| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/7/2009 12:16:36 AM | but reverse the question, how do women feel about guys with children,
ive been single for 7 years now, my daughter was born blind and slightly autistic
she is a great child, always playfull never crys, for me i think (from what i read) i should be a prize catch
i dont smoke dont drink, never take drugs and all those things girls say they dont like in a guy
of course i meet some girls but soon as they know i have a daughter of 7 they dont swim, but grow wings and fly
so i understand the guys dont want to take care children thets not there own, but its not just us | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/7/2009 12:29:38 AM |
Well, you have her now and he doesn't, so let the moron stew on that one! Well, that would be easier to deal with if he had wanted her in the first place... he apparently did all that just 'for fun'... However, I will deal with him in an appropriate manner... | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/7/2009 1:43:55 AM | | I personally don't have an issue dating someone who has kids - I fear I may never be able to have them coz of chemo therapy...i may be sterile. The problem i have is females tend to look straight me and ain't interested in getting to know me!!! | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/7/2009 3:17:19 AM | Well I was cruising by and thought to comment here.
I do not have an issue finding guys to date while I am a Divorced mom of 1.
My daughter does not rule the roost so to speak so yeah when it is time to sit and cuddle on the couch to watch a movie She doesn't interupt much due to the fact that by the time it is time to watch a movie she is 9 times out of ten already in bed.
She goes to bed at a set time in my house. Don't get me wrong I am not the most strict but she has a bedtime I adhere to. We eat take baths and sleep at set times of the evening and the weekend. My daughter is one of the happiest children in the world due to my control over the situation.
To the person who stated something about women being irresponsible or naive, too bad for him. He has not learned to value a good relationship and probably has never had one. Granted I waited until I got married but just because I did so does not make the other women bad EVERYONE makes mistakes and to stereotype women is a bad thing. Granted there are women out there that will nickel and dime every man they come in contact with but that is not every woman.
And as far as the whole sex thing is concerned (not to air my dirty laundry) I experienced a healthy sex life with the last guy I was with. As a matter of fact it was better due to creative ways we found to "make love". It actually helped the relationship more by not always being all over each other as we found time to talk more and listen to each other. Also, a key note in this is the fact that my last boyfriend also did not sleep over my house when my daughter was home, he would hang out until I was ready to go to bed. Now even though we are not together anymore we are still good friends and often hang out due to his affection for my daughter.
As far as Baby's Daddy Drama I have a fair amount of it on a weekly basis but I tend to just deal with it. I think we forget that most men are very territorial and I know for a fact that my ex husband still has a hard time seeing me with another man and as well has a hard time hearing the other man's name come out of my daughter's mouth. When I told him that I was going to start dating I experienced alot of drama and it was not only from him but from his family as well. They told me that I was being a bad mom because I wanted to date someone else which was really none of their business but due to the fact I live in a small town they were bound to see me "out and about" and I wanted them to be prepared.
I think if you have your priorities in check and if you run your house there is no issue as far as affection being split up equally and if the man really has an issue with competing with a child for the tv remote then it is time to rethink how much time your family spends in front of it. My daughter gets a total of 2 hours of "tv time" a day and that is usually when I am cleaning up or right before bed, she also knows how to share and usually is just happy to sit and talk to you. And seriously if you come to my house to be with me and sit in front of the tv while you are here flipping through the channels and ignore everything going on around you then it is time for you to go home as my house is not a "hangout" And I suppose the most important thing is if you want to be a part of my life then you need to understand the pecking order in my house which means yes my daughter comes before you and always will, she is of my blood and that is just the way it is and not to mention my dog will come before you as well as this is my house and I work very hard to maintain it and keep it. I have a perfect balance in my house and to find a man who will not "muddie" it up is difficult.
So girls keep your heads up as the ones who "swim away" aren't worth your time and really if they ran due to you having kids they aren't really looking for a long term relationship as children are the ultimate commitment. I put it in my profile that I have a child as I am very proud of this fact and feel that the men should know what they are getting into before the word Hello is typed. Patience really is a golden virtue as good things always come to those who wait. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/7/2009 8:30:11 AM | | i have run into this many times over the years and i can tell you the problems are that kids limit your freedom very much. you can`t do what you want when you want. you have to go see kiddie movies that bore you to death, you`re expected to care about her kids as much as she does because they are the greatest thing in the history of mankind and you have to pretend you want to hear about how brilliant they are, how many goals they scored today, how they were reading war and peace while line dancing in the delivery room. Moms always think we care what their kids did today but we don`t. we always have to do activities that include the kids but we don`t want to. we are expected to pay for the kids during some activities which is not our problem. we have to deal with the kids running and screaming around the house while mommy talks about how well behaved they are. all this and more will go on for years if it`s long term and if they were not your kids you wouldn`t deal with them either. Kids are too restricting in general and if we say so we`re called selfish ***holes but the mommies are selfish too. they had the kid to fulfill some need they had which was just as selfish. We are not here to find kids or a woman with kids or we would go to plentyofkids.com and try to deal with the mommy that comes with them. i know you can`t imagine such a thing but your kids are an intrusion on our lives and you chose to have them so they are yours to deal with. i have loved a woman with kids but she always made them her responsibilty and never forced me to do things with them. i liked them both very much but had no interest in their activities. a good rule might be to find out if a relationship is going to work before you start to reproduce and this will not be such a problem for us or you. i could certainly go on with this but women need to handle the situations they create and stop asking us to. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/7/2009 7:54:56 PM | just looking for the 25 yr old they werent i justy saw the one i loved riding down the street ut i thought i would get ack with kids mom well no i didnt she loved me ut i told her to give him a chance he married here and moved in with him where all sex was hidden ut gary died iof cancer 8 yrs later i always knew where she was ut never new he died now she rides with a club in micfh ut i still think of us together 24/7 almost like stalking ooops  | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/7/2009 8:25:55 PM |
AshNev, you need to watch Bill Maher's Religulous and get in the 21st century.
