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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:19:38 PM | | If they mention marriage flat out on their profiles, I would be worried. It is such a huge step and very dependant on whom you meet and how you get along for a long time. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:58:26 PM | | SagMan4U... Glad to hear you're not giving up. I still think you sound a little negative, so I thought I'd see if your profile was too. Sorry, a man checking out a man's profile... so not me! But, I got curious... shoot me. Anyway, Maybe it's just the way you're coming off in this post, your profile isn't too bad and has a lot of posivites. I did notice you are in sales, which got me thinking about what you said about not sugar coating things... My guess is you put a positive spin on what you sell. And, dude, your a freakin grizzly! You should've called yourself the Iron Giant! I think the Jets can use some help there. Did you play college football at one time? Are you a vet? I noticed the US flag on your lapel. I am a vet, Army, so I notice those things. I also have to agree [from your profile] about women that contact us when they are much larger and obviously never exercised. I don't know why, but I get a lot of large women contacting me and then getting upset when I don't write them back. Block! But, I never had hairy chested woman contact me. Maybe you just have better luck than I do? lol Also, I think people on this website are more into the socializing aspect of it. I've had better luck with dating and having girlfriends from other sites, especially on a pay site. Here, it seems, people are more into endless texts, IMs, emails and occassionally phone calls, but rarely a meet up. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:40:02 PM | Ultimately, YES.
A marriage is a legal binding civil contract that helps a couple stay together -- or else a lot of pain will happen. It's meant to be that way.
You don't need Attraction, Love, Friendship, or even comprehensive knowlege about your partner for marraige to be successful. Sometimes the worst marriages last forever. Sometimes the best marriages fall apart - and it's a shock.
The benefits of being married far outweigh the risks. Health Insurance, keeping a house, getting through illnesses and injury, raising a family -- it all turns out better if one is married.
Stay focused on those reasons and you will see there's more risk to being single. On top of that, there's someone else who is now at risk by your absence.
Of course, everyone has a right to their opinion, and this is mine.
My last marriage is over and I'm filing papers for all the hurt my wife has done to me in the last ten years for wrecking our marriage, sleeping around with everybody but me, sucking up my workplace health insurance, dragging me repeatedly into courtrooms, and ultimately being a major part in our only child's death. For God's sake, we are still married and she's hugging her boyfriend at my daughter's funeral. Essentially, I was married, and she wasn't. There's nothing left. It's over.
But I still believe in marriage. I will do it all over again.
Start with flowers and a smile... | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/1/2009 7:49:26 PM | If people actually got married for love then divorce would not exist
Nothing could be further from the truth. The problem is love alone does not make a marriage work. All sorts of forces can shape a marriage and throw hurdles into your path. If you haven't found a person whose values and view of the world matches your own, all the love in the world won't save it. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:21:58 PM | Talldarkpasionate said
Nothing to do with language ability, its just that marriage is a traditional institution, and men are looking for women who will fill the traditional role of wife if he is going to fill the traditional role of husband. Foreign women tend to be more traditional and thus better suited for the role of wife. American (English/Canadian/Australian/etc.) women tend to be less traditional and more modern, and therefore are better suited for a more modern type of relationship (non-committed cohabitation, casual dating, fwb, fb, etc.)
AMEN!! Dang, I cant agree more with every single of TalldarkPassionate's points!! But especially the foreign point. I get flamed for drumming down the AMerican/Western lady, but as I said in my previous posts , that is not my intention as much as simply pointing out what the real differences are between American and foreign influenced/raised ladies. I continue to find other men like Talldarkpasionate who agree!! I wonder if Western ladies are getting this point or not!! I dont know if they are. Again, disclaimer...I know not all are that way, but talking in generalities only
Along this same lines of what talldarkpasionate said, Ill add to it by quoting other people's quotes from other forums I peruse
It is less common to find an American woman who is interested in having a permanent marriage and family including a Husband. One easy way to see this is to look at ANY publication containing "personals" ads. The women want someone who looks a certain way, and who has certain "social skills" such as dancing or clever conversation, someone who is interesting and exciting and seductive. Now go to any foreign influenced dating site and look at what the girls say they want. It’s all pretty simple, really. Over and over they state that they are happy to settledown FOREVER with a MAN who is willing to try to hold down a steady job and be a loving and understanding husband and father. This will get you exactly NOWHERE with an American girl!!!!!”
