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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:31:43 PM | I really liked how you responded to the Bi-polar thing. I have never been diagnosed as being Bi-polar but I have been treated for depression on and off over the past 15 years. (4-5 times). Always ended up going off the meds after several months. I have had a different often difficult life. Married young, divorced after 10 years, lived with an abusive partner for 5 years with whom I also had a child, returned to school as an adult student (single parent) for 6 years, got a degree, moved constantly (across the country) some decent jobs as a result, but the depression seemed to follow me nonetheless. Crappy relationships thru out the whole time. Difficulty with family relations as well. Lost a very good job a year ago but have since bounced back.
After an extremely bad depression after the job loss I realized that maybe I needed to stay on the anti-depressants on a continual basis as they seem to keep me level. I also take anti-anxiety meds to help me sleep.
After 6 months or so I was able to land another great job which I love doing. Lots of responsibility and it pays very well. I also met a guy on POF who was so much fun, extremely handsome and sexy as hell. I fell head over heels but he made it so easy for me to do. I was having so much fun that I had forgotten to take my meds for 3 days.
Then he flipped out on me. Over something so miniscule that I dont even recall what it was. But he made me feel really bad about myself and I went home. I started drinking and eventually had a bad episode. I realize that it was a mixture of not taking the anti-depressants, the drinking and of course having been made to feel really bad about myself from a guy I adored.
He pulled the same shit on me the next weekend and I decided to back off. He did have a temper on him and he didnt fight fair. Cheap shots and all that. I began to think that it was him who had the problem (anger issues definitely). He accused me of being dependant on drugs (anti-stupid pills he called them), and even tho I explained to him that this was a chemical imbalance in the brain I could still lead a normal life as long as I kept taking my meds. What he said hurt me, I dont think depression is a fair term as it makes us who suffer from seem to other ppl as being psychos. I at least can admit that I have a condition but I am responsible enough to take my meds (which are expensive too).
Its stupid but I do miss him like crazy and I wish he didnt have such a terrible temper, but I know that I need to be with someone who also can understand this condition and not make me feel bad about having it.
Am I Bi-polar? I dont really know. I just know that I want to find a guy who keeps me smiling and looking forward to seeing him every day.
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:10:22 PM | | I was married to a woman with bipolar. I don't know that I can blame bipolar alone for her and her escapades, affairs, the 7 visits to a mental hospital, etc. But the one thing that was and is consistent with her is CHANGE. What she loves this week, she hates next week. Either bouncing off the walls going to change the world or trying to shoot herself or overdose on pills, then have her stomach pumped. I will never go there again. It was a living hell that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Thank God I'm divorced. | |
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| Bi-Polar is an upgrade...
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:30:48 PM | | I'm not sure what the last two women should have been or were diagnosed with, but Bi-Polar sounds like and upgrade compared to them! I didn't find out about the visit to the mental hospital from the last girl I dated until months later......when I was emotionally involved of course!!....then it became 2 visits...and eventually she told me she had been in there 4 times and her mother is the one who had taken her there....how fun!!....Well, just ask any good Doctor...there's a prescription out there to fix anything!! : ) | |
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| Glock 19...
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:39:05 AM | | Glock 19: Did she drive you to the Glock 19? That's true also, if they have access to the meds, then they do seem to have something to overdose on or threaten you with overdosing on..........She never said she was Bi-Polar.....just having some depression, but her lifestyle showed she definitely had something....the worse thing is that she came from out of state, I had no idea what she was back home, but she seemed alright here in Calif for awhile, then her tidal wave hit and what a mess. I don't mind a little fix er up....but you need to start with the right parts at least!! Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes or bad choices....I have made my share and the last two women I dated can be a testament to that.....that's what happens though when you don't keep up with the dating game, you lose touch with your senses and warning signs and compromise probably way too much. I hadn't dated seriously in almost 2 years before I went out with the last nut case and almost 5 years before the one before her.......so my advice....date more regularly if possible! | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:57:28 AM | | My sister has been diagnosed bi-polar and a good friend of mine, too. Properly medicated (which many won't adhere to), they can lead a very normal life. My friend makes >$1ook/year in Marketing and is very attractive. Once in a while she goes through a few "down" days, but always bounces back. There's such a wide range of behavior with this illness, I can't say all are good OR bad for relationships. As with any potential date/mate, you just have to get to know that person and have some very frank discussions. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:25:53 AM | | Thanks LakeCountyGal for such an inciteful post. I agree that you shouldn't lump all BiPolar people into one catagory. Every individual is different and the disease effects them all differently. My son was diagnosed with BiPolar 2 Disorder a few years ago after being treated for ADHD all of his life. He's now 21, and unmedicated. He does not like how the medication makes him feel. He does have a problem holding down a job, and he is a little immature for his age (I'm not sure this is BiPolar related though...lol). His "episodes" do not happen as often as they used to. He has learned how to control some of the milder rage episodes but usually calls me on the phone when has a bad one. I don't think he's difficult to be around or live with. You simply have to get to know him and know what he's like when he's having one and what to say and do until it passes. He will range from a total "Up rage episode" to a "Down- sad, depressing-I want to die- episode" all at one sitting. He has a great personality and has absolutely no problem making or keeping friends and all the girls seem to like him. I can understand people not wanting to get involved with someone with this disease. But if find someone you like with it, please educate yourself and get to know the person before you make judgement. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:27:19 AM | | I have been down this road more than once. First and foremost, you need to be honest with yourself about your abilities to handle the situation, and be able to provide the necessary support when needed. If you can't or wont' do that, you should avoid getting into relationships with people who have mental or emotional disorders. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:54:06 AM | My last husband was/is Bi-polar, so I can only speak of my experience with him. He demonstrated the following characteristics:
Delusions of Grandeur (thought he was the smartest, best, etc) even though he was simulaneously very insecure.
