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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:25:03 AM | In this thread we have that conumdrum again where idealism fights with realism.
There are some very real and unsavoury reasons why older men do go for younger women and some are just out of their teens.
My son is with a lovely woman who had such an experience.
Here is her story..
She was raised by semi-religious nuts who refused to have a television, a radio, a computer and other "new tech" stuff in their house. They lived on a farm and the kids were home-schooled. When they went into town, it was just a quick trip and the kids were made to sit in the vehicle.
When she was eighteen, she packed up her one suitcase and came to this city which is approx. 250 miles from where she lived. She contacted the only person she knew and that person was going to college here. They took her in and she started to learn about the 21st century. She signed up to a few courses at the college, found out that she was very smart (intellectually) and it was a fast track to learning about being a teenager. Because she was shy and quite naive,... the drugs, drinking, sexual exploits and social atmosphere was shocking to her...and she didn't want to partake. So...she didn't hang out in that lifestyle...even though she had many guys wanting to get it on with her.
She is a beauty... 6' tall, natural blonde, bikini worthy body and face like Grace Kelly.
Then she met a man who took a shine to her. He was 46 yrs. old (earlier, I thought he was 42...so did she until she took him to court..) and his "older" attitude was familiar to her. He made her feel safe and protected. He moved her into his very lovely home and she became his "arm candy". The reason I say this is because he gave her a list of rules that she had to adhere to.
She was to stay slim. If she gained any weight, she had a certain time to get it off or the relationship was done.
She was NOT to get pregnant at all. His kids were already grown up and he didn't want anymore.
She was to be available at all times to him. No more college and no job.
She was to dress as he deemed appropriate.
He took her all over town to swanky places. He took her on his business trips. He took her on lovely vacations. She had clothes that were stunning and pricy. She lacked for nothing....and she was so in love with him, too. They had 2 1/2 years of this.
Then...she got pregnant. When she was sure, she told him, believing that he would be happy. He went ice-cold and told her to get an abortion. She said no. He then told her that if she didn't have the abortion, the agreement was over and she will have to leave.
She was devastated. Those were the last words she heard from him. He refused to speak to her again, cut-off all funds of any kind and left notes every morning on the counter saying "You have to leave this house."
She did and had her pregnancy by herself and her baby by herself. Not a word from him. Her parents had disowned her as a "fallen angel" so they weren't in the picture.
My son met her when her baby girl was 3 months old. Some of her friends convinced her to go out and enjoy an evening as an adult. He (my ladies man son) met her and was instantly smitten or twitter-pated. First time in his life that the cupid had hit him this hard! lol...
When he brought her home to meet me, I was stunned at this lovely young woman who had such a presence about her. Then..I knew that my son was in love for the first time in his life. As he told me later..."I knew the minute I laid eyes on her that she was "The One"".
They have been together now for 7 months and it is love on both sides. The little girl is adorable and I love her dearly.
The older man? He wanted nothing to do with her and his daughter. She had phoned him to tell him he had a daughter. He told her not to ever phone him again.
Then...he saw her about 2 months ago while she was shopping. He approached her and made a comment about how she looked even more beautiful than before. She told him to get lost and walked away. He followed her home and tried to persuede her give up the baby for adoption and come back to him. She called the police.
Then came the documents. He said that he wanted to see his daughter every weekend. This was actually a ploy to see her...not the child....as she found out. He just dropped the baby off at a sitters.
Now she is in court proceedings to have him out of their lives. Apparently, he has father's rights.
To me??? He is the ultimate control-freak who used his skills to manipulate a very green wide-eyed girl. Yes. She is an adult and is able to say No. She learned that the hard way.
Does what he did make it OK?? No. Control freaks who predate on naive teenagers are the worst of worst. They destroy the innocence and dreams that still lives in the newly "adult" mind. | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:25:15 AM | Well your profile reads like you are still looking for dates.
