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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 1:39:00 PM |
A man who finds that form of questioning offensive? Must have something to hide.
No, it's simply that I don't "owe" anyone my interest, and someone that consumed with paranoia is not my idea of a "fun" date. Given a little time, through a process of a natural process of revealing yourselves to each other, most of those questions would be answered anyway. But, it's extremely controlling to "demand" answers to pointed questions, and indicates that she's a "woman with issues".
There's a thread on the issue of more mature adults making dating more of a hassle than just having fun with it, and letting things happen.
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts12632613.aspx | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 2:14:03 PM | WHOOOOOOOA Horsies!...lol
<div class="quote">All but one has revealed...thank GOD before I went to bed with them
I have slept with ONE MAN only....the rest I found out they were married or had a significant other and living with their partners before it could even get to the point of intamacy.
Not sure how you guys can turn a post on someone like this but you guys are good at it.
I have often wondered while reading others posts...why the intial question asked was not answered...which in my case was asking "what kind of questions I can ask to find out if someone has a SO they are LIVING WITH." I just gave some back story as to why I was aksing the question.
I have also often wondered why some of you ADVISORS do not advise but rather read the profile of the questioner and then only proceed to disect the person asking the question whilst totally disregarding the question at hand.
Look how many people made assumptions that I have had sex with all these guys. Absolutely not true and had nothing to do with the question.
Look at the people who only voice their opinion about my being separated and NOT living with anyone ( which was explained) therefore I have no SO...all the while, once again disregarding the actual question.
Strange...very odd. Makes me wonder if some of you have nothing better to do with your time then to come on here and hurt people for the sake of causing mental distress because you yourself are in pain. Misery loves company eh?
To those of you who answered my actual question, thank you and I have taken some of your suggestions to thought and hopefully will now have the right questions to ask. | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 2:21:39 PM |
Look at the people who only voice their opinion about my being separated and NOT living with anyone ( which was explained) therefore I have no SO...all the while, once again disregarding the actual question.
OP
1. The favorite sport in some threads is to "beat up the OP", something to keep in mind, when starting a thread
2. you're status as "separated" is relevant to answering your question. A married man will view you as more "like him" than someone single or divorced
3. You received a lot of suggestions about ways to try to determine, prior to meeting, if there might be someone in the picture, like a wife or live with girlfriend. | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 2:27:12 PM | | Is there more of a common denominator between these men than the fact that they are lying & cheating? If you could pinpoint the reason you are a magnet for this type you could work on that aspect, but from here with the info you have given, I don't have a clue. | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 2:39:01 PM | I never thought I would have to make so many clarifications when asking a question but Ms. Firebird...you said
I'm really surprised no one else picked up on this statement. You mentioned you had been emailing/talking for a week, then a meet, then the next day at his home. This would make day 8 and you're ready to give yourself to this man
Maybe because some people can see that the time line was much longer than that.
I said and I quote:
Initial contact for one week via e-mail here that would be 7 days although I do think it was a bit longer. I was just rounding off.
I also said:
Moved forward to iming then to texting this took place over and additional two week period, again here I am just rounding off folks.
then I gave another time line:
spent hours on the phone for almost a week straight before finally deciding to meet. this adding on to the other two statments makes for quite a bit of time going by before we actually met. In total I spent about a month getting to know him on a daily basis. Believing of course early on, I had asked all the right questions and that he was available to continue moving forward.
As far as having sex with someone I am interested in...... I am a mature woman with an intact sex drive. Making the decision to have sex with someone I am sexually interested in is not a bad thing. I liked him and looked forward to the possiblity of becoming intimate. Thankfully, I found out he was actively living with a woman. I was in her home and I felt sick at my stomach and left before I could do HER any damage. I want no part of hurting another woman. I wouldn't want it done to me. | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 2:42:57 PM | daynadaze....yea I am trying to figure that one out myself. I look at their profiles before I ever return a reply. They say they are single or divorced. I move forward from there.
I do think one poster may be correct in saying that because I am saying I am separated that maybe these men think themselves that I am really NOT and just out here to play.
I have updated my profile explaining my situation so hopefully this will help. | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:03:55 PM |
What she would be is safe from a lying loser unless you're a really GOOD lying loser.
Which may be the case if those questions would offend, it's entirely within a woman's right to ask a complete and total stranger off the internet those questions BEFORE meeting him and having intercourse with him.
