| | casual sex or friends with benefitsPage 5 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) |
I used to have a FWB relationship with myself but had to break it off when too many emotions came up. Now I'm just close personal friends with myself.
Thank you for making me spew tea out my nostrils.... | |
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| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/3/2009 1:04:55 PM | m_church, I purposely used that language. In my mind, any stranger on the internet who believes they know another person better than that person knows themselves deserves scorn and ridicule. Someone says "I enjoy myself and my life" and some stranger comes along saying "no you don't you are obviously unhappy and just don't know it" or any other summary and they deserve to be made fun of for that. It shows a lack of depth and ability to comprehend anything outside of their tiny minds to think that they know a perfect stranger better than that person knows themselves.
I have to say I know as many people who live a traditional life that have been the victim of abuse or suffered weight issues or any number things as in an alternative lifestyle. Examle: I have 11 close female aquaintances of various degrees (friends, families, wives of friends, ect....) Of them, 7 have been the vicitm of some type of abuse and two struggle with weight issues. Of them, 3 are in alternative lifestyles, 5 are happily married, and 1 is single. Of the other 2, 1 is married and 1 is single. That's my personal experience. Perhaps it is different than yours but I would also guess I have more friends in the alternative and kink communities than you so have a broader view of their histories. | |
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| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/3/2009 3:28:10 PM |
Most of the time that is how it works. Men will go to bars to look for women. Men go looking for women. How often do you and your girlfriends go to bars looking for men? Men will go week after week looking for women. It's very much like hunting. Men are more hunter oriented than you might think.
I never thought they weren't however I don't know what that has to do with the sexual dynamic of some men once they find certain women. To be honest the ones hunting are easy prey for a woman looking for the same thing, the target's way easier to trap.
Women don't usually hunt for men anywhere - that doesn't mean they don't enjoy sex. They may just enjoy sex that's not "strange". Doesn't make it necessary to marry someone to sleep with them.
He might feel that way. But so do many many other men. Society still has not accepted sexually free women. Women who try to play the game like men do still end up getting hurt. Why is that? Some women can compartmentalize sex like men do that is true. But it's still some not the majority, and not the norm. How he looks at men women and sex is actually the view of the majority of men. If you can fix that then go ahead.
First of all, you're repeating the same dynamic. "Women who try to play the game like men" suggests that women can't enjoy sex, that men only want sex, and that any of that is a game from either end. And I agree that for SOME freely sexual women are not accepted (such as yourself). However it doesn't mean that all feel that way, or that it matters how anyone feels when two consenting adults agree to do anything that doesn't concern anyone else.
Anyone who tries to play a game isn't going to win much - that's (AGAIN) not about gender, it's about personality and situation.
Yes, some women can compartmentalize sex, but not the majority of women. That's pretty much the same thing I said. For THOSE women, men can think what they want, but it's not going to serve em well. For women who can handle sex, there are men who get that and either go along with it or not.
The bottom line here (as usual) is that you should do what works for you and don't worry about everyone else, same as M Church, same as everyone else. You cannot possibly guess what others are doing you don't know anything about...not should you want to. It's just not relevant to you - only you are relevant to you, so keep an eye on that. | |
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| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:55:10 PM | There is nothing wrong with it,it is something that is wrong with society. My wife has certain likes in the bed that she has, that I am not good at delivering on. So, she found a friend that is good at giving those things and every few months, they hook up for just sex. Seeing that it is fine with all three of us, it works. Some of her friends that she has told, have been shocked, but then admitted that they were jelous of her and wished that they were at a place in their relationships that they too could have an arrangement like this.
A while back, we had a friend of ours that had been dumped by his wife because she didn't love him any more. He had a hard time getting back into the dating scene because he equated sex with love and he didn't love these ladies that he was dating. As an experiment, my wife asked him if he was attracted to her, which he was. See offered to sleep with him as a purely physical relationship. After he thought about it and realized the I had no problems with it, they went at it. Being that it was a FWB or NSA deal, he was able to relax and enjoy himself. It went on for a few months until he met the lady that is now his new wife. For him, it helped him sort things out, cure his ED that was being caused by anxiety and he learned many more things that his new wife commented that he nows likes! For her, it was a chance to get laid by a tall well built guy. Unfortunately, if society found out about it, there would be some many people that would frown on it.
Don't worry about social norms and standards. As long as no one is getting hurt and everyone is consenting, go for it!!!
Bear | |
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| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:02:42 PM | | There's nothing wrong with that, it depends on who you are as a person. Honestly if I met a girl who was like that I'd understand...but I don't like empty sex so to speak. Better than masturbation but still it makes me feel bad after wards. | |
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| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/5/2009 4:56:05 PM | i'm sure you are serious..i've seen this question before..i'll go back to a basic responce that applies to most questions..who cares what others think ? i find it awfully hard to believe that we as humans are so concerned about others thoughts! it's your life ..LIVE IT !!  | |
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| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:00:04 PM | | Excuse me? Women are allowed to cheat way more often than men. When a woman cheats, lots of husbands forgive them... called cuckoldry. | |
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| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:31:28 PM | | My question is, why do all the women I see here saying there's nothing wrong with FWB have "Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter" in their profile? | |
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| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/5/2009 6:35:36 PM |
My question is, why do all the women I see here saying there's nothing wrong with FWB have "Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter" in their profile?
1) There's a difference between thinking there's nothing wrong with FWB and wanting that sort of setup yourself.