And did your Boyfriend read what you have written. It may be meant tongue and cheek but it doesn't read that way. You just are generalizing an entire gender for their motivations. | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:32:55 AM | Davdo,
Hon, ever own a jetski or a motorcycle in your 20's? Usually it's a bunch of guys that get together an have a ball on the water, or go for the longer rides. Yeah, once in a while they will invite dates along, just to scare the heck outta the girls, but ATVs an jetskis and crotchrockets usually are all guy activities, with a few exceptions. I own a bike, an honestly, I ride with the ladies group here in town. I occasionally ride with the guys, but they like their freedom, and hey, let em enjoy themselves!
Harley riders, for the record, are in a class by themselves. Love love love em, some of my best friends own Hogs, and that isn't owning a 'toy', that is a lifestyle.
But you know what, this is crazy. Date whomever you want. Whatever the reason. What do I care? I got what I want!
Beth | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:35:19 AM | sweetvibe msg 101 says....
<div class='quote'>Honestly, the younger women they are with want their money..and to use them.
how you generalize. it's of course not true with all of them. you sound bitter.
young girls (just like old girls) just wanna have fun. men of any age can get them that fun.
i'm one of them and it doesn't take a ton of money. maybe once or twice a year an amusement part, perhaps a simple picnic, a ballgame, some nice dinners just like anyone else would do. throw in springbreak in march to Cancun. how much is all that?
get real. if it's OK TO MIX RACES IT'S OK TO MIX AGES. there is NO difference. | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:39:22 AM | | Two things come to mind here. First what is SHE looking for? Is she looking for a sugar daddy? Or is she looking for a father figure and if so that relationship would never work. Now what does he really want? Let's face it what does a man of his age have in common with someone that is young enough to be his grand-daughter? I am not judging here. I think a lot of older man think of what it would be like with ayounger woman. Makes them feel younger. I recently dated a 28 year old and I am 49! That was awkward. We had fun, but I felt so uncomfortable. Her last BF was 58! Go figure. | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:46:59 AM | Blaugh, true I see alot of young uns teenagers even with flab and cellulite.
Look at the men who want them, should look at themselves, too. Alot of men over 40 are overweight beer belly (means it's tiny down there), balding, etc.
I've dated those large and lovely guys and I know from personal experience. I only ended the relationships cause they lay around like Jabba the Hut, don't work, still lived with mommy.
I'm in pretty good shape for someone who will be 40 in February. Iam mistaken for a 20 something. | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:52:05 AM | If a woman dated a younger man say shes 40 hes 20 would that be a problem as well? Leave him alone to enjoy what he has found to make him happy. If she is not complaining then neither should we.
We spend to much time "judging" why they are together...rather then just accepting the fact that two people regardless of the age...might just be happy?
My rule is ...older then my kids, younger then my father! lol
I have been known to brake the rules once in a while. | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:54:31 AM | Some guys buy a corvette and a porsches because they dreamed their whole life of owning and driving such a car. And it usually takes that long to get the money to buy one. So you are judging someone based on an old mid-life crisis theory. Has there been some survey that backs up your claim?
There are about 30,000 new Corvettes manufactured and sold each year, out of some 16.5 million cars sold (in 2006). I'm sure the number of Porsches and other similar such cars is much less, but maybe all told they add up to about the same number at most. I don't know, but let's assume so for the sake of argument. So you've got maybe 60,000 car buyers max with penis and ego problems, but no money problems big enough (cough, cough...) to nix the purchase. 
So, when you work out the math, that's just 1 in 275 cars (less than 0.4%).
Such a number, even if it's off by a factor of two (which I doubt) is hardly an argument for the ubiquity of the mythical universal mid-life crisis.
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:26:36 AM |
Such a number, even if it's off by a factor of two (which I doubt) is hardly an argument for the ubiquity of the mythical universal mid-life crisis.
