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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:21:28 PM | Well, I feel like the reason why everyone is up in arms about what marriage is about is because this isn't the 50's anymore nor the loving 60's. Society as a whole is degenerating and so is parenting and the resulting kids. Christianity is in a decline. Marriage originated from it or at least I thought. But I bet a big chunk of at least one of the parties in divorce aren't all that into church, etc.
My interpretation of marriage was meant to symbolize two people joining into one. But most people these days are selfish and only care about what they want, not so much the desires of their spouse. If we stopped worrying about our own wants so much and comunicate better when our needs aren't being met (which the other party should definitely listen to, its part of being a spouse after all). Isn't that what marriage is all about, having someone care for you and you for him/her, two people into one?
Obviously too many people's minds are worlds apart to EVER become one. No wonder divorce rate is so high. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/30/2009 12:17:40 AM | | ^^^^ You think we are less religious than the 50's? The Liberal 50's? The only thing that kept marriages together then were society frowned upon divorce and the woman basically carried the stamp on her forehead that said "DIVORCEE". It was also acceptable for a husband to hit his wife in those decades. Religion in the USA has been on the rise and the USA is the second most religious country in the west (Ireland is more religious) and still high even after you throw Asia in the loop. I don't think women would want to go back to those days of being barefoot and pregnant and keeping quiet. I wouldn't want that for my sisters or nieces. Maybe your correlation is wrong... the more religious the greater number of divorces? Hmmm, it fits the studies. But, probably not the reason. I haven't read about whether religion is on the decline in the last two years, but it would figure in well with the conservative movement as it did the conservative movement that ended in the early 50's. When you mix religion with greed, pompiety, corruption you are bound to create a society with problems and a lot of stress. If Europe is considered so liberal, why do marriages have a much greater degree of success there? You have countries and billions of non-Christians that have a much greater degree of success at marriage too! I don't think the lack of Christianity has to do with the problem, but rather our culture and society (morals, ethics, fundamental values that should be taught by parents and society, but instead, give the kid a game so he/she won't bother you) . There are a lot of reasons for failure, it's not a one fits all formula!!! | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/30/2009 2:40:15 AM | ^^^ I won't claim to have the end-all answer or I wouldn't be here, that much is obvious. I don't think we're less religious, just more lazy about our relationships. I was simply refering to Christianity as a tool for a better marriage. It can work if you're into that kind of thing. Whether we as a nation chose to use *any* tools properly is entirely a different matter. We need tools to remain civilized, so that we may reflect back in time, like the 50s. Maybe I'm just old fashioned in that I feel that divorce should be something to be avoided instead of "a way out" hence it served well when it was taboo, it forced a higher percentage of people to work things through. Today divorce is just no big deal, half the people are doing it.
So why even marry if it doesn't matter to half of us?
It could very well be our culture and society simply is not improving in this area. What should we do to improve? Would the biggest improvement come from being more attentive to our kid's development? | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/30/2009 7:05:18 AM | | Me no, I'm not ruling it out but I have absolutely no plans to get married again. I would remain faithful and shack up with a gal but I think it would hard pressed to get me to marry. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/30/2009 9:51:20 AM | I am interested in marriage, but not in the first 5 minutes of a relationship.
For example, a lady that I met on here told me that she had plans for me to move into her house in 9 months and she was planning on getting married within a year. She had me getting a reversal of my vasectomy and having a baby with her. I have been out with this lady about 8 times. I told her that I was no longer interested in continuing the relationship.
If I find the right lady and we get along well and have the same "goals" in the long run, then I will definitely entertain the marriage idea. I am just not going to rush into it though. I was married for 10 years and liked many facets of my marriage. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/30/2009 11:33:32 AM | Marriage, at my point in life, if it were to happen, would be an emotional response to someone uniquely special, and well into a great relationship that has grown over a considerable length of time. Marriage, in concept, does not appeal to me on the level of logic, and since I am not in a great relationship of long standing, it makes no sense.
Earlier in life, I think marriage can be a logical decision. It provides the framework for a family for the raising of children. It's why I married, when I did, and why it stayed together for 20 years.
So, for the OP, with a small child, perhaps it is a "sensible" goal for her, but a man, prior to meeting her, falling in love, and having those emotions, if asked upfront about marriage, would reasonably say "no". Once he falls in love with her, knowing what it means to her, might lead to him wanting to marry her, especially if he wants to have children with her.
For people to just want to get married, equating it with "committment" or "long term", I think they are reversing cause and effect. In our time and culture marriage doesn't "guarantee" anything, if the relationship isn't good. It comes as an outgrowth of a good relationship. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/30/2009 12:11:00 PM | I see so much negativity about marriage. I don't think it is wrong to emphasis that you may want a long term, but after the first and sometimes the second date there is no magic as someone is more interested in another person he has been dating. Then there you are as it is trial and error. I've had a few dates on here, but for whatever reason it didn't continue as I feel the two men were not right for me. One didn't want to follow a plan we had made on the first date. Then after the second date he wasn't interested because of baggage I believe he had left over. The other one was changing jobs and believe he was testing the water.
