| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/12/2009 11:11:16 AM | i've dated single mothers, but then im a single dad myself. i think the reason its hard is that if the kids are young and your dating then the children are there with you all the time so you kind of become a stand in parent automatically, if your serious about the girl then you cant just ignore the kids and leave them to her you have to take an active role, but how far are you supposed to take it? especially when it comes to discipline.
I have a 4 yr old son and i dated a mother of two boys who were 1 and 2. they were really bad kids, totally out of control which is the exact opposite of mine who is a little angel. i know most parents think that but my son does as he is told when he is told first time and wouldnt dream of telling me no if i ask him to stop doing something. her kids refused to do as they were told and threw things at her head if she told them to stop being naughty. the oldest one bit his little brother and when he was told no he smacked her in the face. i was shocked at their behaviour, i tried to help out but i always just felt awkward with them because how far do i go in disciplining them before im crossing the line into her territory? we were only dating so im really nothing more than a friend so i don't want to interfere with how she raises her kids. in the end it didnt work out because her kids refused to behave at all as my son told me he didnt want them to come over anymore because he didnt like them biting him and breaking his toys. what could i say to that really.
it hasnt put me off dating single mothers though. because im a single dad i think i prefer it as they tend to understand you better. i cant go out clubbing every weekend, neither can they, so we apreciate when we get time to ourselves more than someone without kids would. thats not to say that i go looking for single mothers. it just seems that we have more in common. | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/13/2009 2:07:50 AM | | Personally, I would date a single mother if she was an incredible person. But as a rule of thumb I try to stay clear. My last wife was a single mother when we met. Everything was great. I became a great stepdad, and life was happy (some of the best in my life). But when it ended, it didnt bother me to lose my wife (as she cheated on me); But the true loss was losing my stepdaughter. We still keep in touch, but everytime we talk she gets more distant. Shes 11, so its not unexpected. But the pain of losing such a significant part of my life, was devastating. Do I want to do that again? It would take an incredible woman, for me to take that chance. | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/13/2009 3:33:21 AM | I honestly don't see the problem with dating a single mother.
My ex was a single mother and it obviously affected our relationship
majorly,but it wasn't necesarily a bad thing.spent less time in the pub and so on.
But all in all,had she not been a liar,then i would probably still be with her!
If guys have a problem with dating a single mum,the let them,they could be missing out majorly .purely on the misconception that a girl with a kid is out for much more than a normal relationship.narrow minds! | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/13/2009 12:44:48 PM | Just because she was irresponsible or naive at one time, doesn't mean she is now! I mean, having a kid on your own tends to wisen you up, ya know? I guess I'd worry about a woman with several children from several fathers...
I am a single mom partly because I was irresponsible and naive, and partly because I was involved with someone who was irresponsible and dishonest, and partly because I chose to be responsible and went through with the pregnancy, despite not being in a good situation. I don't think I'd change the past if I could, because now I have a beautiful boy in my life--but I would certainly think more about it next time!
I get it though. Kids were a red flag for me too before I had my own-didn't want the extra baggage-but now as the girl says in Rent "i'm looking for baggage that goes with mine". :D | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/13/2009 5:19:58 PM |
but now as the girl says in Rent "i'm looking for baggage that goes with mine". :D
Speaking of which, one thing that has not been touched upon as far as I can see....
What happens when the children are of a different 'ethnic' background...? That would seem to me to create a hell of a lot more hurdles down the road...
An Ex had a child whose father was black, now, he grew up and was a very well educated, very smart, well rounded adult by the time I was in the picture, but she told me it was the reason she was single until he moved out... and that if she had realised the problems she faced, she probably would have put him up for adoption.... Of course, we're also talking 20 years ago and racial barriers were different, but I can still see it being an issue....
Guys don't really want to raise another guy's kids, but how do they feel when the kids are visually different too....? Or, is this a hidden point in many of these "why do men find it so difficult to date sinlge moms?" | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/13/2009 5:44:16 PM |
I chose to be responsible and went through with the pregnancy, despite not being in a good situation.
Actually, this sentence is an oxymoron. Going through with a pregnancy and keeping a child to raise in a "not good situation" is completely irresponsible.
The responsible part would come after all these foolish decisions where you improve your situation before it affects the child. | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:56:42 PM | The only reason it hits a nerve is because i becamne a single mother through tragic circumstances, and dont comprehend why i would be percieved as poor or struggling or any other single parent sterotype, i am the same person i was when i was married.
Thanks for the jab at my weight manforrent, but i can at least say i earned those pounds all on my own nobody had to feed them to me. | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/13/2009 9:21:59 PM | Thanks Jacob. I know you didhnt; manforrent did. But i can honestly say i paid for every pound i put on without using a man.
