| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/30/2009 8:15:26 PM | | NJBubble, you are totally correct ! the sad part is how many women or men actually have that to offer?????????????, not many which is why the simple matter of skills comes into play. From my personal experience only i can say that rarely do you find someone who has an incredible intellect on your level, and is exceptionally endearing and considerate in all aspects of your family life etc etc etc. And what you say is true, you can find someone who is only great in bed and you can hire a maid, but if you want a serious stable long term relationship and plan on having children you don't want to look your kids in the eye and say your mommy is a slutty ho and the maid has more admirable qualities! My post isn't meant to degrade anyone for not having life skills other than sexual prowess, rather to emphasis the fact that there are indeed domestic skills that have their rightful place in a relationship. I mean seriously you work all day at a job that may be stressful, only to come home to lukewarm hot pockets????????? If men are expected to take responsibility in a relationship for things having nothing to do with sex why can't women? | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 6/30/2009 10:27:52 PM | To some men, its important for them to be mothered and taken care of. For me, the cooking is just an ability to want to make someone happy. It doesn't matter what the food is, just that someone has the desire to reach out.
As for clean, well come on... I'm an adult and clean up after myself.... and if someone needs a maid, hire an endentured servant and pay them to clean up after you. I don't like messes but enjoy sharing the time to be together to do dishes, cook, etc... | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/1/2009 7:18:53 AM | I don't know, but if they aren't good cooks or good at cleaning, I don't want them either.
I am a good cook, but I do not like to cook. I only do it because I have to.
I clean because like most people.. I don't want to live in yuck and chaos. I will often hire out the work a little.. especially for big jobs that require a lot of cleaning supplies (I get sick when I have to use window cleaner or oven cleaner products for example, but it's still gotta be done).
Too anal to live with a sink full of dirty dishes for more than a day or 2. Too annoyed by cat fur tumbleweeds to leave them a-rolling around. Too grossed out by the pee smell that permeates my apt if I don't keep on top of the litter box. On and on the list goes..
If I met a guy who can deal with all the above... I won't want him. He'd better be able to or interested in doing both. No one LIKES to clean (I don't think), but we can't not do it. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/1/2009 7:41:24 AM |
Why do so many men want us to be good cleaners/cooks? What if we're not? What if we grew up on microwaves (like I did) and we're not that handy in the kitchen? Does it truly lower a woman's worth if she doesn't want to cook and clean for you?
^^^someone has to do it so it might as well be the women | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:32:08 AM | Men in general are highly turned on by a women that can burn, and clean well.
To be completely honest, I'm not much of a cook.
This may turn a lot of men off, but I don't do a lot in the kitchen.
That's not to say that I wouldn't cook for my man. Indeed I would, but I would also like him to cook for me sometimes. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:05:24 AM |
I did love my easy-bake-oven though when I was a kid. That was the coolest thing ever.
OP, you mean that doesn't count as 'baking'? 
I too am a baby boomer, and I think the reason that my marriage lasted as long as it did (till death) was because of the gender roles that I grew up in. We did not have kids until our 13th year together, so we had a lot of alone time. Because we both worked, I did (and enjoyed doing) the 'female' chores - cooking & cleaning) and he did the 'manly' chores - mowing, car repair, home repair, dump runs, etc. When the twins came, I worked part time (4-5 nights a week) - from 6pm - 1am for 3 years. I was up with the babies at 6 am when they awoke, as he'd already left for work. I had to take on most of the child "chores" - though he still had to feed them and put them to bed. Ever watch 2 yr old twin boys all day long? They took 2 - 20 minute naps a day. Wht one didn't think of, the other would. By the time I got to work 12 hours later - I felt like I had already put in a full day after running after the two of them all day! The more tired I became, the more my husband took on - dishes, washing & drying the laundry - but not folding & putting away. I even saw him vacuum once or twice. He saw me mow ONCE and took pictures! As they children aged, and I had worked better hours, the roles again reversed to what we both enjoyed at the beginning. I again did the 'inside' chores and he did the 'outside' chores.
Now that he's gone, I try to do it all, and its not easy. I svck at home repairs! After only seeing me mow once in 23 yrs, my hubby is probably smiling down as every day that its dry (only once in the last 2 wks!) I'm outside mowing. Some days I prefer to do the 'manly outside chores' and some days I prefer to do the 'inside womanly' chores. But my sons enjoy my nurturing side, inso far as cooking & cleaning goes - though they do their chores and hate every minute of it! For some reason, they've already decided (at 15) that they are better off finding a woman that cooks & clean, as they can't be bothered. Not sure what I'm teaching them anymore, as I try to explain that they need to help as I'm not the only one to make the mess. That its not fair to expect me to cook, and do dishes every night. Now I threaten them with not cooking, and they'll pretty much do what ever I ask!
