| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:27:35 AM | Where does the notion come from, that trust is earned? If one's perspective is based on fear and not a consideration that people should be taken at face value, until their behavior devalues who they are, there's no reason not to trust them.
Unless a reasonable amount of trust is given, no one could successfully navigate their way through life when dealing with others.
Every week I interact with people where trust was never earned. I think if we are to live openly and transparently with others, we need to offer trust to them.
If you start a relationship without trust, you are not really open to that person. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:37:18 AM | Sounds like you've run into some manipulative B**** who's using the image of being a broken flower to blackmail you into being her pawn... and once she finished toying with you, she moved on. If someone comes your way, waiving the "poor me!" flag, strike them down, they're enemy sappers trying to blow you to pieces. LOL, described harshly, but effectively.
Keep away from damaged goods... or atleast don't get sucked into the vacuum of their rehabilitation. Your blood can easily be what replaces the blood of theirs which was spilled by their ex. Enforce limits to how far you'll be twisted... | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/28/2009 4:36:55 AM |
Keep away from damaged goods... or atleast don't get sucked into the vacuum of their rehabilitation
This is an excellent point, and many would prevent untold emotional hardships if they would just add this admonition to their lifestyle. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:29:44 AM | Intimate trust is earned...it's given out in little dribs and drabs over the course of time...and done in such a manner so as to avoid being hurt by havings ones trust be broken.
Every week I interact with people where trust was never earned. I think if we are to live openly and transparently with others, we need to offer trust to them.
If you start a relationship without trust, you are not really open to that person
What you speak to here is just daily interaction....were there aren't any emotions on the line..
So, yes trust is earned....and easily broken...nearly impossible to re-establish... | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:33:30 AM | "I was burned in my last relationship, but I don't for one moment believe that every woman I meet is just like my ex."
You restore my faith in humanity. | |
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astock
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Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 82 | |
| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:59:02 AM | | no i do not believe for a second that trust is dead, the way i am and the way i was raised i trust everyone 100% from the gate. i'm not dumb enough to hold the actions of my previous relationships against anyone i meet in the future | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:32:48 AM | @janetforever:
trust and love go hand in hand thats why i dont allow my self the need for either, you can only trust yourself. people are goin to let you down and therefore if you have no trust and love and no expectations of such then you cannot be let down. i dont believe in the notion of love. or trust and those also lead to commitment. and broken hearts.
so therefore i am the type that cannot plant roots because i like to live and move too much. I have found much more freedom in not nailing down roots.
but then thats jest me. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:40:01 AM | atonement you are not a moron and you are not naieve. you have somthing that although i would not want in myself i admire. and that is the fact that you ave trust. and thats not always a bad thing. I am the type give me a reason to trust you and i might. its not a gaurentee. but i also have a very good friend that is the oppisite end of the spectrum. he trusts everyone and cares for everyone right off the bat. and his philosphy is he may get used he may get burned but he is not going to stop because he feels they will have to stand before god someday and face thier judgement.
i am the outspoken type and say what is on my mind and if you dont like it thats fine you have to deal with it. and i believe in instant justice and karma. I dont hold my tounge.
but if someone needs help of any kind i am the first one to throw my hat into the ring and say i am here for you if you need help. and also i am the very loyal type. not matter what you do to me i am a friend no matter what. and what you tell me is always held in confidence. but i also wont lay my problems on you. they are mine and i msut solve them myself. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/28/2009 11:05:27 AM | | I sure don't trust anyone from the net . When you think you've actually started talking to what you thought was a nice man, they show their true colors. So..that's why I'm just for the forums now..but I really do wish everyone else the best of luck! | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/28/2009 1:12:49 PM | I doubt that decent men are getting rejected.
I think the broken trust issues are requiring men to be better men, more honest, more capable of being a "good" man, I think the expectations women have men is raised a notch and I think now men are required to make more of an effort to be "decent" men.
However - those who are capable of being good men, and decent to women and to their children?
I don't think those men have any problems finding good and decent women.
I think it's the men who aren't decent and good who can't get a break, and I personally dont' think they should.
Evolve out of the mud and become what you're meant to be, and all will be well.
Stay in the mud and - your belly will be cool and dirty.
