| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:04:52 AM |
Do you think there are many people that really do hold back or try to say "the right thing" when posting because of this feature? Yep, I do think there are some that do this.
I also think the "average joe" in PoF doesn't go down to bottom of profile and read about the forums!
Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile? Nah.
I've pretty much decided I only "have a chance" here with men who are....
(ummm how do I say this)
...quite a bit more odd than I can handle.
(wow, was that polite)
The others are checkin' out the thousands of ladies who can walk.
They don't bother to stop and contemplate that maybe I can wheel just as fast as they walk along in life, and might actually have a real durn interesting mind/personality (and sex) to boot!
(no, that's not a "poor ole' me" thing going on... it's simply a "here on PoF" thing.
But ... I wouldn't "hold back" in the forums even if I still thought I HAD any kind of love chance here.
Oh hold it.
Wait a sec.
Yes I do. I DO hold back sexual fun innuendos quite often.
They are not for the whole world to see... they're for those I know.
Also.. any descriptive sex talk. That's personal for those I know. Can't imagine any man I'd be intersted in not minding that I've spilled it all for the world to see. | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 7:09:42 AM | | Silentman says that he is rarely intentionally mean, but I must disagree with him, he is mean and at times intentionally cruel, and for what purpose? Is it to boost his own ego or does it give him a sense of power over another person that he can't acheive in person. For whatever reason, he is. | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 12:34:30 PM | Let's face Reality. Forum participation is only likely to be read by people who already participate in the Forums. [at least READ them if nothing else] That participation is a very small fraction of Fish in general. And look at the general Fish population. How often when corresponding with someone do you think they even READ your profile much less made it to the bottom and ever saw the Forum input area?
I try to treat Forum participants like I do people in real life - like a real live human who will ALWAYS get the benefit of the doubt until/unless they show me otherwise. Obviously not all Forum participants can relate to this method!
I often just shake my head at some participants who "seem" to go out of their way to be as obnoxious as possible and will often make wild assumptions. I see thier "input" and wonder IF they can possibly be like that IRL? Different strokes for different folks I guess...
Maybe they just realize, that not many Fish are ever going to read their Forum stuff?
SOME will though. And aren't THEY the kinds of folks you would like to meet. Folks willing to take a little extra time and make a little extra effort? | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 1:53:46 PM | Passionate Gent said:
IRL you are blunt with everyone?
Yes. Everyone. I think people have enough basic dignity (until their actions show me otherwise) to deserve honesty.
What's wrong with using tact when communicating with others? Seems a modicum of social skills are essential to successfully make friends without offending people.
A modicum of social skills are necessary to make friends successfully, but if those "social skills" are manifesting as what you seem to define as "tact", I think I'll pass. Tact is an attempt to spare someone's feelings, nothing else. So it begs the question: what about the person's feelings are being presented that they need to be spared from? If their feelings are honest, and they're truthful with themselves, then an honest appraisal (if sought) of those feelings from someone else should be appreciated and perceived as beneficial. If they aren't being honest with themselves, in what way are they behaving that would mandate being considerate of their feelings to begin with? The best thing you can do to a person who isn't being honest with themselves is to quickly cut through all the BS in the hopes they can learn to be honest. Enabling someone's self-deception not only does them more harm than good, it also removes any purity of intent and integrity from the enabler.
Or do people go out of their way nowwa days to speak their mind regardless of the consequences? Personally the only people I've known to be blunt with everyone are in prison, or dead. There are better communication strategies beyond the bull-in-a-china-shop method.
I don't go out of my way to be blunt, because I don't go out of my way to speak to people. Nor do I actively avoid speaking to people. If I enter into a conversation organically with someone, then they're going to hear honesty from me. They can perceive it as me being "blunt" if they like; it's their prerogative. But I'm not going to impact my integrity by speaking anything other than truth, in as simple and stripped-down a form as I can. If this makes them uncomfortable, perhaps they should engage in the proper degree of self analysis to discover why the speaking of the truth makes them feel that way. Truth is our end goal: feelings are not an acceptable mitigator of truth's utterance.
