| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 7/1/2009 3:03:50 AM | After I turned 19 my dad changed the locks and nailed plywood on the windows that he figured I could get through.
I ended up sleeping in my car, which I left parked and uninsured. I made sure to leave the thick layer of snow that was on it, as it was a good insulator. Even with candles going it was cold as hell though.
That's one way I guess. | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:02:52 AM |
My parents offered, and we knew about in advance, our options upon graduating high school:
1. Attend school full-time and live at home rent free
2. Pay market rent to them and a split of the maid (both parents were working full time at that point)
3. Get a place of our own and pay rent to another landlord.
Pretty much the same deal my Mom offered my sisters and myself, go to school & work at least part time to pay your own expenses, work full time and pay rent, or move out.
Along with the above deal we also got to follow Moms rules, and contribute to the general upkeep and maintenance of the household, or again we could move out.
This was along the lines of what we discussed.If the child had a complete disregard for
any rules you laid out,then perhaps it might be time for them to have their own place.
Other thing mentioned were being disrespectful (constantly swearing at the parent),drug use in the home, things like that.
There would have been none of that sh!t with my Mom, any one of use would have found our clothes laying in the front yard and the locks changed had we tried to pull that crap.
AND WE DIDN’T DOUBT IT FOR A MINUTE, but then we knew Mom wasn’t bluffing when she said we would find our things in the yard, as we had watched her do it to our father years ago. 
Time to give the kid a time limit, 1 month, maybe 2, to find their own place or find themselves living in their cars.
Kick the little bird out of the nest, so they learn to fly on their own.
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:30:12 AM | My daughter isn't working and attends college full time. Her boyfriend isn't working or attending school. Neither of them helped around the house without being told specifically what to do, nor did either of them perform such tasks admirably.
All it took was for me to say "I'm going out of town for 4 days. Anyone whose room is not clean when I get back won't HAVE a room when I get back." She now had 30 days to remove my name from the title of her car and get her own insurance coverage. Being forced to grow up must really suck.  | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:53:09 AM |
Her boyfriend isn't working or attending school.
And he lives in your house rent free, eats your food without contributing, and bones your daughter at night as a bonus.
What a great deal for him ……
I have two questions,
WHY !!!
And
Are You FREAKING NUTS ?????
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 7/1/2009 12:44:04 PM | ^^^ I will plead temporary insanity, yes.
There's no short answer for the why and I don't want to get off topic. Suffice it to say my partner passed away right before my daughter graduated high school. Then she bought a car before she had her driver's license (which she still doesn't have and that long story has morphed into the continuing saga). Then she wasn't happy at and almost flunked out of OU so she changed schools and moved back home. The bf helps insure she gets where she needs to go (like school and job hunting). He lost his job and those are hard things to come by these days altho both probably could try harder.
My girls getting an education is one of the most important things in my life and I'd probably do just about anything to help make that happen. I know my girls know this and sometimes I wonder if my daughter has kinda taken advantage of that. If that was her game plan, unfortunately for her she didn't realize that Mom expects everybody else to try and work just as hard as Mom does, and if excuses like her daddy uses worked on me I'd still be married to him. If she wants to play the game his way, she can do it in his house... I mean HIS daddy's house. LOL! It took me a while to get fed up but I got there.
As for the boning, do you mean to tell me that if I didn't allow them to share a bed that they would NEVER have sex? I came to the conclusion that they're gonna do what they're gonna do, and if I try to make it seem wrong they'll just be more determined to do it and probably with more frequency.
The decisions I've made and the things I've done are things I never would have dreamed I would do or allow. I guess we really don't know until we're in situations, cuz we just don't ralize all the variables that can come into the equation. I don't have any perfect solutions but that's okay cuz they would be out of place in an imperfect world. But I CAN tell you this much: You think you have everything mapped out and all the things in place to make it happen. Then in the blink of an eye your life is changed forever, and there's no one there to share the burdens and responsibilities or even the accomplishments and joys. | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 7/1/2009 4:49:00 PM | Well my daughter isn't even a year old yet, but I don't think I could EVER make her move out if she didn't want to. She'll always be welcome to live with me if she wants/needs to
You are making a mistake many do...confusing two issues that can ultimately result in children not taking responsibility for their own lives/future.
Yes ofc your children are always welcome in your home ... you just don't ram that message down their throats when they are in their teenage years ..when they are possibly looking for excuses not to get on in life and grow up.
Very important in this day and age when they messages are all about doing what you want rather than on your duty. No leave home when you get married etc.
recognise it as primarily selfish behaviour ... teenagers HATE their parents on many levels - parents don't like to admit the kids are grown up ... teenagers are not going to really be bothered getting booted out --it is a relief if they cant make their own decisions and they will grow up fairly quickly... | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:21:53 PM | | As soon as my sister and I were both away at college, my parents sold the house and moved to a retirement village in another state. They have a guest room we can use when we come to visit but there is no question of ever moving back in with them. Living with the parents as an adult was never an option up for discussion. We were expected to become self sufficient and live on our own. | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:32:59 PM | When my daughters comes of age, I will let her know that she is to pay for some of her schooling so that she can take school seriously and not flake out, it's after all her money she's wasting if she withdraws or does bad in school. I'd also encourage her to go to junior college versus univ/college so she can figure out what she wants to do without wasting a lot of money either by switching majors or withdrawing. Junior college would cover most of the basic things that is required for 2 years anyways.
IMO, I think giving some kids free school won't show responsiblity, considering they h ave had it most of their life that they had free school covered, either in private or public. by making them have pay for some of the schooling show htem to take school more serious. parents can either use the money the kids give to them in a savings account or cover the cost of rent or bills. | |
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