or
Loves when it is convenient, I like that statement about some American girls. I don't hate American women, find them very attractive (assuming their butt isn't as wide as they are tall) but often their priorities don't have a relationship at the top of their list. I like an independent woman, in fact that is what I desire to find, but independence does not translate to "love when convenient." If you are in a relationship with me, it must be your TOP priority, like it will be my TOP priority. So, maybe that's why I have sought out a filipina soulmate. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:41:10 PM | Because in the last 5 years between the women I've dated, read forums on dating sites like this one, read "women's magizines to stay "in tune" with todays's woman....I would diffently say NFW. Why?
Now 17 years later, god knows how many "girlfriends" later, with the way most women think today and act, there is NFW I would get married ever again.
It would have to be someone who could speak, write, feel, communicate, love unconditionally, be romantic and passionate without the scars and baggage from the past "ex".
So to answer your question, I would have to say N.F.W. Unfortunately, MY DREAMS and GOALS are slowly but surely fading away.....Partially because of today's women and in part because of WHAT kind of woman I'm looking for. And the kind I'm looking for DOES NOT EXIST ANYMORE. I thought it did, but I was wrong. With all due respects, THEY(women) have absolutely NO IDEA what they want. They say they do on here, but when it comes time to "pony up" they give some lame bull*hit excuse.
Sagman4u,
First of all, I admire and respect your strightforwardness. I dont think its being negative at all. Furthermore, Im not assuming you would agree with what I post , but I just felt compelled to say something (tried to PM you instead of replying here in the forum but it wouldnt let me, apparently I get automated message saying Im out of your age range , LOL!!) I want to be straight with you. I feel your pain! I feel 100% the same way!!! Man, its like Im hearing myself talk!! Ya know, I dont know what i'd do without the hope of meeting a foreign cultured lady here in the US, or without my plans to keep traveling to the Philippines to meet ladies from sites like cherryblossoms. Sure, many people try to make fun of the idea by calling it "mail order bride" or whatever but in reality, you are chatting girls same way you meet girls on american dating sites. I dont care what people call it, Im meeting the quality of woman I desire, woman who are SERIOUS and who give 100% in a relationship without the mental hang ups and baggage you describe . Your thoughts mirror mine 100%.
My point is that Foreign ladies are more like what you describe you cant find here. And even up to age 40, most still havent had kids or X's. One guy put it best when he says
In general, American women just don't respect or appreciate men, and will leave their men at the drop of a hat. They expect perfection from their men, while they don't hold themselves to any standards. They want their men to be successful, yet don't do anything to contribute to that success. Filipinas and latinas are the exact opposite of American women.
You are a straight up good guy! Maybe foreign ladies are not your thing, but I truly believe they may hold the qualities you are looking for!! Maybe Im wrong, but either way, good luck my friend! You deserve it | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:28:54 AM | One more I forgot to add.
My experience is just that, it is my experience only. Yours will be different.
- I have found Asian women to be collaborative in a relationship versus wanting to run the whole thing from one perspective only.
- They are committed to making a relationship successful over the long term
- They are family oriented, which makes them more caring and nurturing
- A person that has lived or seen poverty up close has developed a sense of value and thrift that helps decision-making in household matters. Less materialistic and they understand the value of a peso/dollar.
- My Joy is quick to say “I love You”, “Thank You”, and show respect very frequently. This warms my heart and makes me more than willing to return my love as well. While my American ex-wife is more inclined to say “What have you done for me today”.
My experience with American women is they want to be the only one in charge and expect the world to revolve around them exclusively. Our American society is promoting overly assertive women that are driven by power and money. This makes a collaborative relationship difficult to exist. Lets hope our daughters are not fans of Nancy Grace on CNN. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/5/2009 8:40:27 AM |
So, could I get any ideas as to how to approach the subject without causing them to run? It would be much appreciated. I am sure there a few people on here that are looking for the same things I am . I just haven't come across any.
Naw, I do not think marriage is offering either gender anything right now, both genders are so self sufficient and self reliant that they really do not need anyone. They often times do not see themselves as one unit, working for one goal.
Now, lets say a bad Alien race showed up and started eating us. You will see people getting hooked up and in marriage all over the place, hoping to live a few more days and work toward a goal, cause they are wondering, can this mate help me find food, and keep those bad Aliens from consuming me, cause now there is a reason to hook up.
