| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/28/2009 4:09:37 PM | I was married for 19 years.. Dear if you think this behavior is going to change on its own you are mistaken. Please do not put on blinders to the fact that this is an issue to you. Sit him down NOW and discuss it with him. If he is not willingto give up the rude behavior you need to give him a set of consequenses. and if he chooses not to .. please be strong it will be the straw that breaks you in the end. I would hate to see you 19 years down the road wishing you had done something sooner.
xxxooo | |
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| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:03:35 PM | You ask what is normal.
What is normal is not necessarily right. Are you thinking of adjusting yourself to what makes him comfortable but makes you horribly uncomfortable. Take a look around. That's quite normal in some ways but is that what you want? | |
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| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:08:39 PM | | As long as he's just looking and doesn't act on, then have nothing to worry about.. we're only human. We still will check out the opposite sex. | |
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| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:23:45 PM | Men will look at other women... it's inevitable.. however most men have the common sense not to do it in front of their sweetie. Did you not notice this habit while you two were dating? This cant be the first time he has done this. You are married and on POF.. I am sure there are good looking men that approach you .. be it for friendship or whatever.. you also "look" don't you?
Looking is not a sin...after all it is you that he makes love to by night.
The best you can do is talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel. It's not going to stop him by far but at least you said something...
or....
You yourself can also enjoy looking at other men. I am sure when you are at work or alone and a drop dead gorgeous guy walks by you.. your thoughts most likely say.. man he looks good and you look, and you take notice. What's the difference?
let him look... and take a peek once in a while yourself.
I'd say lighten up.. | |
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| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:33:55 PM | I have to disagree with many of the posters on this particular subject.
It is not OK to ogle members of the opposite sex when in the presence of your significant other. You can try to justify it as nature all you want, but the fact of the matter is that it is nothing short of rude and utterly disrespectful, it is contemptible.
I’m not suggesting that we as humans do not notice attractive members of the opposite sex when out and about – we do. But, those of us who have respect for our significant others don’t cross that line from a simple notice into a full-blown stare down. And, certainly not while in the company of our significant others. So, yes I will admit that, for example, while I am at the gym and an attractive woman walks by… sure I do notice with a quick glance then carry on with my workout; not giving her a second thought. And, I am pretty confident my significant other (when I have one that is) does the same thing when she is out and about, or whatever the case. The difference is I don’t engage myself in a full-blown lustful stare down. I don’t need too. I am typically happy with what I have ‘at home.’
I can’t believe some folks think it’s perfectly nature and even ok for a man / woman to literally ‘check out’ other men / women in their presence. If they are doing that [checking out other people] then you’ve got a problem. Either they’re not content with your physical attractiveness, or they hold zero regard for your feelings. Not a good situation to be in. | |
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| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:34:47 PM | | Excuse me but the girl does not have to be over weigtht to be insecure, omg what a stereo type. All of the bbw's including my self like living large, and there are plenty of men even some that won't admit it,that are attracted to us. | |
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| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:35:30 PM | I have to disagree with many of the posters on this particular subject.
It is not OK to ogle members of the opposite sex when in the presence of your significant other. You can try to justify it as nature all you want, but the fact of the matter is that it is nothing short of rude and utterly disrespectful, it is contemptible.
I’m not suggesting that we as humans do not notice attractive members of the opposite sex when out and about – we do. But, those of us who have respect for our significant others don’t cross that line from a simple notice into a full-blown stare down. And, certainly not while in the company of our significant others. So, yes I will admit that, for example, while I am at the gym and an attractive woman walks by… sure I do notice with a quick glance then carry on with my workout; not giving her a second thought. And, I am pretty confident my significant other (when I have one that is) does the same thing when she is out and about, or whatever the case. The difference is I don’t engage myself in a full-blown lustful stare down. I don’t need too. I am typically happy with what I have ‘at home.’
I can’t believe some folks think it’s perfectly nature and even ok for a man / woman to literally ‘check out’ other men / women in their presence. If they are doing that [checking out other people] then you’ve got a problem. Either they’re not content with your physical attractiveness, or they hold zero regard for your feelings. Not a good situation to be in. | |
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| I have...