The point of my story is that most people are more comfortable around people that share the same opinions on gender roles, especially those that are willing to compromise.
HR  | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:27:48 PM | Cooking is an art a pleasure All of your senses they come together, It is an honor and should be a pleasure to cook for your partner, it is relaxing and enhances your creativity, and if you know what you are doing it is much better than what you eat at the majority of restaurants, or pretty soon you will be able to stick in the microwave one of my gourmet pasta and risotto dishes that will be in any supermarket soon.
I am Italian so maybe for my background and culture it is not even a question if a person should know how to cook or not, however the only person that you can blame if you do not know how is yourself. Ciao | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/3/2009 11:14:24 AM | | ^^^So Marco, that means you cook, right? And you find it an honor and pleasure to cook for your partner, right? Just wondered if it was an honor and pleasure for men and women alike, or just women? | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/3/2009 11:21:11 PM | Cooking and cleaning are also a form of self-respect, if you eat junk and live in filthy environment, what does that say about you as a person?
I doubt men are looking for somebody just to cook and clean, but they add to the qualities of any person/woman. No need for a mother figure, but some of us can cook and keep our places generally clean, so it's natural to expect same in return. I come from a long line of good men cooks, so if I can cook, its nice if the woman can at least help out or cook herself. The cost of eating out and paying somebody else to clean can far outweigh her paycheck, even more if she doesnt work at all. Its best to share responsiblities, but everybody has to work together.
To turn it around, would you date an astronaut that cant wash his own clothes, lives in a pigsty and couldnt figure out how to boil a pot of water? Probably so because you'd look at other qualities (love, looks, charisma, etc), but men are more logical and we'll assign more points to qualities that really matter, especially when it also relates to raising children. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:11:05 AM | Let's not discuss the cases when they are looking for a cleaning lady and a chef instead of a wife. Some men find it attractive if you cook and clean. They feel you're taking care of them. Some women express themselves through cooking and taking care of the household. Sparks fly when the two meet.
It was a part of a sad ending for me and my ex husband. We married very young - in your early 20s. He said he thought it's cool to marry a future rocket scientists because that's what everyone encouraged him to do, but in reality all he wants is a wife who cooks and cleans. We shared the chores, with me doing the most part, and I didn't mind, but for me it was no big deal, not a self-expression kind of thing. He never felt the love coming through cooking and cleaning, and I never felt appreciated for what I really valued in myself. (No, we didn't divorce over this issue, it was just a small part or it all.) | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/4/2009 6:38:27 AM | Op, I've never felt that there was an expectation out there for me to be able to cook and clean from men on this site..in fact far from it. In fact, I think that men now clearly are at a place where they are free to dabble in the domestic side whether out of necessity or interest.
The rise of two-parent households suggests that fathers need to be as fully functioning on all domestic arts...not just cooking/cleaning.
The rise of the cooking show 'spectacles'....suggest that cooking is sexy...being a sexy young thing or an overheated temperamental cooking genius seems to make great tv...for more than just the learnin'...
I enjoy caring for others. Cooking is a way to translate that in a tangible way. I enjoy the feelings that come back to me for that caring. My son loves to have things that are home cooked...it's his preference. Cooking is also social and it's fantastic if you can share your interest with someone close to you. Some of the men that are placing a value here on this...are more about finding people that share a this value. I think it's more about a comfort level in meeting that, than an expectation. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:45:02 AM | While there are still a fair number of traditional men out there, I find that most in my generation expect to pull their own weight, chore-wise. I think that basic cooking and cleaning skills are just part of being an independent and functional adult.
Our tolerances vary, though. Some people don't care about a clean house, while others care a lot. Homecooked meals are way more important to some than to others. The key is finding a mate who tends to feel the same way about these things. I don't mind cooking every day, because I like to keep things cheap and simple, but it's nice to take turns with a partner- especially because mine can whip up some yummy things. Cooking/baking for someone can be a lovely expression of caring, but it's not the only one.
It's all about finding a way to share the burdens of everyday life, and supporting each other, not just looking at "what's in it for me?" | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:54:03 AM | Personally, I'd have to say it's along the lines of what some other posters have said. I want someone who will complement me, who is good at some of the things that I'm not, and will make up for some of my deficits.
I don't need her to be a gourmet chef, but if she can top my cooking skills (spagetti and baked chicken are about all I usually aspire to), then that's a definite plus. As for cleaning... I don't actually mind cleaning, but I suck at organizing things. I'll sweep and mop and do the dishes and wipe down every surface in the house, but half the time my clean clothes sit in a basket until I wear them next.
