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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/29/2009 6:14:46 PM | Phan hon, your profile show you are single and have children. Tell me, just how much actual life experience have you had dealing with co-parenting?
Oh and if you truly believe futureshock and I are the same person, by all means, inform the mods....they have ways to confirm if we are or not...... | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/29/2009 6:36:43 PM | Phan, What you are suggesting is easier said then done. Remember custody arangements are court orders. Therefore, they can't be set to the wind. It took two years of intense fighting between my ex and I before we could even sit down with each other to speak. There is more history there but this isn't about me.
Inthesoul: So, a program where you can have a go between might be best. Check with your local Dept. of Social Services. Or exchange at he sherrifs office. I mean you both are hurt, but you have to forgive each other. Trust me, I've been down a simmular road and done things I'm not proud of, but it is about letting go of each other and embracing your child. | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/29/2009 6:41:45 PM | I don't think Phan has any real life experience with coparenting. She sounds incredibly angry and bitter so perhaps she was raised being used as a pawn and now sees every parent having difficulties with the other parent as horrible, rotten parents...... ~shrugs shoulders~
I will have to wait patiently for her return. She does seem to use a lot of "straw men" in her posts eh? ~wonders if I used that in the correct context~...she imagines a lot that isn't there or I am losing my ability to express myself in words, or perhaps being a newbie on these threads, she hasn't figured out to read each post with a healthy dose of skepticism.
In any event, what my children think of me as a Mom is much more important to me than what anyone else thinks of me. They love me, they trust me and my 15 year old comes to me for advice and guidance.....so I guess I'm doing something right ~wink~
Futureshock, do we have m.p.d.? Are we supposed to be aware of each other or is only one supposed to be aware...the dominant one? Been too long since I studied psychology.... Tell you what though, you can be dominant today, I will wait for my turn tomorrow, k? And Cap, he can watch  | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:11:10 PM | gadget,
We do almost all of our exchanges through the daycare (Monday's) . From this point forward except in cases of him agreeing to take her on by behalf, I will be delivering her to him....I can drop and control myself but don't trust him yet to do the same, that trust he will need to earn. I will not be doing mid-week exchanges from his custody to mine except via daycare unless it is an emergency, in which case, I will pick her up from his home. He is not permitted in my home until further notice and not on my property without my permission. I will not be stepping into his home or one his property (my choice, not his insistence). I will not go to his door with our daughter, I will say my goodbyes on the sidewalk and watch over her until he answers his door or ask him to come out to get her.
I have decided not to engage (react when he pushes my buttons). I'll be doing the stop, think and breath before I say anything to him. If he raises his voice to me or is rude to me, I will give him one warning that I'm going to hang up if he does not correct his behaviour towards me. It is undoubtedly my reaction that fuels the fires, so not reacting by engaging in the conflict is paramount at this time.
I am communicating by text and e-mail only when I need to share information or ask questions about her. He refuses to do the same and I cannot force him. As long as he treats me with a degree of respect, I will take his calls on my cell phone. I will not however be willing to discuss history or anything other than our daughter. When he asks me for my opinion, I will simply not give it. When he volunteers his opinions without being asked for them, I will continue to bite my tongue and not say anything (that one I have down-pat).
I will not be contacting our daughter when she is in his custody for any reason. If she wants to speak to me, I have to trust he will dial for her as he done with reasonable consistency.
Setting one's boundaries are easy....getting someone else to respect them is much more time consuming and can be rather emotionally draining at times as well.......
Incidentally, if he chooses to adopt the boundaries I've made for himself to apply to me, I have no issue with it at all......I would embrace them. | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:47:43 PM | From this point He is not permitted in my home until further notice and not on my property without my permission. I will not be stepping into his home or one his property (my choice, not his insistence). I will not go to his door with our daughter, I will say my goodbyes on the sidewalk and watch over her until he answers his door or ask him to come out to get her.
That would drive me nuts too. It is a non verbal that he is less then equal. I would take it as that not even worthy to be in your presence. I doubt this is the intent, but that might be what you're communicating something to think about.
I am communicating by text and e-mail only when I need to share information or ask questions about her. He refuses to do the same and I cannot force him. As long as he treats me with a degree of respect, I will take his calls on my cell phone. I will not however be willing to discuss history or anything other than our daughter. When he asks me for my opinion, I will simply not give it. When he volunteers his opinions without being asked for them, I will continue to bite my tongue and not say anything (that one I have down-pat).