2) There's a big difference between having a friendship where you add in a sexual component, and meeting someone for NSA. I have no interest in meeting some random guy off the internet for some random sex. I know my FWB, I know he cares for me, I know we'll stay friends, I trust him. I wouldn't be comfortable with him if we hadn't been friends first. He's not some random internet guy--he's my friend, and he likes me beyond the sex. FWB and "intimate encounter" are fundamentally different situations most of the time. | |
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| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/5/2009 6:40:12 PM |
My question is, why do all the women I see here saying there's nothing wrong with FWB have "Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter" in their profile? Because:
1. An FWB isn't an "encounter" with a stranger, it's an arrangement between two people who already know and trust each other. An FB/NSA is more likely to be some person you've only known one night (and may not want to know any longer than that)
2. More women than men tend to be more ok with arrangements if it's a case where they know someone, even if it's not an FWB. More men than women are ok with meeting a total stranger for sex and never seeing them again.
Maybe it's more available to women, so they can be more choosy. Maybe it's that women are more likely to go without sex if they don't feel comfortable with it. Maybe it's both. Who knows. | |
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| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:57:22 PM | | Personally I find it difficult to just be casual about that. It can be done, but I think that once it becomes a regular thing emotions will start to grow. Those emotions can affect the friendship. I guess what I'm saying is, weigh it out and determine how much you value the friendship and you're will to risk it on moments of sheer pleasure. | |
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parakp
| | Joined: 9/28/2008
Msg: 115 | |
| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:31:16 PM | | I dont find anything wrong with it, I had a FWB who was in the same mind set as I was and it was great. Go for it Girl and do what's right for you. | |
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| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:38:46 PM | Why do you care what they think, especially if you don't want a relationship?
I wouldn't give anyone the benefit of my body without having a relationship where they've courted me, but your needs are different, and none of what I think should matter to you. MC | |
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| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/6/2009 1:51:12 AM | I cannot do it. The idea of having sex with any of my male friends makes me want to puke (not saying they are ugly freaking guys). I feel like they are my brothers, and it would just feel wrong to me. Some guys are meant to be just friends, and other guys are meant to be lovers. I will not blend the two together, and risk losing a lifelong friendship ( my closest male friend has known me since elementary school, so that is a 20 year friendship).
My male friends know this about me, and respect that boundary. They would never even think about suggesting a FWB relationship.
What they think inside their heads, stays inside their heads.  | |
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| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/7/2009 2:21:31 AM | | i dont think most women set it up like that. in their mind a fwb is different then a real friend. its just sounds better than some guy im f%%%%%g. | |
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| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/7/2009 4:48:32 AM |
My comment is why is it that a guy can have casual sex or friend with benefits and if a woman decides she wants the same thing cause basically not ready for a long term relationship. Why is it so wrong that a woman wants just that causual sex or friend with benefits.. we are all human and i just wonder thats all...
There's nothing wrong with it.
Stop listening to your girlfriends. | |
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| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/7/2009 12:05:26 PM | | Women are finally more open and responsible with their sexuality, they are now doing what men have done for centuries. Both folks need to be upfront and honest before they have sex. Too often folks gets emotionally involved give mixed messages causing problems. FWB(not golddigging) are becoming more the norm as with responsible casual sex..... | |
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| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/7/2009 1:43:50 PM | Why is it so wrong that a woman wants just that causual sex or friend with benefits.. we are all human and i just wonder thats all...
It's not wrong, but gal pals and family members will say otherwise, that's all. It's "wrong" because of the guilt-complex associated with sex that many women have to at least some degree. Add in the classic jealousy factor women can easily have with other women, and it worsens the pot. It's -actually- wrong when people lie or lead people on in order to get sex, not just because you're having it with someone in which there is no real foreseeable relationship.
It will feel to be "wrong" when a woman (or guy) thinks that by being intimate, it means commitment. They set their expectations high, and when the other person's not that interested, they think they were used, so they steer clear of anything casual altogether (after numerous situations).
Side note: When you're in the pre-dating phase (not a couple, but going out on first few dates), you ARE friends with benefits, at least very temporarily, if you're "fooling around". When people say "I dont want friends with benefits", what they mean is, "If we're starting to date, and we do get a little naughty, you BETTER be my boyfriend/girlfriend."
Classic friends with benefits means "we're not going to be a couple in any foreseeable future, but we will end up doing things at the end of the night that couples do do".
I always see classic problems with people who rightfully aren't ready for a relationship. They don't want to be JUST friends, but they don't to be boyfriend/girlfriend with anyone, but they don't want to be void of sexual relations the whole time, but they don't want friends with benefits either (and also obviously excluding random sex or booty calls too). Guess what? There IS no such thing. In those cases, they don't know what they want, and they can't complain if they get themselves in a FWB situation, because in the end, that IS the direction they'd be headed down. | |
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| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/7/2009 4:40:57 PM | I think today that a lot of people, single and married are looking for a FWB but just to aafriad to admit it.
The times are changing and so is relationships | |
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| casual sex or friends with benefits
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:21:45 PM |
My male friends know this about me, and respect that boundary. They would never even think about suggesting a FWB relationship.
My friends too. Real friends do not suggest sex with you. I got drunk one night and I was having a bad time. I threw myself on my friend. A man I had known for years who I value as a great friend. I took most of my clothes off. He wrapped me in a blanket and told me he could never do that to risk a friendship. He and I are still great friends and my respect for him has grown immensely. | |
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