| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/8/2009 4:38:34 AM | To the truth of the matter.. In honesty extreme chemistry like extreme sports is more difficult to come by these days.. However it is still alive and well and you certainly know it when it is going on.. I might meet two men a year that can actually tilt my halo..
One I do see from time to time, however we are just friends. I have no problems maintaining a friendship even if the chemistry is over the top.
I just find it hard to contain myself when he wraps his arms around me and tells me how cute I am.. But I do think I do pretty well considering my plight?
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/8/2009 4:58:34 AM | | I've had both- instant chemistry (with my husband) and the slow burn with my last man. The slow burn clearly felt more solid, more grounded and more real. The instant chemistry is exciting, passionate and crazy but it is also risky in that your judgment becomes clouded and you overlook red flags. You also tend to rush into the relationship without really knowing the person. At this age, slow burn is the only way to go, IMHO | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:36:13 AM | I guess I have a different definition of chemistry.
To me chemistry is something you need to get along with
someone else....in a relationship.
I don't necessarily need chemistry with someone I work with,
but I have to know BEFORE I start a relationship
that this is a person I can be with.
I think chemistry and "slow burns" are two different things.
To me a slow burn is the opposite of instant lust.
I guess whatever works...It's all good. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/8/2009 3:26:47 PM | If "chemistry" existed...and people were aware of it "functioned"..then it's likely that there would fewer divorces and less acrimony in relationships.
When I hear a woman talking about "chemistry", I usually head for the exit.
It tells me that she doesn't realize that "instant attraction" isn't a long-term relationship is about...and that she apparently has learned little from her past relationship(s). | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/8/2009 4:08:24 PM | | Just my opinion here BUT.... this spark that everyone seems to be searching for is nothing but physical attraction. Sure, we all have our minimums. A potential mate has to be pleasing to the eye or NOTHING will ever happen. But if someone writes the other off (which is soooooo common) just because that spark is not felt on the first date, then the personality (which is just as important) is never given the chance. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:15:35 PM | | I can't really pin point when it happens or should happen. I like to let nature take it's course and be my giude. Amazingly, when it does happen you'll feel that unmistakable feeling. Isn't that what we are all hoping for, that ultimate connection? | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:26:47 PM | I think it can be immediate or it can happen over time. Case in point how manny romances start at the work place. You can become attracted to a person as you get to know them. That said, there must be a spark before ther can be fire.  | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:31:06 PM | Some kinds of chemistry happen immediately. Those may not be the kinds that you want when you want to settle down. Right now, I'm looking for someone with whom I want to "simmer". Put it on 3 on a gas stove and just leave it alone.
that stuff tastes so great after 20 minutes that you want to eat the whole dish!
Simmer is what I want at 44. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:30:31 PM |
Chemistry and attraction are two different things for me.
karma1160: You have it nailed as far as I'm concerned, and thank goodness I finally found someone who really understands this concept.
I truly believe that Chemistry is one of the most overused and misunderstood terms used here on POF and life in general. I see it everywhere, in posts and especially in women's profiles. Chemistry is not something that generally in most cases is achieved instantly. Chemistry takes time to develop. Sometimes quite a while to develop. Its sort of like an athletic team. There is a concept called "Team Chemistry". It often takes a few games, sometimes lots of games, sometimes a whole season before chemistry truly develops.
Attraction is the instant response but it has no substance
Attraction is what someone sees or doesn't see in the other person before, during and after the first date or first subsequent dates. It shouldn't be confused with chemistry. I once had a woman tell me after one date there was no chemistry. I never understood that. We got along just fine talking on the phone and trading emails. But after 1 date no chemistry? If she was thinking a "Knight in Shining Armour" was going to come down 31st Street under the EL and take her off to the promised land at our age, I think she'll be waiting an eternity. If she came out and said that she wasn't attracted to me, that would be harder to swallow in some ways but it would be a more accurate response. I think sometimes Chemistry is used as a "kinder" way of letting someone know there is not much attraction.
Chemistry is more of a spiritual thing when you recognise someone from your own species and there is a part of you that trusts this person because you can identify there personal essence or nature of character if you will.
