| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:16:10 PM | My take on that is "trust, but verify." In general I give people the benefit of the doubt, but I've been lied to just like every other person on an online dating site and you have to be savvy enough to feel that out. Experience is the best teacher.
Sometimes I think this site should be called "Plenty of Liars" but I have met some really wonderful people through this site as well. You just have to get to know people over time and use your common sense and your instincts. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:18:55 PM | Maybe. My trust, which was huge, got broken. It took two major relationships to break it.
My former self trusted everyone until they gave me a reason not to. Today, I trust no man until he shows me that he is trustworthy and that, unfortunately will take time and hoops and hurdles. Blame it on your brethren.
Most all people, unless they are sociopaths, will drop clues and red flags To "Sociopaths", also add "Borderline Personality Disordered" and other PD's. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/25/2009 9:02:48 PM | Oh Booker....Blame it on your sistern
Blame it on your brethren | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/25/2009 9:14:43 PM |
Oh Booker....Blame it on your sistern
Blame it on your brethren
*You* can blame it on your "sistern", but I blame it on my "brethren" cause I don't date women. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/25/2009 9:19:10 PM | touche!!! I don't date my brothern either!!!
I find it odd that you easily push it off on the malke sex......while cutting the female sex slack...and i n reality....trust is an issue that we all have....regardless of the sexes....
still it irks me that "you" see it as one sided....oh well, I guess that's what perspective is!!!! | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/25/2009 9:21:12 PM | Trust? I am from New York so I can smell a rat a mile away.
In the case of the two legged variety, I can smell a rat all the way from California to Washington, DC. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/25/2009 9:39:06 PM | mercurytide,
We have something in common however in reverse. I have been spending time with me.
~The Rock Man~ has said it very well. Read his response. What I took from what he said was that I have got to love and trust myself. Still in the process of learning 
Sorry to hear you were having a really bad day and hope it gets better. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/27/2009 5:20:25 AM | x file summed up my sentiments on trust. When I meet a person, I will have faith that he/she is telling me the truth. I choose to trust that they are honest until they prove otherwise. Even when I think their actions are dishonest, I've learned it could be very well be my mis-interpretation of their actions. I try not to assume or jump to premature conclusions. I think that comes with getting old *sigh*.
Words are words. Just that. Actions to corroborate the words will lead me to continue to trust; anything otherwise, will give me reason to take back my trust in the person. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/27/2009 6:15:12 AM | smelling a rat dosent depend on where you come from. If that were true then i guess i would be really good at smeling skunks rats neutrarats, snakes, cow horses and hoes and liuars and users. (from baton rouge) and those who ingest illgeal non perscription pharamasuticals. its all about gut feeling. the problem is we all ge so blinded by "love" if there is such a thing or by whatever emotion it is that we dont see the truth.
remeber if a rat wears the right perfume even he can smell like a lab. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/27/2009 6:44:22 AM | Trust (and Love) is something that occurs over an extended period of time.
Anyone that says they offer this immediately is a fool, a lair or both. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/27/2009 7:23:01 AM | ^^^ What she said, and that's no lie!
Trust is a precious commodity and you need to treat it as such. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/27/2009 7:45:20 AM | | I don't think trust is dead over all. But I think the actions of some have caused trust issues. I tend to trust people up front, till they prove otherwise. I do not always trust my own judgement at times, because I have chosen to ignore my own common sense and have been burned. I do tend to be a skeptic though, but doubt can be changed to belief overtime. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:01:02 AM | I don't think that trust is dead, some women easily believe men not checking their real character that causes their bad experiences. I give the benefit of doubt if a man will tell me he is so good ,kind ,loving ,honest ,decent.. Talk is cheap and I will be the judge of his deed if he is really what he claimed he is..
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:01:20 AM | Trust is only dead by those that decide to kill it; depends on the person. Some people have trust issues because they are drama queens/kings and their issues come from not wanting to hurt again. If someone cheated on them, they become paranoid that they will miss the signs so they start looking for them and will find them whether they are there or not.
Much in the way of lack of trust is related to a person's self-esteem, they do not love themselves and consequently do not believe anyone else could love them enough to treat them decently.