I still think marriage can be good if two people work at it. I would like to meet a caring, respectful, christian type male myself, but so far have passed up a chance many years ago of getting someone like this as I had baggage to deal with and he got away. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/30/2009 12:35:09 PM | OP: I have to say the reality is if a guy's profile says he's looking for Long Term, he may be thinking of marriage...EVENTUALLY. To bring up marriage in the initial contact with someone is, and I apologize if this offends you, desperate sounding. I agree with the guys that said it seems like a woman is willing for the groom to be just anyone when marriage is brought up early on in the communication.
Start by getting to know someone - their interests, goals, etc - then, as a natural part of the getting to know you process it will come out what the man is looking for in a woman (i.e. casual dating, long term, friendship). In my experience, everyone is looking to find the right person, it's just a question of timing. Marriage is too big a step to be discussed early on in the communication stages and should come up if a relationship progresses naturally to that point - way down the road from the first communications with someone. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/30/2009 12:59:21 PM | Sagman, your memory of your deceased wife is frozen at the age she died. she too would have read the magazines and you both would have grown. how you would handle the bad times, you will never know. i would hope you would not have said: "nfw". because in and of itself, you've just put out a stop sign to any good women reading this thread.
as usual, ren has a good point! i do hope you find her ren. i work on my new relationship and take it in, one day at at time. that plus "yfw" is all a person can hope for.  do not confuse hope with addiction. do not confuse the wrapping with the gift.
re the fears of loss of sexuality: i suppose plumbing does rear it's ugly head here and there. a lot is doable, including hormone therapy for men, as well as women . "sensuality" is not something you lose though. many very elderly couples walk along with their walkers, et al. but still hold hands every chance that they get!
love is love. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/30/2009 1:03:13 PM | | Lineitup... I agree, we have become too lazy to maintain our relationships. Humans have a knack to do the easiest thing that waste the least amount of energy. It's our weakness (and a strength) for being an intelligent species. Today we treat marriage like a high school relationship. I think you're on the money when it comes to being more attentive to our children's development, the future is, afterall, in their hands. Personally, I also think our failing economy is secretly a good thing for many reasons, one of those being humility. I think we need to remember that it isn't the material things that makes us human and to show us what a great marriage we have. These tough times are showing a different face for a lot of marriages. Another benefit is parents spending more time with their kids. I think this is more of what you probably had in mind about the 50's, a return to family values. I agree that divorce should be avoided and used only as a last resort. Americans are too quick to throw in the towel. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/30/2009 3:56:06 PM | | ^^^^ Really sorry about your loss and it's very sad that you and your children were witnesses to it as well. I wish it was different for you, I really do! I personally don't think you're over your deceased wife. It's sounds more like you compare every woman to her and get upset they are not like her. I don't think there will ever be a woman that can fill your wife's shoes, every woman is different. I can't say dating has been 100% great, but I can say I have met some pretty fabulous women. I like that they are so different from each other and from the way us men think. Being negative or sour only turns people off and people who are negative only see they negative side of people. We're not perfect, we have our flaws. I don't know why you'd expect a good woman to contact you, why can't you try to contact them? I think your smart for recognizing you're not ready for marriage, but don't give up and try to enjoy dating a little more. Use it to do, see, try or taste things you've never had a chance to before. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 6/30/2009 10:12:44 PM |
I have been on this site for some time and have not come across anyone interested in marriage. I was wondering is there any man really looking for that?
LOL. I'm pretty straightforward in my profile about wanting to get married. So, yes! In fact, I plan on going to the Philippines every year until I find the right woman to marry, I have had no luck here in the states finding a wife so I figure I'll look overseas. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/1/2009 3:08:19 AM | Over 30 more & mroe men are starting to think like women....
Stereotypiying single women 29-34 are looking for that settl-down-nest-marriage- feeling-
~sc~ | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/1/2009 7:37:14 AM |
I have been on this site for some time and have not come across anyone interested in marriage. I was wondering is there any man really looking for that? I have indicated to them that is what I wanted and it usually scared them away. I don't understand why that is so scary.
So, could I get any ideas as to how to approach the subject without causing them to run? It would be much appreciated. I am sure there a few people on here that are looking for the same things I am . I just haven't come across any.
Thanks for your help everyone:)
best not to ask if you don't like disappointments | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:43:32 AM | I thought I'd never say it, but yeah... I feel ready for marriage 
My "baby" sister just had her first child (first grandchild for my mother) and it's got me thinking about a lot of things. Marriage, kids, life, love etc.