Anyways, I don't think it's weird or odd or unfair that I value those traits over others. I mean, why should I care if she's an astronaut? If that's what she wants to be, then great for her, but why would that be something I should value? I never dreamed of being married to an astronaut (or insert any other career field, if you like), any more than you dreamed of cleaning house.
We all appreciate someone who can bring something to the table that we want, and don't have. I don't understand the big mystery here. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:23:46 PM |
The point of my story is that most people are more comfortable around people that share the same opinions on gender roles, especially those that are willing to compromise.
Yes, as we all know "it's the little things" that we do to keep the big things from ever developing into something that's out of balance when the load gets a bit weary. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:47:57 PM | I've yet to find a woman that can do both...
I cook and clean, and really don't give a schit if she can do the same...I like things a certain way anyhow, so she'd just get in my way :-p
The only thing girls I've been with have wanted to know, is, how to cook...every one of them find it hot that a guy can cook, which has always made me laugh...I thought everyone could!
Truth, lets kick it up a notch-TruthinessInc | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:30:14 PM | | I haven't noticed this at all. In fact, the men I've got to know have always wanted to cook for me. They did well too, much better than me :). I don't generally offer to cook though, especially if I don't know them well, so they probably jump in there first. I also think people tend to respond to what you 'offer' them in conversation, so if you are conscious of your cooking abilities and start talking about cooking early on, then any astute man is going to pick up on your interest in cookery and immediately ask you about it. Once they realise you see yourself as a good cook, they will also probably hint that you cook for them ... free, delicious food, private time together ... it's ideal. We all tend to notice the things that are already on our minds, so maybe this is why you are seeing cookery in everyone's profiles. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:17:54 PM | "Its important to men because they want to make sure they will get someone who will pick up after them!"
I cant speak for other men, but I do all the cooking and cleaning here. I would not be interested in meeting a woman who does neither, as I certainly don't want to be her maid either. I cooked for the last woman I went out with at least a dozen times. She never did for me once. What exactly was she bringing to the table, besides telling me I should clean more, and take her out for dinner more often?
As for comments like above, I know most are tongue-in-cheek, but it sounds like you have a very narrow view of today's men. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/7/2009 4:49:52 PM |
But on the flip side - men excel at other things and they DO appreciate smell of freshly cooked meal accompanied with her broad smile when welcoming them back home.
Yes, I know it's old school but true to me when I worked full time and came home.
And when I was off work early, I would bake something for my children as they came home from school. There something about that is from my childhood and I passed it on and shared with them.
And if your house is a home, it's all good and equal when helping out, lovingly. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/7/2009 5:12:13 PM | Considering one is looking for a mommy whether he wants a housewife or wants to be a house husband, I'd say just go with your own personality and don't lie to yourself about what you're looking for deep in your heart.
Chances are any lasting relationship is adaptive anyway. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/7/2009 6:19:35 PM | I don't know about the rest but when it comes to this subject... I'm definitely guilty in having an old-fashioned mindset on gender roles, and a preference as well.
I don't really like a guy in the kitchen all the time...and I feel if he's a REAL man he deserves to be treated special. I personally take pride in my cooking skills, and on the flip side I wouldn't want to date a guy who couldn't help me out if my car breaks down or doesn't know how to fix things around the house (all the "manly" chores) since I certainly can't lol.
The cleaning issue is different however, if he can't pick up after himself then he's considered a slob in my books...nothing sexy or put together about that
In conclusion, I agree with a previous post it's important to be with someone who shares similar values on the subject. | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:38:30 AM | One of the nicest things a bf ever said to me was, "This is MY kitchen and I'm the only one who cooks in it! Now, what do you want for breakfast?"
Breakfast was a little late that morning...
This is the 21st century. Can we put to rest the idiotic ideas that most men are only looking for a mama and a maid, along with the one that says women don't have anything else to offer but maid and short order cook services?
I've always meant to try peanut butter and banana sandwiches....glad another poster mentioned them. I'll buy some 'nanners later.... | |
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| Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men?
Posted: 7/8/2009 11:02:33 AM | In my last serious relationship, my bf could cook his butt off. I gained weight from it, too. We shared that responsibility and that is where it ended. I think that is why I kept him around that long.
I cook 5 days a week, one day is left overs, and one day my kids eat at my parents' home. The only thing I can imagine a man making a big deal about a woman knowing how to cook is that they get tired of cooking for one, tired of eating Chef Boyardi's, has a cabinet full of cereal boxes like Seinfeld, or is running out of restaurants to order from. | |
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