| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/27/2009 6:36:56 PM | I had a guy that took me out more than a few times, and I started to feel really bad because I kind of took mental note of how much he was spending. Finally I offered to have him over to my house, cook dinner, groceries on me of course  and for the next few weeks, I had pre plannd things kind of, like tickets to a major leauge baseball game, or comedy club, that way he didnt feel bad for me paying, like he kept saying, btu it was already done. He though, did pay for drinks and gas etc for all of these events but I think when ladies consistantly make an effort it gives guys the reassurance that she isnt just out for the meal ticket | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/27/2009 7:34:11 PM | Here are my 2 cents.
According to Emily Post (the most respected etiquette authority), the person who initiates date, has to pay including tip, unless alternate arrangement is made in advance.
Man more likely invites lady on a first date. So, he is recommended to pay including tip. The reason: men are being evaluated for their generosity and chivalry, generosity being one of three the most important qualities ladies looking in men. If man does not pay, he may not get second date. That is why I feel more comfortable to have coffee/drink type of first date, in a nice place. Remember “Sleepless in Seattle”?
I have dated a man who allowed me to pay tip for a dinner on a first date. It didn’t feel right. I suspected that he is not generous and he proved it on every subsequent date.
Second date and so on… I agree with Blondee: it’s the matter of balance.
I prefer to take turns to pay. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:46:10 PM | | It depneds on the guy and where he lives and works. It also depnds on what kind of event is going to. Maybe a play or concert which could be $50.00 to $100.00 a ticket then split it. Looking way back, one guy complained on the 1st date that i was not an alpha female because i did offer to pay for malts at the Mc Donalds drive thru. I did not go out with him again. How cheap can one get. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/27/2009 10:53:44 PM | The word "offer" is a turn off. When I want to pick up the bill, I don't ask, hint or suggest. What a difficult position to put a man in! I just pick up the bill, pay it and smile broadly.
I would do the same for a man who suggested that we go "Dutch". I'd counter suggest that I pay the whole bill and I would NEVER see him again! Penny counters do NOT make good partners. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2009 12:40:38 AM | When dating its is best to go 50-50 ( half / half )
Im not stingey, but fair is fair.
Women wanted equal pay , they burn there bras and some even want the guys to pay for the date !
Hey come on girls !
From my riecent expieance I will get the first one and then say go on its your round , they either like it or not, if they dont tough, no one will be getting a free night out of me.
So girls when are we going out together LOL | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2009 12:41:32 AM | When dating its is best to go 50-50 ( half / half )
Im not stingey, but fair is fair.
Women wanted equal pay , they burn there bras and some even want the guys to pay for the date !
Hey come on girls !
From my riecent expieance I will get the first one and then say go on its your round , they either like it or not, if they dont tough, no one will be getting a free night out of me.
So girls when are we going out together LOL | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:40:17 AM | | Im a little conflicted on this one... Im an old fashioned girl. I was raised that a guy should pay bc its respectful.... HOWEVER.... I think that whoever asks the other on the date should pay.... also if things progress to the next level and you make it an honest relationship then by golly she should offer to pay either half the ticket most of the time or ya'll should make an agreement that if you pay this time she pays next... also it depends on if she can afford it... its not a black and white issue, its depending on the situation... but I hope thats helpful? | |
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astock
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Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 60 | |
| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:50:15 AM | | OP absolutely not, it is not their responsibility to pay for anything when their on a date. it quite frankly is ours, as gentlemen we are born with the responsibility to pay, i know alot of you may not want to hear this but like it or not it is true | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2009 11:12:05 AM | I think who ever extends the invitation should be prepared to pay and the the invited party should be prepared to offer to chip in. That's not just for Dating either. If I say to one of my buddies, "lets go grab a beer.", I'm usually prepared to buy at least two rounds.
And now the Rant:
For all their talk of equality, women sure do like that free meal don't they. If we've already fed you six times, what's so cheap about thinking you might at least offer at some point? Or since we are talking "Traditions", why don't women invite us over to show us what good little homemakers they are anymore by serving us men a home cooked meal? Traditionaly, if the man pays doesn't he have the "right" to expect a little sumpin' sumpin' in return? Now there's a couple of grand traditions for you!What if we are talking about a homosexual couple, who pays then?
Traditions come and go with the wind.
[ astock, I'm revoking your man card and addind a second S to your name] | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2009 1:08:39 PM | | A man told me this..."Being a well kept woman is costly they have to pay more for dry cleaning, nails, hair appointments, need a couple dozen pairs of shoes, waxing, stockings, makeup...hence men should pay for dinner." | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:46:49 PM | In the end though it really shouldn't be an issue.If you don't have money,Don't go out!
And if you're out at least have enough class to pick up a check here and there. Let alone the check that comes when you're out on a date. The fact that this is even an issue is staggering. If you're gonna be cheap on a first date it's probably not cause you're saving for some grand wedding.You're just cheap! And you deserve fast food!!!
I've waited on enough earlybird suckers for three lifetimes worth.You can't take it with you!! I hate cheap people,They should migrate to some commune somewhere very far away.So I don't have to wait on them.Die pennypinchers Die!!!
well that was fun | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2009 11:24:07 PM | ^^^^
Right on, Mike!
The fact is that if you're cheap with money, you are cheap with everything and that is 60 yrs of experience speaking.
Look guys, you don't have to go to 5 star restaurants. Date within your means, but please display a generous character if you want to find a woman to love you for the rest of your life. Your dating behaviour exposes your character.
