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 Author Thread: Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
 Blujeansnteeshirt

Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 101
Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 10:45:38 AM
OP,

in response, before I address the single mother comments of your post, I wish to mirror the comment made by "One Shot At Life" in that it is probably not the best idea to post images of your son, all though he looks like a cute kid and I understand you want to show off your awesome son. While I am convinced that most people are in fact GOOD, prudence dictates caution.

Now on to your post and my response. Yes, there are some men that do not wish to date women with children, these are men around your age group primarily, and, many if not most don't have children yet and wish to enjoy a romantic relationship with a woman who too does not have children presently. HOWEVER, there ARE exceptions to this too. You WILL find some that not only have no problem with that, but find you a great choice because you ARE a mom and they will watch you with your son and consider that not only are you a good mom with the son you have, but sill be a good mom to future children. Also, as you view en that are a little older, being a single parent has become "the norm" and single mothers are in fact desirable.

As far as being single, enjoy it, use this time to do things for yourself as well as your son, it's a great time for you to do many things you want to do before you begin a life long relationship.

I strongly suspect you will have great luck in the not so far into the future. You're very young, so, time is very much on your side.

Happy fishing!
 one shot at life

Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 102
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 10:56:11 AM
{I know a buncha you fattened women with a brood of darling little angels 'who are your life' are gonna be greatly incensed by my position & my "outrageous & cowardly & misogynistic" remarks, but I don't give a fck. Most of you are entirely too stupid for me to waste my time on, yet for some reason a buncha you keep sending me messages.

Just keep your nasty little turds & your fat, miserable ass away from me!

I might be an ugly man, but beauty, which you do NOT have, "lady" is only skin deep. YOU are ugly, way down in your soul. YOU will die lonely & miserable; clearly you already are. Take off, Hoser}

Pardon me Ijustneedone, you sound rather angry, bitter, and ugly yourself. I take it you have never dated a single mom, you have only seen your friends go through it, correct? Whilst I do understand that their are young single mom's out there like you described, we are not all like that. You said you had sisters, would you think that way about your sisters if they were single mom's? What about if you had a daughter? Would you think that way about her? All I am trying to say is to not judge someone until you have walked in their shoes. Single mom's have certain stereotypes and I do agree that there are women out there who fit the single mom stereotype, what I am saying is not ALL women do.
 8soldierfalcon8

Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 103
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 11:12:17 AM
Sooooo ... am I angry, bitter, and ugly since I won't date a single mom?

I am asking this rhetorically since it's obvious to everyone here that I'm absolutely awesome.

Point made.
 somewhat_here

Joined: 11/8/2008
Msg: 104
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 11:25:57 AM
I personally don't see the problem with dating single moms. They're still people, and should be treated as such, with respect and dignity. I would never dare to pass judgements because of decisions made in the past. I would base my opinion on a woman on how she presents herself in the present, and whether me and her were compatible.
 one shot at life

Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 105
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 11:29:44 AM
oh no soldier, you are absolutely as awesome as you can get.

If you dont want to date a single mom... great...your choice. However, I found it rather ironic that ijustneedone was cussing at someone who said he was ugly and that he had the idea that single moms were fat and lazy and looking for a man to take care of her and her child. ---- whilst I do agree some do exist that fit that idea, my point is not all of them do. but to each is own
 geosmudge

Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 106
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 11:47:27 AM
Hi iv read a few of these reply's now im a single mum and have found it hard too meet guys, im not looking for a father for my son.

Now since having my son iv put myself through college so he can have a better life , i also work so i support my own son.

Im not looking for a marrage proposal or anything like that is it wrong to want a decent guy to be with.

Us single mums are human beings, We might have a wee bit more baggage and when a date a guy i dont introduce them to my child, because as i said im not looking for a father...
 TheArmyLife

Joined: 10/17/2008
Msg: 107
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 12:59:30 PM

Still never said it didn't. So you are arguing a mute point.