Yet right now, people got all kind of time, there is not hurry, all living in their own personal cubicle locking themselves away from the world at night, happy with their own space where they do not have to tolerate people. And if they are really successful they will get a big space like maybe a 3500 sq ft home, and then they can lock the door and be in that one alone as well.
Yep we all live to a thousand years, and we got time to find that right person without that little fault we do not like, no need to be concerned about marriage. So naw, I think marriage is done for a while. Until those bad guys arrive. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/5/2009 8:04:05 PM | The question is how do YOU define 'marriage' ...
1) The Fairy tale wedding : unicorns, girl in white dress , flowers everywhere , stretch limo, tons of people ,
2) a contract binding two people together under 'religious law'
3) a contract binding two people together under 'government law'
I personally am not interested in 1. It costs way too much money for a show-and-tell and up-the-jones event. I'd rather spend the same amount of money for a 2 week getaway to some tropical paradise , and will happily pay for the parents of the bride , and my parents to come over too. Maybe a couple of siblings may be invited too.
Looking at the cost of the 'fanfare' around a wedding these days. 2 weeks in hawaii with 10 people is peanuts...
This is not 'being cheap'. I just don;t get why people s[end all this moneu for a one hour ceremony followed by a reception where everyone gets drunk and then a dinner followed by polite sitting up and shaking hands and nodding and smiling to people of whom 2/3 you don't even know and will probably never see again.
I am not interested in 2 either. But that is a personal preference.
Only 3 would be acceptable and then only for one reason : tax purposes.
If two people really love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together , that ceremony , or piece of paper does not change that. Looking around me i see tons of people who have had the ceremony and piece of paper and it did absolutely nothing. They are back to square one.
I do agree that , when kids start coming into the picture there should be a 'contract'. Two people decide to have a kid. And they should sign to provide for the kid ( BOTH of them ! ). The contract would be there for the protection of the kids. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/6/2009 4:42:43 AM | I am. As a Christian man,I do not have any alternative but to marry if I can find the right woman or she finds me.
Marriage is not scary except for those who are not ready for it. That would be those who are still committed to the idea of playing the field. Even those in committed long term relationships that are not leading to marriage have me wondering if somewhere in the back of their mind or maybe even the front they won't get married because it is a little easier to leave someone they are not married to if they get an itch.
There is no way to approach the subject of marriage to someone without scaring them if marrried is the last thing they would ever want to be. All you can do is be upfront about it and know they are not right for you if they run away.
All you can do is keep looking and hoping on and offline while being upfront about what you want.
I hope that helped. God bless. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/14/2009 12:43:09 PM | As a serious Christian, there are all kinds of reasons for Christian men to seek marriage. But I don't see any reason for a non-religious man to get married. There is no reason to expect good loving Christian behavior from a non-Christian mate.
1. Sex- Single men can get plenty of sex and companionship from single women.
2. Most marriages end in divorce leaving men with child support but limited contact and little to say about how their children are raised.
3. 70% of divorces are filed by wives.
4. Many men report that after marriage, the amount and quality of sex decreases.
Marriage is a big gamble for men; a gamble many are not willing to take.
There is a whole site dedicated to this. NoMarriage.com It advocates marriage minded men to look for non-American women, as its authors consider most American women, selfish, greedly lazy, fat, and bi**hy. Many men would agree. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/14/2009 2:04:46 PM | I am interested in a long-term partner that will work together with me in the relationship and is glad to be there with me throughout the time we're given. Whatever label people want to toss on that is up to them.
People have mentioned that some people seem more preoccupied with the title/wedding than the actual long-term relationship itself. Marriage in this age, with the existence of simple and rapid divorce, holds little weight as the "ultimate commitment" between two people. 
Not to point fingers, but I have to agree that women, more often than men, seem to be guilty of this preoccupation with "locking things in". The sad thing is that this preoccupation often leads to their own detriment, either by marrying the wrong guy, or chasing away the right one simply because he didn't dance in time to HER tune, when they should have been working TOGETHER towards common goals.
