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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/10/2009 10:59:25 AM | Having a relationship, and falling in love, are far from that initial attraction that CAN develop into chemistry.
I believe that physical attraction is what starts the process, and it becomes the mental connection that develops that attraction into some form of chemistry, but just because that exists, does not mean that you two will fall in love, or have a long term relationship.
For me, at least, I can easily put most that I meet into three categories.........."Yes", "Maybe", and "No"........
The "yes" group will be those that I am physically attracted to, no matter the end results, because the attraction exists, and my body recognizes that attractiveness.
The "maybe" group will be those that I find attractive, but need the mental side to push me one way or another, and the "no" group will not ever be more than a friend, colleague, acquaintance, or some other nondescript connection that does not have the necessary physical attraction to warrant more.
Now, the point is to have a "yes" also fit all the other parts of what makes that chemistry mean something even more, but I truly can tell you, that no matter how much we may "click" otherwise, if there is no physical attraction, there will be no chance for more.
Just my opinion........   | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/10/2009 2:45:28 PM | I think all of this "sizzle" stuff happens pretty much the same at any age. we are just more reticent as we get older. we are less open to letting our emotions run away with us right off. that's what experience does; keeps most of us from wearing our hearts on our sleeves, as it were.
I would worry about a "friendship" that sizzled from the start because it sounds like there may also be disappointment there soon enough for someone. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/10/2009 2:47:59 PM | | yay, this is a most intelligent post! and how wonderful it would be if we all could have experienced love this way! thank you | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/10/2009 8:07:07 PM | I have had the "instant" chemistry ( which I define as immediate attraction=lust ....we are all sexual beings, the species must go on...) many times. I have only acted on it once.... Those ones you HAVE to take a step back and really look at that person inside and out before you do the horizontal bunny hop. Your picker might need tuning at that time in your life.
And I have had the slow burn....just a few times....my current is the result of that chemical concoction. That is a nice one to wallow in. No stress.
I have had instant initial dislike in two of my greatest love relationships (20 yr. marriage and a 8 yr. LTR)....so...there really isn't a barometer on this.
I always am emphatic about taking the time to really look at the person you are giving your heart, mind, body and soul to....before you do so. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/10/2009 8:12:05 PM | Here's the thing as I see it. If a woman goes on a date looking for "chemistry", chances are they are NOT going to find it. Chemistry is something that "happens". Sometimes it happens right away, but at other times, it takes time to develop. I think too many women decide right away that there is no "Chemistry" when really all they mean is there is not immediate attraction, spark or "panty wet" lust. We men get accused sometimes of moving too fast, but sometimes I think women pull the trigger too fast and just "shoot a man down", because of one particular flaw. Maybe if she would give the man a chance, she might find out there is Chemistry after all? Just a thought....
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/10/2009 8:22:40 PM | I think it is still possible to have chemistry from the get go but I don't really equate chemistry as the perfect recipe for a long happy relationship as much as I did when I was younger now I need a few more things.
Like compatibility, if you have love in your heart to give you can fall in love with someone over time.
I am not sure it happens like it did when you were young I don't know maybe that whole romantic scenario has just alluded me lately maybe it's my turn. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/10/2009 8:31:31 PM |
I am not sure it happens like it did when you were young I don't know maybe that whole romantic scenario has just alluded me lately maybe it's my turn. karma1160: I think it just MAY BE your turn. After reading your profile, you seem like a wonderful gal if you don't mind me saying. I love your line
if you have love in your heart to give you can fall in love with someone over time. . Thats one that I use often. Forget about this "chemistry" stuff, if you bring love in your heart, you are sure to catch a loving partner.
On a side note, "chemistry" just seems to complicated to me.
Life is simple. Keep it simple! | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/10/2009 8:41:16 PM | Well thank you Greg maybe that was very sweet. I think chemistry is complicated too.
Sometimes I truly wonder if it is all timing....... | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/11/2009 9:02:44 AM | | Chemistry is an ease and comfort being in his/her presence.....you feel like you have known each for awhile....you speak the same language (mentally on the same page) there is usually a feeling that you can't describe because most of us it has not happened to. You can't create chemistry its there or it isn't. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/11/2009 9:31:29 AM |
Chemistry is an ease and comfort being in his/her presence.....you feel like you have known each for awhile....you speak the same language (mentally on the same page) there is usually a feeling that you can't describe because most of us it has not happened to. samantha44: I know women like to think this way, but in my humble opinion, although its very romantic to think in these terms, I think with that philosophy its the proverbial "needle in the haystack". Especially as we grow older. Again, only my opinion. I am not saying one should "settle", I am only saying that what I am looking for now versus what I was looking for many years ago is totally different. I am more open minded and willing to give someone who is willing a chance provided she is willing to give me chance.
You can't create chemistry its there or it isn't.
Oh I most certainly think you can. Many times on a first date, people are nervous and as hard as they both may be trying to put their best foot forward, they often stumble and bumble. So, I conclude it may be there or it may not be there initially, and it takes time to know someone. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/11/2009 10:06:04 AM | Oh Yes!!
You can switch up chemistry at will when you know how it works.