Irony at it's finest.
 ijustneedone

Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 108
Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 1:04:41 PM
One Shot, I understand what you're saying, & I'm not bitter & angry at single mothers; I simply don't want to fall into that situation. It occurs to me that some of those women with shtty mindsets have very likely run off the first man who was responsible for the kids &, having experienced divorce court when I filed against my wife at the time, men get trashed & ruined--good men.

Many women put THEMSELVES into these situations & I have no sympathy or use for them. They're damaged goods, at best.

Now, my sisters have been married a long time & their kids are doing just fine, I am very protective of where I put my cack so as not to wind up in the situation that, frankly, stupid men do. I realize that some people become single parents because of untimely death & if there was one or at most two very young children [i.e. not older than 2 yrs] I would consider that situation. But this society treats men as dull imbeciles & we even make comedy shows about it. Comedis shows about stupid women would be lambasted as mysognystic & worse. The idea that a lot of us have is not founded in bullsh*t.

I will consider your words & leave it there. Okay? ronnie
 kee08

Joined: 5/28/2009
Msg: 109
Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 1:17:49 PM
i completly agree with u it is soooo hard to find some one that is willing to accept the fact that i have a baby im 19 about to be 20 and i have an almost 6 month old son but for some reason guys think im easy or desperate like i was abused by my childs father which taught me alot about a guys personality ... and my gut feeling on things... i should have left i knew something was going on but i didnt listen... now that im out of that relationship im so happy but anymore when i talk to or meet guys my gut feelin comes back with a bad feeling like this aint going no where he only wants one thing like i have a huge heart im a great person down to earth and fun i dont want a daddy for my baby if its come down to a guy accepting my son as his own id be thrilled but im not looking for that im looking for acceptance of my son as a person like we come as a package aint no guy guna disrespect my son or not acknowledge his prescense u know what i mean but for some reason i cant find a guy who has his shit together whos fun hott and sweet no one wants me bc i have a baby???? bc im the one raising him his father left with some tramp so like whos the responsible independent person here??
i completly agree tho its so hard to find the whole package u know
 one shot at life

Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 110
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 1:19:17 PM
Thank you ronnie,

I appreciate what you are saying. However, I get the feeling that most men who feel a certain way about single moms (we are out for your money or we got pregnant in high school) will not take the time to get to know us and each case is different. Where I messed up is when I believed my husband when he told me he wanted kids and wanted to try to get me pregnant. So, based on the stance that men dont want to date single moms because we are fat and lazy and out for your money, i could very easily take the stance that all guys are liars and not to be trusted. However, I know not all men are like my ex husband.

EDIT: I will add that I remember being 20 and in search for "the one". I lost alot of valuable time searching instead of just going out and having fun. I met my ex when I was 22 and we were together for 3 years before I got pregnant. I am 33 now. And my mentality is soo much different. I no longer am searching for "the one". I am perfectly happy being single. I dont need a man to complete me, which is what I think alot of these young, 20 something girls think (that they need a man to complete them). I may be wrong, but I dont think I am.
 TAKEN fab-mom

Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 111
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:22:25 PM

Still never said it didn't. So you are arguing a mute point.


Irony at it's finest.


Tehehe
 TAKEN fab-mom

Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 112
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:30:57 PM
What the hell is a cack ijustneedone?

Using context clues I am assuming you mean penis but have never in my life heard that term. And I've heard a lot of them.

Anyways, your choice to not date single mothers is your choice. And no one is trying to convince you to come over to the "I date single mothers" side. TRUST ME. Stay where you are...really...we will be ok.

But seriously, the name calling and senseless labeling is uncalled for and rude.
 futureshock

Joined: 5/8/2009
Msg: 113
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:42:17 PM


Still never said it didn't. So you are arguing a mute point.



Irony at it's finest.


LOL!!! That is too funny.
 heterotic

Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 114
Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 3:00:03 PM


Still never said it didn't. So you are arguing a mute point.


