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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/25/2009 3:57:26 AM | With all due respect. I don't get this at all. Me be happy being single? Not in my life time. It's not for me.
Now that does not mean I am not a happy person, I am very happy with many things. I love life, I like my friends, my job and the things I do to entertain myself.
But I will never be happy being single.
So I will say "never" and know for sure that is exactly how I feel and won't change that.
And just as important, I don't want to change that!
I will not settle for being single. But at the same time I won't "settle" for just anyone. No, it won't make me rush things either. This time around (if I find that one special woman), I probably need more assurance and trust that it might last. My last partner and the breakup took a lot out of me. She never got used to being a couple. Likes being single. Frankly I feel sorry for her and anyone that says they enjoy being single. Life is to be shared with one special person in my opinion. I sure as hell do not want to share my life with a bunch of happy singles! A thousand happy single friends can not take the place of one special person in your life any more than getting as dog or cat can.
They will never be the pillars we need at our darkest hour.
They will never care as much as the one who loves you and that you love.
Love of just friends is weak compared to two people that are "in love".
So no, I will never get used to being single...It sucks!
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/25/2009 5:24:05 AM | ^^^ You don't have to get it. To each their own.
The only difference between being happy single and not being happy single is that you aren't as frustrated while single. That's cool if you don't mind the frustration. Some don't.
Personally I have been single more than involved, so naturally I am more used to it and it's not as much of a big deal to me. Maybe if I was in relationships my whole life single would be worse. My mother was a single mother, my grandfather died when I was 5, so honestly all I've known growing up is single women - to me it's like breathing, so it's natural not to have a guy around or freak out there's not one here.
If one shows up I can deal with for any length of time, wonderful. If not - meh, life will still be good.
*shrug* | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/25/2009 5:46:16 AM | Woman In P., is on it here ^^
We've all probably been single a lot more than together..with someone/anyone.
I have learned, gentlemanJim, that what WE say...is weak.....you have some control...but not total control of the picture...the Universe does.....that is why we say...you better get used to life.....not just get used to it alone....but revel in it...enjoy it.....no one else is going to 'make your day'.....if you think that way...you might be missing so much.......so very much.
"I will not settle for being single" WTF
Dude, you will be brought to your knees for 'anything' this world hands you, alright???
YOU will not settle...that's funny..really, it is.
Pillars at our darkest hour?? OH...now I'm really sad......
We are the pillars, my friend.
There are very valid reasons why some of us on here not only survive life single...But Thrive on life every day
Love of friends is weak??? compared to romance? have you lost it completely
A true friend, if you ever had one..will be there
Romance is fickle
Make friends with Yourself......and, understand yourself...and you will never, ever ever be alone. You'll be a stronger Man. for it.
I took pictures...in my yard last night....wonderful photos...and played with them..and put them up on MY....space page....it's creative, it's life affirming....i was smiling and happy.....but, i didn't have anyone to sit on the couch with and watch reruns. Or to nag me about this or that......or to make love to..and then go...."so ,...now what do you wanna do???
Life is beautiful , and we waste the gift. I"m sad
Bo' | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/25/2009 5:47:49 AM | I was just thinking the same thing, more or less recently. I mean that I have been single for the most part, off n on over the last 10 years.
But I often recite to myself "I'd rather be alone, than to wish I were.."
I was married very young, 20 years old, 20 years ago!!
I've had a few semi serious relationships and have learned more about myself with each one, what I want and need, what I will or will not accept in my life now.
I believe it's not as scary to imagine never having someone you truly do love and want to share everything with, as it is trusting and believing that it will be forever and real.
But finding it, and experiencing it is one of the greatest gifts in life.
For alot of us, our friends are greater gifts. More than family, as we choose our friends. JMO | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/25/2009 2:52:09 PM | akimmbo,
Let's just say you don't get me and I don't get you OK?
BTW, I am my own best friend, I like myself just fine thank you. But that does not stop a strong man from being alone, no more then not liking being single is a weakness.
