Mtrker
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Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 351 | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/9/2009 12:20:01 PM | | Exactly... I raised a 6 year old and now he's 15 and we've decided to split up.. it was my decision to break away but now she wants the child to have nothing to do with me. For years I couldn't be in the "Father" role.. because she had the final word... it was her child. She kept this child in her little bubble, and under her total control. Now he's a teenager and a little rebel. He loves me and wants to see me.. but she'll have none of it. So, I guess the question is.. do I do it again... I just broke 50 and probably won't have children on my own.. but I have so much to teach and experience to share. Guess I'll just have to see what comes along... | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/9/2009 2:09:07 PM | I agree with your comment. As I am in my early 40's, I have met some wonderful men in their 40's to early 50's. Many of the men in this age range have grown children and are enjoying the freedom to travel, etc. My children are young as I was widowed in my 20's and didn't have children until my second marriage in my 30's. I can fully understand that it's their choice not to be 'tied down' again with wee ones.
My friend said that if it was really meant to be then that wouldn't matter, but anyone who is a parent knows that being an adult around young children is serious business and not a light commitment at all. While their father is a major part of their lives, the man who chooses to be in a relationship with me will still be seen as an adult role model and will be in their lives. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/9/2009 5:04:17 PM | I wish I could articulate my thoughts on this subject and I have many.I will say this though....the single moms that I have dated and there have been a few...tend to forget that YOU are not the **stard who left them with twins to raise.I have always tried to support "mom" and be there for her and to take SOME responsibility for her kids...I am after all....NOT thier dad...their dad ran off.Those kids still need love and attention and a decent up bringing but it has been MY (and I say this only pertaining to my situations) learning process that no matter how much "mom" loves you.....you are stilla man and the last one she had left her with a bad taste in her mouth......you as the serogate....whatever......PAY THRU THE NOSE for the prior ***holes neglect.Nothing you do for this "unit" is good enough and nothing you say is the truth....."mom" has no ability to trust.If said "mom" has more than one father for her little brood of loved ones....you are sunk!!!! No matter how decent a guy you are....you are still a man.There is never any trust from her.
My two coppers.
Take it for what you will. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/9/2009 10:04:09 PM | Your statement made me the madest of all. That is why men don't have good women and complain about having a slut because all you guys think about is sex.But guys I'm here to tell you that you can't turn a hoe into a housewife. What is so wrong with a single mom? And what if she is a single mom because she lost the love of her life because he came home sick one day and didn't make it through the night? I lost the love of my life that I had for eleven years and I was a single mom when we meet then we had a child together after we got married and he always loved both of our kids like they were both his. So guys I know it can be done if you would just get over yourselves and grow up a little. Weather it is the sex thing,or having to give up a little attention, or having to give up some tv time to watch BluesClues it's gonna happen sooner or later because your gonna have kids sooner or later and why not be happy instead of worrying about the small stuff. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/9/2009 10:15:29 PM | I know a lot of men say that they do not like the idea of raising another man's child, but would like to have and raise their own someday. I wonder what it is about the genetics of "your own flesh and blood" that makes people in general feel this way?
It is a perfectly natural feeling, and animals in the wild feel the same way in most (not all) cases. I included the "not all", because there are even animals that adopt baby animals that are not only not theirs genetically, but are of another species entirely and they still care for them.
Here is an example of just the opposite in the animal kingdom: (Please note I am not comparing human men to horses)
There are herds made up of a stallion and the harem of mares he has collected. He will take good care of his mares, grooming them even when they are not in season. When their foals are born, the stallion is generally welcoming towards them, provided he knows they are his. However, a stallion may kill another stallion's foal.
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/9/2009 11:39:58 PM | I think it's genetically programmed into us that we want to care for our own children, our own genes. Our children are a pathway to immortality. But raising someone else's kids just comes off as a waste of time, a money sink. I don't think this is morally right, but I don't think genetics cares about morality.
If we lived in some kinda religious or socialist utopia, then we could see all children as our children, no matter what. But we don't. Other people are our competition, not our comrades. :-P | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/9/2009 11:44:38 PM |
I think it's genetically programmed into us that we want to care for our own children, our own genes. Our children are a pathway to immortality. But raising someone else's kids just comes off as a waste of time, a money sink. I don't think this is morally right, but I don't think genetics cares about morality.
If we lived in some kinda religious or socialist utopia, then we could see all children as our children, no matter what. But we don't. Other people are our competition, not our comrades. :-P
Exactly right on all counts. We are just vessels being used by our genes to keep them alive from one generation to the next. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/10/2009 12:06:36 AM | i personally think that men who seek women with no children are only looking for a relationship that indulges in nothing but fun and pleasure, i may well be wrong.. but that's my opinion, i personally LOVE children.. i think any woman who is strong enough to raise a child alone deserves happiness and love themselves.. i would much rather date a lady with a child than someone without a child.. not only for the fact of maturity.. independance and heart but because i think if a couple can come together and accept what ever "baggage" one another has then there is a real shot of them making it!
my current girlfriend who i love has a 4 year old son.. she's only 21 but ive never seen anyone more devoted than her.. i love her son as if he was my own and i understand that there will always be another man involved one way or another in the relationship and i accept that, i think most men are threatened by the thought of the childs father still being around. it's a really difficult situation to be in but if you care enough for the person you're with you will make it work!
thats my point of view anyway | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/10/2009 11:39:01 AM | i personally think that men who seek women with no children are only looking for a relationship that indulges in nothing but fun and pleasure, i may well be wrong.. but that's my opinion,
The fact is that most men are going into relationshipds with childless women, and the single mothers were in a relationship with men before they had children. Were those men just in it for fun and pleasure?
