| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/25/2009 3:21:34 PM |
We're getting dangerously close to having this thread deleted and I'd really like to see what others have to say. I hope we can get a couple more votes to keep this thread.
You can always check out some of the other threads about this subject. Do a thread search. There are dozens of them. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:05:35 PM | | OP - I'd say the first "meet & greet", if you initiate it, you ought to pay for it. I do recommend meeting over coffee. NOT drinks, not expensive meals. Remember, you may want a woman to offer to pay for a date, while other men don't want women too. We just can't seem to win. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:35:30 PM | | good post suecat. both genders are messed up on this topic. i'm delighted if the woman pays for every other date or so, as long as you both want to do similar things. my manhood isn't threatened by an independant woman treating you like a person instead of a wallet. this reminds me of the "do you hold the door open for a woman" question of the 70s. i was screamed at on several occasions by angry feminists who couldn't understand that there's a difference between polite and condesending. if you offer, then are turned down, that's the guys problem. i enjoy your posts, suecat. keep up the good work | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/25/2009 5:03:08 PM | | I believe each person should pay his/her own way or take turns paying for things. The spirit of generosity should be evident in both people. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/25/2009 9:21:56 PM | | When she is the one who asks the guy out. She should pay. Just like I assume when the guy asks me out,he will pay. Of course I always like to offer to pay for my share. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/26/2009 6:42:06 AM | Hi-
I always offer on the initial date. Once I start dating, I would like it to become 50/50, if we earn about the same amount of money. If the guy earns twice as much as I do, then he can pay more often, or at the more expensive outings. If someone refuses to ever allow me to pay, I usually buy gifts for them.
On another note, I started to date a guy who took me to an expensive restaurant on our first meeting. I thought it was way too expensive for a first date/meeting. I did offer to pay, he refused. WE continued to date. I payed for some things. He earned 2 times as much as I did, but was paying alimony and child support. However he started to take advantage of me. Once we were in the grocery store, buying things for dinner (which I would have no problem paying for), he said he needed things for the house in general, and started shopping for things for his child (Whom I had yet to meet). While we were checking out, he was bagging the items and the cashier looked at me and said the amount. Guy had his credit card in his hand, did not make a move, I felt extremely uncomfortable, so pulled out some money and paid. We never ate what I bought, so I told him to freeze the items and we could cook them next time I was there. His response was "I am going to make them for "son" tomorrow". I was dumbfounded in a way. I do not mind paying my share, but I think it is not appropriate for someone to expect me to pay for his household groceries and his son's food. And before someone states I use his water, drink his liquids, etc when I am there, I know this. Which is why that particular time, I brought down 3 12 packs of soda and snacks that I like. I am very generous, but I also like to be treated. I have nothing to do with his alimony/child support/or the fact his ex refused to work and he had to pay for everything. I started to say to him, we should each pay for our own meals when we go out. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/26/2009 7:05:13 AM | Most men I've been out with have insisted they pay. It's a very nice gesture and I appreciate it, but certainly not why I went out with them.
I get the impression it makes some men feel good to be generous. And if that's not you, then don't. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/26/2009 7:09:47 AM | | The first meet & greet, which I prefer to be coffee (not much of a drinker here, although I have done the drink at a bar)...I arrive early, purchase my drink, and there is no "who pays" discussion. After that - if we do anything that costs money, I always offer to pay my share - I find that if you push too hard you insult some men. If they refuse I offer to leave the tip, if it's a meal. If I invite someone somewhere, I am prepared to pay. I tend to enjoy "simple" things - sitting in the park, visiting with family or friends, a DVD...whatever...although a night "out" is great too - so actually it doesn't come up a lot with me. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/26/2009 7:33:29 AM | abelian - now there's an honest answer...had tears in my eyes from laughing!
I think it is nice for her to offer to pay and whether or not there is a second date, I always try to arrange our first meeting at one of my favorite restaurants so if the date is a bust, at least we both have enjoyed a good meal and good conversation. I am always a gentleman and respectful, even if she does have more hair on her face than me...I always pay. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/26/2009 8:14:04 AM | the last girl I dated offered one time - not paid, but just OFFERED - once, in maybe 13 or 14 dates. After a while, spending $50 every go of it just got, well, irritating
Well, duh....
Is she on welfare?
Are you looking to meet someone for the purposes of a relationship, or are you a looking for a charity case?
Personally, I would never consider a woman who didn't bring to the table (sic) certain positives attributes.
There are assets and liabilities with everyone whom you choose to associate with.
I don't see a deadbeat, freeloader, or a sponger ( all dictionary definitions of people who take advantage of free food and entertainment ), as being desirable in a woman. Nor being demanding, or feeling entitled, as being endearing qualities of an adult.
If you're concerned she might interpret you as being a "tightwad", or someone who doesn't enjoy being decadent, then simply ask her what she would feel comfortable with doing on a date.
Show her how "high" you can roll, by asking her where she likes to dine with friends, and then suggest that you go there. If she's capable and comfortable with those kinds of nights out with friends, she should have NO issues with paying for her own way while DINING with you on a date.
If she wants to get to know "you", it's about getting to know you".
AND.....it's about getting to know "her".