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:36:04 PM | ...a bit of a wondering eye. I do. I confess.
It is usually fairly obvious...and at various points in my life the women I have been with have reacted in varying ways.
One notable reaction...once...when I was much younger (like..20...21)...I was in my car siting next to the gal I was dating at the time (who wasn't a bad looker herself) when a TOTAL BABE walked in front of the car in the crosswalk. Now...when I say TOTAL BABE...I mean...really, I don't have words. I don't.
I stared straight....I watched her walk into my field of vision....and saw her walk out of it...and I burned a hole into the grill of the car across the intersection...didn't turn one iota.
Finally, after what seemed like 20 minutes, my girl said to me "its ok...you can look".
We both busted out laughing...big belly ache laughs.
Another notable reaction...something that actually happened fairly often...if my most recent ex wife saw another woman with a real nice phat ass, she would point said woman out to me so I could enjoy. In fact, once we were in the grocery store...in the check out line...when I left her with the cart while I went to chase something down I had forgotten. When I returned, my ex had switched lines, switched into one that was significantly (if not considerably) longer. I sort of gave her a perplexed look when she pointed straight ahead...straight ahead at the MAGNIFICENT butt on the woman in line in front of us. It was glorious...it truly was...and my ex had switched lanes just so that I could enjoy it in its full glory.
True story, I swear.
I tell you this to sort of set up what I am going to say next...to let you know that I suffer from a wandering eye, perhaps a bit more than the typical man.
What you are describing is not "a bit".
What you are describing is out and out disrespectful.
Take it from a guy who has a wondering eye....he could avoid this. He could. He could TRY...perhaps with mixed results...TRY to mitigate this behavior.
He doesn't care enough about you...at least in regards to this...to do so.
The thing is....this isn't a surprise to you. He has always been this way. You expected it to stop when you got married....but that was mistake. You aren't the first woman to make that mistake...but still...it was a mistake.
I am not sure what you do now....you could threaten him...but you had better be ready to back it up and carry out your threat, else you will be in for a painful road for your marriage.
Or...you could just live with it. I mean..you have been.
Do I think it is a precursor to other things? Yes. I think if someone can show they have little to no regard for your feelings, they will continue to do so...the areas in which they do so will just get larger and larger. Mine you, I am not even saying this is an absolute bad thing...I am guilty of the same...right now I am going through something with somebody because they don't seem to believe me when I say I am done responding to passive aggressive behavior in my relationships...I am sure they interpret this as I don't care...and perhaps they are right....I certainly don't care enough to duplicate the same mistakes of my past. Maybe this means I am not "madly in love" or whatever....I dunno.
It is really your call...how badly do you want him to change? Badly enough that you are prepared to put your marriage on the line for it? Or will you decide that it really isn't all that important?
Either way, you are going to be setting a precedent for your marriage....believe me. Trust. | |
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| I have...
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:40:57 PM | | I check out other men, so I don't see a problem with this as long as it's not something so over the top a whole room picks up on. | |
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| I have...
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:54:48 PM | WinP:
I'm talking about full-blown stare downs (as what they OP is implying her SO does) as opposed to quick glances. If my date scans the room, or glances at some dude walking by - whatever - that's nothing to get upset about. If it turns into an ogling of the guy, yeah, that would make my very uncomfortable. | |
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| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:01:30 PM | | No matter what men are going to check other women out, we as women check men out as well. We are just more considerate about it. | |
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| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:11:22 PM |
I have to disagree with many of the posters on this particular subject.
It is not OK to ogle members of the opposite sex when in the presence of your significant other. You can try to justify it as nature all you want, but the fact of the matter is that it is nothing short of rude and utterly disrespectful, it is contemptible.
absolutely right on the money. unless this actually turn this particular woman on.
shes really need to get off the computer sit down in a quite room and think about this for a while. we can give you advise on our personal experiences but if we really had the answer we wouldn't be single. | |
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| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:13:10 PM | cinsav:
As I said, if it's way over the top, or actually distracts him to the point where it's uncomfortable or he makes a scene - we got a problem. I'll say something about it after I see it more than once, and tell him I feel it's offensive and from there it's up to him to stop or continue and deal with the repercussions.