Do you mean a moot point?

"No, it's like a cow's opinion. It's moo."
 ijustneedone

Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 115
Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 4:31:51 PM
"Stay where you are...really...we will be ok."

Does that, then, include being snide?

Yeah, you're brilliant. Cack is indeed, a penis, but this computer amputates my freedom of speech and I cannot spell out"C O C K" & yes the Hell people ARE trying to convince me. I get messages about it & it's aggravating that there seems to be more messages from single moms then just plain single women. I wish you could screen for those. But you go on, ahead, you've got an answer for everything & I'm just in awe.


One Shot,
ye know, in retrospect, my initial posting on this thread WAS over the top. The obnoxious Canuck & the shooting star I've quoted above can both go to Hell, far as I'm concerned, but I was definitely pretty obnoxious myself. You're right--fcked up people are fcked up people & not everybody fits that bill; I gotta work on that. r
 Sun Leo

Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 116
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 4:40:43 PM
so women how say there not looking for a guy to take care of there kids are not looking for LTR gets STR or FWB. because it seem by asking LTR you are asking him to do it. so i may be wrong but the guy may think you saying i not looking for a guy to take care of my kid that the relationship is just a fling.
 James McCabe

Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 117
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 4:51:32 PM
well look no further my dear my name is james and i am a strong supporter of the single mother movement , iv dated alot of women with kids and even though none of them have worked out it was never because of the child , actually i kinda prefer dateing women with kids because i have a really busy work scedual and girls with kids usally do to so they dont get pissed when i cant make a date or some shit. anyways mesg me back if u want to know more...l
 76shan

Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 118
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 5:41:35 PM
I'm sick of it being assumed I "chose"to be a single mother. One month after I turned 30, my husband went to bed and didn't wake up. I was left to raise our daughter who had not yet turned 2 on my own. If you think guys run when you say you are a single mum, you should see their faces when you say you are a widow at my age. I'm now 33 and have only met 1 guy who interested me. He turned out to be a compulsive liar who made up an ex wife and kids, with names and pics, said he had an identical twin brother when he doesnt and the list goes on. My life has been turned upside down and I'd give anything to have my husband back. Game playing men target single mums.
 76shan

Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 119
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 5:54:15 PM
I am not a fan of the single mother term and i didnt choose to be one. I had just turned 30 when my husband went to bed and never woke up, leaving me to raise our 2 year old on my own. Not how i planned things, but you just have to get on with it. If you think guys flee when you say you are a single mum, you should see how fast they bolt when you say you are a 33 yr old widow.

The only guy I have met was a compulsive liar and unfortunately lives in the house that backs onto mine with his mother! I cant afford to move, so i have to put up with him watching our every move if we go in the yard.

There are alot of guys who use single mums for sex, but I'm positive that one day I will find another awesome guy who will love my daughter and maybe be interested in having a child of our own.

Putting all guys into the same category is the same as us saying that they all think single mothers are looking for a breadwinner. I can take care of us, and i even mow my own grass now! Not that i couldnt before, but my husband liked to do the lawn so i let him. I just want someone to love again and be loved by. Eventually i will. And im gunna have fun looking.
 futureshock

Joined: 5/8/2009
Msg: 120
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 6:02:09 PM

I'm sick of it being assumed I "chose"to be a single mother.

Who assumes you chose to be a single mother?


I am not a fan of the single mother term and i didnt choose to be one.


Well, you are actually a widow, not a single mother, although I can see how some could apply both terms to your situation.
 TAKEN fab-mom

Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 121
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 6:52:48 PM

so women how say there not looking for a guy to take care of there kids are not looking for LTR gets STR or FWB. because it seem by asking LTR you are asking him to do it. so i may be wrong but the guy may think you saying i not looking for a guy to take care of my kid that the relationship is just a fling.