And I guess at age 36 I'm beginning to hear the calling of my own biological clock. Oh I have no intension of rushing into anything, but it is my hope that the next woman I meet will be the one I will spend the rest of my life with.
Not sure if it's true or not (but I suspect that it is), but apparently, people that marry later on in Life (say in their 30s), tend to have longer lasting marriages / relationships. So perhaps a little wisdom between similar aged couples can make a vital difference in a marriage.
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:19:38 PM | | If they mention marriage flat out on their profiles, I would be worried. It is such a huge step and very dependant on whom you meet and how you get along for a long time. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:58:26 PM | | SagMan4U... Glad to hear you're not giving up. I still think you sound a little negative, so I thought I'd see if your profile was too. Sorry, a man checking out a man's profile... so not me! But, I got curious... shoot me. Anyway, Maybe it's just the way you're coming off in this post, your profile isn't too bad and has a lot of posivites. I did notice you are in sales, which got me thinking about what you said about not sugar coating things... My guess is you put a positive spin on what you sell. And, dude, your a freakin grizzly! You should've called yourself the Iron Giant! I think the Jets can use some help there. Did you play college football at one time? Are you a vet? I noticed the US flag on your lapel. I am a vet, Army, so I notice those things. I also have to agree [from your profile] about women that contact us when they are much larger and obviously never exercised. I don't know why, but I get a lot of large women contacting me and then getting upset when I don't write them back. Block! But, I never had hairy chested woman contact me. Maybe you just have better luck than I do? lol Also, I think people on this website are more into the socializing aspect of it. I've had better luck with dating and having girlfriends from other sites, especially on a pay site. Here, it seems, people are more into endless texts, IMs, emails and occassionally phone calls, but rarely a meet up. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:40:02 PM | Ultimately, YES.
A marriage is a legal binding civil contract that helps a couple stay together -- or else a lot of pain will happen. It's meant to be that way.
You don't need Attraction, Love, Friendship, or even comprehensive knowlege about your partner for marraige to be successful. Sometimes the worst marriages last forever. Sometimes the best marriages fall apart - and it's a shock.
The benefits of being married far outweigh the risks. Health Insurance, keeping a house, getting through illnesses and injury, raising a family -- it all turns out better if one is married.
Stay focused on those reasons and you will see there's more risk to being single. On top of that, there's someone else who is now at risk by your absence.
Of course, everyone has a right to their opinion, and this is mine.
My last marriage is over and I'm filing papers for all the hurt my wife has done to me in the last ten years for wrecking our marriage, sleeping around with everybody but me, sucking up my workplace health insurance, dragging me repeatedly into courtrooms, and ultimately being a major part in our only child's death. For God's sake, we are still married and she's hugging her boyfriend at my daughter's funeral. Essentially, I was married, and she wasn't. There's nothing left. It's over.
But I still believe in marriage. I will do it all over again.
Start with flowers and a smile... | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/1/2009 7:49:26 PM | If people actually got married for love then divorce would not exist
Nothing could be further from the truth. The problem is love alone does not make a marriage work. All sorts of forces can shape a marriage and throw hurdles into your path. If you haven't found a person whose values and view of the world matches your own, all the love in the world won't save it. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:21:58 PM | Talldarkpasionate said
Nothing to do with language ability, its just that marriage is a traditional institution, and men are looking for women who will fill the traditional role of wife if he is going to fill the traditional role of husband. Foreign women tend to be more traditional and thus better suited for the role of wife. American (English/Canadian/Australian/etc.) women tend to be less traditional and more modern, and therefore are better suited for a more modern type of relationship (non-committed cohabitation, casual dating, fwb, fb, etc.)
AMEN!! Dang, I cant agree more with every single of TalldarkPassionate's points!! But especially the foreign point. I get flamed for drumming down the AMerican/Western lady, but as I said in my previous posts , that is not my intention as much as simply pointing out what the real differences are between American and foreign influenced/raised ladies. I continue to find other men like Talldarkpasionate who agree!! I wonder if Western ladies are getting this point or not!! I dont know if they are. Again, disclaimer...I know not all are that way, but talking in generalities only
Along this same lines of what talldarkpasionate said, Ill add to it by quoting other people's quotes from other forums I peruse
It is less common to find an American woman who is interested in having a permanent marriage and family including a Husband. One easy way to see this is to look at ANY publication containing "personals" ads. The women want someone who looks a certain way, and who has certain "social skills" such as dancing or clever conversation, someone who is interesting and exciting and seductive. Now go to any foreign influenced dating site and look at what the girls say they want. It’s all pretty simple, really. Over and over they state that they are happy to settledown FOREVER with a MAN who is willing to try to hold down a steady job and be a loving and understanding husband and father. This will get you exactly NOWHERE with an American girl!!!!!”
or
Loves when it is convenient, I like that statement about some American girls. I don't hate American women, find them very attractive (assuming their butt isn't as wide as they are tall) but often their priorities don't have a relationship at the top of their list. I like an independent woman, in fact that is what I desire to find, but independence does not translate to "love when convenient." If you are in a relationship with me, it must be your TOP priority, like it will be my TOP priority. So, maybe that's why I have sought out a filipina soulmate. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:41:10 PM | Because in the last 5 years between the women I've dated, read forums on dating sites like this one, read "women's magizines to stay "in tune" with todays's woman....I would diffently say NFW. Why?