I can't stand texting. Women love it for some reason, it annoys the hell out of me. Email not so, much, but I perfer to have face to face communiation whenever possiable.
When he asks your opinion he is reaching out to you. That is how I frist tried with my ex, though how poorly received and or commuincated. He is interested. If it becomes an arguement, excuse yourself from the topic and change it or leave. Till cooler heads can prevade.
Giving opinions is part of my nature. And, a mistake, I made in the begining...I am less opinionated with her, and only give it when asked. Something I had to learn. I think he will learn too, but be aware of his overtures to you. | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/30/2009 5:05:01 AM | Phan59,
I suggest you get on your 'high horse' and get riding out of town.. You sound like a psychotic patient ranting about imaginary alien life forms trying to abduct you.
To suggest that Itsallinthesoul and Future are the same person is just ludicrous. You obviously have a distorted perceptual ability. Anyone with a stable mind can easily spot the difference between these two woman.
As for all the other garbage you rant about, you obviously can not read very well or have a bad habit of misinterpreting the situation. Possibly why you are single.
I'll give you this much, you've successfully scared off any intelligent single men that happen to read any of your posts.
Keep up the good work, you've nearly reached the 6 foot mark, then you will be able to begin the 'backfill' stage... Then the RIP sign to finish the job.. | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/30/2009 5:59:12 AM |
That would drive me nuts too. It is a non verbal that he is less then equal. I would take it as that not even worthy to be in your presence. I doubt this is the intent, but that might be what you're communicating something to think about.
I'm wondering about this statement. I don't think she's communicating that at all. It might be what he wants to believe so he has one more reason to feel like a victim. The whole "fear" thing... which I'm not buying.
"I was scared that my ex, the police and courts were going to take my kid away that I hit her hard enough to leave bruises and constantly start things up with my ex at her home to exert my percieved lack of power"... bullchit. What kind of a dumbass does things he KNOWS will bring this down on his head if he's scared of it? If your ego is more important than your child, then you are selfish and more concerned about yourself than being a good parent. It's as simple as that.
I don't understand why some people believe that people should put up with certain behaviors from others simply because they share a child. If I break up with someone and he shows up at my house constantly without permission while causing trouble I would call the police, have him removed and let him know in no uncertain terms that charges are going to be laid the next time it happens. I don't see why it should be different if we share a child.
A child is not a "magic ticket" to stick your nose in your ex's life about something that has little to nothing to do with your child. If you're not grown-up to put your child and her development ahead of your own ego, then she's better off without you. | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/30/2009 6:20:32 AM | notatowniegirl,
When you separate with someone and do not have children together, then, there is absolutely no reason why you need to see that person ever again..
When you separate and have children together, then, whether you like it or not, that person is going to be in your life for as long as you have a child together or at least till the child is 18 or older.
As far as everything else you said. If you have any understanding about human emotions and behaviour, you will know that when people get frustrated, angry or feel helpless and in what seems like a powerless situation, then, their behaviour will become irrational. Surely you have been angry at someone and said things you didn't mean..? Well, multiply that feeling by 100 and then you might be able to understand..
I'm assuming that you don't have children of your own? (going by your profile) When you have a child that is made of your own flesh and blood and you begin to feel that someone is going to take that child away from you, then, it can become easy to think and behave in irrational ways. The bond between a parent and child is stronger than anything. It is hard to imagine the feelings, emotions etc that one gets when they have a child. The only way to experience that emotion is to have a child yourself.
The closest thing to that bond would be how you love your own parents.. But, even that is not the same. | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/30/2009 7:04:42 AM | When you have a child that is made of your own flesh and blood and you begin to feel that someone is going to take that child away from you, then, it can become easy to think and behave in irrational ways. The bond between a parent and child is stronger than anything. It is hard to imagine the feelings, emotions etc that one gets when they have a child. The only way to experience that emotion is to have a child yourself.