I'll leave this post with two excellent movie segments I've seen recently. Both were "chick flicks", primarily marketed at women, yet so few actually seem to get the message, both the female characters AND the female viewers:
1) The Sex and the City Movie - 40 year old Carrie spends the entire movie acting like a marriage-crazed jackanape Bridezilla demanding that her boyfriend finally marry her and stop wasting her time. He, being divorced prior, no longer feels the need to get married, though he's fully willing to do all the civil union contracts to assure her financial security. When she asks him "Don't you WANT to get married?", he replies, "I just want YOU". This eloquent reply goes woefully unheard by her until near the very end of the flick, and after chasing him away finally realizes that she screwed up a great thing and agrees to the voice of reason at a simple civil ceremony with her dearest circle of friends.
2) He's Just Not that Into You - A side story in the movie is the tale of a couple that's been living together for 7 years. She's obsessed with marriage, but he tells her time and again from day ONE that he'll have no part of it as it doesn't mean anything. She persists for 7 years, under the patronizing assumption that one day he'll change, and when it no longer seems likely, she finally issues an ultimatum and then dumps him (coincidentally this is shortly after her younger sister announces her engagement, a delightful play on female competitiveness).
They go their separate ways, and then some hardships befall her and her family is of no help. At the end, guess who swoops in and saves the day because he still truly cares? The "deadbeat" boyfriend that wouldn't marry her. She finally realizes that she too had a good thing, and that her misguided obsession had nearly ruined it. At the end she agrees that he had it right, and it is in that moment that he decides to propose because she finally understands and he wants to make her happy to the fullest on THEIR terms, not just HERS.
Food for thought  | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/14/2009 4:12:30 PM | | There's plenty of men on here that would be open to marriage. You have to remember though there's a ton of men on here that never get a response to their emails so many of the men that would be open to marriage are getting filtered out and not given a chance. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:49:34 PM | I've read the thread as much as I can without saying anything...just feel I need to talk about my experience and where I am in relation to the OP's question.
I'm 36 - and I actually waited til I was 31 to marry. Met a wonderful woman, or so it seemed, and we dated for a while, then were engaged for almost 2 years, then married. It was after the marriage that things fell completely apart. For health reasons (a surgery at 120 days into the marriage) she had to stay with her parents for a time...she got more in-tune with her mom and I believe there was some coersion on mom's part about the relationship. There were then other concerns - not necessary to mention in a public forum - that put extensive strain on the marriage as well. These too happened very quickly, and were not told to me completely up front...some were, some were not. It was the "were not's" that eventually were a key player in doing the marriage in.
In that time of "other concerns" - I gave up many career goals, took a massive paycut to keep a job in the region to keep her with her professionals, and gave up an awful lot of sleep (averaged 2 hours a night) and more phone minutes than I can count (thank God for Verizon's in-network plans! ) to be there for her in her time of need. Once things turned around, and she was doing "better" - we were starting to financially struggle due to these "other issues". By her own assertions she was doing better and could start to help be a part of the equation again, yet every time I turned to her I kept hearing "I can't help", "I don't want to help", "you need to give up more if we hope to make it". It became very self-centered on her as if she was unable to do anything and I had to do it all. I was very much walking alone, even though I was "married". From there it was mom demanding money every 2 weeks from me for the wife's expenses (something I didn't think was unfair but yet not documented and the amounts kept rising mysteriously) and mom and I kept fighting constantly, though I kept trying my darnedest to salvage the marriage. Tried counseling - she wasn't interested, so I went alone. Tried talking to our pastor...he was of little help because she was starting to fight with him over leadership issues in the church. I finally got to a point where I looked up and said "what do I do now?!"
Then the checking account got drained, and I was served with a spousal support lawsuit on top of that. I told her to get her remaining things from the house and told her it was over (we were still living separately).
Point to this long, drawn out post? I trusted her. She told me one set of circumstances but acted in another when it all came down to it. When things got tough, she ran and hid behind her mom's apron. When I needed her to hold up her end of the vows she took, she wasn't interested. Did I make mistakes - you bet your kiester I did. I wasn't unfaithful, but yes I acted a few times alone and did not tell the whole truth to her. But when it all came down, she left me on an island with no support. Now, when I even think about "long-term" or "marriage" commitments, I run the other way.
