| Living together before marraige
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:07:03 AM | | I used to be totally against this but I might have to reconsider now because my last marriage didnt work out because we didnt know what it was like to live together prior to getting married . If we would have lived together we would never have gotten married | |
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| Living together before marraige
Posted: 5/10/2008 10:44:45 AM | Those are really nice points that you make. I agree in part, but I'm wondering if a middle ground can be found. One that does not put full faith in a staying apart before marriage approach, and one which doesnt put full faith in the testing the waters approach. The problem for me was adopting belief systems because I thought they would work for me.
Because each person is expected to adopt a belief system as it is, the system doesn't take in to account the individual at all. I think a couple would do well to sit down and discuss the issue openly to see what unique solution will work for them.
I really like your idea of both people doing whatever they choose and then they can see what eachother are like. Now that I am older and more solid in my understanding of myself. When I meet a woman, I'm going to show who I am and not edit my views on life at all. I'll openly express what my concerns and beliefs are. | |
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| Living together before marraige
Posted: 5/10/2008 8:18:17 PM | For me... I am definately FOR living together before marriage...
Once I married my husband... things changed almost over night... and the changes that happened are not ones that you can hide when you are with someone 24/7... but you can hide when you see them an hour or two every few days... | |
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| Living together before marraige
Posted: 5/18/2008 7:41:20 PM | | The best advice I could give, is put a time frame on it, as to how long is acceptable before you want a commitment. I lived with my ex for about 7 yrs, never got a commitment, just used and put to the curb with the next victim, who moved right on in our home when i left. Dn't be another me. Say if things work out living together afte a year lets get engaged and so on. A guy who doesn't want to marry you, isn't the guy then. | |
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| Living together before marriage
Posted: 5/19/2008 1:44:37 AM | http://marriage.about.com/cs/history/a/futuremarriage.htm
The way I understand it, the institute of marriage was formed to make a contract between two individuals. This was to facilitate the dissolving of said contract, if the couple became incompatible, either to themselves or to their bloodlines.
Then later on in history the sacrament, religious meaning was added, as was the celebration/feast... 'cause you know humans like to party. It is showing their love in public or in other words showing off.
Myself, I'm an introvert, I have no impulse to have a party in my name. I definitely do not need affirmation of my thoughts, action much less love.
That is not to say I do not try to understand others choice in announcing to the world their professed love. But, this to me is like carving our names on a tree. Children-like in a fantasy-land full of naivety. That just because it is written it is more final.
BUT... What I require is my loves affirmation. That we will work toward the same end. For me, when I express this to her and she to me, this worded promise between two lovers, it is forever. My word is all I can give. There is still honour in some peoples hearts.
The end to my story
requires a compilation
of co-ordinated effort,
communication and
compromise.
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts7342277.aspx | |
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| Living together before marraige
Posted: 5/19/2008 5:17:41 AM | living w/someone gives you some insight as to the day to day habits o f said person; but it won't give u better chance of having a good marraige or marraige at all, it all comes down to the individuals and what they commit to it. It also comes down to their desire to be honest about who and how they are, as well as what they want; living together won't help w/those two issues at all.
it will give you some insight as to what your getting into though | |
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| Living together before marraige
Posted: 5/19/2008 1:40:06 PM | I always believed in the sanctity of marriage, so I suppose now that that myth has been blasted all to hell, what's the point? I would think more divorced people would think that way. I mean seriously - how many times can you say 'til death us do part' with a straight face?
But I do like having a companion, someone to love and be loved by. Someone to hold and be held by while we fall asleep. Someone to wake up to in the morning. Someone to share the mundane with - because face it, life is mostly mundane ( it's not like we're rock stars for Christ's sake!). I could be perfectly content with the prospect of living together and have no compulsion to marry whatsoever. Perhaps it would be different if I wanted more children, but I'm well past that point in my life.
What are some rationales for getting married? Security? Emotional or Financial? Another myth. . . Realistically, marriage in and of itself doesn't offer anything I need at this stage of my life. So many people try so hard to romanticize marriage - and then they wonder why it wasn't so wonderful. . . Damn those princess stories anyway. Prince Charming on his great white horse - one kiss and I knew - happily ever after indeed!  | |
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| Living together before marraige
Posted: 5/19/2008 3:23:38 PM | People will get into 'living together' relationships quicker and with people that they would really never consider marrying if they took the time needed. The problem is once they are there it is an easy step towards marriage as ending this relationship and finding another person is just too much effort. Marriage is something that everyone just does.
If I remember the research correctly those that didn't live together until after they dated, fell in love and got engaged did better in their marriage than those that never lived together at all until after they were married. It is those relationships that jump into cohabitation (probably more for convenience reasons or wishful thinking) when the emotions are not there that fail. | |
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