Isn't that the truth! That was my biggest fear after I had her and he did what I perceived to be a 180 and started making all kinds of demands that he hadn't even brought up during my pregnancy.... I was scared to let him take her without a legal agreement because I had a fear he would keep her from me because of his hatred towards me....was it an irrational fear at the time? Yes, it turned out to be but I only knew that when I took leaps of faith. Was it an unexpected reaction under the particular circumstances I was in....no, but it was something he never could understand. He demands I have an abortion, he tells me more than once that he doesn't want to raise a child with me throughout my pregnancy, what was I supposed to think when things got really ugly between us after I ended our relationship? I think my fear was at that time somewhat understandable, perhaps one might even say rational.
I understand his fears very well because I have felt them myself but I got over my fears. He has done much to destroy my trust. When he does something that encourages my trust, I hold onto that and let go of something else rotten he did. Baby steps.
Sooner or later, people have to make a decision to embrace their fears and stop using them for an excuse to treat someone like crap.
Otis does not know me very well because if he did, he would know that his fears are unfounded. He chooses not to trust me, he chooses to let his fears dictate how he treats me and that is quite frankly not my issue, that is his to deal with. I am a very predictable person, easy as hell to read and very open to telling someone what the deal is at any time. I never blindside anyone...I try very hard to resolve issues before taking it up a notch or walking away. He has no reason to fear me....but I honestly think the person he fears the most is himself. | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/30/2009 7:44:46 AM |
When you separate and have children together, then, whether you like it or not, that person is going to be in your life for as long as you have a child together or at least till the child is 18 or older.
Not my life, my child's life. If he is letting his "fear" cause emotional damage to his child, or prevents me from moving forward in mine out of spite, then he will stay on the fringes based on his own behavior "until that child is 18 or older" and I will do my best to make sure that happens.
I've seen what happens to women who keep giving their exes "chances" to be a good parent and make excuses for them. I will not let that happen to me.
As far as everything else you said. If you have any understanding about human emotions and behaviour, you will know that when people get frustrated, angry or feel helpless and in what seems like a powerless situation, then, their behaviour will become irrational. Surely you have been angry at someone and said things you didn't mean..? Well, multiply that feeling by 100 and then you might be able to understand..
You may want to stop jumping to conclusions. I do, in fact, have extensive understanding of human emotions and behavior. I just think that if those emotions and behavior are doing damage to others, it should be minimized and/or stopped. If you can't control yourself when interacting with the other parent to the point where what you're doing is criminal, then don't whine if that gets you less time with your child, supervised visits, loss of rights, etc.
Personal responsibility.
I'm assuming that you don't have children of your own? (going by your profile) When you have a child that is made of your own flesh and blood and you begin to feel that someone is going to take that child away from you, then, it can become easy to think and behave in irrational ways. The bond between a parent and child is stronger than anything. It is hard to imagine the feelings, emotions etc that one gets when they have a child. The only way to experience that emotion is to have a child yourself.
This time your assumption is right. I don't have children. But I know plenty of people who have children who think no more of them than they do a pet rock. Creating a child does not automatically create deep feelings or common sense in people. If it did, parents would not kill and or abuse their children.You're giving a lot of people way too much credit.
I'm still not buying the "I'm afraid my ex, the police, and child protection services are going to take my daughter so I'm just going to prove them right , hit her, and force myself onto my ex's property to argue with her excuse".
Sometimes, when you're not "rational" you need to step back (forced to if necessary) until you can control yourself. Innocent people shouldn't have to suffer for it. | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/30/2009 7:52:47 AM |
I'm still not buying the "I'm afraid my ex, the police, and child protection services are going to take my daughter so I'm just going to prove them right , hit her, and force myself onto my ex's property to argue with her excuse".
Sometimes, when you're not "rational" you need to step back (forced to if necessary) until you can control yourself. Innocent people shouldn't have to suffer for it.
I do agree...I don't buy it either but I do understand it and therein lies the rub.... | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/30/2009 2:55:43 PM |
I do agree...I don't buy it either but I do understand it and therein lies the rub....
Do you think otis really believes he is acting out of fear, but that in reality it is something else, or do you think otis knows that he is not acting out of fear, and that its just a story.
I just couldn't stay away from these damn forums. Now on top of the counselling I am already doing, I will need to find or start a POF support group for those of us who are POF forum addicts. Hi, I'm allitsinthesoul and I'm powerless over the draw of the POF forums......
lol! Me too!
Hi, I'm futureshock* and I'm powerless over the draw of the POF forums...