Until they decide to work on themselves, every man or woman they encounter will be viewed with suspicion, which is very hurtful to the trustworthy person. To me, I give someone a modicum of trust from the get go and if they illustrate that they are trustworthy this grows over time.
If someone has trust issues I would tend to avoid them because I don't want to become part of their learning curve. If someone recognizes that they have an issue, that it is their issue and not the people they don't trust, I might consider getting involved but would probably cut and run pretty quickly if I found myself explaining or justifying this that should not even require discussion.
My take on that is "trust, but verify." In general I give people the benefit of the doubt, but I've been lied to just like every other person on an online dating site and you have to be savvy enough to feel that out. Experience is the best teacher.
Sometimes I think this site should be called "Plenty of Liars" but I have met some really wonderful people through this site as well. You just have to get to know people over time and use your common sense and your instincts.
Pretty good and healthy policy, from someone that obviously considers each individual on their own merits instead of becoming bitter and generalizing from a few bad experiences. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:02:24 AM | .
I would have liked to have seen a IMO here. Sounds a bit like someone who has been burned and is bitter.
Anyone that says they offer this immediately is a fool, a lair or both.
For example, if an honest man says he doesn't lie or that he has never cheated on a woman, can a woman believe the truth? Is such a man really that rare?
No, I don't think it is rare. I give trust in relationships as in life in general. I'm scrupulously honest and up front about what I am looking for. You get my trust until you prove you're not worthy of it.
Sure, that has led to some disapointments, but I believe in a large part you get what you expect. If you give your trust freely, a person is more likely to respond in kind.
I don't mean reckless, all encompassing trust. One still has to be somewhat careful when you meet someone new. But it's important to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and not judge them against previous bad experiences.
I do believe a lot of men and women suffer for the actions of others and that is a shame.
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:09:20 AM |
No, I don't think so. I give trust in relationships as in life in general. I'm scrupulously honest in what I am looking for. You get my trust until you prove you're not worthy of it.
Sure, that has led to some dissapointments in my life, but I believe in a large part you get what you expect. If you give your trust freely, a person is more likely to respond in kind.
Not terribly long ago I had a conversation with my daughter that was kind of interesting. She like most kids, isn't jazzed when someone, friend or someone I am dating, hurts mom. On the one hand, she thinks I trust people too much, my benefit of the doubt is perhaps a bit too wide and most get a second, probably third chance with me to make things right. Conversely, her father trusts no one and is highly pessimistic and cynical, although he is fair, he pretty much hates everyone on the planet.
When I said, I knew this was not the best relationship to get into, newly divorced, yada, yada, she told me that she would rather I stay the way I am and get hurt sometimes than be like her dad, not really living life, having no friends, etc. She even told me it is a good thing I give people chances although she is less likely to give more than one, lmao.
I'm no Pollyanna but I hope that my kids do a better job of balancing being able to trust with perhaps a bit more skepticism than I apply. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:53:12 AM |
I would have liked to have seen a IMO here. Sounds a bit like someone who has been burned and is bitter.
Anyone that says they offer this immediately is a fool, a lair or both.
Well you don't even trust that whatever I say here is obviously IMO.
And to assume someone is trustworthy off the bat IS foolish my dear... not to say that you assume they are evil, either.
To begin a new relationship with an open heart, mind and see where it goes is mature.
To hand someone the keys to your home, your heart, your children, your health or your checkbook (which to me is the definition of trust) on a first date or first FEW dates is just foolish.
I think you're confusing trust with taking reasonable risks and having a hopeful, positive attitude. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:21:34 AM |
Well you don't even trust that whatever I say here is obviously IMO.
Well, I always put IMO, because posters are often didactic and leave no room for opposing opinoins. I will trust that the IMO is amplied in your posts from now on.
I said
No, I don't think it is rare. I give trust in relationships as in life in general. I'm scrupulously honest and up front about what I am looking for. You get my trust until you prove you're not worthy of it.
Sure, that has led to some disapointments, but I believe in a large part you get what you expect. If you give your trust freely, a person is more likely to respond in kind.