Lots of scum and bugs floating around but don't expect to find the high road. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:08:03 PM | ^^^Holy shyte Batgirl...has your lithium run out? wtf did that drivel mean? did ya proof read it?
Lots of scum and bugs floating around but don't expect to find the high road. scum comes in both sexes....and floats to the top...but, still is scum! | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/28/2009 11:33:36 PM | | is that pond scum, soap scum, wine scum, what kinda scum are we talking about that makes the difference in trust. a dog is all you can trust. they are loyal and faithful. trust no human. for the ones that we think we can trust we cannot | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/28/2009 11:53:51 PM | Trust should be given instantly. Giving your mind body and soul is quite another matter.
I do believe there is a better chance if time and effort are put in. However many just seem in that much of a blind hurry these days. I cant help but feel many get caught up in cyclic behaviour and susceptible to the same mistakes much to there own exponentially increasing bemusement | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/29/2009 3:50:22 AM | | i think that each man has to earn anothers trust - its on a relationship by relationship basis -however if you display traits that remind me of an ex who I have trust issues with - then sometimes sadly that distrust may filter over to the new relationship. No one comes without baggage sadly :-) | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/30/2009 8:55:43 AM | | God knows I have been through alot of bad relationships. Do I have trust issues? I really dont think so. Every relationship starts with a clean slate. Then we add the good and bad, hopefully leading to something positive. Its when the negative side is higher that the issues develop, or for me, that I call off the relationship. I have a pet peeve about being lied to. My first husband was an habitual liar. Even over stupid things, he didnt need to lie about. He lied to everyone. I have, over time, developed a severe aversion to being lied to, about anything. Sometimes, things happen and people cant live up to a committment they have made, that is one thing, but over and over, and catching them in a direct lie----"no, I havent been drinking" then a few minutes later admitting to having 8 drinks, and being out on the highway. If they lie to you about one thing, how can you know they are being truthful about anything? The last guy I dated for 6 months. In the beginning, my sisters thought he was perfect, has his own business, his own home, loved to cook, seemed to be devoted to me, even his children and his parents, liked me and shared their goals with me. within a month, I heard a lie. But I didnt realize it till later. He lied all the time, I found out. My #1 rule is, if I cant trust you, I dont want to be around you. My 2nd rule is not being around anyone who does anything illegal. He knew that straight away, yet still is clueless as to why we are no longer together, or at least that is what he tells people. Turns out his drinking was so bad, he had to have a breathalyzer put on his car. He outsmarted that, by buying a truck, and drove it most of the time. | |
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rhodax
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Joined: 6/11/2009
Msg: 92 | |
| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/30/2009 9:08:37 AM | Trust has to be earned. Until you trust someone you can give benefit of the doubt but that's about it. If a woman tells me she's never cheated that doesn't mean I will believe her but it does mean I'll operate on that assumption until given reason to believe otherwise.
Not complicated really. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 6/30/2009 9:18:03 AM | Trust has to be earned, but it's not something you withhold completely at first. You have to trust a little to get started in a relationship. As the relationship strengthens, so does the measure of trust grow. Being outright distrustful of someone is going to drive them away, so it's a good idea to take a lesson from Ronald Reagan's foreign policy... Trust, but verify. I think that means, give the benefit of the doubt, but don't commit yourself fully right away. Baby-steps.
Respect is the biggest factor in building trust. It is impossible to trust someone who doesn't show respect to you and your beliefs/expectations. Respect, of course, has to be earned, too; but, there's no reason to be disrespectful to someone who hasn't yet proven his/herself. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:43:30 AM | Trust is a very important part of all relationships. When I'm involved with someone I need to trust them completely in order to give of myself the way I feel is necessary in order for the relationship to go the farthest it can. I don't believe a relationship can survive without it. Therefore I try to show that trust in every way I can so they know without a doubt that the trust is there. However, IF that trust is damaged it would be a loooonnnnng time before I'd be able to trust them again, if ever.
