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Posted: 6/26/2009 8:39:41 PM | Hi Jamie,
I read everything you and everyone else wrote. After your last entry it seems she displayed a lot of this irratic behavior even before the questionable culture test. So, what I am about to add might be null and void but I will say it anyway, just to give you one more possible explanation of her behavior.
It's possible she feels a strong sense of loss of control. Suddenly she 'might' be sick, might be the big 'C' word. In her effort to feel like she has some control over something, she has turned on you, the nice guy, something she can easily control.
Honestly though, I think the girl has some way more serious issues. She sounds a bit immature in some regards. Drama surrounds her. We all say we don't like drama but it does seem to sucker us in doesn't it? I mean, it can be exciting afterall, it's drama!
You sound like you really care, have a good heart, and were well intentioned. Protect your good heart and save it for someone worthy.
All the best and good luck~ | |
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Posted: 6/26/2009 8:57:56 PM | She's playing feel sorry for me control.
Changed cells are caused by genital warts - so strap it up son 
And umm if it was remotly what she claims a biopsy would have been booked by the doctor that day.
Strap it up and on ya knees to control and hpv sonny | |
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Posted: 6/27/2009 4:55:59 AM | Better luck next time. I hope you and she find happiness. | |
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Posted: 6/27/2009 6:12:48 AM | I finally decided to talk about it and asked her if she had any other feelings for me other than just friends......I understood she didn't want a boyfriend right now, until this problem was dealt with but I wanted to know if I meant something to her.....she wouldn't give me an answer.....refused......just told me she didn't want a boyfriend right now. She yelled at me "I have never shared my feelings with anybody, I am not about to start right now" All I wanted was a yes or a no.....she would give me neither.......of course I got angry and called her a f'n **** because she was drilling me when I was trying to tell her how I felt (not good at expressing my feelings in words)
Wow....I'm surprised no one else zoomed in on this huge red flag waving. How can one possibly build a relationship with another who refuses to share their feelings. Lack of communication is a major factor in why many relationships deteriorate.
I'm sorry for your situation Jamie as it is obvious you have genuine feelings for this person, but like a majority of the women have posted, abnormal cells in a pap smear is quite common and not necessarily cancer. Your girlfriend is creating unnecssary drama for herself and you. Take a good look at the statement I have bolded. I believe there is more to her than just an abnormal pap smear. It appears there are greater things she is hiding. I certainly hope that she does not have cancer, but to create such drama BEFORE having concrete results is not right. Stepping back and cutting ties with this woman is NOT a sign that you are an uncaring person, but rather shows that you respect yourself enough to not allow yourself to be an emotional tampon.
Again, I'm truly sorry for what you are going through right now and wish you the best.
AJ | |
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Posted: 6/27/2009 7:37:45 AM | Sounds like a drama-ridden mess to me. I've had abnormal pap smears (though not lately), and it's not really that big a deal unless it's discovered to be cancerous. It's routine to run a biopsy to make sure there's no cancer present, but other than that, you just keep an eye on it, with or without cryocautery to freeze off the abnormal cells.
As for her--do you really want to be with someone so drama-prone and unwilling to communicate, even if she does get over this particular situation? There will always be things that come up in her life, and now you know how she reacts to them. This is not the recipe for a healthy, stable relationship. Run away. | |
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Posted: 6/27/2009 8:52:12 AM | I have never replied to one of these but I hope many people read this and give it some thaught.First of all I was so impressed by this by Jamie until I read this !How can he say he cares for this woman and write such terrible personnal things???This woman may verey well be ill and having medical background I can assure you abnormal cells can be caused by many things .If she is withholding her emotions she may just be scared .You people should be ashamed for commenting on people you know nothing about.We all have troubles in our lives but it does not mean we are unworthy of love and respect.She did the right thing and was honest with him
I hope she is going to be fine .Most of all I hope she finds someone worthy of at least her privacy.I am amazed at what people will say about oneanother.I find this disturbing.Imajine if you shared something so personal with someone and they plastered it all over the internet.Sorry for the negative message but have a heart!!!!