Women talk about needing to be able to trust...well, we men need the same thing too. And the older we are the more likely we've been burned somewhere along the line to the point that we don't want to be burned again, and marriage seems to be the one thing that opens us up to that bad experience. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:02:44 PM | | I put "I love being married" on my profile once to see if... sure enough some 42 year old automatically thought I was looking to get married. She conveyed a few things to me that threw up some flags but ultimately I had to set her straight that it didn't matter how talented she was (author, composer and quite good save the new age crap) she was not the one. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:26:20 PM | Marriage is a big gamble for men; a gamble many are not willing to take.
There is a whole site dedicated to this. NoMarriage.com It advocates marriage minded men to look for non-American women, as its authors consider most American women, selfish, greedly lazy, fat, and bi**hy. Many men would agree.
WHoaaaa, LOL. How did you know about that website "nomarriage.com"? The link at nomarriage.com that I believe you are referring to is http://www.nomarriage.com/why_foreign_women_are_better.html
I was going to post it here long ago but I thought it would be too controversial. The american ladies (perhaps the board mod too?) wont like it at all. I was always afraid to risk posting it as badly as I wanted to in fear of getting a warning from the moderator. But,.... since you (not me) mentioned it here first....... I guess I wont be the one responsible for that can of worms. LOL. That website as accurate as it is, is going to super heat the Western ladies. But honestly, I TRULY believe they could benefit by reading the points it makes, perhaps increase their self awareness and understanding of what most men are looking for in a woman or wife. I was tempted to repost some of its hilights but I dont want to risk getting banned, so I wont. BUt Im glad you posted it.
Im guessing that Sagman4u can relate. The type of woman he seems to be looking for can only be found overseas. That website is 100% spot on regarding the way it describes the differences between American/Western and foreign ladies. Its why more and more men are going overseas for a wife these days. I feel my only option for a good wife , or th etype I am looking for(as described at that site) is to go overseas. So, I chat up alot of the foreign ladies at various websites seeing who might be a good fit for me. Foreign ladies are serious about settling down, and simply dont have excessive demands and expectations of their men. They accept you for who you are , as you are. They are pleased with whatever lifestyle you can provide as long as you are a hard worker and good husband. With Western ladies, well, its not good enough. If you dont make the $$$, you are SOL and will find yourself in divorce court. Its scary. As one poster said in this thread above, 70% of divorces are filed by woman. Ya know, just the other day, my costa rican co worker said to my buddy "man, a woman from my country or any latin american country , will f'n die with you no matter how tough it gets financially. But in your guy's country, (America)your woman will divorce you in a heart beat when you cant meet her expectations financially, when times get tough".
Based on what I have seen, and especially based on my best friends dad who is a marriage counselor at our church, financial distress causes most divorces and its usally the woman who does the divorcing in those situations. Our woman expect too much, though again, for the 100th time, I know not ALL are like that, but sad to say, MOST are, some more than others. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:38:40 PM | Boy could that open up a can of worms....lol.
I'll say this - I'm as willing as anyone to give any woman a fair chance toward a long-term thing and/or marriage. Just don't pressure me. Take the time to get to know me, take the time for a real, true friendship to develop and a level of trust. Don't start with a preconcieved notion of where you want to end up and force the matter with me to get there just because of what you think.
The institution is far from broken - unfortunately in most cases the people in it are which dooms it from go. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:41:04 PM | | If you are considering taking the plunge and actually getting married, don't make any commitment until you meet her mother. If the mother treats her husband like a servant, is selfish, mean, nasty, is fat and lazy, you should figure that the daughter will be like her. | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/14/2009 11:53:04 PM | but i am also 46 years old and want to marry someone of the same age.
if we dont have a pretty good idea of what we want by now
i dont think it is gonna happen... | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/15/2009 12:11:43 PM | If someone told me they were looking for marriage, I would run as fast as I could.
But if they said they were looking for a relationship that might lead to marriage=great! | |
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| Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 7/15/2009 2:29:08 PM | Someone explicitly looking for marriage is scary. It makes you feel afraid that they might pick you because they are driven to marry not so much finding that great love. I think men are even more sensitive to this. Personally I think the only marriage talk that should be had previous to being extremely serious in your LTR is simply finding out if they would be interested in marriage should they find their great love. As long as you know the guy is interested in that, back off of the topic. In this day and age people are "trying " to get it right, not get married just for the sake of getting married.
And honestly I have to say that nothing seems to make a man want to pin you down to be his one and only more than when you are independent and DON'T give off that I'm looking got get married vibe. | |
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