Control freak! He could not stand anyone not agreeing with his point of view.
Clean freak.
General nervousness.
Overbearing
Without their meds, people with bi-polar can get delusional/schizophrenic. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:11:12 PM | I have a better question: Can you relate to marrying someone bi-polar?
Lil Brooker is right when we dated she was fine. We lived together for a little and she had some issues but I thought we were in love, so we went to counseling. The counselor said that she was a little insencure and when we get married she would be fine.
Wrong. She tried to hurt herself. She wasn't just bi-polar but also borderline personality disorder. She was just head over heels shorty after we first met. Tell me how wonderful I was and had fantasies of a June Cleaver Life.
She refused to take meds and went off the ones she was one. SHe was very educated too. Had a MS.
I would suggest that you do a lot of research on line about the illness it can be controlled with medicine.
Option two run.
Good Luck | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/6/2009 5:06:57 AM | Many people who are bi-polar, depressed, etc. manage their illness very well. To say you would shove off someone with a mental illness immediately is rather immature. Make an informed decision. Not everyone is perfect. Apparently you are?
I have suffered from major depression for the last 8 or so years. I have my triggers, but sometime it is unprovoked. That's sort of like saying you wouldn't date someone with diabetes.
I didn't CHOOSE mental illness. I didn't ask for this. But I deserve to be loved unconditionally just like anyone else.
Also, mental illnesses are different for each person. My depression may manifest in a way that someone else with the same illness doesn't.
Because there were days when she didn't want to see you and had changes in how she felt about you doesn't mean she has a mental illness. No one said this was gonna be easy... We all have our ups and downs.
Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of mentally unstable people out there, but I don't think you should rule out dating someone with a mental illness due to one bad experience.
It's very difficult to generalize mental illness and especially bi-polar. It is a very intense disorder and each person is treated and medicated differently for different symptoms, different triggers, etc. It's very individual, keep that in mind
Just my opinion.... And I used to work as a nurse in a mental health facility... I hate to say I know a few things, but I do :) | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/6/2009 5:30:51 AM | I fell in love last year to what for me was my perfect partner , to protect her identity , i'll call her Ms L ... she was the most loving , funny , beautiful , loyal and sexiest woman i've ever met ..... it was love at first sight for both of us ..... there was distance between us , for me a 2 hour car journey for Ms L a 7 hour coach journey .... we put the distance and not finding the right balance in our reasons for not working out , but deep down it was much more severe than that , i thought love could conquer all but alas that myth was blown out of the water by Bi-Polar ......it's something very hard to come to terms with knowing that in way it causes (in my opinion) a split personality , it puts the recipient under a lot of pressure just trying to understand that someone who confess's to deep love one day then is in self denial the next ...... we lasted almost 7 months before she decided to call it a day , wether to protect me or herself i will never know the full truth ..... i'm still in love with her but i know we will never cross paths again ... i've only just recently deleted photo's - saved text's etc from my phone , that hurt but i have to move on ...... when i met her i told her this , and i quote .......
'' You was'nt my first , but you're my last and you are my everything '' and to this day that will always ring true , whoever (or if ever) i end up with will never match up to Ms L , the most wonderful woman i'v ever known ....and thats a crying shame ... | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:42:18 AM | I too was married to someone with bipolar. It was not diagnosed for many years, but does explain many of the issues we had - it really was not a good marriage, and I think largely due to her mood swings and lack of libido (which was even worse after she started taking meds to control the moods).
Of course, different people manifest differently, and respond differently to the meds - assuming they take them. Some bipolar sufferers are known for going off their meds, but some respond very well to them and take them consistently. Personally, I would not again risk a relationship with someone having this disorder. | |
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| This is the United States after all isn't it?
