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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/7/2009 6:34:01 PM | So i've been told guilt has a lot to do with bi-polar
Bi-Polar and Depression is a chemical imbalance. Kept in check by medication. And if you would take the time to read other ppls comments who know about these conditions that you would also know that there are different levels of these conditions. Guilt has nothing to do with this other than to feel bad about having an episode. Or from your significant other making you feel bad about your condition. You should maybe think about getting some anger management councelling. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/7/2009 9:15:04 PM | Yes , need to pay close attention, and see the signs , they tend to drift away and want to be alone, pay attention to how they deal with life. They do get depressed very easy and want to be alone ..They do not seem stable in the mind and it shows in how they deal with situations.
She might call you and have a change of heart . If they take there medication they can deal with life better. without it they cannot cope .
Don't do it. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/7/2009 9:22:42 PM | foolmoon wrote:
I was told that depression is anger turned inward.
I've gone through depression as well.
I know it's somewhat making light of a serious condition, but I read a semi-joke once that said "Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm."
I wonder, though, in retrospect, if that's maybe a bit more accurate than the overt facetiousness makes it look on the surface. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/8/2009 11:52:29 AM |
They do get depressed very easy and want to be alone ..
Sometimes, some do. However, my ex seemed to swing into mania most often. Excited, crazy ideas, overspending, promiscuity, outrage at the silliest things (like a tv commercial), no ability to control desire...
Every bipolar has their own unique definition. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/8/2009 12:06:18 PM | Interesting to read these comments when the World Health Authority states that one in four of us will experience a mental health problem at some point in our lives. For the grace of God and all that.
I work in mental health, some people do very well on meds and go into remission, some people recover and some do not same as cancer, funny though cancer victims get empathy, those with mental health issues get villified!!!! | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/8/2009 12:12:36 PM | I dated a bi-polar man for three months a year ago - it was a roller coaster. I never knew what to expect. Too many bizarre encounters - while I am an expert in mental health, I could just not handle it. He was either overexcited or sullen.
The final straw was that he scared my girls so I had to terminate the dating relationship. I had to do what to preserve sense of security in my family.
I truly hope he will find a patient and understanding woman. It is not an easy disease to live with. | |
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| Good post bru
Posted: 7/8/2009 12:15:58 PM | I think you nailed it.
IMHO: I'd like to expand on Bru's point by discussing the challenges of loving an untreated bipolar versus a treated bipolar who is committed to managing their illness.
This is long, so I"ll skip right to the bottom line. Read further for the reason I say this.
The bottom line is that you have 3 choices
1.Work together on your growing relationship while fighting the illness together.
2.Stay miserable with someone who does not make you happy, hoping they will change... (untreated, they won't).
3. Decide that you dont really see a relationship happeing for a myriad of other reasons anyway, and simply walk away gently.
I wouldnt necessarily feel it would be a deal breaker if you care about someones fundamental values, hopes, aspirations, and could see yourself with them if not for the mood disorder... Its like being on a roller coaster that never stops...
The key is whether or not they commit to themselves and to you that they will be treatment - compliant.
When treated and managed appropriately, the severe mood swings can be slowed to a point where the highs and lows become the good and bad moods at the same level of everyone else (even you).
My best advice would be to assess your feelings about the person if not for the bad mood swings, and sit down to a serious conversation.
Most likely a person who is in treatment having accepted the condition, will let you know... maybe like once you start being serious and feel there may be something there between you. They may bring it up and say hey, I have this illnes, and maybe we should talk about whether we can work together to make a relationship work in spite of it.
Perhaps if you are willing to beat (or manage) the illness with your partner, you might want to have them promise to you that they will agree to reamain in treatment. Even if they decide to go off medicine, agree on your right to count pills. This could be in a manic mood period where their judgement may be clouded. This is where you have a prior arrangement that one of the conditions of the relationship is that you are allowed to step in if you see erratic or inappropriate judgment. However, the buondaries must be set so that there is no cloudy or heated discussion over what constitutes erratic or inappropriate behavior.
Pull out the (fun and lovey of course) realationhip contract that you signed together, show them their signature, and say see, you agreed. This just might bring them back to reality.
Then there's the depression which is a whole separate issue. Again, when treated, it can be managed and workable.
I think the bigger problem would be with someone who has not been diagnose, or who has been and is in denial.
Dont bring it up right away, because its a little taboo to quiz someone on their dissability on the first, second or even 10th date. BUT if you care about somone by that time, and you'd think theyre awesome if not for the erratic and inappropriate behavior, consider asking them to been evaluated. If there is or will be a true relationship growing, you should be at the point where an honest conversation about it can be accomplished.