Are you really meeting women like that; that use men for meal tickets?
Dont bother with them, you are a young good looking guy living in the most beautiful part of the world, you neednt be dealing with that BS from a woman. | |
|
| |
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/14/2009 4:54:09 AM | Well honestly I do not know if my situation applies here as it all seems to be difficulties on both ends but isn't that what regular dating is about too LMAO. I mean come on you don't go out on one date and the *poof* you are in love. I think children being in someones life deffinately weeds out some of the already *bad* relationships right off the bat and also leaves you more open to be with people male or female that has more patience and understanding ergo more to offer a relationship. What I have noticed and I do not mean to knock anyone as I don't believe half of what I see anyways but the men with the "hot profiles" steer clear of my profile, and to be honest I am glad that they do due to the fact I would rather date a real man with actual feelings and if he ever meets my daughter and they just talk (they dont have to love each other) would be a plus. I mean come on who wouldnt want to be with a muscle bound hottie but hey I would just end up using him for a one night stand as I have been with those types before and ahem it never works out and they usually suck in bed. SO here is a toast to the real men. Men that don't mind taking a chance to meet with one of us SINGLE MOMS and taking a chance at finding love and happiness. I appreciate the fact that you are out there and please the good single moms that dont require you to make those 7 digits and dont require you to drive a BMW Lexus or Jag are out here and we are just waiting for you to take that step as most of us are tired of the "swimmers" and perhaps a little shy but we are great and you wont find another more devoted to all in her life than a single mother. | |
|
| |
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/14/2009 10:16:46 AM | Does anyone really realize that this comment is soo rediculous along with the most the others...
When your gonna be committed to someone it starts as dating.. you don't meet the children right away.. You get to know the person and the personality soo.. if your not rushing things then hell why would u be asking those stupid questions..
Face it the women that are single mothers at a young age are just as beautiful.. as those who don't have children.. to just shut out a woman because she has a child without looking into it is wrong... sure your gonna get ur phychos and ur crazies though ur gonna get that on a regulare day!...
I think men can use all the excuses they want.. though it's not like us single moms are asking for something long term off the hop if i was then i wouldn't be taking my child into consideration.. test ur waters thats what lifes about... never sell ur self short... :) | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/14/2009 10:18:35 AM | | thats pretty rude don't you think.. because someone eats 3 good meals aday they are gonan get fat.. my dear BBW exists because some people can proportion their food and eat more like non stop or very fat.. not 3 meals aday.. that's called normal! | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/14/2009 10:18:53 AM | Does anyone really realize that this comment is soo rediculous along with the most the others...
When your gonna be committed to someone it starts as dating.. you don't meet the children right away.. You get to know the person and the personality soo.. if your not rushing things then hell why would u be asking those stupid questions..
Face it the women that are single mothers at a young age are just as beautiful.. as those who don't have children.. to just shut out a woman because she has a child without looking into it is wrong... sure your gonna get ur phychos and ur crazies though ur gonna get that on a regulare day!...
I think men can use all the excuses they want.. though it's not like us single moms are asking for something long term off the hop if i was then i wouldn't be taking my child into consideration.. test ur waters thats what lifes about... never sell ur self short... :) | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/14/2009 10:54:40 AM |
Face it the women that are single mothers at a young age are just as beautiful.. as those who don't have children..
Are they?
So you have no stretch marks from your pregnancy...?
You lost the extra weight?
No little belly pouch...?
Some women even have scars from C-sections... and the drooping belly muscles that can go with that...
But they're just as beautiful? right....?
I think men can use all the excuses they want..
It's funny how a lot of logical reason have been posted, with very few logical arguments to counter them, on why men find it so difficult to date single mothers. Then you label them all as 'excuses'.... How about a good logical argument proving those reasons to be wrong...? | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/14/2009 11:38:42 AM | Man people like you piss me off M Church.
I do not have stretch marks
I lost all of my weight
My boobs are still perky (I think you missed that bash)
My behind is nice and tight too
I do not have baby belly pouch, I have muscles that would put most men's to shame
Now I didnt have a CSection so I can't combat that one
I eat right, I work out almost daily, and many people not only find me attractive on the outside but on the inside which is more important than the outside.
Now I see lots of women out there in the world just like me and then I see lots of people out in the world without children who are not only ugly on the inside but are overweight as well, what is their excuse?
And further more just where is your pic? I dont see that you have one. If you are so perfect then lets see what you look like sunshine... Hmmmmm, we are waiting  | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/14/2009 11:59:00 AM |
When your gonna be committed to someone it starts as dating.. you don't meet the children right away.. You get to know the person and the personality soo.. if your not rushing things then hell why would u be asking those stupid questions..