Now this I can agree with! Every time I read someone posting that I have to wonder just what they are looking for. If you end up in a LTR then the SO will be a part of the child's life and be a part of raising the child.
 jellybean1085

Joined: 3/14/2009
Msg: 122
Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 7:20:48 PM
You have no idea what you are talking about...

1. The fear of extra cost or that you are looking to rope down some poor sucker into taking care of you and your kids.
---A good women can take care of her own responsibilities and not look for someone else out there to do it for them. I am a single mother and I bust my ass to make sure that my daughter and I have what we need and want... No need to have a man around for financial security.

2. The guy is always going to be a second class citizen when it comes to getting your attention. Yes, most men are in fact big babys.
---- You are right... the children or child should always come first but a great couple will compromise and make time for each other as well.

3. Sex......... its just not going to happen that often.
---I think this one is also crap, in a relationship with or without children there should be sex and if there is not then you have problems and should not be together. Sex is a HUGE part of a relationship.

4. Did I mention a fear of commitment? Even if I hinted at it in point 1 let me reiterate. We know you are looking for something seriously long term. And it scares the hell out of us. Even if you aren't looking for something serious, we still know it. Just like that one guy in front of the liquor wearing an aluminum foil hat, holding a big antenna made out of clothes hangers "knows" aliens exist. I know its not rational...... But your not going to change it.
--- This one I can almost agree on...

5. Did I mention sex? Oh I did? I'll say it again. Some is better than none isn't exactly as true as a lot of women seem to think it is. While I'm going through a dry spell my sex drive tends to go down in response, but when I have it available to me it tends to go into overdrive. This might need some explaining.
----- READ 3.

6. Babies daddy drama.
---- Not all have this problem... I get rid of my daughters father and I am not looking for another... I want a man for me and not her.

EDIT: 7. The fear of child support. Should the relationship last long enough for YOUR child to look at us as a father figure and the relationship end. You can take us to court and make us pay you money for YOUR child. This fear varies based on where you live and the laws. I feel sorry for any good honest single parent in Canada trying to get a date........
----I don't know for sure about anywhere else but in Texas unless the child is yours or you have adopted the child then you are not going to have to pay child support.





 J BREEZY

Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 123
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 7:32:07 PM
Ill be honest, Im a single father of 1 son and I actually prefer if the woman has children. Not 5, but 1 or 2. Its shows responsibility on the womans part which I admire, me being a single parent I had to do it by myself as well. Now the 1 guy had a couple of points, such as not getting attention. Kids see the new guy and they are like, "mommy is mine!" And thats just a normal reaction. 1 total instant turn off is a woman who will not discipline her bad ass kids. I have been in that situation where they wont do it, they see how well behaved my son is, so they ask me to get on to their kids.. I wont do this. As soon as you discipline them, you are the bad guy to the kids and they are all cryin and then they run to mommy and she gets mad too. The man loses every time on that one lol!
 futureshock

Joined: 5/8/2009
Msg: 124
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 7:35:42 PM

-I don't know for sure about anywhere else but in Texas unless the child is yours or you have adopted the child then you are not going to have to pay child support.


Yes, it can happen anywhere in the U.S.






Analysis

Under section 160.631 of the Texas Family Code, a man excluded as the father of a child by genetic testing shall be adjudicated as not being the father of the child unless the results of other genetic testing are admitted to rebut the results of the genetic testing. Tex. Fam. Code Ann. § 160.631(d) (Vernon 2002). Here, the trial court correctly found that Knox was not K.R.K.'s biological parent.

In an attempt to establish paternity in spite of the trial court's finding that he was not K.R.K.'s biological father, Knox relied on the common law doctrine of estoppel. Estoppel in paternity actions is "the legal determination that because of a person's conduct, that person will not be permitted to litigate parentage." In re Shockley, 123 S.W.3d 642, 651 (Tex. App.--El Paso 2003, no pet.); see also Hausman v. Hausman, 199 S.W.3d 38, 41 (Tex. App.--San Antonio 2006, no pet.). In order to succeed on this claim, Knox had to establish that a parent-child relationship between K.R.K. and himself was in K.R.K.'s best interest and that the elements of common law equitable estoppel were met. Hausman, 199 S.W.2d at 42; Shockley, 123 S.W.3d at 652.