(A sharp mind is rarely blunt)
Nope, it's rarely blunt. But it's always incisive. Sometimes people react to that a lot worse, but it isn't the fault of the sharp mind being honest, it's the fault of the poor person who hasn't matured to the point of being able to handle honesty like an adult and recognize it for the gift it is. | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 1:58:15 PM |
Forum participation is only likely to be read by people who already participate in the Forums
Very true, and I've never met anyone as a result of posting in a forum. I've never even conversed without someone who has read any of the last 5 postings I've made never mind the unabridged edition. He!!, I'd be thrilled if most people who contact me had even read the first paragraph of my profile. Most people I've met were so called "cold calls" as a result of searches or seeing who was online at any given time.
I wish that more people did participate or at least read the forums. I'd be great to go out with someone who you had the opportunity to click with in the forums.
Be well...... | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 7:56:11 PM |
But I'm not going to impact my integrity by speaking anything other than truth, in as simple and stripped-down a form as I can. If this makes them uncomfortable, perhaps they should engage in the proper degree of self analysis to discover why the speaking of the truth makes them feel that way. Truth is our end goal: feelings are not an acceptable mitigator of truth's utterance.
Who's truth? Aren't most postings opinions? And aren't opinions by their very nature subjective? Just because someone thinks something about me...doesn't make it true? It's their opinion..not a fact. I can listen to their opinion..I do not have to accept it as fact. I think it would be pretty arrogant to think I had lock on the truth, and should dispense it to those less enlightened than me.
I'm all for honesty, as in: this is my honest opinion...not big on thinking I have the "truth" that works for all. Or, that I am so much better than anyone else that I can tell someone how they should be...
Being mean in the name of anything is just bullying in my mind..truth can be told without insulting or hurting someone's feelings..I do it all the time. Tact is a positive trait...and most people respond better to positive reinforcement than negative accusations.
JMO | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:22:01 PM | i dont think too many people actually read my profile (unless they are the users that use the forums) because too many guys have asked me questions that are answered right there on my profile, lol.
o well. but to answer you question OP, I dont hold back. sometimes if I am a bit ****y, i'll add a few more posts on different topics, just to get those last 5 moved down a bit lol, but other than that, i know they can read the last 50 if they really care to. at this point, i AM here mostly for the forums, so i would be denying myself if i tried to sugarcoat what I say. | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:46:56 PM | | Silentman, I know that you pride yourself in thinking that you are a very intelligent person but the more that you say in your posts, the more ignorant you come across. What is the purpose of ripping someone to shreds with your incisive remarks when it can be handled in a more caring manner and still be honest about a subject and recognize THAT for the gift it is? And sometimes it is better to just not remark at all. | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:31:00 PM | | OH and by the way (sorry to barge in here), but now that I put this picture up with cleavage, all of a sudden I am getting 4 times the amount of emails as I was. SO, I dont think what I write matters at all quite frankly. Sad but true. | |
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rhodax
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Joined: 6/11/2009
Msg: 63 | |
| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:43:28 PM | I was going to email but I'm too ancient.
Footballmom, I looked and I'm not so sure its the cleavage. The cleavage shot is also (IMHO) the most flattering portrait. The sepia tone kind of hides your features and the shot with the guy around your neck puts out the wrong signal i.e. mess with me and my bad-ass boyfriend will kick yer butt!
The others may be artsy but the new one shows your good looks. Maybe crop out the cleavage and see if that changes the quantity/quality of emails.
ermmm. I just realized I'm doing a profile review in the wrong forum. Quick, everyone gather around and shield the post from the monitor's view! | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/28/2009 11:23:10 PM | zangie said:
Who's truth? Aren't most postings opinions? And aren't opinions by their very nature subjective?
It depends entirely on what you're talking about.
Just because someone thinks something about me...doesn't make it true? It's their opinion..not a fact. I can listen to their opinion..I do not have to accept it as fact. I think it would be pretty arrogant to think I had lock on the truth, and should dispense it to those less enlightened than me.
