not want to be alone.
Does anybody feel that way?
Why would it scare you to be content with your own company? The best relationships are formed by individuals that can be comfortable in their own space. | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 3:38:39 PM | sometimes being alone does frustrate especially if one is a family oriented type of person.
I have experienced this so I Know. In fact from my teenage life to professional life. I had focused more on my career then working on romance , dating stuff. And its just cause I always believed that a good career would allow me to earn a good money and personality that I am going to like the most.
But life sometimes force us to compromise on something. And it is cause our world is not perfect. In fact we other person who is born on this earth does have some weakness or errors. In my Aviation world Human factor is very critical, I learn these things. that are known as "dirty dozen"
Few of them , I would really like to mention that can easily be found in 80% of humans
1) assertiveness
2) Complacency
3) Lack of Knowledge
4)Fatigue
A gentleman posted that he is seeking a partner that have same Six qualities that he also have.
Please don't be offended it is my opinion I might be wrong. and please don't take it wrong.
It appears that he is looking for his own clone. Relationship doesn't work that way, Relationship requires cares, emotions and love. And everyone in this world have accomplished something in someway. but we have to have an adaptive nature , flexibility , kindness and a hope of having a better relation. Otherwise Life get messed up. | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 3:45:01 PM |
Iwant a woman who has the things I have- my status, education, quality of life, similiar type of profession, physical condition, etc. Why is it so HARD to find that woman?
This might sound NOT nice, but let's get realistic. I (or ALL of us) work hard to achieve what we have. I also noticed that lots of people here want a LOT from their dates/boy-girl friends/future spouses. You might all deny but deep down, you do NOT want to settle down for anything.
So, I don't think it is wrong for me to ask my girl to have the similar values and even qualities I have.
Here is what I have:
I am single, never been married.
I have NO kids.
I have a master's degree.
I have a profession.
I am at least average or slightly above average looking.
I am in good shape.
These are only SIX qualities.
I am very frustrated to have found out that it is extremely hard to find someone with those SIX.
At this point, I am sure I made ALL SINGLE DADS and MOMS FURIOUS. Don't be offended. Don't take it personally. I did not say anything negative about YOU. I just want someone who is like me.
I tried hard to reach where I am now. I fought hard the temptations to lead a "decent" life, waiting for someone who has done the same or at least similar.
Now, I am about to give up. brndn
It's taken just over a month from you to get from I want a woman with these six qualities to I 'm getting used to being single. Could it be that patience isn't one of your strengths? JMO
Vixen you very clever lady, call um out as you see them, and then asking the question that from one month it was this way, now all the sudden I am getting used to being single, and it scares me...
Perhaps the fact that these six qualities can be found in many people, but the KEY ingredient to what is finding real love, and what is being accepting of another person who may bring more or less to the table has the op in a little quandary...
Perhaps the fear that the op has is that in reality he is only getting used to being single, but really hates every moment of it... Perhaps he's torn between what he sees as settling and what he sees as what he's entitled and demanding in another person...
Then of course there's this patience thing, as well as this maybe finding someone that isn't just like him, wouldn't be as bad as he really thinks, because someone being different doesn't always mean that a person is settling, but rather broadening the relationship experience...
Perhaps the fear is being alone, because this set of standards, that the op has written in his own stone, has made the venture for seeking a partner harder than he expected...
Poor Op, sometimes our standards sounds good on paper, and seems realistic when we think about it, but then when we put it into practice it means having to wait out until Glamor queen, masters degree, fab shape, single, never married, no kids, with a profession, finds you just as appealing...
Don't worry as science progresses, I am sure they will make a warm life like woman that has no needs whats so ever, and has a yes, sir, what ever you want sir personality format... The masters degree can be programed in, and it wouldn't matter if she worked since she wouldn't eat, drink, or require any real entertainment... Just a thought... | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:58:38 PM | | To me, being comfortably single is a requirement to future happiness in a relationship. After all, what's more preferable: to be part of sharing an already happy life, or to be considered some kind of relationship Bondo for your partner's emptiness? | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:11:57 PM | hmmmm...I imagine it would be a scary thought if you don't want to be...or, somehow are fearful of being alone.
I never feel 'scared' about being alone. It simply is the way it is sometimes. You might be with somebody...and that's going fine....but, let's say things don't work out....then, you're single...again. but you're not ALONE...you're with yourself.
A part of this life might include thinking about being with someone ...everyone probably thinks about that....but there is a whole pallete of other things that constitute living..and being alive. We don't want to get hung up on just needing to be with someone....that can often be an unhealthy obsession, when there is so much to do in this lifetime.