*I don't even like the name futureshock. It is my husband's id from a long time ago and I just started using it way back when we first got together. I need a new one....can you change your id on POF?
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/30/2009 3:43:37 PM |
Do you think otis really believes he is acting out of fear, but that in reality it is something else, or do you think otis knows that he is not acting out of fear, and that its just a story.
Honestly, I can go only by what he says...getting inside someone else's head is impossible. He tells me he lives in fear, so I would interpret to mean he acts out of fear and yet when I suggest to him that he is doing that, he vehemently denies it....
~scratches head~
I'm not sure if you can change your nic or not once created....you could go to the forum for help and ask the question. | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/30/2009 3:49:29 PM | I do think that could be part of his motvation, also, that he feels that he was tricked by you. I am sure that his emotions are at best conflicted. You should be open to the peace feelers that he might offering from time to time. I would also suggest going to the door and knocking. Sometimes it takes you taking the first step.
Anyway, about not having the parent in your life. That is true to an extent. My ex doesn't know, all the details of my life. Yet, there are times that my son's life and my life intersect. And vice versa. An example her asking my advice on finding a new home, or me having to purchase a new car. | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/30/2009 5:08:02 PM | Gadget, if he feels tricked, he has no "justifiable" reason to blame me and not share the blame with himself . I was quite clear about my status in terms of being fertile and that I was not on bc, WE chose to have unprotected sex which resulted in my becoming pregnant with his child. He has been given everything he has asked for (except the abortion) since I became pregnant.
I have tried to be the supportive other parent. I've tried to keep the door open to cooperative parenting but he has no respect for me or my boundaries so I have to close that door for now. If at some time in the future, he realizes that I am not his enemy but the mother of his child who wants him in our daughter's life and also wants to share the parenting role with him, I will re-open the door. He must also realize that as her mother, I do have a vested interest in her well-being, as does he and he must conduct himself accordingly. Until that point, I have no intention of leaving myself or either of my children open to having to involve the police to have him removed from my property, only to have it thrown in my face later on. Neither do I intend to open myself up to being verbally attacked for my beliefs because they differ from his with or without either of my children present. | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/30/2009 5:51:20 PM | Gadget, if he feels tricked, he has no "justifiable" reason to blame me and not share the blame with himself . I was quite clear about my status in terms of being fertile and that I was not on bc, WE chose to have unprotected sex which resulted in my becoming pregnant with his child. He has been given everything he has asked for (except the abortion) since I became pregnant.
Wasn't justifying the behavior, just trying to explain it form my point of view and experience.
My ex was both enemy and mom for the longest time. It stopped when we both took the risk to try and trust each other. I have no better way of explaining this. | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/30/2009 6:16:01 PM |
Wasn't justifying the behavior, just trying to explain it form my point of view and experience.
Yes I got that, but I think perhaps he feels justified.....
He was also given the option to walk away and leave her to me to raise without him and he chose to be involved.
In your personal situation, I assume that at some point you realized that you had to stop seeing her as the enemy, right? I assume that you took stock of your own choices and assumed some responsibility for how things were between you two, did you? | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/30/2009 6:32:30 PM | Occasionally I still see her as the enemy. Let's be honest I loved her, and the opposite emotion is hate. I have a different love for her now, that of the mother of my child. I hope that makes sense. However, I just let her be her. Such as her choice on where to live. I disagree with it gave her my opinion. But, she has made the choice and she is going to do no matter what. Even though I am not the only one that tried to explain why it isn't the best choice. Yet, its her's o make. Her LT BF hasn't gotten this about her, and it is driving her nuts. I guess she wanted me to say it's okay, and a good choice. I just knew when to stop, and be as supportive of her as I can.
I didn't take stock so much, I just gotten worn down, that the fight wasn't worth it anymore. I was broke, and tired. I think she was just as worn down. I had to take the first step, and talk to her in an emphathic tone. Wouldn't you know it worked and we had our agreement that afternoon. | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/30/2009 7:59:43 PM | Well Otis never loved me and I didn't love him either but I was starting to develop some feelings for him but I was alone in that...lol. We got pregnant very early on into our "relationship" because we were both idiots. Honestly, I should have walked much sooner because my spidey sense was telling me he was not someone I should get involved with at all but I was lonely and he was a distraction. I was very attracted to what I perceived was his intelligence even though he is the opposite of the "type" I usually am attracted to physically speaking.