I'm not one to tell someone twice I don't like something. I will let them know something bothers me and why the first time, but that's it for me. From there they make the choice to avoid it or deal with my reactions.
And yeah, I may do it too, drool over some hot dude...if he notices and says anything I can welcome him to my world. | |
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| I have...
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:51:20 PM | cinsav...we all agree with you that staring is disrespectful and highly rude if done in front of your so...
however. there is nothing wrong with looking at a beautiful woman as she passes by, and there is nothing wrong with looking at a good looking man if one should walk by. Drooling over them is another thing...However...there are some couples that do not mind this and even comment to each other about the enjoyment of the person being noticed.
There is no right and wrong when it comes to peoples choices and how they want to view it if they both agree it's ok. In this case she is offended by it and needs to talk to him about it.
will it change the situation? probably not. Will he still continue to look at woman in front of her? probably!!. So .. what advice do you want to give her IF after she talks to him and he still continues to do what he does and it's only been the first year of marriage. Is she to divorce him over this?
I highly doubt it. | |
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| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/30/2009 1:06:10 AM | | Trust your instincts girl, body language speaks volumes. He's sending a message to them when he stares.... that he's interested. If it really bothers you , talk to him about it. If he loves you he will be considerate of your feelings and stop" at the very least " from doing it in front of you. We all look and it can be very innocent, but your picking up another vibe........go with your gut and call him on it. | |
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| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/30/2009 2:35:54 AM | | My mom who was married to dad for 64 and half years used to say " you know you can pull a tiger's fangs but he can still growl" Kind of fits don't it. | |
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| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/30/2009 4:06:07 AM | While I do think its ok for a man to look I also think it is rude if he is constantly ogling with no regards for the woman he is with. If it upsets her so much then he should be willing to tone it down for her sake. I am sure he is not stuck to her side 24/7 so he has lots of time to ogle on his own without making her feel bad every time they go out.
I will often do as one poster said though and look along with my SO at pretty girls/men. It takes some of the pressure off and I can appreciate beauty as much as anyone. Make comments on her appearance/hair/clothing and let him know that you are paying attention too. | |
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| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/30/2009 4:12:38 AM | It is boils down to two things, trust and insecurity.
If you are overweight then you may be feeling insecure simply because he looks at other woman in a manner different than he does you or he may just be blatant about it. Only people within your circle can answer your question on this.
If is trust... that is another issue entirely. | |
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| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/30/2009 4:47:38 AM | | If she is underweight or of average weight she could be feeling insecure because he looks at women in a manner different than he looks at her. Why does being overweight equate with her feeling insecure? My weight has nothing to do with the fact that if my man looked at another woman a certain way he would probably be kicked to the curb. It has to do with respect, manners, and maturity on his part IMHO. | |
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| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/30/2009 4:51:50 AM | ^^^ If that is your opinion fifi47, you're entitled to it.
Did I make a statement claiming big women do not deserve respect in my first post on this thread?
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| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/30/2009 5:01:42 AM | | I was referring to your comment regarding big women feeling inscure, and did not state that you said that big women do not deserve respect. maybe I did not understand that the OP is a large woman? | |
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| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/30/2009 5:11:38 AM | Again, some of you think that I am over weight. I am very slim. And I myself get checked out often. This has nothing to do with my weight or looks. This has to do with respect. And respect within a circle. That circle is my husband and I. And it turns me off when I see him stare at other women. This staring causes my insecurity. It's not glancing that he is doing it is staring.
Maybe I should just ignore and look the other way. But this has really affected me. He has been doing this in a more obvious way lately.
It just sucks. | |
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| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/30/2009 5:18:54 AM | I find this offensive. Why don't you do the same thing and make it blatantly obvious that you are checking out other guys and see how he reacts.
I bet he will find this offensive too. Maybe then, you can discuss that this little nastiness that he may have done in the past needs to stop. Bad behavior can be stopped, he just needs to practice and practice at not doing it any more. | |
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