| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:12:41 AM | Pfft, getting jobs without French in Mtl. is not nearly as difficult as you're making it sound.
It's not the lack of French, it's the lack of well-developed social connections that are the obstacle to obtaining employment as a unilingual Anglophone. Half the Anglos in this city speak broken French at best, and still find jobs.
Until Americans start learning French in order to buy things from Quebecois (needless to say, do not hold your breath) it's English and not French that's imperative to obtaining a decent job here. I would say, just ask a unilingual Francophone...but then, you couldn't, right?
(Well, that and the underwhelming state of the economy, a disease which Fla. has, and worse.)
As for immigration status, thirty seconds with Google will find you a tribe of licensed immigration consultants begging for business.
Stay in Mtl if you **want** to, OP, not for any other reason. | |
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| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:32:00 AM | You’ve “known” this man a year, yet you joined POF five months ago looking for LTR? You quit your job and left everything in Florida to be with him, how much time did you two physically spend together getting to know one another with face-to-face interaction and observation during this “one year” period? If he lived in Canada and you were way down south in Florida, how much time were you actually “together”, or was this an “online” relationship? I know we don’t have all the facts, but it really seems as if you jumped the gun and became too involved too soon with a stranger.
Yeah, I know what’s done is done, but if you don’t take a serious look at your own accountability and culpability in this situation, you will be destined to repeat the same mistake. My advice is to go back home ASAP, lick your wounds and really analyze things, so that you’ll learn from this experience (and the next time you find that special someone, he will TRULY be special, and will appreciate you and all your sweetness). Getting back to familiar surroundings and friends will help you recovery from this unfortunate experience. Good luck to you. | |
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| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 10:16:05 AM |
I would say, just ask a unilingual Francophone...but then, you couldn't, right?
Au contraire, je pourrais demander! (Well...in bad anglophone grammar).
It's true what you say about the connections, though. Went to a job faire in good ole Montreal. Got no where. | |
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| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 11:55:28 AM | I guess I'll be one of the few that thinks WTF? If you have someone who makes one heck of an effort to move that far to be with you, they will obviously need you to help them get oriented to where you live. It's resonable to want affection and physical contact. It's normal to be a little homesick (wait till winter when you are up to your eyeballs in snow  ) and maybe need a little extra from him. Sorry, I have to vote the guy an inconsiderate idiot, but then I just came inside and it's 105* outside so my brain might be fried today  | |
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| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:36:04 PM |
if you knew me I am t he sweetest thing
never, never saw this coming
...begs...
[T]ake a serious look at your own accountability and culpability in this situation.
You're 40.
You are a woman not a little girl.
Nobody should have to babysit you.
And regardless of his intentions, he is not always going to be there for you.
At least you have the grace to be embarrassed. | |
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| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:45:31 PM |
he said he is not here to babysit me
he is not always going to be there
that I am a woman not a lil' girl
That RIGHT THERE should tell you it's over. Sorry but this guy is an obnoxious jackass. Time to move on.
Madison, WI is beautiful this time of year by the way.
~Justin | |
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| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:49:29 PM | How long did you know him before moving there?
I'm sorry things aren't working out; did you take a leave of absence from work, or quit altogether?
I'm fairly spontaneous and feel that love is worth almost any foolishness... However, there is some sensibility component; falling in love with some image he/you created online is entirely different from actually meeting, spending time with, and getting to know each other.
Dating on weekends is different than spending several days at a time with a person, which is what I suggest anyone do, whether you live close together or far apart. In my experience, spending several days together, going through the mundane, usually reveals little idiosyncrasies you wouldn't see on a day/weekend date.
Good luck, MC
P.S. Agree with the posters who think this guy you moved for is an immature, obnoxious jack*ss. | |
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| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 2:15:07 PM | Never I repeat NEVER move somewhere for a man....
You move for things like this.
A job promotion.
A change of careers.
Family needs you.
But not for a boyfriend that you thought would work out. | |
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| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 2:22:17 PM | Never I repeat NEVER move somewhere for a man.... I could not more vehemently disagree with this. Obviously, no one should move anywhere without having a clear awareness of the kind of relationship he/she is in. Naturally, all of us should only take as much risk as we can afford to live with.
However, in a good/healthy relationship, one's girlfriend/boyfriend (husband/wife) should factor higher than everything else, including work and family. My father instilled this is me, and I have not changed my thinking, and never will, despite having had some relationships where the man could not possibly be my first priority given his character, and ability to love. M | |
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| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 3:46:04 PM | There's 3 sides to every story as everyone knows.