Maybe she's the type that doesn't go to her best friends wedding unless she sees the menu and sees if it's "Open Bar"... | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/26/2009 8:44:34 AM | | i think if the guy asks the girl out, he pays. if going out just as "friends" after being out previously, then the pay thing can be worked out. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/26/2009 9:08:41 AM | I pay all the time for my friends and family and always have. Yes it adds up but I never look at money that way. You either enjoy spending it on you…. or you enjoy spending it on others.
I don’t want to enjoy and entire evening with a guy only to have it ruined by "who's gonna pay". Even if it's a thought in the back of your head and I never know about it... is enough to ruin your night.
Don't date women that have the old fashion approach of "the man has to pay for everything".
You pay all right…in more ways than she’s worth. lol | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/26/2009 11:13:53 AM |
I don’t want to enjoy and entire evening with a guy only to have it ruined by "who's gonna pay". Even if it's a thought in the back of your head and I never know about it... is enough to ruin your night.
Can you say "convoluted"?... | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/26/2009 11:29:42 AM |
When should the woman offer to pay?
Only when it's a sincere offer and not just some gesture which she thinks is expected of her at the same time she's expecting the guy to "overrule" (dismiss?) her and pay anyway.
the last girl I dated offered one time - not paid, but just OFFERED - once, in maybe 13 or 14 dates.
I think you cut her way too much slack if the issue was really all that important to you, unless you were just doing an experiment or something and building up sufficient statistics; I would have thought the trend was clear after about the 3rd or 5th date. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/26/2009 11:55:33 AM | I think if a man asks me out to dinner. He should pay.
If we go see a movie after, I will pay.
I think the asker does the paying but if something unexpected
or you decide to do something after, then i mean its ok to offer to pay.
If Im dating a man who insists upon paying for everything, I will invite him
over to my apartment and make him dinner.
If you ask me out for dinner and look at me funny when the cheque comes.
Its going to be a bit of a turnoff.
If we are just friends than I think its fair to split it.
Thats just me. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/26/2009 11:57:44 AM | | I did cut her too much slack, but for a while I just kind of ignored it. Then it started to bother me, and eventually, it became a major, major turnoff. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/26/2009 12:48:24 PM | Sort of unrelated, but I took my girlfriend (of over a year) to an expensive restaurant. I got the chicken, $20, and she got some crazy ass market value fish that ended up costing $60.
She paid that night. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/26/2009 1:21:28 PM | | When I consider him my guest. It could be on the first date or much later on. Two examples come to mind - someone travelling from a distance to my area. Another is when I invite him over and cook a meal for us, usually finer than can be had at any restaurant. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/26/2009 2:00:12 PM | I think it depends on the woman and man in question.
Men who know me, know I am not a person who loves to go out a dinner of
3 course meals and drinks.
I prefer coffee and an appetizer or do an activity that is fun that does not include dinner.
It seems the less a "date" costs the more fun you have in most cases.
I almost always pay the tip and have money for parking if needed and believe to offer is common courtesy.
I do love to go downtown and to the gardens in our area which can be expensive, so if I suggest that we do so, I offer to go dutch when I can afford to do so.
If you have had 13 dates with the same person and they don't offer to treat at least once or twice. I think that is a lack of manners or poor upbringing. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/26/2009 2:39:52 PM | | i dont expect the guy to pay and if it is a first date, if he pays for supper and we decide to go somewhere else like the movies or bowling or etc., i like to pay for that. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/26/2009 6:48:21 PM | | I'm old fashioned. I don't expect a woman to pay for anything. If she offers then I won't say anything. If a woman asks a man out I think it would be only fitting that she pay for the date but again I wouldn't expect it. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/27/2009 2:55:36 AM | 1. If you ask her out...YOU PAY.
2. If she asks you out...SHE PAYS.
3. If you can't afford to pay, don't ask her out. Quit dating.]
^^ yup thats what I think too.
==============================
if going out just as "friends" after being out previously, then the pay thing can be worked out. ] I go dutch with a male friend of mine when we go out to eat. Not a problem...
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/27/2009 3:37:57 AM | ^^^^ Mmmm it's an interesting idea, but what's wrong with just going Dutch?
As the man, I guess I always offer to pay first... But damn! It sure is a nice, pleasant surprise when the woman insists on going Dutch. Kinda makes me want to pay right up front, right there, right then because it can be so darn refreshing for a change.
But of course, being an independent woman, she'll probably insist that she pays too and my respect for her goes up in droves...
When dating women like this I sometimes take great pleasure in paying the bill after we eat and when they visit the bathroom. You know... Just to show my appreciation.
So women... On casual dating, can't you at least OFFER to go Dutch? It's a risk if you don't really want to pay the bill, but you could impress the man so much, he may well just pay up front anyway! 
Anyway, women that insist we pay, no matter what, deeply disturbs me no end... | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/27/2009 6:17:20 PM | | A woman should pay, not simply offer to pay, when she does the inviting. After a couple of successful dates of not paying a cent then a woman should offer to pay for drinks, or dessert or suggest a more economically sound date. Really. First dinner dates should be modest at best. You're there to get to know each other, not set a financial precedent you cannot maintain. | |
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