The application of the doctrine of estoppel in paternity actions is designed to achieve fairness as between the parents by holding them to their prior course of conduct regarding the paternity of the child. Shockley, 123 S.W.3d at 651-52; see also Hausman, 199 S.W.3d at 42. It is based on the public policy that children should be secure in knowing who their parents are so that they will be secure from the potentially damaging trauma that may come from being told that a father the child has known all her life is not her father. Shockley, 123 S.W.3d at 652; see also Hausman, 199 S.W.3d at 42. Thus, courts are most inclined to impose equitable estoppel to protect the status of a child in a "recognized and operative parent-child relationship." Shockley, 123 S.W.3d at 652. Each such case must be determined on its own facts with the child's best interest being "of paramount concern." Shockley, 123 S.W.3d at 652-53; see also Hausman, 199 S.W.3d at 42; Tex. Fam. Code Ann. § 153.001(a)(1) (Vernon 2002) ("The public policy of this state is to assure that children will have frequent and continuing contact with parents who have shown the ability to act in the best interest of the child. . . .").

We therefore consider whether Knox bore his burden of establishing (1) that Stamper was equitably estopped from denying his paternity and (2) that it was in K.R.K.'s best interest that he be declared her father even though it had been conclusively established that he was not K.R.K.'s biological father.

Equitable Estoppel

To establish the elements of equitable estoppel, a person seeking to prohibit another from litigating parentage must prove that (1) there was a false representation or concealment of material facts; (2) made with knowledge, actual or constructive, of those facts; (3) to a party without knowledge, or the means of knowledge, of those facts; (4) with the intention that it be acted upon; and (5) the party to whom it was made must have relied on the misrepresentation to his prejudice. Hausman, 199 S.W.3d at 43 (citing Shockley, 123 S.W.3d at 653).

To prevail on his equitable estoppel defense, Knox first had to show that Stamper deliberately misled him regarding K.R.K.'s paternity with the intention that he act on her misrepresentation. The trial court heard evidence that Stamper had a sexual relationship with both Knox and Taylor at the time K.R.K. was conceived. Although Stamper and Taylor both noticed the resemblance between K.R.K. and Taylor's son from another relationship, Stamper, Knox, and Taylor all testified that they believed K.R.K. to be Knox's child until the time Knox petitioned for divorce and had genetic testing conducted. Thus, Knox has presented no evidence to support an affirmative finding on any of the first three elements of estoppel. See Hausman, 199 S.W.3d at 43 (citing Shockley, 123 S.W.3d at 653).

Nor is there any evidence that Stamper intended to deceive Knox into believing that K.R.K. was his child to Knox's prejudice. We have found no evidence that Stamper encouraged Knox to participate in K.R.K.'s life or otherwise led him to rely on the mistaken view that he was K.R.K.'s father. Cf. Shockley, 123 S.W.3d at 653 (citing the elements of equitable estoppel). To the contrary, there is substantial evidence of Stamper's attempts to protect K.R.K. from any participation by Knox in her life, including moving from Galveston County with K.R.K., obtaining a restraining order in the Houston court against Knox's having any contact with K.R.K. which is to remain in effect until 2009, and vigorously pursuing legal efforts to have Knox declared not to be the father of K.R.K. on biological or equitable estoppel grounds.

We hold that Knox failed to bear his burden of proving the elements of equitable estoppel.

http://www.1stcoa.courts.state.tx.us/opinions/HTMLOpinion.asp?OpinionID=85253
 kathrynbk

Joined: 6/16/2009
Msg: 125
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Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?
Posted: 6/24/2009 11:44:27 PM
It's ironic because a man helped bring my son into the world and now I can't find one because of him.
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