So let's not insult one another and just agree to disagree. | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/25/2009 6:21:24 PM | | I feel the same way, and to make it worse, people keep telling me I should stop being so self-sufficient otherwise there is no room for men in my life. I don't know anymore - first they tell you to go and become independent, then it turns out that independent is not attractive. I don't want to be alone either but alone is way better than in a failing relationship. Now that we've stopped settling for less, had our share of learning experiences we are much better at not even starting what's not viable. | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/25/2009 6:30:12 PM |
I feel the same way, and to make it worse, people keep telling me I should stop being so self-sufficient otherwise there is no room for men in my life. I don't know anymore - first they tell you to go and become independent, then it turns out that independent is not attractive. I don't want to be alone either but alone is way better than in a failing relationship. Now that we've stopped settling for less, had our share of learning experiences we are much better at not even starting what's not viable.
Actually, this is a very lucid comment. Being in a bad relationship is like jumping off the titanic with an achor tied to your ankle.... Don't start a fire in your fireplace if it's going to burn your house down.. Now I'm confused..even... | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:12:46 PM | akimmbo,
Let's just say you don't get me and I don't get you OK?
BTW, I am my own best friend, I like myself just fine thank you. But that does not stop a strong man from being alone, no more then not liking being single is a weakness.
So let's not insult one another and just agree to disagree.
Jim, Of course, we don't have to 'get' one another.
And, I wasn't even disagreeing, so much as hoping you would be ok....'if'...that' is 'if' you had to be single for a while, or forever. Never meant to insult you.
And..the 'JIM'...could be a generic Jim....or Jane. And, there is something in the conversations I've had with friends the last several months..some are so paralyzed around finding someone that life is slip slidin away on them..so, that's part of what got me revved....vroooom.
I'm glad to hear you are your own best friend. No, being single isn't a weakness, it is either a fact, or a choice.
Your profile makes it 'extremely' clear that you prefer to be with someone..as perhaps we all do...I just wanted to stress that it's ok if you're not. And, I didn't want you all bunched up down there...and feelin' all bad and stuff, if you feel lonely and sad, etc.
But, I see you're gonna be ok...I feel better now.....
regards
Kimbo | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:40:12 PM | Brandon, you started a thread about how in 3 months you've not found 'the one' here.
Now this.
I think it's fairly easy: you're impatient and unrealistic....BUT...and this will likely get me flamed...
I don't think your fear is unfounded. You're 32, not 19. OK, duh, you know that 
There's a lot of bravado about being comftorable with being alone forever or single. That's probably an aspect of societal changes, individual wealth, etc over the years. And that' s probably why old age in generations below 65 right now is going to be a helluva lot different than it was in the past.
I slightly relate to your fear. I have a friend or two in their late 50's who are probably going to have to rely very strongly on the kindness of strangers when they become ( and everyone does ) very old and not as capable of independent action ( routine stuff: trips to the doctor, grocery shopping, laundry....all harder and harder to do as bones and muscles decay LOL ). The old relationship model of our grandparents wasn't ALL bad. Knowing you had someone watching your six when you're 80 was just one of the comforts of a 'lifelong relationship'. But people were a little less self-serving then. Self-centeredness wasn't seen as a fashionable personality trait like it is often presented now.
If that scares you, if the idea of being an old man sitting alone by himself in his golden years with no one to lean on is something you really want to avoid or is not the future you want, then maybe you need to take an honest look at your own ethics, outlook, personality etc from someone more objective than yourself ( ask for a painfully honest opinion, for instance, about the most annoying aspects of your personality and behavior from a trusted friend or relative....and let them answer without being bitter towards them later ;)....then maybe that will help you get closer to what you want.
Think about your ideal partner and where she is most likely to hang out based on the interests you imagine here having. And then, go there. And be considerate and polite.
At 32 it's not all over. It never is at any age until we decide so. Don't garb yourself in the false bravado of others ( assuming it is false ). Go get and become what YOU want so you can be who SHE wants :) | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/25/2009 9:25:04 PM | Being single is preferable to being miserable.
Be happy with what you are doing. You sound like an amazing person and eventually you will find someone. Don't rush or you may be busy with miss OK when miss Perfect comes along.
Good luck. | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE,which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/25/2009 10:10:34 PM |
I am getting used to being SINGLE,
Well when you actually get completely comfortable being single, you will finally be ready to be in a real and healthy relationship!
When or if it ever does happen, you'll know exactly what I mean! | |
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| I am getting used to being SINGLE,which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/26/2009 7:14:13 AM | ^ Man's got a point ^
~~~~~Well when you actually get completely comfortable being single, you will finally be ready to be in a real and healthy relationship!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
all we're sayin' folks....it's thee bottom line
Bo | |
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