Chemistry I believe takes time to cultivate and grow. I know of many couples, that when they first met didn't even like each other, let alone not be attracted. But somehow, someway their destinies were framed in a manner of speaking and they found chemistry and have been together for many many years.
I do think that you can develop a fondness for someone that is compatible that can grow into an accumulated love . I just love this quote. With an open heart and an open mind, fondness and love can be developed and accumulated. It happens all the time but you have to take your blinders off and give a person a chance. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/8/2009 8:55:06 PM | | To clarify... I have met a few women that we did "click" immediately. We had a fantastic first date... physical attraction, sexual tension, our personalities (on the surface) meshed so well with each other that first date was just plain awesome. But I have also had dates where it took the second or third before the connection was felt ONLY due to the fact that the lady got past the nervousness or shyness. If I had moved on because I didn't feel that initial spark on the first date, there would have been some very nice people that I would never have had the chance to know... Just sayin'. But notice something... I'm still looking. When the right one comes along, you never know if it will be that initial gut wrenching reaction or slow burn. Just keep an open mind. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/8/2009 9:24:53 PM | ...For me...if there was going to be any chemistry, it usually occurs immediately. In the 12 years I have been single I have only felt that heart racing kind of adrenaline rush a couple of times. Oh what a feeling.
...maeflowers | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:08:29 PM | | maeflowers : I really feel for you hon. But honestly, I don't think its the chemistry thing. I think it may be that old "attraction" thing. Perhaps, (none of my business mind you) you are being a little too picky or have high expectations? I find it hard to believe a nice woman like you can be single for 12 years and not have had those "special" feelings more than a couple of times! Good Luck in the Future! | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:15:46 PM | You might be right on all accounts Greg, but maybe I should elborate a bit. I may have been single for 12 years but for most of it I wasn't really looking to get into another relationship or even date. It's has only been over the past 3 years that I have decided to re-enter the dating game. And man it's much harder than I thought haha
High expectations?....yes, probably, cause the next relationship I enter will probably be my last.
...maeflowers | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:35:14 PM | I once had a woman tell me after one date there was no chemistry. I never understood that. We got along just fine talking on the phone and trading emails. But after 1 date no chemistry?
Greg: If she had said "no spark," would that language have been more understandable or more to your liking?
Chemistry often (but not always) does happen very quickly. You put two substances together and there's an explosion, you snap a Polaroid and there's an instant picture.... because of chemistry.
Maybe when used to described an attraction, the word "chemistry" is simply an expedient misnomer. I use the word "chemistry" rather than describe all the steps of what takes place in my brain and in my body to create an attraction and a desire to get closer. For it to be called chemistry, it has to be mutual. It may not be exactly correct, but I can't think of a better word to describe that series of reactions.
And you usually know quickly if it's never going to happen for you with a certain person. If you can't say for certain that it isn't ever going to happen, then by all means give it time, and give it a chance.
I haven't had the experience of things burning out quickly because they ignited quickly; in fact, the opposite has tended to be true in my life. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/9/2009 4:48:42 AM | Vicshe: Yes I do see your point. I shouldn't go around anyway trying to preach my philosophy because after all, we all should use language and terminology we feel comfortable using. With that in mind, "no spark" would be more "accurate" as I see it, but I will say that chemistry just sounds better and is a "nicer/softer" way of saying it.
BTW, not to split hairs, but you are right there are chemical reactions that take place instantaneously as you mention, an "explosion". There are also other chemicals that take a certain amount of time to "gel". A good example is the Microwave Oven versus the Traditional Oven. With the former you get a hot meal instantaneously, with the latter it cooks over time. Whats better? Thats up to the individual. I will say that it does say a lot about the world we live in. Lots of people are "I want it NOW" people and are not always willing to wait for things to take time to develop.