Anything less than that is asking for not only disappointment but the infamous one fyck and he's gone.
A man who finds that form of questioning offensive? Must have something to hide.
And any man not willing to inform his date of those things? Isn't much a man when it comes to making a woman feel safe and comfortable with getting to know him.
This is absolutely right spot-on GS... (Nice to see you back BTW...  )
When I was dating, the guys who were truly free actually welcomed my interest and questions. They were respectful of my concern for my own safety and the straight-forward approach I adopted to avoid becoming caught up in something I would normally steer my boat around... Even the guys who weren't on the up and up were inclined to be respectful of my expectation that they would be honest.
OP... the willingness to take time to get to know someone will ALWAYS be your friend... The frequency of these occurences and your own evolving sadness are signs that it is not good for you to jump the safety net that time and familiarity offers us. Please take better care of yourself. | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:49:41 PM | forumnite, these threads can have just a postage stamp snap shot of what the "question is"...
When I looked at your profile, it is to get an idea of the age of the person, because that is a biggy. The persons marital status is also of importance in this instance. As well as what a person say, their pics, and how they come across...
You asked how to tell if a guy has a wife or SO at home... In my 8 yrs of off and on dating I have been hit up by I think 5, no more than that..
Therefore with the number of piss poor suitors that have hit you up, there is something about you that is drawing them in....
I remember another poster asking why she always got hit on by men wanting sex... Well Hmmm let's see of look multiple pics on the bed, with bare naked bum in the air, and a bra with bulging breast and the hint of a nipple line.. Dress so short that it is amazing that the crouch line isn't visible... I don't know WHY over sexed men would be thinking she is advertising for sex...
Sadly a good number of posters read what THEY have going on in their mind, and not what may actually be posted, or the first 2/3 of the thread, then the read posts...
I posted from the perspective of if you've gotten nailed by nine married in that short of time, there must be a reason.. OHHHH yes, not divorced... OK, I can see why they think you'd want the same type of relationship...
It wasn't explained until I brought it up... Which is a good idea to put in your profile, because men who are separated find the interest in them is pretty much zilch...
That is one of the ways to weed out these people...
As others have said, pay attention to the timing of their calls, and if they say stupid things like I have very few minutes so I will call you... I'm calling you from the store... Shoot can't think of any others right now...
Shug, sometimes the target IS you... The best way to avoid being the target is to explain WHY you aren't a good target.. You will NEVER totally get away from the toads in the world, but it will cut down the chances...
It sucks to have to be constantly vigilant but sometimes that is what you have to be to avoid being hit up by the involve man...
From the few I dealt with, they would lie and lie AND LIE, until they flat out get caught...
I never do LD for this one experience... Guy starts chatting with me, is all a googoo for me... We chat for months, cause he lived in Fl, and I was in Or... However he was so sure he wanted to marry me... I thought it was cute, but didn't take it to serious.. However i did have a fondness for him...
He would usually chat with me after 9 pm. which I thought was tad odd, considering that was 12 am his time... Once in a while he'd turn his cam on to chat.. So I figured it must be all good... NOT
He disappeared for like a week, which was soooo not like him.. He said he was a former cop, work injury... LIE LIE LIE... So I called that sheriff department for a well being check... They told me on the phone that he was married, living with his wife...
I was in shock... As in what the freak kind of jerk..
LOL, he did get ahold of me, tell me NO he wasn't married, but his ex live with him, more long lie lie lie, about some woman that threatened his and her life... LIE LIE LIE..
He said he had been in the hosp... YEAH uh huh right...
So the long story short, I was fooled 7 yrs ago, and after that decided no LDR for me, as well be more aware of call times, stupid stories of the internet cut out because he had it from a satellite dish.
He sent photos of his place, he was "remodeling" yeah at the pace of a snail... Also his kitchen and dish ware was pretty girly for a single guy...
Moral of the story... Men can lie no matter what... If you don't want that kind of attention, use the built in filters, AND then post what you are looking for...
I like what the gal said about beating the guy with his bloody stumps... LOL, there are way to many women to run a game on verses those that MAY be a potential violent person if lied to...
Like it or not, men have certain targets, and a separated woman would be EXPECTED to understand where he's coming from... You just have to let people know you don't accept that as part of the norm...
