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rhodax
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Joined: 6/11/2009
Msg: 27 | |
| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/27/2009 3:32:16 PM | Hmmm, after posting this yesterday I found myself holding back in a post. Mostly because the additional information would have been about a PoF member that I've met and I don't want to embarrass the person (it would have been a positive comment but people can be embarrassed by that too) but also because that could hurt my chances should we hit it off. Mind you, the comment could also greatly help my chances but I figure if there's anything there I probably won't need the help.
So it looks like I do actually do some holding back though its not specifically to help my profile.
Nice too see so many people just letting it all hang out though! | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/27/2009 3:43:52 PM | The only time I hold back, is if someone else has already said it..and probably better than I could. Why would you hold back? If anyone is really interested in you..they are going to find it out sooner of later.. Why not upfront??? What are you scared of ????
If you can't handle the truth,,dont ask the question..
Lbiker | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/27/2009 4:01:09 PM | I don't hold back for the sake of my profile. I agree that if I want to date someone they should know the real me. However, this is the internet, anyone anywhere may endup seeing this. My job makes it important to have a proper public persona and keep the private, private.
So what I say in the forums is true to me. I just don't say everything. My guess would be, many keep things for another time and place that is not so public. | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/27/2009 6:44:07 PM | | I'm pretty new to the forums but if people are 'holding back' for the sake of bettering others opinions, I'm trying to envision what their posts would be like if they were being totally forthright! But seriously, it strikes me that people seem pretty up front and that's what makes this interesting and at times, genuinely entertaining. | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/27/2009 10:19:47 PM | | yeah, i hold back in two areas: raunchy humor and teasing people. the former because it's so context-sensitive, and the latter because it's so easily misconstrued in written form. just as IRL, those flavors don't go with every meal. | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/27/2009 11:37:06 PM | hereIgoagain2009 said:
I don't see why out posts have to be put on our profile. What do they do that?
I can't answer authoritatively why Markus has our posts appearing on our profiles, as I'm not part of the Plenty of Fish staff he has. My suspicion, however, would be that it's one part revelation, one part accountability.
The revelation part comes in letting someone browsing a person's profile see how that person interacts in a situation other than a controlled profile where they put in effort to put their best foot forward. Not everyone reads the forums; realizing this, someone is going to write their profile in a way they hope will appeal to people. Conversely, they may approach discussion and possible disagreement in a different fashion; forum discussion is more moment-by-moment vs. the static moment in time that a written profile represents.
Conversely, the "accountability" portion of things is a nice tool for a person who's on the fence. If our five most recent posts are on our profile, we have to be willing to acknowledge that our posts here in the forums are going to have a potential effect on how our profiles are perceived when we write to someone, or when they're thinking about writing to us.
I personally wish that they didn't have that information on our profiles, or at least that there was an option to disable the forum display. If someone gets into a passionate discourse with others on the forums, they could come off as overly aggressive to a profile browser who's only getting those posts out of context. They might not realize the person who's seeming so aggressive might typically be a lot more even-tempered, but they just happened to get involved in a discussion regarding something they're particularly passionate about.
Perhaps it's a feature we'll be offered one day, who can say? If it's never added, we can't say that we're being cheated out of the money we've paid, right?  | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 12:26:56 AM | I only hold back from being overly offensive in too many posts.
I've had previous run-ins with the POF law. So I've done my time in Banned Camp before.
Other than that, I do call it like I see it. I say what I mean and mean what I say.
Therefore, I defend my posts when I get challenged.
A believe me......with a philosophy background, I tend to know what I think/believe and why!
Actually, I think it was my honesty and straight-forwardeness that helped me land the awesome woman that I'm with now!
Face it, the forums CAN be used as an extension of ones profile. The interested person can see how you interact in social situations. They have a line on how you think and what you think about a variety of things. And they see if you establish a sense of flow with your profile. Or, if there appears to be a sense of disconnect between your profile and your forum posts.
For instance, some profiles read sweeter than pie. but on the forums....same person appears easily offended, childish, and verbally abusive of others. Almost like there maybe a split personality at play. | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 12:47:43 AM | I pretty honest, mainly because the forum here is more interesting to me than the whole online dating aspect of the site.
However, i do avoid posting intimate details about my sex life, and try to avoid posting on here when i've had a few drinks. | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 12:55:37 AM | ^^^^ Yeah, what he said. I'm pretty much myself, in that there's not much I won't talk about IRL that I talk about in here, with the exception of my personal life. Including the sex bits.