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Posted: 6/27/2009 10:50:51 AM | You know "Ladie1" I came here for advice on the situation................your blast on me is uncalled for at the least. I did not mention her name and if you think I don't care for her then you are horribly mistaken.....I am looking for advice because I DO CARE and want to know....I stood by and listened to her everyday....took her out all the time.....bake and cooked for her.....listen to her rants and took her depression.....she is going for her biopsy test soon......she has no idea what it may be. I understand she's scared and hurt.........but no reason for her to treat me like a part timer when all I want to do is be there for her.......all she had to say was that she does have feelings for.....or not.....but refusing to answer??? Its a very simple question because I wanted to know if my efforts were appreciated. She may be ill she may not but why start talking about death long before you even have a clue.
I am thoroughly insulted that you would think that I would not or do not love and respect her......and suggesting I don't have a heart......and no she wasn't honest with me........we could be lovey dovey and have sex when she felt like it and then the next day she's telling me to go away......maybe she needs to get a heart......
Her identity is unknown to anybody and since I didn't understand the feelings she might be having I was looking for some enlightenment. Not to bash her.......
Your message is negative and I hope everybody ignores your biased ridiculous comment.......you took it personally and I would appreciate if you don't comment on my board and be so ignorant. | |
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Posted: 6/28/2009 7:24:38 AM | Jamie....
Hon...you're going to find all types on here. Ignore the barbs and jibes....you know in your heart the kind of person you are and that's all that matters. There were plenty of other posters who offered good advice and kind words. Please take the meat of what was written here and spit out the bones. I could see by what you've written that you are a caring individual; your girlfriend (?) should feel blessed that she has/had someone to stand by her through this. Yes, it is normal to be frightened and unsure, but what she is doing to you; being affectionate and loving one moment and then cold and withdrawn the next is an emotional headgame and I hope that you are strong enough to take a step back and disengage.
Good luck and ignore the mouthbreathers, cause there sure are plenty of those out there!
AJ | |
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Posted: 6/28/2009 7:38:19 AM | From a womans point of view-she did not have cancer.
She was hanging out with you"all the way"while she was looking for someone else.She didn't care about you in the first place(sorry),she used you as a "filler".
I quarantee you felt this at some point.When a woman tells you that "she doesn't share her feelings with anyone",the answer is that she is a phsyco(unable to share)or that she is still looking because you ain't it. | |
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Posted: 6/28/2009 8:58:29 AM | | Hey, Jamie--I would have LOVED the care and concern you showed when this all too common disaster happened to me. In my case, I got cool nonchalance and that was devastating--especially when this "common problem" turned out to be a real problem. Don't turn off those caring romantic impulses, but test the waters first before you send them out. It didn't work in this case, but that doesn't mean it is a blanket bad policy. It's not. | |
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Posted: 6/28/2009 9:17:08 AM | One day she came over crying because she got a letter from her doctor saying they found some "cells" on her last pap test and wanted to look into it further. Here we go......she got really depressed.....
While most of you have been saying she probably doesn't have cancer... you still should consider the possibility she does...
If she has cancerous or pre-cancerous cells (Dysplasia) then it's qute possible that she also has (and you likely) HPV.... HPV can also result in her having abnormal pap tests. HPV is one of the leading causes of cervical cancers. Getting yourself checked out would be prudent...
What causes an abnormal Pap test?
Most of the time, abnormal cell changes on the cervix are caused by certain types of human papillomavirus, or HPV. HPV is a sexually transmitted disease. Usually these cell changes go away on their own. But certain types of HPV have been linked to cervical cancer. That’s why it’s important for women to have regular Pap tests. It takes many years for cell changes in the cervix to turn into cancer.
What increases your risk for an abnormal Pap test?
High-risk sex raises your chances of getting HPV and having an abnormal Pap test. High-risk sex includes having sex without condoms and having more than one sex partner (or having a sex partner who has other partners).