Good luck  | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:50:54 PM |
his is absolutely right spot-on GS... (Nice to see you back BTW... )
When I was dating, the guys who were truly free actually welcomed my interest and questions. They were respectful of my concern for my own safety and the straight-forward approach I adopted to avoid becoming caught up in something I would normally steer my boat around... Even the guys who weren't on the up and up were inclined to be respectful of my expectation that they would be honest.
What planet are you living on, that men think it's "cool" to have a woman "demand" that he answer rapid fire direct questions, demand that he have a picture taken "this week", or that they have any reason to know, where my ex lives, or details about past relationships?
When I'm about to meet someone, I give her my full name (first and last), which is more than enough to check out the national sex offender registry, or, if she wants to pay for it, to do a criminal background check. She will know my phone number, obviously, and I'll give her my city and state, more than enough to share with friends, "in case".....so, yeah, I want her mind to be at ease. I will "give" that to her, cuz I want her to have it.
However, if a woman starts "demanding".....it's over before it begins. No one likes the "3rd degree", and it's not necessarry to sniff out the married liars. Their "pattern" of contact will give them away. If it were a liar, he'd just lie about that stuff anyway. | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:57:50 PM | forumnite, You need to get better with a computer. In my state, and I'm sure all others, there are public records available free on line.
I would never go to a man's house and certainly not go to bed with him until I knew his name and enough about him to see for sure if he was truely single.
I'm not talking about in-depth, PI-type searches. With a person's name and address you can pull up all public records of his marriages, divorces, debts, property (useful to see if it really is His house you're going to.) And of course it would be nice to know he wasn't Jeffery Dommer.
Although if he passes all the inquiries, eating one another alive could be fun! 
Just sayin'
 
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 4:21:19 PM |
What planet are you living on, that men think it's "cool" to have a woman "demand" that he answer rapid fire direct questions, demand that he have a picture taken "this week", or that they have any reason to know, where my ex lives, or details about past relationships?
Who said anything about the question being "rapid fire direct questions" or demands??? Whoa... Slow down...Rewind... before you get your pantyhose in a bunch! Most of us are able to communicate the questions we have without firing them out of a shotgun and they ARE interspersed with the rest of the "getting to know you" conversations. A person doesn't have to have a floodlight, injectable truth serum and a brainwashing kit where a guy is open to being known. Most of the time, if one has lengthier convos, most of the information comes out on its own and he's the one that provides it.
I think what GS was referring to is the fact that where someone has nothing to hide, most of this information flows fairly freely. When it doesn't, there's reason to be concerned. | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 4:25:00 PM |
if one has lengthier convos, most of the information comes out on its own and he's the one that provides it.
I think what GS was referring to is the fact that where someone has nothing to hide, most of this information flows fairly freely.
Yes, it does, and if it had been put that way, I wouldn't have bristled. It was the way it was presented as "direct questions" that a man "had to answer", as in one conversation, and I've had those sorts of "first dates", where it feels like I'm "under siege" with one direct question after another, which is a mistake I will never repeat. | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 4:49:19 PM | Yes, it does, and if it had been put that way, I wouldn't have bristled. It was the way it was presented as "direct questions" that a man "had to answer", as in one conversation, and I've had those sorts of "first dates", where it feels like I'm "under siege" with one direct question after another, which is a mistake I will never repeat.
Well... it WAS put "that" way... If you re-read the post that set you off, you will see that she says "be blunt" which I interpret means, "don't feel the need to p*ssyfoot" as a number of people do with one another.
One of the main complaints men have is that women are not as direct and straight forward as they would like them to be. Indeed, I have heard men say that in life as well as here on POF. Since the OP may be less than inclined to ask direct questions, it is being suggested to her that with as many weirdos on the Net as there are, she needs to be a lot more comfortable with being forthright in her initial convos.
I don't think there would have been any way to address your issues with the first dates where you've found yourself "under siege" or your discomfort with direct questions.
Personally, I have yet to have anyone question me about my life where I am not entirely comfortable to answer the questions UNLESS they become sexual in nature. | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 4:51:28 PM | | OP... maybe part of your problem is deciding to become intimate with a man you have known only for a very short time? Hmmmm | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:10:50 PM | Since the OP may be less than inclined to ask direct questions
Just to let you guys know I do ask direct questions as in "Have you ever been married?" to the ones that say single followed by "how long have you been divorced" and I ask that to the ones that say they are divorced on their profile. I always ask if they are currently in a relationship as I did Bob. He said no. I can't make them tell me the truth.
