| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/4/2009 5:17:46 PM | | If only I knew the answer ...although, I think there are some good responses. I am a single mother myself, divorced for five years. I have my children full time, their father is not involved. I am educated, love to go out and have a good time, enjoy my career, and would love to share my life with someone again. I do not shy away from men with children. I am still single. It takes a real man to stand up and get past his insecurities (if he has them) so that he can be alright with dating a single mom. It will work out with the right one at the right time. Just know that when it does, he will be the kind of man that you want to have as your partner and the male role model you want for your kids. | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/4/2009 5:41:48 PM | 1000's of Single moms profiles read like this, " I have 2 beautiful children that I adore and they are my universe, they will always be number one in my life"
Men's interpretation's,
1) I will never be number one in this woman's life, so why put in a huge effort to be #3, unless of course she has a pet then I'm #4.
2) Although this statement is noble, it is understood and goes without saying, the fact that you mention it tells me you have nothing else going on in your life and that you are consumed with your children.
3) When it comes to being with you, your children's activities will always take precedence.
4) After a day of servitude to your children and your job you will have little energy or time for me.
5) Travel or doing anything without your children is not going to happen. When we go out its always gonna be with the kids and I'm going to pickup the kids tab too.
In general women just don't get something very basic about men; if you make your man #1 ahead of your children, job and your friends and your children view you as in a loving stable relationship then everything else falls into place naturally.
You guessed it, I was a wonderful married father to 3 kids and a dog. She was always number 1 to me but I was number 5. So when I see these kind of statements I think I bet the same thing happened to this girls poor husband or boyfriend and I run. | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/4/2009 6:03:39 PM | marinering the first thing I noticed about ur profile was "does not want children" I typically won't read the rest of the profile. I guess it could mean plenty of things but to me it means "does not want children" "does not want to be around children" really pof should give u more options for that question.
The second thing I noticed was the bike 
As a single mom thats the first thing I read so even though the guy might have his own children does it mean that they don't want to be around someone else's kids...
I never had a problem dating single dads I wish I had ended up with a good single dad instead of the deadbeat dad i ended up with... | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:01:37 PM | | ^^^^I've always thought that if a man chooses that he has kids or the "my kids are over 18", the "does not want children" means "do not want more of my own". But I guess it could mean "I don't want to be around yours, either". I think PoF should add an option in order to clarify that statement. I don't want more birth children, but I don't mind if he has kids already. | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:04:16 PM | MChurch, no thats not what my life was all about prior to having children, though i did my share of it, i was traveling the world right up until i got pregnant.
Just sayin, many single people i see, thats what they do. I dont feel left out a bit. | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:54:05 PM | Wow....I am so glad that I have not encountered any "men" like the posts I am reading in this forum. I AM a proud SINGLE parent. A divorced female who will always place my child BEFORE any man or relationship. God first, then my son so you can take that or leave it. But lucky for me, I have never had a problem finding or keeping a man, even as a single parent. My choice to remain single is because I have not found someone that I am in tune with and that I feel comfortable enough to spend the rest of my life with. If a man comes equipped with children, as long as he is taking care of them, and he treats me the way I long to be treated I could care less. I don't allow other people (baby mom's, etc) to control my fate. I have to live with/love the man I am with. Not these other people are situations. Some of you guys are so sad based off of what I have read. Those women who are having a hard time finding a man due to single parenthood...please count your blessings that you do not have to deal with some of the fools that have posted replys here. You deserve better. God has something in store for you much better than what is advertised by some of the men on this site. I am appalled. All I am hearing is selfish comments about them not being placed first, about them not getting enough sex, about them not wanting to deal with drama when they probably come equipped with MORE than their fair share...PLEASE! Good luck to those single women and men out here because it is a difficult job!!!  | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:16:21 PM | | You know I can only speak for me but I prefer to date a woman who has children. I have found since I am a single dad that single moms are more understanding to the what ifs that can happen with children. If you date a woman who has no kids they do not understand that raising a child is hard work and that sh#$ happens. If you are dating a single mom they understand and dont make you feel so bad. To all the single moms out there keep looking cause someone will sweap you and your children off of yalls feet. | |
|
| |
| |
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/5/2009 4:07:58 AM | I haven't read all the way through this thread - I think I'd become a bit annoyed at the abuse towards "men like me"! So this isn't just a reply to JackeeF's post.
I am one of "those" men who tends to "avoid" (for lack of better word) single mothers. I am 30yo, have never been married due to a number of personal reasons (not least my work commitments), I have no children.
My aversion to women with children from previous relationships, does basically come down to the fact that I do want to be #1 on occasion, and the only thing I'd want to supplant me as #1 are my own children. I think that's pretty natural really. I understand and accept that will never be the case with a woman who has children from a previous relationship - so why should I bother pursuing it?
