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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/27/2009 10:11:28 PM | Hey, I'm a guy and I've got the plumbing to prove it, AND I Enjoy cooking. And I am damn good at it. I've also got the library of books from Julia Child to burn it quick on the grill to draw inspiration from. While I prefer to whip up something that is more along the lines of americana / homestyle I have at times tried my hand at somewhat more refined recipes and presentations. I bake and I saute.
As for cleaning, it is the price for living.
TK
{recalls with a chuckle last years attempt at Butte pasties} | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/28/2009 1:20:09 PM | | I hate guys with that attitude, makes us all look bad. I can cook - I'm a trained chef - and you don't need a degree to tidy up a little. If domestic abilities are more important to you than the personality of the girl you're dating then frankly it's time to wake up, smell the coffee and walk out into the 21st century. It's lovely out here. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/28/2009 1:26:23 PM | | My cooking skills are limited, too. Not horrible, but limited. Plus I don't particularly enjoy it. When I was married, my ex would've loved it if I cooked, but I tried to avoid it as much as possible or at least do the bare minimum. I think both men and women should know how to cook a few things. My ex's cousin is an excellent cook on the other hand. You could call her a gourmet cook and she had all the gadgetry to go with it. BUT the thing that distinguishes her from many women including myself is that she loved doing it AND she was a stay-at-home mom, with a home-based business. It's too one-sided if it's expected that the female work outside the home, take care of the kids when she gets home, in addition to cooking and cleaning. Her partner needs share in those duties, but how many really do contribute... | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/28/2009 1:30:46 PM | Wildone1207 that's so sad you did not love him enough to learn how to cook.
Love is a sacrifice.
Why do I get the idea being in a relationship with some women would require eating out on a consistent basis. (eating food) | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/28/2009 1:31:17 PM | I know a lot of women that do the housecleaning, it's a good business and really it's not that expensive. Anyone can clean, it's not rocket science to run a vacuum......there's other things I'm better at. (yeah, let your imagination run wild with that..haha)
As far as cook, I prefer to do the holiday cooking the day to day I can't be bothered with and I'm not that picky so I have simple things that I like to eat (Elvis style peanut butter/banana sandwiches....). I'm retired from domestic goddess.....baking bread, homemade preserves, fresh biscuits with sausage gravy and my specialty chicken cordon bleu.
I screen out those that are looking for a cook/maid.  | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/28/2009 1:37:54 PM | I just dont see why some men are like this. It cracks me up. I personally love cooking, especially for someone I like. It makes me feel good when they say "omg that was soooo good" Cleaning I can do also, I prefer to wash the clothes but I HATE folding/putting them away lol I hate vacuuming but like doing kitchen stuff. Dont mind cleaning the bathroom either. What ever happened to honey-do lists?? I miss those  | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/28/2009 1:40:51 PM | | I don't think any of this is applicable, these days. I don't know any men who expect a woman to work and still do all the things his mother did, single handedly. Most men I know do their fair share around the home. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:41:01 PM | I'm not sure what your region is like, but where I'm from women don't cook unless it's our mothers/grandmothers, and they usual fail at cleaning too. This is a rare trip out of my normally egalitarian ideals, so sit tight.
Maybe you should try to find men who aren't interested in you cooking. I always cook for women, friends, relatives- women of my generation (and to a large degree my mothers) are horrible at it, just horrible.
There are entire books written on this very subject- the loss of traditional roles in the home, and why. You can go to Amazon and dig around if you're really interested.
As for cleaning- this comes from more personal experience mind you, but they tend to clean superficially, and it drives me nuts. Clean is clean, but hiding things, skipping spots, etc, is sloppy. I'm hardly what you'd call OCD, and I have dated a number of women who were more thoughtful cleaners, but for the most part I and my male friends surpass any of them.
Perhaps, too, your viewpoint is one based upon not only your region, but your generation? Personally I value a woman in a relationship not for what she can bring to my household, or even finances, but for what she brings emotionally, and her ability to think freely. I'm a kook, I know. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:54:10 PM | I cook when there is more than one adult to cook for. Which means most of the time I don't. But when I do, I use great tastes and fresh ingredients (no canned veggies etc). I can whip up some good stuff on the barbeque too. I'm also up on my "food safety" techniques too, so rest assured no one will be getting ill from anything I do. Not to say I've never burned bacon in the microwave or never had pasta boil over, *&$! happens.
Cleaning should be shared in a relationship. You help put the dirt there, you help clean it up, ya know? | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/28/2009 11:30:12 PM |
When a man gets home from a hard days work, who can blame him for wanting a hot, yummy tasty meal prepared for him when he gets home?
Actually, since 50% of the work force is now women, we get home from a hard days work too...ahem. 