Back in 1989 I moved from British Columbia to South Carolina to be with the man I loved. I got homesick, I missed everything Canadian, I missed all the things I was used to. I wasn't pleasant to be around, I was depressed and I whined. And he was losing his patience with me and not showing me the affection I was used to. He got tired of listening to me whine. I wasn't the person he'd wanted to be with.
One day my man said "You're not in Kansas anymore, get used to it". He was right, I either got used to being in a new place with him or leave.
I wanted to be with him more than I was miserable with being in a new place so far from "home".
I learned to like my new home and new life and we got married. We were married 11 years when he died in 2000. | |
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| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 3:51:55 PM | OP, after your last posts, it is possible that he never really thought that you would move to Montreal.
I am sorry for the pain this has caused you but since you are moving back take comfort in knowing that this will not be so painful in five years though you will often shake your head over it. | |
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| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:03:49 PM | | OP - I'd head back to Florida, faster than you can say cat in a hat. Your gut is telling you something, pay attention! He's trying to squelch your needs and wants. Sounds controlling to me. | |
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| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:50:39 PM | Mes 36 to FULLFIG1MAAM....she is not his wife she was only a girlfriend and the move was not for her best intentions.. it was for his.
He wanted
He got
She moves
It's not what she wanted or expected
And here they stand apart.
What did it cost him? Absolutely nothing.
What did it cost her? Everything
Wild | |
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| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/26/2009 1:08:43 PM |
What did it cost him? Absolutely nothing.
What did it cost her? Everything
Mes 36 to FULLFIG1MAAM....she is not his wife she was only a girlfriend and the move was not for her best intentions.. it was for his. Hello Wild, I didn't say the OP exercised excellent judgement, in moving to someone she didn't even know enjoyed affectionate touching... We all have to take responsibility as adults for the choices we make. Clearly the OP had not spent time with the man she planned to move to; nor did she ask him to help absorb the stress and cost of moving to him.
While I am massively into romance, I'm inspired when the man I'm involved with does his part to foster that feeling in me; this means that he is affectionate, consistent, a gentleman, chivalrous, etc... I would NEVER move to someone, where I had to give up my financial independence, and he could not replace it or be a considerable supplement for what I would be giving up. I would also never move, if he didn't treat me with a lot of affection and consideration for the fact that I would be giving up my community, and would therefore need my hands held for a while.
So, my disagreement with you, was only in the absolutism of the statement "never move anywhere for a man." Standing alone, I would have to ask (rhetorically), what is more important than another human being, if you need a reason to move? M | |
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| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/26/2009 8:07:09 PM | OP i did the same thing 2 yrs ago it didn't work out, however stayed in the province I am.
Montreal is hard to live in as others have stated due to the language barriers, I know a little french enough to get by and stayed there with my sister for two months, never again, couldn't handle the language barrier as they have no patience for those of us trying to learn the language.
GO on home, you will probably be more happy there. | |
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| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/27/2009 3:05:11 PM | Let's see. This female provides minimal information and yet several females automatically accept her statements as fact and blame the man. Typical.
I would say anyone who moves from Florida to Montreal without taking the time to know the other person is demonstrating poor judgment.
Montreal is a nice city; stay there and find someone who is a better fit or move back to Florida. | |
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| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:48:40 PM | I was so hoping your profile age said "20".
How do grown women do these things and logically justify it?
And why would anyone move from South Florida to Montreal?
Go home girl, before Fall sets in! | |
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| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 10/28/2009 4:52:15 AM | | This is the sad fact that people are not real when it comes to online dating. I would never move to another town for another guy or another country! This dude sounds like he has some major issues. Next time you move do it for yourself not for some man. You need to move back to Florida. This is what you call a learning experience. | |
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| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 10/28/2009 5:01:36 AM | I agree never move somehwere for a man...
You move for things like this.
A job promotion.
A change of careers.
Family needs you.
move to another area for a specialist that is ina prestigious medical clinic. ( my cousin moved to Arizona for her cancer and MS... she is doing great)
But not for a boyfriend that you thought would work out. Men are too flakey, I am sure women are the same way too. I worked in a women shelter 10 yrs ago and this young woman from olkaholma met her boyfriend on line and moved to Iowa to move in with him. She found out a few days after she moved in with him he was sentenced to prison ofr 3 months, he did not pay his rent for 2 months and he was evicted from his home because he did not pay his rent. This woman had no job and did not have enough money to go back home. Staying at a woman's shelter is not romantic. | |
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