If super relationships just grew on every tree like an apple, then helI, we'd all just pluck one...and that would be that. But life doesn't work that way. The only thing that you can really count on as constant is.....you're always going to be with you.
It's really not about other people as much as most imagine.
Soooo...your post is incongruent in the way you say you are 'comfortable' with being single, and yet scared to death about that.
might wanna check in with yourself on that one, bro.
I prefer comfortable.....in whatever flavor it comes in.
regards
Kimbo | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:18:17 PM | | Oh man....nobody wants to be alone, at least I don't think they do. It just came to a point for me that if I had to settle for less than I had to offer, I'd just stay by myself. I do have the occassional "what if something big happens in my life and their is no one to share it with", but all in all I am truly ok with being single. I've gotten so good at being single, a relationship almost seems like too much work and not worth it. Maybe when my Mr Perfect for Me shows up, I will feel like it's worth it. Until that happens single is where I live! | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:59:54 PM | | Yes i think that is the problem these days ? nobody is prepeared to settle, and they have a specific idea of who is their ideal partner, i think Internet dating has confused the dating game a lot! only certain people benefit from it. | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:36:07 PM | Be happy and enjoy life cause you only live once. Don't wait for someone cause one day when you least expect it you will find that special someone. Always remember dont rush just cause you want someone, wait for that special someone to come and it will bloom into a long lasting relationship. Its like the old saying save the best for last!  Remember, there is someone out there for everyone! Be patient! God takes care of all! | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:51:59 PM |
i think Internet dating has confused the dating game a lot! only certain people benefit from it.
Jeff who is it that benefits over others that don't??? I don't see the net being better for some over the others, but rather a matter of timing, being on the right site, at the right time, and being willing to take a risk on a person...
Instead of thinking of myself as better than another person, I just seen them as people that had something interesting to learn about... Ok, some were as drab and as boring as old chipped lead based paint, but at the very least I got out and took the time to meet someone just for the benefit of doing so...
Some times the net is rather limiting when a persons list of what they have to have in another person maybe a tad harder to find in ONE single person. The higher the achievement scale is, as well as the persons looks, and status in life, the harder it is to find that person.
Jeff perhaps that is what you had in mind, but then again the internet is ONLY ONE venue to find or meet a person, there are a LOT of places to meet people, it just depends on how much work a person is willing to do to seek these other venues to find a person with those certain qualities... | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:52:24 PM | Whats wroung with being single? I find it annoying that society thinks there is something wrong with me because I will not settle for someone, anyone, just so I can be part of a couple. I find those who continually whine and cry because they are alone, and when ,oh ,when will they find their beloved soulmate,  Maybe I'm jaded, maybe I just realized the truth, but I am perfectly happy, actually happier then I ever was when I was married. The sooner someone faces the fact that they may be alone the rest of their life, the sooner they can start enjoying the life they have now. Our life is what we make it, dont waste it waiting for someone else to come along because you think that is the only way to be happy. | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 10:02:29 PM | | I feel like I'm missing something, because I don't see anything wrong with this. If you're not comfortable being single, you shouldn't be in a relationship. Getting better at it and being comfortable with it just means that you are comfy in your own company and you aren't going to go out with just anybody. Being comfortable single doesn't mean you want to be alone - it just means if you are alone, it won't kill you. I have acquaintances that never break up with a boyfriend without having the next ready - they always start things with the new guy before dumping the old one, and they literally have not been single since the tenth grade. If they were alone, they wouldn't have a clue what to do with themselves. | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 10:05:49 PM | | I have also got quite comfortable being single now.I still get lonely once in a while but I wont just date someone to have someone.I doubt dating sites are good places to meet people, but I do enjoy the forums here.I'm pretty sure I'll just run into someone one day when I'm not looking and bam it will happen.I find a lot (not all ) women have to many issues on dating sites or looking for a meal ticket.So until I find someone thats just easy going and cool ,I will stay happily single.I don't believe in miss right/perfect exist but miss realistic does. | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 10:23:52 PM | | Be grateful that you are happy and comfortable being single in my opinion. It's so much better than being miserable over being single, and you will appear more stable and confident when you do meet up with a special someone. | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/24/2009 8:15:06 PM | | Finding someone is a lot harder than it used to be. Finding someone for a long term commitment is nearly impossible. The longer I have been 'single' the tougher it is settle for someone. Some of the best times of my life occured with my wife. Unfortunately the worst times occured with her as well. Someday I hope to find someone; however, as times passes by the pool seems much smaller and the fish a little bigger. I think you'll find someone when you expect it the least. | |
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