If not, then yea... it would be a dealbreaker. Dont spend too much time with someone who dirves you nuts and refuses to be evaluated.. Dont be mean about, dont wait too long, and don't judge. It's a disability, and nobody is glad they have it.
The bottom line is that you have 3 choices
1.Work together on your growing relationship while fighting the illness together.
2.Stay miserable with someone who does not make you happy, hoping they will change... (untreated, they won't).
3. Decide that you dont really see a relationship happeing for a myriad of other reasons anyway, and simply walk away gently. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/8/2009 12:37:18 PM | I'm dating a man that's bipolar. His mood swings aren't terribly drastic.
When he's at his highs... He's incredibly charming, witty, and outgoing.
However...when he's at his lows...he becomes extremely quiet and introverted.
I never really have had an issue with him so far.
Behaviors that give you an indication of this issue can be anything. The only way you'll know for sure is if you ask them or they tell you. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/8/2009 9:16:50 PM | | Interesting. What does the World Health Authority define as mental health problem? Every emotion has so many shades e.g. sadness can be just that, it can be situational depression, dysthymia, clinical depression, etc. I'd say according to the experts we're all 'mentally ill' at some point in our life. Didn't Einstein have Aspergers syndrome and depression too? He wasn't on medication as far as I know. It seems familial and social support is crucial for managing these types of conditions. I don't know but I do think there may be alternative treatments other than contemporary psychotropics that may be successful. If you research psychiatry and the pharmaceutical industry it makes you wonder about it all. Again don't like the term mental illness, many of these conditions are metabolic disorders and there seems to be phenotypes for each disorder and so on. Quite complex. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:50:17 AM | bi-polar woman? wide mood swings, constant irritability, fine one moment outrageous the next. how is that different than anyother woman? reminds me of an episode of "spin city" nikki flips out because she overhears carter talking about someone else and breaks up with mike. she finds out that carter was talking about someone else and apolgizes to mike and he simply says"that's cool babe" she asks him how he can forgive her so easily and he simply replied "nikki, i've dated women before".
seriously, according to brain scans, less than 2% of people have really good brains. our constant stress, environmental toxin life has put strains on the brain that the brain wasn't designed to handle. people can easily understand that the pancreas can malfunction yet think the brain functions perfectly all the time. check out dr daniel amen's books on brain health, the simple ways that you can improve brain function are well worth checking out. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/9/2009 10:11:30 AM | Dang. Hot topic!!!
The girl who I dated most recently was bipolar. More on the 'depressed' side, but definitely swung both ways. She had tried nearly every med out there, and the only one that really worked for her and didn't make her even more loopy was Paxil, I think. However, Paxil also has the wonderful effect of annihlating many people's sex drives. 99% of the time she was fine. Every once in awhile she'd sink into a deep melancholy, but usually she was very tolerable (god that sounds horrible!!!). Our relationship was probably one of the most 'adult' relationships that I've ever had, and to this day we maintain a friendship that I cherish. Our breakup had nothing at all to do with her condition, it was more to do with the fact that we simply wanted different things in life. So yes, I feel your pain somewhat, but I don't think that I can fully relate because usually she was very stable and pleasant. Bipolar can be tricky though, some people are definitely good at concealing it (or just don't understand it).
One random thing that I've noticed... and this is a BROAD generalization, but I've found that it does hold a modicum of truth... many bipolar women are borderline nymphomaniacs. This can be fun... for about a month... but always tread cautiously in those waters. Or, you can always find out the hard way... and have a great time on your way down. ;) | |
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| My medicine works
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:25:00 PM | | I feel like I just got spat out of a tornado and can live like a regular person now. Theres something to be said for that | |
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| Opening up to the Outer limits.....and beyond the Twilight Zone..