Now 17 years later, god knows how many "girlfriends" later, with the way most women think today and act, there is NFW I would get married ever again.
It would have to be someone who could speak, write, feel, communicate, love unconditionally, be romantic and passionate without the scars and baggage from the past "ex".
So to answer your question, I would have to say N.F.W. Unfortunately, MY DREAMS and GOALS are slowly but surely fading away.....Partially because of today's women and in part because of WHAT kind of woman I'm looking for. And the kind I'm looking for DOES NOT EXIST ANYMORE. I thought it did, but I was wrong. With all due respects, THEY(women) have absolutely NO IDEA what they want. They say they do on here, but when it comes time to "pony up" they give some lame bull*hit excuse.
Sagman4u,
First of all, I admire and respect your strightforwardness. I dont think its being negative at all. Furthermore, Im not assuming you would agree with what I post , but I just felt compelled to say something (tried to PM you instead of replying here in the forum but it wouldnt let me, apparently I get automated message saying Im out of your age range , LOL!!) I want to be straight with you. I feel your pain! I feel 100% the same way!!! Man, its like Im hearing myself talk!! Ya know, I dont know what i'd do without the hope of meeting a foreign cultured lady here in the US, or without my plans to keep traveling to the Philippines to meet ladies from sites like cherryblossoms. Sure, many people try to make fun of the idea by calling it "mail order bride" or whatever but in reality, you are chatting girls same way you meet girls on american dating sites. I dont care what people call it, Im meeting the quality of woman I desire, woman who are SERIOUS and who give 100% in a relationship without the mental hang ups and baggage you describe . Your thoughts mirror mine 100%.
My point is that Foreign ladies are more like what you describe you cant find here. And even up to age 40, most still havent had kids or X's. One guy put it best when he says
In general, American women just don't respect or appreciate men, and will leave their men at the drop of a hat. They expect perfection from their men, while they don't hold themselves to any standards. They want their men to be successful, yet don't do anything to contribute to that success. Filipinas and latinas are the exact opposite of American women.
You are a straight up good guy! Maybe foreign ladies are not your thing, but I truly believe they may hold the qualities you are looking for!! Maybe Im wrong, but either way, good luck my friend! You deserve it | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:28:54 AM | One more I forgot to add.
My experience is just that, it is my experience only. Yours will be different.
- I have found Asian women to be collaborative in a relationship versus wanting to run the whole thing from one perspective only.
- They are committed to making a relationship successful over the long term
- They are family oriented, which makes them more caring and nurturing
- A person that has lived or seen poverty up close has developed a sense of value and thrift that helps decision-making in household matters. Less materialistic and they understand the value of a peso/dollar.
- My Joy is quick to say “I love You”, “Thank You”, and show respect very frequently. This warms my heart and makes me more than willing to return my love as well. While my American ex-wife is more inclined to say “What have you done for me today”.
My experience with American women is they want to be the only one in charge and expect the world to revolve around them exclusively. Our American society is promoting overly assertive women that are driven by power and money. This makes a collaborative relationship difficult to exist. Lets hope our daughters are not fans of Nancy Grace on CNN. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/5/2009 8:40:27 AM |
So, could I get any ideas as to how to approach the subject without causing them to run? It would be much appreciated. I am sure there a few people on here that are looking for the same things I am . I just haven't come across any.
Naw, I do not think marriage is offering either gender anything right now, both genders are so self sufficient and self reliant that they really do not need anyone. They often times do not see themselves as one unit, working for one goal.
Now, lets say a bad Alien race showed up and started eating us. You will see people getting hooked up and in marriage all over the place, hoping to live a few more days and work toward a goal, cause they are wondering, can this mate help me find food, and keep those bad Aliens from consuming me, cause now there is a reason to hook up.
Yet right now, people got all kind of time, there is not hurry, all living in their own personal cubicle locking themselves away from the world at night, happy with their own space where they do not have to tolerate people. And if they are really successful they will get a big space like maybe a 3500 sq ft home, and then they can lock the door and be in that one alone as well.
Yep we all live to a thousand years, and we got time to find that right person without that little fault we do not like, no need to be concerned about marriage. So naw, I think marriage is done for a while. Until those bad guys arrive. | |
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