Exactly, lol!!!! I love that movie!!!! I always sigh from a little bit of sadness every time I read a post like Ashnev's. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/8/2009 3:39:08 AM | LegLover your opinion means nothing to me as I always pay for my own child and as far as doing activities with my daughter then men always have a choice whether to "join" in or not. As a matter of fact I don't belive in introducing every Tom****or Harry that comes into my life to my child and also if you ask about my daughter you bet your sweet a$$ I am going to tell you. Never ask a question you don't want an answer to.
And your comment about making sure the relationship is sound before reproducing is a very immature comment as I was very happily married and the decision was both of ours to have a child. It was not a "need" as you put it, my clock wasn't "ticking" It was a concious desicion made by 2 adults and I will never regret it. Maybe the problem is you are running into women who regret having their children.
If you feel that children are an intrusion then I hope you never have any children of your own, also you know they have new concept called a babysitter for going out for dinner or an adult movie. Now while it is limiting it is also the most fun I have ever had, . You get to experience the world again through a childs eyes. Take for example I took my daughter to a Butterfly Atrium and watch her amazement and over all happiness was enchanting I could not help but to be caught up in it and re-experience childhood.
Also it limits going to bars and clubs and running into men like you.
Yes children have bad days and will cry (adults have bad days to you know) but my daughter does not do it often she knows what is to be expected and she listens. I don't know what kind of women you are accustomed to dating but I personally am glad you will never be a child's Stepdad as it seems that you either need to grow up or go back to the bars and clubs to find some one night stand and while your at it why dont you get yourself fixed. One less bad gene in the pool isn't a bad thing | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:23:13 AM |
ya hard to believe ppl still base their lives on books written thousands of years ago, its the biggest crime against humanity and the most devisive.
I feel the same way. What's interesting is if you press some of these people to explain some of the many contradictions and ugly things in that book, they experience cognitive dissonance. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/8/2009 12:42:30 PM | | In this day and age,nothing about relationships are "easy peezy".Dating,partnerships or even marriage need work to survive especially when kid(s) are involved.It's tough enough when its the blokes kid(s),I can only imagine what its like when it aint his kid(s).Could I date a single mum? yes I could.Could I commit to this woman take on her child like he or she were mine? the honest answer is that I would have genuinely love both,not just one of them.Guys shouldnt be paranoid about dating single mum's,after all,dating doesnt necessarily mean commiting! Dating is all about finding out "if" you can commit. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/8/2009 12:59:07 PM | I wonder if there really are any people who can love some one else's children as much as the bio parents do? I know that adoptive parents can love their adopted infants as much as bio parents love their infants.
Maybe it is too restrictive to wait for someone who can love your children exactly as much as you do? Maybe there is a compromise, maybe if you find someone who can love your children enough, that would suffice? | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/8/2009 1:48:13 PM |
I wonder if there really are any people who can love some one else's children as much as the bio parents do? I know that adoptive parents can love their adopted infants as much as bio parents love their infants.
I think if the non-bio-parents do adopt it works better.... First off, there is no 'other' parent trying to be in the picture... they are either nowhere around or have given up their rights... Thus the child becomes 'yours' in a much more solid manner. The legal commitment is much more solid, in a way like marriage is for many a more serious commitment than living common-law... by adopting, the non-bio partner is then leagally and morally bound to be a part of the child's life in ALL respects. There is no more dispute then regarding who is to provide parenting, discipline etc... | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/8/2009 3:33:23 PM |
I wonder if there really are any people who can love some one else's children as much as the bio parents do? I know that adoptive parents can love their adopted infants as much as bio parents love their infants.
Maybe it is too restrictive to wait for someone who can love your children exactly as much as you do? Maybe there is a compromise, maybe if you find someone who can love your children enough, that would suffice?
I can only speak for myself. I love Hannah, Camerons half sister, and non-biological child as much as Cameron. So yes it is possiable. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/8/2009 3:58:29 PM |
I can only speak for myself. I love Hannah, Camerons half sister, and non-biological child as much as Cameron. So yes it is possiable.
That is really awesome. It's too bad you can't reconcile with your ex. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/8/2009 4:03:31 PM | | You ask to question "why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers"? Now let's reverse the question, I am father and have a seven year old son. Most woman's children are eighteen or older. Why would date a man with a seven year old? | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/8/2009 4:55:02 PM |
You ask to question "why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers"? Now let's reverse the question, I am father and have a seven year old son. Most woman's children are eighteen or older. Why would date a man with a seven year old?
You are only 38, how can most women's children your age be over 18? Plenty of women your age have toddlers as well as children the same age as yours. Not every woman was a teenage mom. You need to look around some more. Good luck, and be patient! | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:13:09 PM | | He had someone who dated him, loved him and his son but gave it all up! The problem I see is introducing children to people you date....but don't remain in your life for long. This is hard on the children especially if they get attached to someone. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:39:45 PM | | JustWaiting, that is pretty much it, not much to argue with. I have no problem dating women with children, but the thought of me having to pay child support if the relationship craps out, is insane. It is on my mind, believe that. | |
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