Your post is true, in as far as it goes. I take the examples of Porsche and Corvette (that the previous bitter loser poster used) to be representative of conspicuous consumption vehicles. Or vehicles bought to impress. People have different ideas of what will impress, and are impressed by different things. A guy who buys a Corvette or an M Series BMW to impress the opposite sex, is no different than a guy who buys a hybrid to impress the hippie chics he has his eye on. Or the guy who buys the big luxury SUV. Or the Lincoln Town Car. And even a brand new Mustang will impress a young teen-aged to 20 something girl who can't afford one herself. Sure, there are guys (and gals) who base their purchase on the image they want to project, but everyone who drives the same vehicle isn't representative of the same mindset. What you assume about someone who drive a Corvette says more about you, than him. (And no, I don't drive one. I drive a lightly customized pickup truck. A vehicle most people don't understand at all... But I like it.) | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:32:01 AM |
Look at the men who want them, should look at themselves, too. Alot of men over 40 are overweight beer belly (means it's tiny down there), balding, etc.
I've dated those large and lovely guys and I know from personal experience. I only ended the relationships cause they lay around like Jabba the Hut, don't work, still lived with mommy.
I don't know why some women feel threatened that a small percentage of men find older/younger relationships. Obviously, they do, and feel a "need" to create an unattractive stereotype.
For the record, not all older men dating younger women have beer bellies, are balding, or wracked with insecurity. In reality, there can be a synergistic connection for a younger woman who needs the affirmation, understanding, and empathy that a "father figure" male might give her, at key junctions in life. Rarely do such relationships last until "death us do part", but that's true of all relationships, regardless of age.
While I agree that a man who will ONLY consider women, who are much younger, may be doing so for dysfunctional reasons, the majority of older/younger relationships are the result of two people who discover each other, when they were open to "whatever". Most older/younger relationships don't conform to the stereotype on TV or a rich, unattractive man looking for a "girl toy", and for whom he is a "sugar daddy". | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:41:10 AM | | Well Barbee.... I love that you have all us old guys pegged! I for one am one of those guys you generalized. I DO WORK! I DO NOT sit on my ASS and do nothing all day and my "Thing" is nice size I have been told! So PLease don't group all heavy men in the same class! I would have sent this private but you have all us old men blocked! Sheesh! | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:42:23 AM | It's all in perspective...
When my ex and I separated the first thing he bought was a racy red Mercedes collector convertible.
The responses were varied as to why he did this:
1. From a friend "It's a penis-mobile"
2. One of his friends "He's single now and he probably has always wanted a sports car.."
3. From his side of the family "He's worked so hard at giving you and the kids everything, he deserves to have something for himself. He's earned it.
4. From another friend of his "It's a great investment and it holds it's value. He was looking for something, I think, to invest his money in.."
5. From my kids.. "It's awesome! Dad said he got it so that we can drive it for grad and stuff..."
And finally from my ex's perspective when asked why he bought it?
"I can pick up hot chicks in it. They love it"
Politically and ideally correct is lovely...but sometimes it's as far away from the truth as a real Santa Claus. | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:45:40 AM |
What you assume about someone who drive a Corvette says more about you, than him.
True. It's always interesting to see what people project onto other people based only on what car they drive... It's kinda like horoscopes, with everyone confined to twelve little boxes. I suppose one does have to keep things simple for the simple-minded.
Cars are not always about trying to impress others. Some people drive performance cars just because they're really lots of FUN to drive. People who tend to view cars and people as merely functional/utilitarian items tend to have a difficult time entertaining that notion, or think it's wrong somehow for someone to take enjoyment in driving, that it's really supposed to be a drole business of about merely getting from one point to another. | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:33:48 AM | I used to sell Porsches ... all types of people purchase them... old guys who want to pick up chicks, young guys who want to pick up chicks and people (male and female, young or old) who appreciate a beautiful car. I don't know much about Corvettes, I've seen my share of fat macho men driving them, yet there are many women who buy them as well as just regular people who like American Muscle. The stereotypes are somewhat based on statistics, but I don't buy into them. My measure of why a person was buying a Porsche was how they pronounced it. Poooorsh people wanted a status symbol and Porsha people wanted to buy a really nice car. Whatever the case was, I gave them each respect and helped them purchase the car they wanted, no matter what the reasoning.