In return I expect the same kind of trust and find THAT necessary for the relationship to exceed as well. Without feeling that I'm trusted completely it would hold me back from various parts of the relationship beginning with delicate conversations I may need to have or giving myself completely in a way that I know is going to be recipricated. They may not even realize that something's missing but I do and know myself and that I'm capable of more things when I feel that I'm trusted which in turn makes me happy. If I'm not happy, and upset from any type of feeling, it's going to take away from something even if it's hidden.
I know people who SAY they trust but when it comes time to proving it they fall short. It may be something so easy and trivial for them but very meaningful to the other person and yet they just don't get it or the damage they're doing by not giving the trust that person deserves. They'll come up with all kinds of excuses, non rational, and certainly none worth making the other person feel like they do. It's almost ridiculous that they'd make the choice they do and hurt the very person they claim to love and trust. I seriously believe they just don't understand. If you love and trust you do it completely or you don't really trust at all. It's that simple. Either someone has your trust or they don't. There's no halfway trusts....
Sometimes I think it stems from past relationships where other partners deceived them in various ways therefore causing them to lose trust or making it harder to trust again. But when it comes to someone new like me for example, I'm not their past partners, I'm ME, someone new and very trustworthy who will give to them in the way that I want to be trusted back. I also think that they don't realize the damage they're doing by carrying past feelings forward instead of starting with a clean slate. It's like saying "I love you BUT"........................... which takes something away.
I can say.....I love them BUT......I need to be trusted the same way that I trust them in order to be happy and give in a way they'll totally benefit from. Trust this, when we're happy and content we're able to achieve much higher goals!
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:24:56 AM | | I personally believe that trust is alive and well. In the one side one thing is to be naive and the other is to trust. Sometimes you just have to jump and trust your the people around you. But you start by giving it and only then will you then start receiving it. What you will find out is that even when something bad seems to happen, giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, you will find out that the person was not acting out of malice, but that simple they made a reasonable mistake and are willing to go out of their way to correct it. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:33:55 AM | | I trust everyone freely until they give me something to mistrust them about! | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:39:18 AM | | I don't label all men the same. I judge each person as I get to know them. I can believe the truth as I get to know the person and watch their actions. I think I'm a good judge of people. I have found a man u can trust to be a rare find. I didn't say their are no men u can trust I said thru my experience. When u find the right one u will be able to trust him. Yes I think some men get rejected over misplaced trust by some women. Not by myself though. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:55:48 AM | New people don't have to earn my trust. Just have to be themselves. But once they lose it, if in fact they do; It's something that will not be retrieved. Dumping your bad past experiences on a new persons shoulders, will get you nowhere fast. Judge people on their own merits, not by someones past mistakes. Pobody's Nerfect.Also I myself,
have not met anyone important enough , to make a liar out of me yet. Maybe a few little innocent white ones, to save someones feelings, But we all do that, or should. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:06:02 AM | Isn't trust one of those multi-layered words that has nuances and depths, that are solely based upon a person's lifetime experiences and their interpretations of those?
I guess I am pointing out the obvious.
And I am sure the obvious has been pointed out to me.
When we say trust, what exactly are we saying, OP?
Are we saying:
I trust that you will not cause me bodily harm.
I trust that you will not leave me.
I trust that you will not judge me.
I trust you will find out that I am the needy, neurotic, insecure person that I am and report me to the relationship police.
There are different layers of trust. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:23:14 AM | Trust is actually our relationship with ourselves.
People who have difficulty trusting are trying to find a way to control their lives – or have a sense of control in the risky business of life and love. Most of us can see that the only person you can ever possibly control is yourself.
Likewise, trust starts from within – it really is about learning to accept and trust yourself. Learning to trust that whatever happens you will be able to handle it; that you are good enough. Even if someone lets you down, that you will be able to rise to the challenge and you will be ok.
Saying you can’t or won’t trust someone – or trying to keep them at a safe enough distance so they can’t effect you – is the same thing as saying you believe they have more power than you do, and more power over yourself than you do. There is no way to prevent bad things or disappointing things from happening in life – but we CAN develop the internal strength to face them.
There will always be risks in life… none of us are getting out alive. So it seems to be to be a choice in how we want to spend this time. Life is not about reducing Risk; it is about who we are in the face of the Risk that Life is.
My favourite Hellen Keller quote: “Security is an illusion, it does not exist in nature. Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing at all.” | |
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