| Is trust dead?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:23:14 AM | Trust is actually our relationship with ourselves.
People who have difficulty trusting are trying to find a way to control their lives – or have a sense of control in the risky business of life and love. Most of us can see that the only person you can ever possibly control is yourself.
Likewise, trust starts from within – it really is about learning to accept and trust yourself. Learning to trust that whatever happens you will be able to handle it; that you are good enough. Even if someone lets you down, that you will be able to rise to the challenge and you will be ok.
Saying you can’t or won’t trust someone – or trying to keep them at a safe enough distance so they can’t effect you – is the same thing as saying you believe they have more power than you do, and more power over yourself than you do. There is no way to prevent bad things or disappointing things from happening in life – but we CAN develop the internal strength to face them.
There will always be risks in life… none of us are getting out alive. So it seems to be to be a choice in how we want to spend this time. Life is not about reducing Risk; it is about who we are in the face of the Risk that Life is.
My favourite Hellen Keller quote: “Security is an illusion, it does not exist in nature. Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing at all.” | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:52:10 AM | | I think trust is earned....anyone can say they can be trusted. It's whether they do what they say, don't come out with half baked tales they can't remember, are not constantly contradicting themselves and don't get shirty when you ask them for more information about something. Is there such a thing as a congenital liar? I thought lying was learned behaviour. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 7/2/2009 1:06:55 PM | | Margo...I really liked your post^^^^I only have a very small point to add "bad things sometimes happen to good people." Trust is given/earned/easily broken/nearly impossible to re-establish. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 7/2/2009 1:18:55 PM | | I don't think the concept of trust is truly dead I believe I will find the one for me someday, that day will be the day I forgive the men in my past completely, from step-dads to ex's.... It hard for someone who has always been wary of mens intentions to ever really trust anyone, but I have hope one day I can & will. Trust is only dead if you have turn your back on it. I am just still skeptical I guess! | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:16:53 PM |
Trust is actually our relationship with ourselves.
Most of us can see that the only person you can ever possibly control is yourself.
Likewise, trust starts from within – it really is about learning to accept and trust yourself. Learning to trust that whatever happens you will be able to handle it; that you are good enough. Even if someone lets you down, that you will be able to rise to the challenge and you will be ok.
Life is not about reducing Risk; it is about who we are in the face of the Risk that Life is.
 Thank you Margo. Eloquently put. I get frustrated when I meet someone and they are so guarded. I think no matter what I do or say, they never appear to let their guard down. I don't think I'm evil or nasty. Most people think I'm nice. I give trust as soon as I meet you. Some responses have called it stupidity. I like your response.
It's really having faith in me in the event that the person that I gave my trust to would hurt me and that I can survive through the hurt. I met this woman briefly yesterday at a shop and she was drawn to me (I guess I exude positive vibes?). In any case, I told her most of the facts in my life and circumstances have remained the same since my divorce. It's me that's changed. My perceptions and how I react to things now. I'm pretty independent, strong, speak my mind type of individual. Yes, I've been hurt badly in the past when people have used my trust and played me. However, it doesn't stop me from trusting a person. I love myself sufficiently to know how to handle any bad situation. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 7/7/2009 5:24:18 AM | | yes i start with100% trust to , but when you find out lover , or even just friend is lieing to you then whats the point of being together as iv found out with a guy iv known for over 2 years has been lieing why ? for what why destroy somrthing by not being truefull trust is a big thing in any relationship and i feel i have to end this relationship now because the trust as gone | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 7/7/2009 9:04:48 PM | i believe it.... more woman than men cheat nowadays i think anyways.
just because you had someone in your past cheat on you, doesn't mean the next one will. everyone is different.
If you don't trust someone, they will more than likely cheat on you....you will PUSH them to! | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 7/8/2009 8:44:45 PM | With me, trust has to be earned.  | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 7/8/2009 11:32:04 PM | Trust takes time. Just like love takes time. It will never be handed over to you on a silver platter just because you said so.
Yes you may predict behaviour through their psychological pattern... however you need to be aware that some people have been badly burned by someone they thought loved them. Someone be it man or woman that they trusted. Takes time to trust again. Not everyone bounces back so easily into the circle of trust.
Personally I would never ask someone to trust me “just because”. I would expect them to see it in my behaviour with others, watch if my actions speak louder than words. Am I a keeper of my word and so on. Many things come into play when it comes to trusting someone.
At least for me it does.
msg. 110. I would never start off any relationship with 100% trust.. no way.. he or she has to earn it as much as I do. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:00:54 AM | | All I can say is that if you met a woman with 'trust issues'. You have two choices, either, prove yourself to her and stick it out until she's convinced, or bail. If you've been 'rejected' as you put it, then you did something that showed her a 'red flag' and you didn't stop 'doing it' when she told you that it bothered her. So you have to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, if your behavior was in fact trustworthy or not. Usually, women like this just need some extra attention for a little bit of time and she learns to trust you. If you don't want to put in the time to convince her that you really care, then you're gonna get dumped. | |
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| Is trust dead?
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:40:34 PM | As long as we make another person responsible for how we feel, there will always be problems with trust.
Nobody should be automatically condemned based on our experiences with someone who hurt us, but neither should a new person be instantly assumed honest before having demonstrated it consistently.
Anyone can say s/he is honest. Show it, and mean it. Understand the new person in your life doesn't know you, so it's unrealistic to expect to be excused from the natural initial caution. Acting insulted because of a lack of immediate comfort is just narcissistic. Be willing to behave in a way that reassures the person you're authentic, and don't take it so personally.
If you can go through your life just accepting that other people are who they are, and will act according to that.. meanwhile governing your own self and not expecting others to take responsibility for you, then this 'trust issue' won't be an issue at all, because you know you can trust YOU.
That's how we can relax and put others at ease, and they learn to trust us. | |
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