HPV can stay in your body for many years without your knowing it. So even if you now have just one partner and practice safe sex, you could still have an abnormal Pap test if you were exposed to HPV in the past.
Smoking or having an impaired immune system also may raise your chances of having cell changes in your cervix.
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Posted: 6/28/2009 9:29:51 AM | | Sounds to me she really doesn't know what she wants. Part of her still wants you, the other half is pushing you away because she doesnt want to drag you thru the pain of being with a cancer patient. My X GF is the same way. I will ask her a question about something serious and she will either not answer or get pissed that I even asked the question. Honestly I would tell her you are worth more than just a casual sex partner. IMHO sex after a breakup is not a good idea. I think she is using you for sex. | |
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Posted: 6/28/2009 1:34:43 PM | In this scenario there's only one crazy and it's the chick. No one receives a "letter" about their pap smear. No one. Unless they do not have a phone.
She lied to you.
Additionally?
She's a nut job.
Count your blessings and stay the hell away from her.
That's my advice. It's worth what it cost you to get it.
But still???? I'd listen to me.
I do it all the time. | |
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Posted: 7/1/2009 9:04:07 PM | MsYesterday and Gonesailing
She didn't lie, I know that for sure.....I have seen the paperwork. I wrote wrong, she received a call first, then had to wait for her paperwork to arrive, her Dr. is in another city 12 hrs away in northern Ontario. It's hard to get a Dr in this city with such a shortage.
Basically whether I like it or not I have to wait for her results too and we are tied together because of or sexual activity. There is no test for men for HPV. I researched.
I did talk to her last Saturday and apologized for calling her names and she told me to take some time because I clearly haven't "relaxed" she is at the point where she feels that she can't worry about it anymore. Great, why not sooner and this mess wouldn't of happened. She wanted me to take a few days away from her.
In our conversation I stated that, I got scared, before I could finish, she says, "and you panicked and pushed, and pushed me away"........ouch.....I did? I guess so, I did get pretty worried that I would lose her.
I left her alone for a bit and received the following email.
"Hey, my doctors appointment got canceled...due to a staffing shortage...I have to wait more than two weeks now before I get to go."
That's all. ????? I choose not to respond for a couple of days. Keeping in mind the whole feel sorry for me routine. Kept myself busy. Last night I was looking out my window and wouldn't you know it.......there's her car sitting at the lights after midnight, after her shift.....she never has any reason to be near my place at that time of night.
Part of me thinks that yes I did push to soon to much, I did panic. I am a little saddened that I might not be able to fix/reconcile this whole situation and the damage is done. She seems a little indifferent now and is doing more things with her gf's from out of town lately where she used to do it with me until our blow out.
I called today after a couple of days without responding to said email. We have tentative plans to see each other tomorrow so I guess it might take awhile and I need to back off and show that I am indifferent as hard as it will be to put aside my wants and needs. I have told her that I am doing a lot of stuff lately and having fun........it's true but sometimes I am confused when it comes to her and think that maybe she is just scrambbled brains about this whole thing with her body.
I very much doubt she was using me as a filler........she's not looking, I believe her on that, she is gorgeous and wouldn't have a problem moving on to someone else.
We are talking............so I guess that's a good thing becasue she has had plenty of opportunity to tell me to piss off and go away, yet she hasn't. Even after I called her a f'n ****....lol...... Well I guess I have to wait and see.
Thanks for your input.............I do appreciate the different points of view.
One thing does stick in my head though.........the, never shared my feelings bit from her.....I always share how I feel.......I gotta stop that and keep it more to myself.....yoo much too soon...... | |
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Posted: 7/1/2009 10:13:27 PM | Daynadaze, thanks as always for that reality check! lol!
Robert, what a kind soul you are! I thank you for your input too!
OP, friends with benefits sucks. You did the right thing! I have to wonder though, which lasted longer: your entire relationship with this girl, or your opening post?!
(Comment in the spirit of jest...I wish you the best OP! My best to this girl too: Hope she'll be fine.) | |
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