To which you answered;
And to assume someone is trustworthy off the bat IS foolish my dear... not to say that you assume they are evil, either.
And you said;
To begin a new relationship with an open heart, mind and see where it goes is mature.
Yes, and as I said
I don't mean reckless, all encompassing trust. One still has to be somewhat careful when you meet someone new. But it's important to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and not judge them against previous bad experiences.
To hand someone the keys to your home, your heart, your children, your health or your checkbook ...........(which to me is the definition of trust) ............on a first date or first FEW dates is just foolish. I think we are basically saying the same thing, just have different interpretations of the concept of trust. I think you're confusing trust with taking reasonable risks and having a hopeful, positive attitude. Not trying to start an arguement with you, and I'm glad you haven't been burned Dear. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/27/2009 12:49:03 PM | | To me, trust is given freely...until someone proves they are untrustworthy. Once trust is gone then there really isn't a relationship! IMO | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/27/2009 12:59:41 PM | | I feel bad...but I don't trust. Why should I? Its easy to put on a smile and say 'sweetie, trust me' and be lying the whole time. It's earned. I used to hand out trust to everyone and ended up hurt. Noone likes the way it feels to be emotionally crushed...so unless youre really naive...initially trusting is a no go. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/27/2009 1:11:22 PM | i am told that i am really naive. even though i have been burned major time, i will trust a person if i feel that i can. if i find out that they are lying to me, i can become very vicious. simply, because i get so deeply hurt by their betrayl of that trust.
i may not like something, but be honest with me, and let me make the decision from there. BE FAIR!!!!!! do feed me lines of schit or go behind my back. It is like PLEASE
I am not a Fuchking moron!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/27/2009 1:31:02 PM | Hi there hun just neede to reply to your question... i was married 15yrs never had any issues with trustin a man/woman by the way i am bi/sexual lol but when i found out my ex was havin an affair with my best friend ...my 1st reaction was shock,anger then devistation not only by what and how my ex husband could do that but also by and what my so called best friend could do...i have to admit i have been divorced 8yrs met a new partner (male) nr on 2yrs after my divorce, was with him nr on 6yrs have just recently split from him and believe me he never cheated or flirted with other women but trust him no matter how hard i tried i couldn't trust him at all...i was always lookin for the warnin signs...so answer to your question speakin from my experience i can't say i would never trust a guy/woman but at the present time i must admit i have no trust at all an that's an awfull thing to say for my ex partner because he was very faithfull...by the way i didn't end the relationship on the not trustin issue....
But can i add when someone you have loved for a very long time does something like this to you believe me you will find it hard to trust again not impossible i admit but very hard to trust.... | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/27/2009 1:31:37 PM | | ok on the skeptic part, when someone I meet for the first time keeps saying "trust me" after several statements or what not, it gives me the ole eye brow raised feeling. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/27/2009 1:50:30 PM | Hi there hun i have just read your post and to be honest i didn't go much on it more to the point i think your bang outta order, i have always trusted people until i'm proved otherwise, i agree we have all told the odd little white lie (as my mum would say lol) but i can put my hand on my heart when i have been in a relationship i have never ever cheated or even thought about seein someone else behind there back, so where you get that from i don't know, i know i can only speak for myself, but i lost trust in men/woman ( i am a bi/sexual) ever since i found out my ex husband who i was totally in love with of 15yrs and had 3 lovely lads with was havin an affair with my very best friend for nr on 2yrs, but upto then i have never mistrusted someone i have been in a relationship with of infidelity...i know i can't speak for every woman...the only thing i hope n pray i learn to trust again in a relationship cos i don't mind admitting after my divorce i met a great guy and was with him for nr on 6yrs and i put him through hell sometimes looking and accusing him of seein other women ...and as far as i know he never once strayed away...must add though you may be surprised lol but i the relationship didn't end because of the no trust factor between us ....god knows it should have lol ...
Hope you don't mind hun didn't want to offend you or put you down in anyway just wanted to voice it from my own personal experience... | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:10:11 AM | | I wouldnt take it personal. when a person lies they only hurt themselves, and it makes them look bad | |
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