"Generous", "giving" are attractive traits. Unattractive are "stingy" and "taking". EVERY man I've known that has been overly concerned over getting his fair share or tight about sharing when it came to money carried on those attributes into EVERY corner of his life.
This is the most debated topic on the forums. It exposes a lot of men who are poor candidates for a giving relationship and to my embarrassment, it also exposes women who are takers. In the end, a good weeding tool. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/28/2009 11:32:09 PM | It's society around women that needs to change
why waiters still go to the man to try the wine when a couple are out?
why do banks write to the husband when the account is in the wife's name too?
There is still a crawling chauvinism that we need to stamp out
yes, we meaning us men too... The minute we have some influence we should use it to help people around us become more, not less, independent of us... If we keep offering to pay at the table, to taste the wine, to deal with the bank manager, etc. how do we expect women to be considered helpless and somehow less?
The road to equality is yet long... | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/29/2009 12:05:34 AM |
A man told me this..."Being a well kept woman is costly they have to pay more for dry cleaning, nails, hair appointments, need a couple dozen pairs of shoes, waxing, stockings, makeup...hence men should pay for dinner."
That is the cost of a being a woman everyday, if she so desires, let alone just on dates. But that is a cost she must bear alone as do we all. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/29/2009 12:22:41 AM | The invitee, male or female, should offer to pay each time, and should actually just PAY when doing the inviting, and as long as both agree ahead of time, they can go Dutch any time they want.
If being old-fashioned is part of the dynamic, the inviter pays, and politely declines the offer to offset the bill, unless other arrangements are made beforehand.
Definitely it should be discussed prior to going out, to avoid any embarrassing misunderstandings and assumptions.
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"Expectations are premeditated resentments." (source unknown) | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/29/2009 12:36:35 AM | women generally are under the impression that the MAN IS THE ONE WHO PAYS
even a lot of men feel that way.
if i don't really know the person or there isn't a huge spark
or if im' NO LONGER interested in the person, I pay. no questions asked. and i try to pay quickly so they don't have the chance to object.
if i'm really feeling someone then i'll let them pay and if for some reason they hesitate and aren't on top of things then its a very uncomfortable feeling and a HUGE TURN OFF
i was in a relationship where the man payed for everything. from the very beginning of the relationship he was all about putting his money out there and paying for everything. even when i went out with my own money intending to pay for my OWN stuff. then it came to a point where he told me he was having financial problems and spoke to me about. from then on, i would pay for things when we went out i'd be the one buying things for HIM and honestly not having a problem with it cause i cared.and plus he used to pay for so many things for no reason so it evened out
all you have to do is talk to her about if and if she cares enough then she'll pay [if u have a good reason]
if u dont' have a ''good'' reason and you're reasoning is well i just think the woman should pay some times AFTER all those times of her not paying and her getting used to not paying then u might have a problem. depends on the woman | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 6/29/2009 4:02:46 AM | | I always provide half of the bill - at least in the beginning - or I pay for the next date - its just being fair. No way do I expect my date to pay 100% for me - this is 2009! | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 10/24/2009 8:30:45 PM | | It doesnt bother me for a women to start paying after the second date, since it is economically unfeasable today to expect to foot the bill while both people are reaping the benefit of the time together. I feel like many women today equality means being equal in the work place and financially. I have no problem with women being equal on date responsabilities and welcome it. Plus you can do more things then being dependent on just the mans discretionary income | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 10/25/2009 8:27:34 AM | | If I've met him online, for the first meeting, I expect that each of us will cover our own. After that, I have no problem with alternating. | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 10/25/2009 8:54:40 AM | | i wouldn't mind taking the guys out sometimes if we are in a serious relationship. before that i would not do anything more than splitting the bill, why would i offer to pay for some ***hole that wants to keep his options open? | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 10/25/2009 9:00:56 AM | Msg1: No she is not obligated to pay, but her take is she should be a super dolled up and a good company.. No one should accept an invitation and go with empty handed..I mean no reciprocation or a token of gifts..
If I were a man I will not invite someone to impressed and after wards complained because it is hurting my cash flow and expect her to offer, that is weak attitude. I will invite a woman to a meal that I can afford with out hurting my budget...
If I am already well istablished and she is familiar with me, (not really necessary) I know the" line" on how to make her cook for me ,she'll be glad to share expenses, or pay for the whole course dinner for both of us.. That is easy and simple it's called negotiation..... | |
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| When should the woman offer to pay?
Posted: 10/25/2009 9:03:34 AM | I find the whole who pays thing a little frustrating and confusing. I mean when I was younger it was never an issue, the gentleman always paid. Then I spent over a quarter of my life with the same person. So once again it really was not an issue.
NOW, that I am back in the dating world and have talked to friends, read forums and other info. I feel totally lost. I mean okay, I should at least be nice and offer. I have, only because I have come to believe that is what I am suppose to do. HOWEVER, a lot more times than not (only two have let me pay)I have been told to put my money away, or absolutely not-I would never let a woman pay for a date. Even if I have been the one to set-up the date and make the arrangements. I still was told they wanted to pay.
Since I am not yet use to this who pays thing I am not even sure at what point I should be making the offer. I have tried the first date, I have waited to the second date and even longer. Plus is there some type of signal that a guy gives that I am unware of that they would like me to offer to pay or actually pay?
Sometimes I think this old dog has a lot to learn about dating in this age and time. | |
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