All it is ...is whether you are open to that person or not..... | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/11/2009 12:35:55 PM |
I believe that as we get older, immediate chemistry might not be as important as we were in our twenties
YES YES YES ITS IMPORTANT! Finally as I approach my *peak* I am thinking more like a guy! And realize that sexual chemistry and attraction are vital to a budding relationship  | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/11/2009 8:04:18 PM | | Most of the men I have met in person expected chemistry to happen immediately, and they equated chemistry with wanting to have sex with me when they saw me. I am attracted to many different types of male appearance and personalities,etc. and for me chemistry is a lot more than wanting to have sex with a man when I meet him. No chemistry to a lot of people means they would never want to have sex with the other person, the older I have become the more weight people seem to place on appearance, which has surprised me. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/11/2009 8:11:40 PM |
Most of the men I have met in person expected chemistry to happen immediately, fifi47, its interesting that you say that. I believe women expect it and look for it immediately more than men. If you read women's profile, that word "chemistry" is mentioned in I would say 40 to 50% of women's profiles. Its not about sex either, its about attraction. Attraction is what happens immediately, Chemistry takes time. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/11/2009 8:31:19 PM | See, we need chemistry emoticons: test tubes filled with brightly colored liquid, topped with a smiley head, lashes batting away, sidelong glances from one tube to the other, their cheeks blush, maybe even the color of their liquid changes. Chemistry.
You can have that initial attraction, chemistry, spark, whatever you want to call it, at any age. What you do with it might vary. I think of chemistry actually as an immediate sense of compatibility; you get each other and partly because there is a mutual and probably mostly physical attraction. Allowing for nerves and the strangeness of meeting on-line, I look for this kind of chemistry by the end of a first date (not first meeting, but an actual date). If it's not there then, we say good bye.
To me chemistry does not equal "love at first sight," which maybe is closer to what the OP is asking about. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/12/2009 6:53:16 AM | The older we are the "love at first sight" might not be there but I think it still can happen. If it doesn't I think the love that grows from a friendship would probably be the longer-lasting, stronger type relationship.
I did the "love at first sight" thing when I was younger, it lasted 14 years but I wanted to last for the rest of my life. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/12/2009 7:06:14 AM | | I must be atypical as far as wanting there to be an immediate chemistry type feeling when I meet someone, because that could basically tell me that the feeling is based on lust and that is not always a good thing at all. I have met men and felt an immediate attraction, but the attraction that was based on appearance never amounted to any sort of relationship of substance, was extremely short lived, or he was not attracted to me in that way and a first meet was the end of it. I am not saying that it could not happen, just have not been blown away especially of late by anyone who was blown away by me so to speak when we first met. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/12/2009 7:38:28 AM | I don't believe it has much to do with attraction/lust atall...it has more to do with how you feel in his/her presence like I said there is comfortability that is unexplainable....he/she may not even be on your radar for what you are desire looks wise, you simply can't deny the energy you feel with person....you feel as though you have found your best friend that you feel oddly attracted to because he/she isn't what you have programed your mind to and sometimes it is.....
I've always said no real point having a wish list of specifics because when he/she shows up that list goes right out the window.
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/12/2009 8:08:38 AM | Hi. I do believe that you can tell immediatly if there is chemistry there.... this doesn't mean you are commiting yourself to a relationship with this person or that you are mistaking lust for love... it just means that for whatever reason there is a spark of chemistry between you and this person.
I believe that sexy is an attitude and has very little to do with physical appearance. I am much more likely to feel chemistry with a man that is confident and comfortable with who he is and it shows in the way he holds himself and moves... than I am to be attracted to a man with perfect hair or the perfect body.
I will generally give it two dates with a man to decide whether there is any chemistry there.... if I don't feel anything by then I very politely end it.
It is very important to me in a relationship to feel like I NEED to touch this person, to be close to him, to have him want to be close to me... that is chemistry.
I was at a singles meet and greet recently and we were all told to go around and hug everyone.... I hugged all of the men, but when I got to this one man, we hugged and then looked at each other and he bent down and gave me the lightest kiss on my lips... THAT was mutual and immediate chemistry. We have been out on a couple of dates since then and I am looking forward to more !
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/12/2009 12:30:13 PM | | Yup, very important aspect. Most often the determining factor on future developments. We can chat and chat and chat, both online and on the phone, but it's only when we're able to evaluate the chemistry generated during an initial meeting, that will set in our minds to the direction one would wish to guide the experience towards. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 7/13/2009 7:56:17 AM | I agree with some of the other posts that chemistry and attraction are two different things. Yes, I have had instant attraction attacks and they are wonderful. I've had them lead from just a quick meeting to an afternoon spent talking to dinner an onward. Nice!
Chemistry has to set in once the attraction part is broken in. Then comes the part of compatibality etc. That takes more time and is the most important of all.
Attraction to me is not what it was when I was younger. I look for someone who I think I would enjoy being with in numerous ways, not just what they look like. The chemistry part. I look for someone I can talk to, have fun with, is affectionate, intelligent etc. Instead of a narrow view of what I wanted and would accept when I was younger, that view is now quite wide. Much more open and accepting, as it should be. | |
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| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 8/5/2009 7:41:44 PM | I think every one is placing there own def. on chemistry. chemistry is a phisical atraction, that atraction can be visual and or mental and even verbal. two people meeting for the firast time have to have a reason to meet the second time. hence i think people at this age evaluate better than they did years ago. i think years ago we thought from our crouch, both men and women. but now i think responsable adults think from the brain. i was once told by a wize tail by a 90 year old women. she said to many people forget that you can love some one with out being in love with them. loveing is short results. being in love with some one does take time and nuturing.
so in a word i personely believe that you can tell in just a few minutes that,
(a) you like some one or ( b) you dont like some one. like going to an interview for the first time. as they say first impresion usually makes and or breaks the deal.
so i believe in chemistry and should no with in a few minutes. That is allso taking into concideration you no what you are wanting and looking for, from a relationship | |
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