| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:52:11 AM | Parnoid? No.
Its a valid concern as others have said.
Just read thread upon thread about how many people trusted someone to stay on a site whilst dating, 'for the Forums' or 'To alleviate boredom and email freinds' and you will find a ton of people that were lied to, and messed around.I still am of the opinion that if when a dating scenario becomes exclusive, and one party still wants to keep up a profile on a dating site, whatever the half****d reason they give for doing so,.. well, its my opinion that that person is likely to be still looking.
Sorry, just the way I feel from observations I've made.
Some are internet addicted, some will never leave the dating sites alone. They jeopardise relationships, by refusing to act in a trustworthy manner.
I would proceed with caution if I were you.
Your instincts are not wrong about this.
G. x | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:07:22 PM | | You are not paranoid in a bad way...unless you approach every date as if they are trying to scam you. Trust is something that is very difficult to give away freely. For me, trust is earned...and it takes a lot for someone to earn my trust. Just learn how to give a little trust a little bit more easily. | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:56:54 AM | | in reply to the last post, i may or may not be hypocritical, i know that when i am with someone i am exclusively theirs....i come off any dating/social websites etc with exception to Facebook as i catch up with old school mates and relatives on there so i know i wouldnt be doing anything wrong. i guess like quite a few posts have suggested, you can meet people anywhere, that internet is no different, i guess though that it can be so secretive and accessed from places such as work where you other half would not have any idea.... i know i have a deep seated fear that whoever i get with will find someone more attractive etc.... dont say i am shallow as i am not, just maybe lacking in a bit of self confidence...........d'oh! | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:57:53 AM | | sorry not the last post a few before!! lol sorry x | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/10/2009 12:57:50 AM | no you are not.
totally agree with isntafraid.
so are you with the guy you met here now? :) Just curious. If you do, please pass some of your good luck to me~~~~ | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/11/2009 8:23:51 AM | | Let's face it, giving up on dating sites and other similar pages can be a real challenge for a lot of people. It'll probably be easy in the beginning of a relationship when the two of you are together. But if you don't see each other for say 3 or more days, then what? The temptation to go online again will be there, guaranteed. That may not be true for you or for me, but you just don't know about the person that you've just started seeing. I can say that I'm seriously interested in someone right now but she hasn't given me enough to make a decision as giving up dating sites, nor dating other women for that matter. That may sound strange, but it's a rather long story and we're moving slow - if at all! The only right thing to do is to live your life until you know for sure that you're together. Until that day nothing matters. | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/11/2009 8:42:27 AM | | No, I don't think you're being paranoid. It is far easier for people to misrepresent themselves in an electronic profile than in person. So I would consider meeting online as a VERY preliminary screen. I've met men whose profiles are total lies, and others who have been completely honest. Just be careful, and don't blindly believe everything you read (or hear!). But go ahead with a positive approach. good luck! | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/11/2009 11:56:45 AM | | course not,you wouldn't be able to answer that question wherever you met your mr right would you? | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/11/2009 12:15:47 PM | not paranoid scared maybe. look there is no way to ensure you are going to be with someone who, wont cheat, wont stay on dating sites, wont date other women. You can't control someone else's actions so don't worry about it.
Hopefully you find a great guy that is so into amazing you he has no interest and if you find a loser then hope you bust him cheating and feel sorry for the next woman who dates him, cause you don't want to.
trust yourself to be strong enough to get over the jerk, and trust that you are doing the best you can to find a great guy. It will work out. | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/11/2009 2:34:01 PM | | Love involves risk. Trust involves risk. Personally I'll lay my heart out there and trust someone. It's the price one pays for love. Unlock your heart, take the chance, remove the suspicion and allow yourself to LOVE. There's nothing greater and it's so worth the potential pain it might cause. | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/11/2009 2:53:45 PM |
Although i am obviously on here to meet someone, there's a nagging doubt in my mind that IF i do meet "The One" will i be able to trust that they actually come off of dating websites for good/or however long the relationship lasts? Am i being paranoid?