As it relates to perspectives on an individual, since we lack empirical evidence as a result of in-person observation over a multitude of occurrences, then yes, anything someone has to say about someone else in such a situation is purely conjecture. At the same time, truth by its nature is objective; it is what it is regardless of a person's acceptance of it. Just because someone posts here doesn't make what they have to say irrelevant or subjective if they're actually nailing an objective truth. Don't shoot yourself in the foot by assuming that what someone has to say is automatically subjective. Context is important.
I'm all for honesty, as in: this is my honest opinion...not big on thinking I have the "truth" that works for all. Or, that I am so much better than anyone else that I can tell someone how they should be...
You're dealing very broad strokes here that, curiously, seem to be avoiding the issue entirely, particularly since it was never said that the speaking of truth was in relation to anything in particular as it relates to this thread. This said, truth is knowable, and far too often in my experience is a thing that makes someone uncomfortable when it's spoken bluntly and without what you call "tact" to soften the blow. When knowable, and thus when known, if the truth us spoken, it is nothing but beneficial, and if a person feels hurt by that, then the error lies not with the one speaking the truth, but with the faulty and ultimately self-destructive perceptions of the receiver who would take such injury at the truth being presented. It isn't an issue of thinking one is better than another; but it's just as foolish to think that no one can ever be better than anyone. Sorry to say, there are varying levels of ability and knowledge in the world, and whether you like it or not, there are people who are better than you. Likewise, there are those whom you are better than. It isn't subjective, it is objective. Some people are, undeniably, better than others. This reality, however, doesn't allow for the painting of a broad stroke of subjectivity just because the word "truth" was mentioned. If anything, attempting to broadly paint an attempt at spoken truth as "subjective" is in itself a grab towards objectivity. You can't have it both ways. If everything is subjective, nothing has meaning, and laws are pointless, as one could be entirely justified in saying "Sure I murdered that person, but that's okay; the truth isn't objective, and in my moral view, it's perfectly fine to wantonly slaughter someone and spread their remains across seven different states."
Being mean in the name of anything is just bullying in my mind..truth can be told without insulting or hurting someone's feelings..I do it all the time. Tact is a positive trait...and most people respond better to positive reinforcement than negative accusations.
JMO
Who said tact was a positive trait? Who, likewise, made an allowance for being "mean" in the name of anything? I don't recall seeing anything of the sort. What was said, however, was the reality that too often, when the truth is spoken, someone takes it as injurious, and to them, such a truth speaker would then be "mean". Problem is, truth outweighs personal acceptance of it, and the appellation of "meanness" is ultimately meaningless in the face of such an objective concept as "truth". You say the truth can be told without insulting or hurting someone's feelings. I agree. But the problem lies in the reality that while injury wasn't intended (in this example, at least) in the speaking of truth, injury was enabled by the one receiving the truth. In such a case the fault lies not with the one who spoke the truth, but with the one who reacted in an objectively wrong way to the truth. Truth is never harmful except in a world where lies are the preferred method of communication. For one to then turn the reception of truth into harm shows a fundamental flaw in them. Truth is both objective and unilaterally beneficial, with no deviation from that axiom. For one to them feel "hurt" by the speaking of truth is their problem, and if they're unable to rearrange their perspective to rightly recognize the speaking of truth as beneficial, they deserve their pain, for they're the ones bringing it on themselves in the first place.
There's no need to coddle the wantonly self-deceptive, for to do so is to enable their behavior, and thus provide sanction for it, which then harms the integrity of the truth speaker. In such a case, it doesn't remove their ability to recognize truth, but it most certainly does remove the philosophical integrity required to speak truth in an instructive sense. You can't use truth as a balm to heal someone if you also sanction beliefs that stand diametrically opposed to truth, such as the self deceptions that would lead one to prefer lies (because it spares their feelings) to truth (because they feel hurt by it). | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/29/2009 6:48:34 AM | Ummmmmm....that would be a Hell No! Why hold back in your posts. If someone is interested in you they are going to find out your opinionated after spending time with you so why misrepresent in a forum post. If someone is turned off by what I post then that is their preference and they probably wouldn't be a good match for me anyway.