Posted: 7/9/2009 11:53:26 PM | | This thread turned out to be a very fantastic one....some great shared information, some great perspectives......I would give this thread a 5 star ***** rating if they had a rating system for threads...they should! This wasn't a brainstorm, it was a brainstorm of the century. This was very insightful. I would date a Bi-Polar person versus a straight out depressed person, but either way, I'd be that friend that is one of the last friends standing in the commercial about "are you that friend"? In regards to when a friend needs a friend when times a tough or a person is depressed, but I have seen people that almost want to stay in that mode even when they have a friend or help......so I wouldn't let them drag my life down the gutter with them, if that's where they want to go. I'd like someone who does know when they are hitting a trigger or getting in each of the states of mind and for them to ask for help and the best way to go about it...I do think counseling can help everyone at some point in their life.......although the last time I went just to chat about life, they asked me all kinds of "sexual" questions..........and were trying to figure me out, when all I wanted to do was get some stuff off my mind...sometimes is just that listening ear that you need, not someone trying to figure you out. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/10/2009 10:24:10 AM | OP
First, it's not the fault of the person to have Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, or Manic Depression, but it's a very tough row to hoe living with one. If the person is willing to take care of him/herself and take responsibility for their well-being and to control the disorder, you have a good chance of living with it. Of the 3, borderline personality disorder is the most difficult, and dangerous, conditions to live with. Consider two factors:
(1) the person's willingness and dedication to dealing with the disorder and
(2) your own patience and understanding.
Make no mistake, it's a difficult relationship, at times, that you will be dealing with. Especially in the case of BPD, you will be dealing with actions that are aimed against you -- manipulative behavior that attempts to make you the bad person in the relationship, and oftentimes affecting not only yourself but those around you, including your working group. If you're madly in love, it may be worth the effort. Otherwise, steer away, as far as you can. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/11/2009 12:18:48 PM | | Just realized from the last post that the guy I had dated probably has some kind of disorder himself. He had the worse case of road rage i ever saw. When he was happy he was fun and spontaneous but when he got mad he made me feel like it was all my fault... no accountability whatsoever. So there is a mix... Depression (me) and BPD (him). I still miss him like crazy cuz when it was good it was really good but I think in the long run he would have destroyed me in some way with his anger. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/11/2009 1:44:11 PM | You asked,I'll tell you.Recently I met a woman on POF.We went out for the day and over dinner she told me she was bipolar and on meds.Well guess what I have the same affliction and take the same medication.To me it was very comforting to be honest with another person.We all have much more in common than we may understand initially.We both function well because of medication and seeing therapists.If you met either one of us you would never know that we live with this mental handicap.Who knows what will happen down the road but I would suggest if you date a new person you might want to talk about health issues upfront so when you open the box of chocolates you know what you getting.Dr.Gerard | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/14/2009 11:47:07 PM | Your quote: "I believe many people are being misdiagnosed and could be treated more successfully if they had the correct tests run for an accurate diagnosis. "
There is no verification or proof for 'chemical imbalance' and psychiatry still do not know or understand how anyone actually gets bi-polar, however through feedback from those who has encountered this disability, with it's description, the field has gained understanding from gathering information and research, and named it Bipolar I or II. There are those that get misdiagnosed, and there are instances where it is with conjunction with another type of affliction, such as anxiety, and/or OCD.
I believe Bipolar is a splitting of the polarity, whereby an individual sways to an extreme degree in either direction (such as rage and then being loving, hating then being extremely nice, which are mood swings to such disabling one's emotions as it is swinging towards extremity). Normal is considered a balanced person, which has control of their emotional faculties who can act accordingly within what most perceive as 'normal' societal expectation to reactions.
There is work to be done for the individual person to heal and the brain realigning to normalacy, instead of the two polarities which is why it is important to receive necessary help from others in the medical field, such as a therapist. Cognititive Behaviourial Therapy (CBT) can induce healing (as medication is a quick fix to reduce the sufferring one is encountering, but doesn't conquer the underlying 'cause for the disruption of the normal faculties of the emotions). Many bipolars are sensitive and cares what others think too much, which is perhaps another reason why these individuals are 'emotionally' charged and are prone to depression.
My personal opinion on such is that the main 'cause' is lack of confidence, extreme egocentric which 'causes one to do things that is out of norm (buying sprees while not having the means to do so), low self-esteem, not in touch with reality (not being realistic about one's own situation in life and not being able to problem solve things that 'causes distress or personal suffering). To start problem solving first is to love yourself meaning, care about yourself, or some may call it well-being.
Your quote: "...........modern psychiatry and pharmaceutical R&D; its become a business for many rather than helping people."