Posted: 7/7/2009 12:22:22 AM | | Let us take the weak, the sick the poor...etc...etc.....the Bi-Polar.....everyone deserves a chance and back in the day when the U.S. said they would take those, that didn't exclude the Bi-Polar.....I'll give anyone a chance as long as I kind of know what I'm getting into.....in actuality...normal people make me nervous!! There is no normal life...there's only life......so open the flood gates and let's deal with it......you only live one life....so make it enough....nobody is getting out of it alive in the end. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/7/2009 12:57:59 AM | | Hi - kudos to lake and the other gal for being honest & brave. Personally I don't like the phrase 'mental illness'. It implies its something less than physical...maybe just semantics but I think it contributes to the negative stereotype for people with bipolar and other conditions. Many of these are physiological conditions caused either genetically or environmentally (or both). I don't remember what decade it was they discovered problems with the thyroid gland can cause depression, lethargy, and other 'mental' symptoms. A regular dose of synthroid now alleviates that. There are spectrums of these conditions, i.e., severity, just as there is an autism spectrum (savant to aspergers syndrome), schizoaffective spectrum, etc. So you do have full blown bipolar disorder, and you have the less severe, but perhaps more chronic condition cyclothymia. Anyway, each person is unique. Moreover, social and familial support is often noted as the most crucial factor for a person being able to manage these types of conditions. I take issue with modern psychiatry and pharmaceutical R&D; its become a business for many rather than helping people. I also tend to believe many conditions are hormonal or result from imbalances in the body's overall chemistry (e.g., positively charged ion activity between synapses, low calcium absorption, and the like). I believe many people are being misdiagnosed and could be treated more successfully if they had the correct tests run for an accurate diagnosis. Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe borderline personality disorder is more psychological and is on the 'spectrum' of invalidators and sociopaths? Well I've digressed here but I think people should be supported and accepted regardless of their condition. You can politely decline an invitation to date but still respect and accept them as a person. Sorry for the tangent. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/7/2009 6:08:22 AM |
I agree that you shouldn't lump all BiPolar people into one catagory. Every individual is different and the disease effects them all differently.
While I also agree with this it has been my experience that no matter what degree the individual is affected. " expect the unexpected." Honestly I've been more shocked by the one's I least expected to be shocked by. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/7/2009 6:44:08 AM | I was married to a woman who was bipolar and schizophrenic. She was a genuis,brilliant,warm,funny,that is whenever she wasn't trying to kill herself or defend herself in a corner from the hallucinations with a carving knife. It wasn't her fault, it's a disease.
However you deserve happiness, it's unlikely you'll find it with someone who has this disorder in large doses.
Call me gun shy. I will not date anyone who is taking psych meds for any kind of mood or mental disorder. For the same reason, I will not date anyone who drinks in excess or does drugs, which are frequent attempts at self medication for this problem.
It's a tragick disease, but unless you want to be part of this tragedy find your happiness else where. It's not your karma, it's not your life. Ultmately that's the life you're responsible for. You're lucky she broke it off before you got so in you couldn't get out. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/7/2009 2:16:45 PM | Thank you LakeCountyGal.
Most of what I am reading is about people who either refused meds or didn't take them as prescribed. It takes both meds and therapy to be healthy with a mental illness. A deep knowledge of self and limitations to control any illness. Even a diabetic has to take meds and control their diet.
To condem the whole for what a part has done is immature.
The bulk of this is simular to me saying that I dated a guy with brown hair who would get drunk and abuse me so now I won't date brown haired guys. It's illogical.
It takes honest and open communication about all things for a relationship to work. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/7/2009 4:11:27 PM | Bi-Polar? The shrinks come up with a new name every year of a diff. type of depression. If you think you haven't ever been depressed then think again. Bipolar disorder is a lifelong condition that can affect both how you feel and how you act. It can cause extreme swings in mood—from manic highs to depressive lows. To be diagnosed with bipolar disorder you must have experienced a high period (mania or hypomania), however, most people with bipolar disorder when ill or when symptomatic experience more lows than highs. These lows are known as BiPolar. (There just googled it.). For most people I feel if they lay off the booze long enough and look at the problems they have to deal with and work on them the best that they can, they wouldn't be depressed. I was told that depression is anger turned inward. I was depressed for a long time due to bad things that had happend to me. Now im just pissed off all the time!!    | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/7/2009 4:20:55 PM | God love ya! I hope your x is doing better. So i've been told guilt has a lot to do with bi-polar. I use to carry alot of guilt for my parents. I've always took care of them since I was 13 till the day they died. My x would say why do you help them all the time. I just told him thats just how I feel you should do. He told me you carry too much guilt for them. I worked fulltime and had a part time job and gave them my checks I made from my part-time job. | |
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