From my perspective: If you can't handle a sassy woman on line how are you gonna handle a sassy woman in real life? | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:22:46 AM | There have been complaints about people not reading profiles and if they don't read those then they probably don't read the forums, but it does happen on occasion. Someone did comment in a message to me that they liked a forum post of mine after I contacted her so I am aware of what I write and I do take responsibility for it. Trying to self censor yourself in the hopes of saying the "right thing" can be tricky and a dangerous path to take.
"Hi. I saw your profile and liked what you said about forum posts."
"Thanks, but I didn't mean a word of it and was only trying to impress women that I do not know by saying what I thought they would like to hear. Hopefully phony men turn you on."
The forums are just another tool (your choice to use) in getting to know someone. | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/29/2009 10:55:14 AM | I always hold back in forum posts so no one can get any ideas about me personally. I think reguardless of forum posts, most people have their minds made up from the first look at your pics, no matter what they want to admit   <img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_211.gif border=0
If someone's looking for someone to date, do you really think they're going to read your profile if they don't like your pics??? DUH!!! | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/29/2009 3:06:17 PM | | I don't care what others think about me. As long as I am honest with others and myself, in the end if they don't agree with me they will respect me. Honestly since I began posting I have noticed that more people are looking at my profile. I take that as a compliment. The truth will come out in the end always. So, better them to see the real me. | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/29/2009 3:45:56 PM | Sure, I hold some things back because I view Forums as the another form of conversation, it's the same as a discussion/conversation in person.
Do I care what others think of me-absolutely not. However, a person should be very careful as to how they present themselves online.
In my opinion, Behaviours/Actions speak louder than words, on & offline.
I'm not going to wildly go around and say whatever comes to mind, whenever, and use profanity, name-calling, all-capital letters (as this is equal to shouting) etc, in my message/post because "I-felt-like -it-and-I'll-say-what-I-want-and- if-you-don't-like-it-tough!" That kind of behaviour just displays a complete lack of maturity and intelligence.
Sure, there are days and times when I really want to swear, etc, and tell that person "where to go" but there's a way of doing this with dignity, self-respect & decorum.
This topic reminds me of a good saying; "THINK, Before Speaking"
or in this case; "Think before The Online Post/Blog/Chat, etc". | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/29/2009 8:00:49 PM |
Unlike the previous posters, I would like the option to choose which posts appear on my profile. After all, our profiles are first impressions. Doesn't mean that I necessarily want everything put out there right off the bat . With that in consideration, I sometimes will not comment on a post knowing it will show up on my profile. I don't hold back that much, but it is a consideration that I take into account before I post.
CO-SIGN. I'm honest, but hey, if I find my way into the sexual discussions, I don't want a woman's first impression of me to be based on the fact that I was discussing sexual positions, experiences, or oral sex with a bunch of strangers on the internet lol. I'M not attracted to someone who COMPLETELY doesn't think before they speak or care about offending other people. Have SOME tact, man. You can be honest and be respectful. And it's reasonable to NOT want to divulge EVERYTHING to someone the moment you meet them (or before you meet them, like on POF). | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/30/2009 5:45:28 AM | Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Absolutely not.
I consider it my duty to let women know just how full of it they are being at times, which is often.
If it weren't for guys like me who speak the truth, women would be left with only the legions of asskissers validating their really bad decisions. | |
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| Do you hold back in forums to improve your profile?
Posted: 6/30/2009 6:12:56 AM | | No holding back in forums for me. My profile rarely ever seems to prompt a response, however my forum postings do. Either I am seen as an attractive rare find or am seen as a total walking disaster, according to the men who respond to my forum posts. Unfortunately, the men who see me as an attractive rare find seem to live many many miles away from me. | |
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