Just my 2 cents and only my humble opinion. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:09:38 AM | | Chemistry is a tough one to define. There's that initial attraction thing, which is kind of like chocolate chip cookies, they are really great or they're just okay. Then there's a piece that has more to do with compatibility and that grows over time. I've been drawn to woman over time as I began to see what's in their heart and/or what makes them tick. I guess there's a physical chemistry, an emotional chemistry, and an intellectual one. Whatever you call it, aren't we all looking for some combination of chemistry, compatibility, friendship, affection, love and passion? I think the trick is in that everyone is looking for different levels of all those things. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:18:01 AM | | tresor cache: Your comments are brilliant and you say in few words what I was trying to say in so many Really Good Job of summarizing! | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:26:41 AM | My vote would be yes. At any age. Even with a friend of the opposite sex. You just know. On the other hand, I met and married a man that I had no "spark" with...he grew on me because he was persistant. Swept me off my feet.
Alas, it did not work, and here I am..
I will be more careful in the future..
The end..and the beginning... | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:40:21 AM | I haven't had the experience of things burning out quickly because they ignited quickly; in fact, the opposite has tended to be true in my life.
This has been my experience, as well.
I've met men who've been attractive. Others have intrigued me. But, without that indescribable instant "spark", mutually felt, they didn't endure.
But, the "one" who blew me out of the water, took my breath away, knocked my socks off, made my heart pound, made me tongue-tied..........became my husband. I knew I was "in trouble" the minute he stepped out of the truck!
Later, when he and I discussed that initial moment, he told me that he felt "it" too. And, it never went away...............
It's one of my sweetest memories.
Like Tom Hanks said in "Sleepless in Seattle"............
"All I did was take her hand to help her out of a cab and..........MAGIC".
And, I believe in magic......... | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:50:36 AM |
Are we talking about science? Or love?
That would LOVE (I guess) and certainly not science.
It's odd that people who would on one hand say "Don't judge a book by it's cover" and believe that, would make potentially life-altering decisions based on an initial "feeling" that THEY (and perhaps not the other person ) received from a first encounter.
Again,I submit that if you have been involved in more than a few failed relationships (or worse, more than two divorces) it should be abundantly clear that you are unable recognize "chemistry."
And, as such, making decisions based on flawed perceptions is going to result in bad judgments.
Instant attraction, like instant gratification,IMHO,is usually a bad idea that gets worse as things go along. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:54:22 AM | [Like Tom Hanks said in "Sleepless in Seattle"............
"All I did was take her hand to help her out of a cab and..........MAGIC".]
I believe in magic too Phoebe. I loved that movie, and that quote. There is a connection that occurs, and when it does, it is "magic". | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:59:32 AM |
I believe in magic too Phoebe. I loved that movie, and that quote.
I'm with you both Phoebe and Leslie. I loved that movie as well. I've also had similar experiences and feelings at Tom Hanks did thankfully!
But we all know that happens in the movies. In real life, its a fleeting occurance. To me, thats like luck. Some folks are just lucky while others are not. However, I will go out on a limb and say that people need to make "luck" happen. The best way is to be open minded, and have a loving heart. Not to judge too quickly either way, but to take things step by step. Just some advice from the old "fool" here, GMG!
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/9/2009 11:52:29 AM | Phoebe, that was a beautiful story! I, too, had an LTR that started as instant chemistry (he literally made my knees weak and I almost fell down!) Luckily, I had a counter to grab before I hit the deck! And Parrothead, I'm with you - that attraction/chemistry needs to be nurtured forever. My experience is that good sex just gets better and better over time.
GoodmanGreg, I think we should start a glossary of terms for this website, a "controlled vocabulary" if you will. There is enough confusion between the sexes in everyday communication, but it's much worse when everyone defines terms in a different way. Makes it all the more challenging to communicate with anyone.
And OP, to answer your question: chemistry/attraction/lust happens immediately. Definitely. Know. This. For. Sure.  | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/10/2009 10:21:50 AM | I agree with you....I looked up the definition of "chemistry"..."a strong mutual attraction, the interaction between two...."
My belief is some put too much emphasis on the "physical" chemistry and not the "overall" chemistry...
A relationship does NOT exist with just a cup of coffee or drink...it DOES exist with TIME and EFFORT put forth.....experiencing things together...seeing what makes the other laugh....how one enjoys life, communication, and above all everything starts with FRIENDSHIP.....respecting each other and trusting the other with all you are...the good and the bad...
The two times I fell in love were with those I didn't see physically as my match, but as I got to know them on the inside, I fell in love with all of who they were inside and out....
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