But that's the way I am. It never occurred to me to deliberately try to make my profile better by altering my posts; what's the point of that? | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 2:55:58 AM | I am in the forums as I am in real life. Blunt and to the point. I have also had several email me and say how rude they think I have been in my posts, but on the other hand have had a few that said they appreciated my candor. Never thought to boost my profile with my posts, lol my profile isn't exactly a shining example of "marketing" myself either | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:04:18 AM | IRL you are blunt with everyone?
What's wrong with using tact when communicating with others? Seems a modicum of social skills are essential to successfully make friends without offending people.
Or do people go out of their way nowwa days to speak their mind regardless of the consequences? Personally the only people I've known to be blunt with everyone are in prison, or dead. There are better communication strategies beyond the bull-in-a-china-shop method.
(A sharp mind is rarely blunt) | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:11:02 AM |
But that's the way I am. It never occurred to me to deliberately try to make my profile better by altering my posts; what's the point of that?
It never occurred to me to deliberately try to make my profile better by altering my posts either. However, there are many topics in the various Forums that I may like to comment on but don't because I do realize that my opinion or interest in the topic may be to personal.
Take the SEX and SEXUALITY Forum as an example... I may want to post an opinion or response to something posted there, but I do feel that some of those topics are way to personal to share with the masses; Things that I will only share with a potential match.
I think some of those questions are absolutely very private things (kinks, fetishes and
experiences)
I find it hard to believe some people comment on sexual issues if they realize it is forever part of their profile even beyond the last five. (you can view HISTORY).
I've viewed profiles that read well, a woman I'd like to date, meet of otherwise be interested in. That is... until I read something about her sexuality in the SEX Forum. Then my interest in her might change. Of course it could work the other way too!
(wink)
So yes, I do hold back my personal opinions on sexual issues that I will only share with those I'm getting to know and they have a need to know.
But I agree with some other comments made here. By participating in the Forums it is in fact an extension of your profile and personality. I have had many women write to me just to tell me how much they either like, or agree with something I said in the Forums. It is the best way to get noticed. I'd bet most all meetings between the women and men that made contact is based more on them finding each other in the Forums then by merely viewing profiles.
EXAMPLE: Someone might read this thread and my comments, and just be curious enough to know more about me and view my profile. Just might find my match this way. 
So I may not hold back, but chose my posts to improve the chances of getting to know a woman that read my posts in the Forums. We are marketing ourselves to find whatever we are here to find. The Forums are the best way to market yourself. | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:40:16 AM | I think one of the essential ingredients that is missing in online dating is not being able to see how other people interact with eachother socially, or what their personality is like - it's not something that you can really get a sense of by viewing a bunch of likes and dislikes on a profile. I guess in a limited scope it can be replicated in these forums, although i wouldn't personally see the point in being dishonest on these forums in an attempt to gain favor with the opposite sex.
I guess if someone likes me i'd prefer it to be out of genuine interest for who i am, not something i pretend to be, we all have faults, and sometimes they can be just as important to other people as our good bits. | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 4:28:18 AM | I am now here only for the forums, I am convinced this isn't the place to meet the right person for me and I was getting demoralized by all the crappy men contacting me, was finding it difficult to rationalise the sh*t emails and quality of men contacting me and keeping sight that it wasn't a reflection on me.
Since I've stated I'm not looking for anyone I'm being a lot more open about my past and also my present and future hopes. Weird, guys still contacting me but I think the general standard of quality has improved !!!
I thoroughly recommend that everyone put down that they are not specifically looking for anyone here and be brutaly honest, open and frank on the forums !!   | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 4:43:25 AM |
One day when some people eventually learn to navigate the world of Online dating, they'll ascertain that flies are not attracted to honey.
Been here on and off for 6 years, what I see here on the forums, from my girlfriends here, and also from my own inbox is that men who just wouldn't approach you in real life don't even hesitate here. Generally there's an unaccountability for actions on-line and unfortunately the flies are attracted to honey and still come over and sit right down on it. Also this is a free site and so there are even less inhibitions I feel. I'm sure that most of the people punching above their weight here do so because they have absolutely nothing to lose by sending a private email.
In real life I just don't get the flies, here I do, they swarm!
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