As far as my original post, and the replies so far, I guess I don't really have a problem with it, if the husband is the only one working, and the wife is home taking care of the kids. But most households are dual employment these days. I guess I was just surprised at the amount of posts I've seen on this forum alone from men (from all generations) who still want someone who can cook (and clean).
I actually feel kind of bad that I can't cook. My generation was on the cusp of the invention of the microwave and my mom loved it when we got our first one. We still have our original microwave (and it still works). It's like twenty years old. She would cook for me and my brother growing up, but I didn't really make much of an effort to ask her to teach me stuff. I was more of a tomboy. I liked Barbie and things like that, but as I got older, I was never really much of a girlie girl. I never took home-ec classes in high school. Just wasn't interested.
I did love my easy-bake-oven though when I was a kid. That was the coolest thing ever.
I suppose I could learn, but when it comes to cooking I'm lazy. It's so much easier to just pop something in the microwave then get something ready for the stove or oven. I do use the stove and oven, but not very often. I have dated a few guys who like to cook, but not many. I still hear a lot of guys at work who love it when a woman can cook for them. Or they brag about what great cooks their wives are, and how well they take care of the house, etc.
I even hear it sometimes when I'm out and about and happen to overhear conversations some guys are having with their friends. I don't think this is a "Midwest" thing. I also remember hearing some guys talk about this topic growing up down South in Georgia. I actually understand why guys like us to cook. It reminds them of mom, makes them feel loved, etc. I get the logic behind it. I guess I was just never that interested in doing it for someone else on a regular basis. But I tend to prefer guys who are more self sufficient anyway. (because I always have been)
Thanks for the posts so far. I enjoy reading everyone's input. (even if some think I'm an idiot for starting this thread) I am an idiot sometimes, but I still like to hear others opinions on things. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:27:38 AM | Men like that are just looking for another mama. They can go back and live with the one they already have. Or they can hire a maid.
They want someone to cook for them, clean up after them, do their laundry, just like mama did...they just want it done for free, rather than hiring someone do to it for them. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:30:35 AM | | Passionate Gent, I'm sure that if Wildone's husband had loved her enough to provide well enough for her that she could be a stay at home mom and not work outside the home, she'd have had time to learn to cook for him. Her point was that it's not fair for one person to be expected to do all the household work, AND be expected to also work the same 40 hour week that the other one does. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/29/2009 8:41:43 AM | I never had any man want me to be a good cook and housekeeper.
Where did you get that idea? I am not looking for a butler so why would a man want a maid? Sounds like they want good lovers mostly. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/29/2009 9:03:23 AM | It's not, at least it isn't to me. I really don't have any problems doing these things for myself when I am alone, so why would I not be able to do them for myself when I am in a relationship.
I think this is really only an issue for men who believe in the old gender stereotypical roles: Men works and does the labour while women cooks, cleans and does the laundry. Not everyone will see it that way but, to me, it's just sexism; there are plenty of men who are for and want equality though.
Personally, I don't feel as if I have the right to force a homemaker role on any woman, just like it wouldn't be right to have certain roles forced on to me based entirely on my gender. To be honest though, there seems to be far more women who judge men on such stereotypical roles than the other way around.
On a side note though, I also really don't think cooking and cleaning are such a big deal. I have been doing my own cooking, cleaning for the past ten years and I am still alive. As easy of a skill they are to pick up, they are still completely non-essencial.
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chas47
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Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 42 | |
| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/29/2009 9:14:16 AM | | Well, I can't answer for others. I most of my relationship, I was the better cook! Growing up as an only child, I spent a lot of time in the kitchen. I just sort of picked it up. Then too, there is an "art" to cooking. The art of "just knowing" what to place in food for a certain taste, how and what to season with. Plus a lot comes with experience. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/29/2009 10:34:53 AM | It's because men want to take on the traditional provider role, and want their women to take on the traditional nurturer role. Specialization is the backbone of all civilization, and this mushy 'sharing of gender roles' will be it's downfall.
Let me ask you ladies this, is a mans job and earning power important to you?
And with the concept of 'shared roles', while in most relationships these days the man is no longer the sole income earner, I find that women still pretty much expect the men they are with to be the primary income earner. The majority of women are not interested in dating a man who makes significantly less than they do. So, society is perfectly fine with men remaining the primary provider, why is it that when it comes to cooking, cleaning, and other chores, things are supposed to be split down the middle?
There are two great downfalls to the system that we are in now. First is that specialization is superior. While dual incomes is considered the norm these days, you'd be surprised how far a single income can go if you eliminate the unnecessary expenses of daycare, have home cooked meals instead of restaurants, take out, or packaged foods, and eliminate the 'too big' status house / cars / etc.