Yes, you're being paranoid. You're also insisting that someone else pass a test without even considering having the test applied to you. | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:55:38 PM |
Although i am obviously on here to meet someone, there's a nagging doubt in my mind that IF i do meet "The One" will i be able to trust that they actually come off of dating websites for good/or however long the relationship lasts? Am i being paranoid?
I don't think you're being paranoid, perhaps overly cautious. I've known quite a few people from on here, and many have "fallback" profiles that have no pictures that they use to maintain contact with others, and sometimes those other profiles aren't exactly purely platonic-seeking beasts, if you know what I mean. | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/11/2009 8:52:17 PM | I have had someone "bait" me in the past - twice - once after we had broken up.
I find such things DEEPLY dishonest. Trust in relationships is just that. If you're involved with me you either trust me or you do not. I have other friends and always will; among other things I have a wide professional circle, and if someone expresses an interest in getting to know me, they're likely to get a "yes" even if I'm involved with someone - are associates bad? I say "no".
Being "let inside" is a significant thing for me, and if I choose to do so I've made a commitment that I want to see that person and expect it to be mutual and exclusive.
Being "probed" by the person I'm dating is an expression of blatant distrust.
Anyone insecure enough to want or need a second (or more) profile here or anywhere else for the purpose of "probing" their boy/girlfriend is IMHO unworthy of that relationship.
Trust is not hard to earn, but for me it is very easy to destroy, and once gone, you'll never fully get it back. If you're "probing" a relationship like this you're instigating the very act you are looking for, which is IMHO DEEPLY dishonest and if I figure it out, we're done. | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/12/2009 8:53:33 PM | Trust is earned not given, that's what dating is all about (or any new relationship/friendship). However, I always say respect is where you start with me, but it's up to you to keep it there.  | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/15/2009 3:00:02 PM | Trust issues?
Trust YOURSELF to know when you have his heart entirely. | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/15/2009 3:24:00 PM | This paranoia comes from an insecurity that they're somehow "stealing your heart" or "taking something from you". The truth is, if we relax and get plenty of sleep, God restores us with new love every night.
Be a complete person WITHOUT the other person, give your love wholeheartedly to them, and trust that, whatever happens it will be God's will. If he strays or leaves, consider this a Godsend. If that happens, you'll be free to pursue another (or fly solo)! | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/15/2009 5:33:48 PM | | Don't count on it. The majority of men are probably on at least 10 sites. They can't stand not still looking. Do a search engine search, that will give you your answer. | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:35:11 AM | You have that nagging feeling right? My rule of thumb is to always trust someone completely until they give me a reason not to. That works well. I sleep better at night too. Good luck! | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/18/2009 7:16:29 AM | Its the pain of pulling up the roots after someone proves to be disloyal or untrustworthy that breaks your will to trust . Its ok and natural to be cautious ... but im sorry to say that if there is no trust in a relationship there is no Love ... I dont mean I cant trust them to do something right , its trust about Loyalty to you and your the relationship.
If you cant trust them to be loyal and honour the relationship you will miss out on a lot of LOVE. Trust is earned but if you always look for the negative and the things that remind you of cheats and unloyal characters .. you will find them everywhere.
The people you do Know fully and Do trust .. Sisters , brothers parents , freinds .
You could look for similair good traits in your new partner similar to those you already trust ... but people are different and cope with their lives in different ways .
I once asked a lady whether she would hook up with a married man she said yes ' Obviously I wouldnt trust her .... But its about how you cope and with what you feel comfortable.
I would never cheat on my partner ... even now after splitting with my ex for 5 years i've waited for her to find someone else first , because I dont want her to feel vulnerable despite what she put me through.
I think woman are constantly gauging relationships anway .. analysing trust naturally by asking weird questions men just dont get.  | |
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| Trust issues.
Posted: 7/18/2009 2:36:12 PM | It take Vulnerability to Trust someone in ANY relationship, but don't risk for anything less than maturity,
~sc~ | |
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