Live and let live. If someone wants to date someone so much younger or older...so be it! It really doesn't matter what the reason is, it's their choice and who are we to say what's wrong or right?
I must admit though, this forum has made for some interesting reading...I must be off now, time for my Boot Camp Class...yep, gotta keep those buns from sagging and the abs real flat. | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:42:31 AM | Over the last couple of years I've renewed some acquaintances with some female friends from high school that I hadn't talked to or seen for a couple of decades. One or two of them stand out in my mind as not having changed a BIT. I don't mean in looks, I mean in behavior--they talk the same, they act the same, they engage in the same obnoxious teenage sillinesses...in short, they haven't matured in any real discernible way.
With all this talk about men who buy HOT sports cars at 45 because they've wanted one since highschool but can only NOW afford it (yes, but the operative thing is that they still WANT it)....alongside discussion of the middle-aged man coveting (in a SPECIFIC way) the HOT 18-year old girlfriend....I'm thinking I just have to put those guys in the same category with the eternally-17 year old woman: as someone who wants the same things he wanted in high school and can now (because of MONEY) have them (presumably he couldn't have them when he was age-appropriate to them).
Truly, I find few things more annoying than middle-aged teenagers (they are even worse than the original article). And no, failing to mature is NOT the same thing as being young at heart.
I was touched by the post above by the woman describing her middle-aged cousin dating a 19-year old and how sickening she and her family find it (the climbing into the lap; the competition with his own teenage daughters, etc.) and it just seems to me that whatever the REASON or ATTRACTION or whatnot that leads to this kind of relationship, to most people it looks sick...for good reason. I don't think this necessarily points to a tendency towards pedophilia (although I DO think there is a difference between someone my age dating even an 18-year old and a 25-year old), but it does point to a complete elision of desire on the part of the older man (or woman I suppose) for anything other than a sex-toy (a different kind of masturbatory pleasure than that derived from driving the HOT sports car, but nevertheless....). And the really twisted controlling element in the daddy/daughter sexual relationship is too obvious to have to comment on.
Some men here seem to think that any negative reaction to this kind of thing from women points to jealousy. I know it's impossible to convince certain people otherwise, but I for one would only really feel compassion (certainly not envy) for a teenage girl messed enough to end up dating a man old enough to be her father. When I was 18 it would have made me retch to imagine being in bed with a man that age....and the kind of man who would want to ensnare a woman that young (outside his fantasy life, obviously) ENOUGH to actually act on that would, I would expect, be suffering from a set of expectations and attitudes towards women (not to mention personal insecurities) that I would find really unappealing. The kind of man who ONLY prioritizes the "tight ass" he wants to "tap" would probably find it difficult to believe that a woman of his OWN age might find that very attitude in HIM unattractive enough to make him pretty repulsive (whatever his LOOKS or INCOME). | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:58:33 AM | My views may be slanted as I had a step-father who couldn't keep his hands off me until I had to convince him that everyone in town will be hearing about this if he didn't keep his hands to himself.
It was revolting to me to have an old man do this to me...and I always found it revolting when I was a teen going into adulthood that old men would do this.
I walked out from a possible lucrative banking career when I was 19 (I was already head teller)because the married bank manager kept cornering me in the safe offering me all sorts of wonderful things if I agreed to be his mistress. It came down to either quitting or keeping my job and becoming his mistress. After about 10 maneuvers out-witting him, I finally slapped him and walked out. Then..when I needed a reference? Hmmmm.... That was thirty years ago...before sexual harrassment laws came in..
In the cases of old/young...what is the intent? Most of it is sexual ego. | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 11:19:36 AM | With all this talk about men who buy HOT sports cars at 45 because they've wanted one since highschool but can only NOW afford it (yes, but the operative thing is that they still WANT it)....alongside discussion of the middle-aged man coveting (in a SPECIFIC way) the HOT 18-year old girlfriend....I'm thinking I just have to put those guys in the same category with the eternally-17 year old woman: as someone who wants the same things he wanted in high school and can now (because of MONEY) have them (presumably he couldn't have them when he was age-appropriate to them).