Did he think I was trying to trap him? Yes. Was I? No. I would never be with someone because of a child and I have a pattern in my life to prove it. My son's father wanted us to get back together when I found out I was pregnant with our son and I refused. If Otis knew me or took a leap of faith and trusted my words back then, he would not have lived to regret it.
I would be lying if there were times when I wish I could go back in time and do it differently. If I could, I would tell Otis I got the abortion, then terminated all contact and gone it alone. If at some point, he found out I had his child and wanted to meet her, I would have been supportive. I truly think he would be happier if I had taken that route because as much as he loves our daughter, I think he hates being a single father and all that means more. I thought at the time though, I didn't have the right to make his choices for him so I gave him the choices to make. I just didn't realize how much resentment of me would be attached to the choices he made.
I cannot do anything right in terms of helping him move beyond his resentment of me. I am not prepared to pay for OUR idiocy for the rest of my life. I am not prepared to allow anyone to openly disrespect me in my home, on the phone or around either of my children. I wasn't exactly happy as a clam to be pregnant at 37 but I adjusted to the reality and really don't see the benefit to holding onto the past...that ship sailed out of port a long time ago. I have a job to do and that is to be the best parent I can for our daughter and my son, with or without cooperation from Otis.
We actually talked at length for the first time in years about how we both felt during my pregnancy, about the pregnancy and about each other. I don't know if he "gets" what I was going through but I know I understand fully what he was going through. It was nice to hear him actually open up and be honest with me about how he felt.
We also talked about how I felt for the first few months after she was born but he didn't share how he felt. He was here almost everyday as much as he could to be with her but he did very little in terms of being supportive of me during that time. I worked the Friday before I gave birth and was back working 3 days later (self-employed means no mat leave benefits). I was emotionally and physically drained and felt very much like I was an incubator for his child in his eyes, and no more. He didn't care if I was sleeping. He didn't care if I was eating. He didn't care that I was crying (didn't even ask why). He did care that I was struggling with breastfeeding but didn't hear when I told him I was having troubles because I wasn't sleeping enough and wasn't eating well enough because I was working 50 hours a week to ensure I could continue to provide for my family. He didn't care when I told him that I was not bonding with our daughter the way I had with my son and it worried me. He didn't care when I was diagnosed post-partum because he encouraged a friend of his to send me nasty e-mails telling me what a piece of shiat I was as a mother and as a woman (he admitted to sitting beside her while she wrote these e-mails). I had to forward a few to his father in order for them to finally cease.
I told him I know why he acted so insensitively towards me at the time but it still didn't excuse the way he acted.
I have forgiven him for it all because I understand why he acted that way. He has apologized for that but only after his mother kicked him (literally) so that hardly counts as an apology in my books. I have even forgiven him for everything he has done since then because I can understand why he acts the way he does. He might find it easier to forgive me if he could try and put himself in my shoes and see our situation through my eyes. | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/30/2009 8:41:08 PM |
I truly think he would be happier if I had taken that route because as much as he loves our daughter, I think he hates being a single father and all that means more.
Why does he hate it? He could have done everything differently and been happily married to you right now, if you would have said yes, I mean. He chose being a single father, he could have walked. What is it that he hates so much?
We also talked about how I felt for the first few months after she was born but he didn't share how he felt. He was here almost everyday as much as he could to be with her but he did very little in terms of being supportive of me during that time. I worked the Friday before I gave birth and was back working 3 days later (self-employed means no mat leave benefits). I was emotionally and physically drained and felt very much like I was an incubator for his child in his eyes, and no more. He didn't care if I was sleeping. He didn't care if I was eating. He didn't care that I was crying (didn't even ask why). He did care that I was struggling with breastfeeding but didn't hear when I told him I was having troubles because I wasn't sleeping enough and wasn't eating well enough because I was working 50 hours a week to ensure I could continue to provide for my family. He didn't care when I told him that I was not bonding with our daughter the way I had with my son and it worried me. He didn't care when I was diagnosed post-partum because he encouraged a friend of his to send me nasty e-mails telling me what a piece of shiat I was as a mother and as a woman (he admitted to sitting beside her while she wrote these e-mails). I had to forward a few to his father in order for them to finally cease.