I would like to be able to go out to a restaurant on a whim without having to worry about babysitters, I would rather go to a hotel and enjoy some peace and quiet without having to worry about children... the list goes on.. Of course now I'm going to be damned as some horrible, selfish, immature, child hater. I'm nothing of the sort, I love my niece and nephew to bits, but there is a very big difference in my mind about dealing with these things when they are MY children, to when they are someone elses. Now I see that as quiet a natural male thing to be honest, I'm not saying it's right, but I would rather accept that it MAY be a problem and avoid the situation, than pretending everything was going to be okay and mess someone (and their children) around.
I can't help but see that someone with a child from a previous relationship, male or female, has made a pretty big choice in their life. Having a child is, to me, the biggest commitment you can ever make - it is truly lifelong. Making and sharing that commitment to someone who I'm in love with is one thing; picking it up and putting it down on the off-chance a relationship may work is something I'm not willing to do.
I wouldn't sign into a mortage with someone who I'd been on a few dates with.... and in my mind a child is a far bigger commitment than that.
I've chatted to women on plentyoffish who I have been totally honest about my aversion to dating someone with children, and while I would have liked to have continued a friendship, then received nothing but abuse and, frankly, rudeness. I have never judged, nor made comment upon the situation or relationship that they had a child from, simply that it was an issue to me with regards to a relationship.
I'm finding it pretty difficult now, as I think I'm a pretty decent guy (  ), and I'm never anything but honest about this topic - which limits my possible pool of dates by quite a lot now I've reached this age!
What amazes me is that it seems that people have the opinion that a child is "no big deal" - well it is. You don't have a child on a whim, as a fashion accessory, as something to do because you're bored. It's a lifelong commitment. And I (and other guys like me) are demonised for accepting and understanding that fact and taking the view that, you know, we'd just rather make that commitment when we have our own children rather than some ready-made ones.
(awaits the replies of hate!) :) | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:44:19 AM |
Maybe because some men like to be the center of attn in a new relationship and find it hard to cope with.
Yeah, men wanting to be in a relationship that consists of more than them giving and women taking. Shocking, right? | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/5/2009 8:23:27 AM | it is because, the woman will focus all her attention on her kid, leave little or no attention to her man, then man will find himself a total stranger in the house. the man will then lack, caring, love , romantic moment,as this atmospther disappear in the house. this is the true fact about it, because , since a man need this special three points above mentions, this is the reason everyman run away from a single mother. if they can change from this , they not find if hard anymore.
felix. | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/5/2009 8:25:46 AM | | Well all I can say is that not all guys are that way. I married a lady who had 3 children & I accepted them & treated them as my own. It did not work out due to the fact that her kids could do no wrong & mine could do no right in her eyes. Whether it be man or woman, when you go into a relationship & have a blended family and love that person man or woman...you have to accept them as a package deal or it will never work. | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/5/2009 8:50:56 AM | | im a single mother to a 7 week old baby girl and if thats a problem for men thats jsut to bad ...for you first saying no women need a man to take care of their child if we do it already why would we need the help now...for the 2ed well of couse the guy is gonna be second if a women stays with the man she has her child with the man is still gonna be second a child has more needs then a man has and need to be met... for the 3ed on sex still is cut off with the childs father if they were still with them what would make it any differnt with a new guy ....guys r scared of commitment because they dont wanna be tied down with just one gurl they like being players i have had lots like that and just because a man would be with a single mother for a while dont mean all women r gonna take you for child support we have done it for so long alone why would we want your money | |
|
| |
| |
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:14:30 AM | Ian29 first of all thank-you for ur post. Children are huge committments they are not the latest accessory. There was nothing wrong with ur post. Those are legitimate reasons not to date a single mom. As a single mother I'm not offended by what u said.
I think its much better that a guy is honest about not wanting to date a single mom then play with her emotions and lead her on. Because single parents do not have the time or the energy to play games.
The only offense I take is when I'm referred to as a gold-digger, or a poster refers to my child as a mistake or baggage and those things are highly offensive.
Not once did u refer to a single mom as damaged goods, an inferior woman, or being incompetent of raising their child on their own. Those are the only issues I take offense with.
There is a way women/men can say that they have an aversion to not dating single parents without being rude. | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:04:25 AM | I think all men need to ask themselves a question!
What would it have been with out a stepdad?
What if no one wanted my mother because of me?
What if you were the child of a single mother, would you want men to think of you and run?
Oh, and a man really loves you it will be unconditional and he will put up with any drama, kids, good times and bad, and still love you! As, you will also do for him, if you really Love him! | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:33:26 AM |
I think all men need to ask themselves a question!