In other words: "don't think about the future, just live the here and now". Haven't you thought that many single moms ended as single moms because of that attitude?
Face it the women that are single mothers at a young age are just as beautiful.. as those who don't have children.. to just shut out a woman because she has a child without looking into it is wrong...
"Face it"? Why don't you "face" the fact that you can't impose your dating values on anyone else? Why don't you "face" the fact that it's a free country, therefore everybody is free to set their own standards including not dating single moms?
I think men can use all the excuses they want..
An "excuse" is given only when you fail to do something you should do. Are you implying men have some kind of duty to date you? | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/14/2009 12:09:51 PM |
Are they?
So you have no stretch marks from your pregnancy...?
You lost the extra weight?
No little belly pouch...?
Some women even have scars from C-sections... and the drooping belly muscles that can go with that...
But they're just as beautiful? right....?
No stretch marks
no extra weight (lost it all right away, gained some back when I got comfy in my relationship and then lost it again)
No weight = no pouch
She came out of my vajayjay so no scars.
I think I will post a pic on my profile from April when I was in Jamaica to prove it now! lol. | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/14/2009 12:10:07 PM |
and thus how the term BBW was invented Actually the more meals the better it is for you. Those that eat more frequently, smaller, healthy foods, are not BBW's. I have had 3 children and really resent anyone saying a mother can't have a good body. I have seen so many non mothers younger than me in my area that are BBW's. As I saw the same thing when I went to the shore, Philadelphia, DC, etc., it isn't the active mothers with the problems, it is the uneducated young women imo. Watching a girl eating an icecream cone made me want to ask her if her whole diet was wrong, if she worried about diabetes or cholesterol problems. It was a darn shame watching her.
As I said earlier, I have had no problems dating. I did have problems dating a couple of fathers though. One didn't know how to balance his time and the other constantly got called by his daughter. Of course the ring tone was crazy b^tch, so I really wonder if that was she calling... | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/14/2009 12:12:48 PM | ta da! The proof is in the picture.  And I don't know what you consider "young" but I was 27 when I had my child.
*edit to add* If you actually look close enough and see that "spot" on my stomach it is actually a tattoo that didn't distort at all through the pregnancy either. :) | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/14/2009 1:37:41 PM |
If you are so perfect then lets see what you look like sunshine... Hmmmmm, we are waiting
As for me, I'm about 20lbs heaver than I should be.... however, I'd say I'm in better shape than most people my age....
I don't have a pic up for reasons that I have already discussed in another thread....
1... I'm not looking for anyone...
2... I have discussed my G/F a lot in these threads and I don't want to bring her any embarrassment if people see me and read the posts.... | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/14/2009 2:04:48 PM | | a few of my mates won,t go near a single mother but personally i have no problem with someone having kids,i think it depends how the man feels about kids in general and how he is around them,a lot of guys cant speak or interact with kids... ,i find mum,s 2 b very loving,caring and more mature than women of the same age with no kids....all u guy,s out there take a chance ...they really r worth it ......mmmmmmmmmmm.. | |
|
| |
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/15/2009 7:55:14 AM | | An ex of mine is a single mother (not my children). I believe it's not what you have or don't have, It's the connection you share with the person your getting involved with and understanding the woman and her kids are a unit, and in time you (may) become a part of that unit.....So don't give up hope, there are plenty of us out there.. | |
|
| Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 7/18/2009 7:22:13 AM | | hey miss.. you are exactly right, you are better for not dating them.. it is not difficult to find a man.. and should not be for a lovely face such as yours.. a good man, might be a bit more difficult..lol.. i have found that from my own experiences, and reading way too many of these forums..that men are basically self-centered and stupid.. god, i hope i never come off like that.. anyway, to understand that children are the center of a parent's life takes a bit of intelligence that may not be found in most men.. sorry.. and to understand that a man will have to earn the love, attention..etc that he so wants will take a bit of work that most men aren't willing to put out..not only are we self centered... but we also want love to come to us.. and not make us come to love.. again.. i sincerely hope im not like that.. you might get the impression that i think im better than most guys.. i do.. lol.. ok, i don't think im "better".. but i listen to men's general attitutes, what they say when women are not around.. the way people generally are to each other in this world.. and i find it pretty disgusting.. so, i try not to be like that.. as a christian, i try to be kind, respectful.. etc.. you get the picture.. so, in your search for that "good" guy.. maybe you are looking in the wrong places.. definitely not take a guy who has issues with not being the center of attention.. hope i have shed some light on this for you.. god bless. | |
|
Home
login 