Sending nasty emails like that is something a child bully would do. I cannot believe a grown man did tht.
***shakes head***
If he loved his daughter so much, right from birth, how could he not see that the way he treated you was negatively effecting his child? | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/30/2009 8:53:00 PM |
What is it that he hates so much?
Not having a child with a woman he is married to and loves....
He could have done everything differently and been happily married to you right now, if you would have said yes, I mean.
Would not have happened, even if he had asked. I will marry for only one reason.....because I love him and he loves me and we both want to spend the rest of our natural lives together. Knowing his dark side, I can say with all honesty that even if we ended up falling in love and getting married, it would have ended in divorce eventually so I figure, we got lucky there.
If he loved his daughter so much, right from birth, how could he not see that the way he treated you was negatively effecting his child?
I don't know. He often tells me that he doesn't want to do anything to hurt the mother of his child because he knows hurting me hurts her......
I always ask the same question when he says that, which is "So why do you keep hurting me then?"
Of course, the response is usually along the lines of he wouldn't have to if I did not do this or that (justification) which is fine I guess because I've said/done things that hurt him too and I don't want to hurt him either because he is our daughter's father. It is a vicious circular dance with us.....so I'm refusing to dance...maybe that will be the thing that finally changes the dance for our ability to cooperatively parent our little princess. | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/30/2009 9:32:44 PM | I am currently going through the samething, 200 calls, 30 messages. 300 texts. but I think I also should take responsbility because I responded. There are many things you can do to avoid the courts. ( I am in the courts right now with the father of my child) I only filed for child support and he believed a child only needs wipes and diapers. I need to provide the home ect..... He should not have to pay for my overhead (this is also the man that says he loves me and wants to be with me) Its all about control with him. number one you are not doing your daughter any good by staying in that hope and putting up with that.
I recently got myself into a support group for abused women because well lets say I grew up with abuse and did not know the difference of a healthy relationship and abusive one. abuse comes in many forms, emotional,mental, physical physocological.
I could go on and on. But numebr one the main responsibility for the father is to teach his daughter how to be treated by men when she is older. He is not doing this by how he treats you, don't get me wrong you are probably doing your best to avoid it but she will see it, she feels the tension and sees the stress. you can't always protect it. there is that breaking point as you mentioned. my child is 6 months and I am at the breaking point but not nearly like you, you live with the guy. when I was pregnant I refused for him and I to move into together because we were on the rocks and I could see so many red flags because of couseling I did. number one he needs help. good for him to actually show up at counselling and you both gave it a honest try, but hey what would happen if you found your own place or he did. enough is enough, isn't your happinees mean more or for you daughter to see that and enjoy that. I hear you and understand its hard choice to make. I have gone over and over again and to see where I went wrong, can I make it change. but then I realized he wanted me to be something I was not. I hope that him and I can have some sort of relationship in the future for our daughter. it makes me so sad that we can't be together and yes have turned into the parrale parenting, but thats not final. contact mediation first and do that way, they will adress everything, child support, who picks up who, and help you write it out. then if you want can take that to court and apply it as a court agreement, which will take you 5 min. but really the choice has to be yours not anyone elses.
But do whats right for you and your daughter. Wouldn;t you want to find happeness maybe have more kids with someone else. you both can still be parents without living together. it will be hard and most times takes 3 years to overcome alot of that anger against the other parent, so why not start now. My child is only 6 months and we tried back and forth probably 300 times all through my pregnancy and I regret it as it took my time away from my daughter. I loved him ) sorry still love him as her father) but I can't make him be something he is unable to be or be the parent I want him to be or the father. But I can make a big difference in me as a parent and I can be both parents to her if I need too. he loves her and wants to be a part of her life and he is doing what he can, not always the best judgment and yes that temper and threats and harassing doesn;t help. but I did and will do what I can to make it better for me and her and thats what ever it takes as she is number one,
but best of luck. But living like that is not ok for you. | |
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| Should I put up with it for the sake of our daughter, or not?
Posted: 6/30/2009 9:36:36 PM | | miss cutie pie, sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time as well. I am fortunate in one way, we do not and have not ever lived together. We already have a legal agreement (which I insisted on) regarding custody/access/child support. It is the split custody arrangement we have that makes it tough because of her age. As she gets older, we won't need to talk too much about anything but now things still need to be discussed from time to time. | |
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