What would it have been with out a stepdad?
What if no one wanted my mother because of me?
What if you were the child of a single mother, would you want men to think of you and run?
Oh, and a man really loves you it will be unconditional and he will put up with any drama, kids, good times and bad, and still love you! As, you will also do for him, if you really Love him!
Again with the attempted emotional manipulation. | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:56:21 AM | m a single mother to a 7 week old baby girl and if thats a problem for men thats jsut to bad ...for you first saying no women need a man to take care of their child if we do it already why would we need the help now...for the 2ed well of couse the guy is gonna be second if a women stays with the man she has her child with the man is still gonna be second a child has more needs then a man has and need to be met... for the 3ed on sex still is cut off with the childs father if they were still with them what would make it any differnt with a new guy ....guys r scared of commitment because they dont wanna be tied down with just one gurl they like being players i have had lots like that and just because a man would be with a single mother for a while dont mean all women r gonna take you for child support we have done it for so long alone why would we want your money
I don't think it has a lot to do with men not wanting to make a commitment. I think many men on this thread have explained it admirably. Many men feel very differently about their own children than they do about another man's children. Do you understand why they would feel that way?
Where is the father of your newborn? | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:25:49 AM |
guys r scared of commitment because they dont wanna be tied down with just one gurl they like being players
You need to read, "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt.
Most men are not afraid of commitment. In their early twenties, they are picky about who they have a relationship with because most aren't ready to get married and have children. They want to live their young adult lives and enjoy their free time, and for most, get started with their careers.
If a man doesn't want to commit to you, it's because he just doesn't like you that much. If you have sex with someone like that, then that's your own fault. Most men can't help themselves when they have a girl hurling herself at him with no strings attached.
If you've ever dated someone who said that and paid attention, you would find that 1-5 women after you they are suddenly "ready" to commit.
Most men don't want to marry someone who sleeps with them right away, and some say they would rather marry women who have never been with another man at all. | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:36:40 AM | Good point bosox, they just made that book into a movie? Either way it should be required reading and every woman should be given the dvd. Forced to watch it every week and memorize the book.
The fact that my ex wouldn't take me home on the first meeting is what attracted me to her the most. And believe you me that we were getting pretty hot and heavy but no matter how hard I pushed she just kept saying no.
Hate to say it but sometimes that book or movie would fit into the thinking that having a baby with a guy is also a good way to solidify a relationship. Guys can be just a dumb when they get taken too but it is as if they selectively hear stuff that just wasn't said.
Got a real kick out of that film. | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:58:24 AM |
I think all men need to ask themselves a question!
What would it have been with out a stepdad?
What if no one wanted my mother because of me?
What if you were the child of a single mother, would you want men to think of you and run?
Oh, and a man really loves you it will be unconditional and he will put up with any drama, kids, good times and bad, and still love you! As, you will also do for him, if you really Love him!
Okay I will play.
1. Mom and Dad are still married and have been for nearly 40 years. So no step parents.
2. We will ignore the fact of point one. It would have very little to do with me, but my mom, and her choices.
3. Hell yes, all the better for me and my mother.
Love has nothing to do with putting up with drama. That is destrictive for all. Kids, maybe, if they are rasied right and I have a hand in raising them and displine. Agree with the good times and bad, but that is love in general.
He's not that into you sounds like a woman try to explain men to other women. Ladies it isn't about the guy, it is about you, and who you choose and actions you tolerate. Some women are just not worth a commitment, childless or not. | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:41:12 PM | I'll play too...
1... My parents stayed together until I was out of the house...
2... Not Applicable... but if I had been younger, I could easily see me trying to sabotage her relationships... so it would have been fine....
3... I wouldn't know the men, so what they thought or did about it I could care less... | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:24:48 PM | Yeah, this one's going to get lots of mileage.
What would it have been with out a stepdad?
It was quite all right. My dad was there, so what did I need a stepdad for?
What if no one wanted my mother because of me?
I'd ask my mother that, because she seems to be the one making the big deal over it. For all I know, the guys who didn't want to be a part of her life didn't want her because she talked too loud. She's the one making it known to me that my existence is what's causing her the troubles of finding a new man.
What if you were the child of a single mother, would you want men to think of you and run?
Sure. Why would I want someone like that in my life? If you were the child of a single mother, would you want someone in the house who didn't want to have anything to do with you?
My daughter seems to do pretty well without a stepmom. The result is that I can be selective instead of looking at it so simplistically that the first woman I point at should be my one and only, whether she wants to or not.
I remember back in the 80's, Pepsi was the choice of a new generation. Looks like entitlement has replaced it. | |
|
Home
login 