Secondly, if someone is actually able to 'do it all', where they can be both an effective provider and cook, clean, and take care of their domestic situation, what do they need out of a relationship apart from pleasant companionship, an activity partner, and sex? There is really no benefit getting into a marriage for people like this. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/29/2009 10:53:41 AM | Most often than not...when it comes down to the wire, these two things do not really matter...to either men or women. I have to say, with all modesty aside, that I'm an excellent cook and keep a clean and nice looking place. I am a nurse by trade but my friends often ask me to "why not cater?" when I cook that good. Some ask me to decorate their place because they have a good reason to believe that I have a good eye for design (judging from knowing how to sew my own curtains and color coordinate my pillows---step aside, Martha Stewart!). But you know what, that seem to not be the answer to find someone. I've always been told that I can be married because of these talents but ofcourse that's old wives tale.
Dating is really hard. It actually sucks too. Sometimes, I'd rather fold and re-fold my towels and re-arrange my dishes than to go out on one to be honest because you don't really know what men want anyway and you feel your time has been wasted. They probably don't know what they want either (God bless their little hearts). While I sit here and read your thread, I can't help but say, you're probably better off than I am. I lived and grew up in a family where the women took care of their men by cooking and cleaning for them but they reciprocated with love and their ability to share the women's load with them. I always thought that I would find that in my future...where men can bring home a paycheck but be romantic and wash the dishes after he had a good dinner in appreciation of his wife's hardwork too. Haven't found that---probably won't...
All in all, I think finding love or a good relationship does not rely on these two things. In the end, a spark of unexplainable origin from two people disregarding whatever it is that they are about is the only thing that matters. If the stars align properly I guess but how often does that happen for you or me?
Here's what I am saying though, girlfriend, it doesn't matter if you can clean or cook. I am from the opposite side of the spectrum but we have the same fate. What does that tell yah?
Thanks for reading...God bless... | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/29/2009 11:07:17 AM | In my experience, women view their home as an extension of the person.
That's why they go into panic cleaning mode when people announce they're coming over.
I mean, seriously, I know women that "pre-clean" before a fricken maid service shows up!
Also, I've noticed that women are pickier cleaners than men when it comes to the home.
As for the cooking part...........
I can cook moderately well. But I think the attraction lay in womens' ability to provide for the family....especially kids. Not all men readily know or understand that you don't feed a 5 year old hot sauce, or coaxing kids to eat their veggies. Not to mention, I'm sure plenty of men would overlook even making veggies! | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/29/2009 6:01:05 PM |
Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Surely you don't expect us to get off the couch and get our OWN food, do you?  And those dirty dishes don't wash themselves! (ok, I'm joking, but the OP's question begged a response like this one)  | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/29/2009 6:39:02 PM | I'm a fantastic cook, and I generally enjoy cooking. You want to shuffle that off to me, good, but I want to trade over this "laundry" chore, or the "dirty dishes" chore. If I'm paying half the bills - or more - I generally expect my portion of the chores to reflect the effort in the monetary support area. Sadly, my ex didn't see it that way, so I ended up not only paying most of the bills, but doing the laundry, cleaning everything, cooking all the meals, keeping the car running, mowing the massive lawn, taking care of her chihuahua, and doing everything else under the sun that counted as housework or yardwork. At the point I'm doing that, woman better be taking me out somewhere nice once in while, payin' my bills, putting a RING on this FINGER.
But really, she just cheated on me, so I looked about, realized I was pretty much going it solo anyway, then left and got a basset hound. The lack of sex is irritating at times, but as far as emotional support and being snuggly is concerned, the puppy trumps my ex. Even drools less in her sleep.
Net gain. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:13:30 PM | | OP the simple fact is that men are depended on in a relationship for a lot of things, men get tired and look forward to very little to make them happy, sex,food,clean sheets. Women in general require a lot of emotional and other forms of support. In essence it's having something tangible other than sex to offer, especially when you are thinking about having kids, if you can't cook/clean then having kids is out of the question cause those kids will be running around stinky and starving. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:25:55 PM | A comment from a poster: (essence it's having something tangible other than sex to offer, )
How about being able to hold a good conversation, having a great attitude, love for familly and friends as well as being emotionally and financially responsible.
If the only thing other than sex some men think a woman can offer is cooking and cleaning, why not just get a woman that is unbelieveable in bed and hire a maid! | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:49:10 PM | | I think when most men mention that they love a woman who cooks and cleans, they're kidding around about the stereotype. I mean, well, I would LIKE a woman to cook and clean at least SOMEWHAT lol but she doesn't have to be some Stepford wife or whatever. I don't care if you're not Rachel Ray. In my opinion, the only time I'd REALLY give this any serious thought at all is if I thought I might end up living with her at some point. Honestly, it would SUCK if two people got together who were BOTH messy AND couldn't cook lol. What kind of f***ed up household would that be like? lol I hope the couple is rich enough to pay for both then! Okay back to being serious though. Considering I like to keep things clean anyway, and I can cook somewhat, as long as you can pick up some of my slack (and I could do it for you, too) then it's all good. I don't think you should be terribly concerned with the subject. | |
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