I don't think it's about the business so much, but they can only help you through their skils ability from their educational background and from experience dealing with other patients, but most will not understand what you are personally going through because they do not know how it is like although there is sympathy. Much of the work and effort will be from the one who is afflicted with this disability while the medical professions are there to assist him or her. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/15/2009 4:26:11 AM | OP, ask her if her MD diagnosed her as bi-polar or if she prescribed this label on herself. a lot of women think they're MDs and have gone through Medical School and self-diagnose themselves. stay away from them as well.
for example, i dated a girl, briefly, who self-diagnosed herself as bi-polar where in actuality she had hyperthyroid disease plus she was a crystal-meth-addict.
you can google the symptoms, should you desire. or ask your MD friends.
cheers! | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/15/2009 10:47:52 AM | Dreamy Skies:
What you said about empathy is so true. Sometimes external conditions such as life's trama and drama have adverse effects on the mind as well as the chemical makeup of the complete body. A person that has conditions (very close to each other) like Bi-polar, Anxiety disorders, PTSD, etc. often are effected by both chemical and social events. But like any disease each person is either commited to their own well being or not. That means that it takes effort sometimes extreme effort and education on how to live. My thought is that anyone with a perfect life be the first one to throw stones, otherwise take into consideration that we all have struggles and skeletons to deal with. I choose to be there for people and when dating someone, its not all about me. To love someone means much more because at some point we are all going to exit this world by some means, being it an illness or accident. The point is that we are all human, and we all deserve dignity and respect.  | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/15/2009 8:52:58 PM | Depends.
If the medication works well, then you're okay.
Personally I hate the outbursts, the anger, the want to fight.
I don't think I'm going to get involved with another bipolar woman again. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/15/2009 9:22:36 PM | | I dated and lived with a man that was bipolar and when I first met him it was during his manic phase which by the way can last a very long time. Bipolars are very artistic usually in some form or fashion, money goes through their fingers like water, they are so much fun when they are manic but when they crash they are so down its hard to get them out of bed and I dont mean that in a positive fashion either lol. I ended up with him leaving because I just couldnt take living with him anymore, always claiming fake illnesses, sometimes cruel, IF they stay on their medications they are usually alright most the time, the problem comes in when they get leveled out with their meds they dont like the fact they dont have the manic phase and usually go off, or they decide they are "better" and go off the meds not realizing it is the meds that are keeping them regular. As the lady earlier said as well, they fall in love rather quickly and are very "up" all the time, which in the beginning of a relationship is wonderful but the crash will come and those are not fun | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/15/2009 10:12:28 PM | " I won't date anyone that is bipolar or a mental disorder; I still think many don't. they are just a mess in general;
Get ready; they will always have an excuse for their actions; if they cheat, or are mean to you, or irresponsible; all they have to say is don't blame me, blame the disorder.
No thanks."
Although a few others on here have already made my case, I still take a bit of offense to this statement, mthomjmark. My best friend is mixed bipolar (which, for those of you not in the know, is the most rare and volatile version of the disorder), and I've watched her go through a number of relationships, none of which ended well. However, she has never, ever, once blamed her disorder. She has an emotional maturity and empathy that most men should give their left testicle to find in a woman. Unfortunately, she most recently tried to date a man who is also bipolar (they met on this site, actually.) He was not emotionally mature, and, most importantly, not in control of his disorder. Needless to say, that didn't work out so well.
If I had her condition, I would be very offended that men would initially write me off for my problems without taking the time to get to know and understand me first. Not all individuals with bipolar disorder have the same personality or the same symptoms, nor do they exhibit their symptoms in the same manner. It's true, some people are remarkably impossible to handle. Her ex-boyfriend I present as Exhibit A. The first time I met him, he said not a word to me for the three-hour car ride and museum visit, (but b***hed constantly to my friend) and, most impressively, left us girls behind while he blew through the exhibit in a mere ten minutes, huffing and puffing. So yes, I can understand that people can have very bad experiences with bipolar mates. It's not an easy thing for anyone.
Nonetheless, it is possible to find a woman who is both bipolar and mature enough to not let her disorder control her life or her relationships. As long as she takes care of herself, is emotionally aware of her own being, takes her medication properly, and is open and honest to her man, I don't see why on earth she should be denied a happy, healthy, workable relationship.
Please, people. Those with bipolar disorder have feelings, too. They want to be loved and desired as much as you or I. Don't write anyone off, especially not for something like this. Until a person proves that she is not compatible or not worth your time, at least take the time to talk to her and find out whether the disorder rules her life, or she rules the disorder. You never know. Thank you.
/rant. | |
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| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 7/21/2009 6:08:56 PM | Number one rule if you are dating another with a Mental Disability is to be sure and ask them if they are religious about not only their meds but their diet as well.
Both of these things are very important for anybody with a Mental Disability to be able to maintain a well balanced life. 
They might get offended at first but you can explain to them you only ask because you care. | |
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