Many men want to have their own children. That doesn't mean their motives for dating childless women aren't pure. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/10/2009 6:58:56 PM | Could we just end this war? Please.
Let's just chalk it up to preference and call it a f*cking day.
Raising kids is hard. Dating a woman with kids is easy. You do or you don't.
Stop the madness.
the devil has spoken.
Amen brother, it all comes down to choice. Either way, it all happens for a reason, so accept it and move forward in your life, regardless of your preferences!! | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/10/2009 7:41:23 PM | Most men don't want to date a woman with kids simply because they
think that there looking for a man to play the father role! And I will
be the first to tell you no Im not looking for a man to play that role.
Im looking for a man for me to spend my life with, and yes I'm a package
deal but the guy won't meet my daughters until I feel he is going to
be around... Then if u look at a single mother's life and she is independantly holding her
own then that ought to tell the guy that this woman is hard working and
a fighter....we as mothers sacrifice so much for our children that just
having time for ourselves is a blessing and usually much needed. So we venture out
to start dating again just to have adult converation but get regected
by men that can't handle strong willed single mothers......So men don't be
scared of single mothers be scared of the non-mothers that want u for just your money... | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/10/2009 7:50:29 PM | Kids from someone else's are often viewed as baggage, unnecessary pains, emotional and financial conflicts, according to my own point of view.
I met someone few years ago who was a single mommy - I kind of liked her and started to date her but that sk*nk wanted me to move in with her. I said "wait a minute - is it even serious". In the end, after reviewing some personal advice from friends and relatives, I have to get rid of that gold digging b*tch who only cares for a FREE MEAL ticket. "F*ck you sl*t, go find another dumbass of a loser to support your ass - i am out" To this day, I am wary of single moms but I do not stereotype. If the right single mommy with the right circumstances and if I am getting older, I will RECONSIDER very seriously but living with a single mom is no joke. Plus you get all these nonsense sugar daddy drama sh*t that overcomplicates the already complex relationship.
I made myself look like a bad guy but I know it was for the best for both of us. I WILL be happy AND she will even be happier, even though she might not realize it sooner. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:33:05 PM |
I know a lot of men say that they do not like the idea of raising another man's child, but would like to have and raise their own someday. I wonder what it is about the genetics of "your own flesh and blood" that makes people in general feel this way?
Witnessing the birth of your own child changes you. Before I had my child, I don't know if I could have been a good step-parent. Having my own child changed my perspective of children, and life in general. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:43:19 PM |
Witnessing the birth of your own child changes you. Before I had my child, I don't know if I could have been a good step-parent. Having my own child changed my perspective of children, and life in general.
I can understand that from the woman's point of view, but the man can't be 100% sure it's his child (I'm not saying that wasn't your child in any way). It must have something to do with being sure your child is really your child, plus children resemble us in some ways, that gives us that connected feeling. I think one reason married men are less apt to leave their children (I'm not saying married men NEVER leave, for the less intelligent among you who will read it that way without an explanation) is because they are more sure of their paternity than unmarried men who father children. (I am not saying being married guarantees paternity, ok?) | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/12/2009 12:12:27 AM |
^^^ LOL Awww Whats a matter lil girl, did I hit a nerve? or does the truth hurt?
*hands you a box of tissues*
Ummm. Let me think. Let me reach deep down into my innermost emotions.
No.
Never had a problem affording food. My family and i eat 3 nice meals a day, without a man paying for it. The only time a man gives us food is when my shrimper and lobster catching buddies bring me bags of seafood as gifts.
Keep the tissue. wouldnt want to be accused of using men for tissues, and woukdbnt want to drive a man broke using his tissue. | |
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/12/2009 9:12:34 AM | Ok jacob if it makes you happy, i have a line of sugar daddies lined up around the block. All those hot studs with money to burn are lining up to spend it on the local widow with kids.
Times are not tough for me and making ends meet is not a hard task so whats to "hang in there" for? Where on earth did you get that idea? Because i have children?
And if i listed my assets, income, and investments no doubt you tun around and say im bragging.
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| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/12/2009 9:35:34 AM | I have never dated a single mom, but actually got engaged to one. She was a really good friend and just had a baby, we thought it would work out but rushed, well really skipped the relationship, so we had issues outside of the child and that part of our relationship did not work out.
I think that yes, it does add complexity, of course but if someone wants a family and is serious about finding a soul mate, a best friend, and a wife then being a single mom should not be a barrier at all. It will just weed out those men right away who probably wouldn't be the type you would want to be with anyway. Taking on extra responsibility, developing patience and putting others first is all part of being a parent, single or not. Many people aren't ready for that (single parents included).
I would love to date a single mom or just meet a few as friends and to be able to go out with them and their children to the zoo, museums etc. Being a parent is difficult at best, being a single mom or dad adds more work as one has to be there for their child non-stop and don't have another to help out.
Enjoy the fact that you are a mom, know that being a single mom probably filters out a number of guys that you probably wouldn't want to be with long term anyway. | |
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