Who made you the determiner of what's age appropriate, when it comes to automobiles? (Or anything else for that matter?) According to my insurance agent, I become more age appropriate for a sports car with each passing moment.
Sometimes I think the greatest crime against women, is to be a happy male over the age of 40. Or at least a man over 40 whose happiness is not under the full control and regulation of a woman of equal or greater age. :rolleyes:
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 1:01:26 PM | Since everyone is being so honest here, I'll put my two cents in.
I was one of those girls who dated older men (10 to 15 years older). I only dated tall, in shape men. The reason for this was because they liked to spend money on me, they were appreciative to have a younger woman - thus more respectful and they were easy to please sexually.
The bottom line was money though. Any man who thinks a younger woman wants them because he looks and acts younger then his age or is in much better shape then his 45 year old female counterpart is delusional. You see, just as you guys think a 25 year old female is hot and tight and the a 45 year old woman can't compete, a 25 year old girl looks at the 45 year old man the same way. Believe it or not.
It's all about the finances and/or the lacking daddy figure. Just being honest | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 2:16:26 PM |
and/or the lacking daddy figure
From observation, and experience, it is far more often the case that what draws some younger women to older men is just that.....the deep need for an approving, encouraging, accepting "older male" figure in her life, especially when life has "beaten her up" recently in one way or another. With a man, who enjoys "nurturing", such as men who have been coaches, teachers, etc... that can be a strong reciprocal draw, and a very different kind of bond than would normally be formed in a peer-peer relationship.
Good, bad, or different in the eyes of others, so long as both are consenting adults, why is it anyone else's business? | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 2:45:51 PM |
There is no better way to attract men than to stay slim and fit.
I always find these things hilarious. Very very few men out there who are older look good. Most are fat, old, bald farts with leathery wrinkled skin yet they want a hot, tight bodied younger woman. Look at any group of men from any area and you will see most do not look good and they certainly don't look any better then women in their age group. | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 2:59:46 PM |
There is no better way to attract men than to stay slim and fit.
I'm one thats just happy with fit.
I adore women of all shapes and sizes. So "fit" works across the board. The slim part only fits certain types.
As I have said before, I tend to date older women. I find laugh lines and some of those cows feet very attractive on a woman.
So maybe try referring to yourself in your posts and use "I" and not "men". Let men come forward and agree on their own. | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:11:35 PM | msg.1
Firstly. 18-19 year old? and lady. ;)
Mmm'kay.
More likely its a case of Young, Naive, Typically Slutty, Very Immature, and wholely unprepared for anything. Including surviving the wiles of the elder predator of relationship savagery.
Sex sushi waiting to served up in all their young raw tastiness, to the toothless lions of geriatric sexual predation. As undoubtedly, they can't chase down something their own age, and lick that kitty the right way. ;)
Meyow! Bay-be!
lol!
Older horny freaks, well they happen. Particularly when all they can do is find some young cub in heat, to lie with. Beastly animals, playing the part of human well.
9to9 | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:12:34 PM |
Who made you the determiner of what's age appropriate, when it comes to automobiles? (Or anything else for that matter?) According to my insurance agent, I become more age appropriate for a sports car with each passing moment. Sometimes I think the greatest crime against women, is to be a happy male over the age of 40. Or at least a man over 40 whose happiness is not under the full control and regulation of a woman of equal or greater age.
I know the females in the 2 neighborhoods I live in hate it that an older woman ( or any woman) isn't in control of my life or my $$$ .. So I'd have to agree.
Lots of misandry out there. It's ok to bash and hate men in the good ol' US. I often say 'I didn't know it was illeagal to be single and happy'.. Or.. ' I'm not married, I'm happy'....If the bashers don't like men dating down to 18 and even younger in Pa. Then change the age limit... | |
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| She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:24:16 PM | [I take the examples of Porsche and Corvette (that the previous bitter loser poster used) to be representative of conspicuous consumption vehicles]
Kisses to you too, ChinaShopBull!!!
LOL
Beth | |
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