Thus far I am asking the questions I need to pertaining to whether or not they are currently in a relationship.....the answers the men have given me are false until I find out the truth on my own. ...as I did with Bob.
Because of what I have experienced I even asked him how long ago his last relationship was so, I wouldn't be a rebound woman and make sure he was not with anyone. He said it had been a "long long time...too long" and he "missed being with the company of a woman."
I came here because I need some new questions and ways of making sure a man is not lying to me.
I hate this guys....asking a question and expecting a lie will be told to me no matter what...it is awful and quite frustrating.
I used to believe everyone deserved a clean slate but now I think I am foolish for believing any answer a man gives me (OFF INTERNET, I don't have this problem with men in real time) since I have been lied to so frequently.
Yes, for the moment, I am jaded....I am praying it is just a phase...like these things that happen in 3's...just this time it came in 9's.
Oh and guy who asked about me wanting to be intimate with a man I have only known for a short time....How long before sex is for you and the object of your affection to decide...whether it be 4 weeks or 4 months ...everyone's thoughts on the matter differ.
This discussion or rather question has nothing to do with how long should someone wait to have sex after they meet someone. If it had been all I would have to do is a thread search to fnd many answers.
Please stick to the question at hand.
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:26:59 PM | Just to let you guys know I do ask direct questions as in "Have you ever been married?" to the ones that say single followed by "how long have you been divorced" and I ask that to the ones that say they are divorced on their profile. I always ask if they are currently in a relationship as I did Bob. He said no. I can't make them tell me the truth.
No... you can't OP. If you're new to the Net or even to online dating, it's one of the grim realities we all have to deal with.
Thus far I am asking the questions I need to pertaining to whether or not they are currently in a relationship.....the answers the men have given me are false until I find out the truth on my own. ...as I did with Bob.
Because of what I have experienced I even asked him how long ago his last relationship was so, I wouldn't be a rebound woman and make sure he was not with anyone.
"Bob" needs his a$$ kicked... Since he had the audacity to drag you into his house, you have his address and you COULD (not saying you should or anything ) but you COULD send a nice note to his wife telling her how pretty her home is... 
I came here because I need some new questions and ways of making sure a man is not lying to me.
You can't force truth but what you can and might want to consider doing is making sure that you've had an extended period of time with them in your initial discussions. Time itself will help you to pick up on patterns and it is those patterns that form "netspeak". If, over a period of time, you are unable to communicate with him at night or on weekends... if he doesn't give you his home phone number... if he suddenly exits conversations where he doesn't come back... if he doesn't post a picture... if he suddenly starts typing strangely... All of these things are about patterns that you can pick up on over time... Without that time, you're hooped and taking a rather sizable risk.
I hate this guys....asking a question and expecting a lie will be told to me no matter what...it is awful and quite frustrating.
I used to believe everyone deserved a clean slate but now I think I am foolish for believing any answer a man gives me (OFF INTERNET, I don't have this problem with men in real time) since I have been lied to so frequently.
Yes, for the moment, I am jaded....I am praying it is just a phase...like these things that happen in 3's...just this time it came in 9's
Unfortunately OP, this is not a "phase"... It's a teachable experience and one intended to forewarn you to pay attention to signs and your own gut instincts. You don't have to let this jade you or criticize yourself for being "foolish". There are very few of us who didn't start out on the Net really hoping to meet some great people and that part of you, is a beautiful thing. Don't lose it because of 9 horny Pinocchios! | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:27:12 PM | A couple of thoughts:
Ask for a home number - if someone is really single they will have no problem sharing it - call that number when you know the person is at work and listen to the answering machine
Agree on the seperated comments others have made although people should still be honest....not sure why people think it is at all ok to hide they are in a relationship...if it makes you feel any better women do it too... | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:47:00 PM | Sorry RMan but I think you're reading into what's written the tone. No where did I say I "demanded" anything.
I think you're choosing to see those questions as demanding, rude and invasive.
Why are you so defensive and unwilling to reveal this information to a perspective date if you have nothing to hide?
You rapidly jumped to conclusions here, made a great number of assumptions and attempted to smack me with them, which I think was flaming me and Silk
What planet are you living on, that men think it's "cool" to have a woman "demand" that he answer rapid fire direct questions,
No where in my post did I say that I think it's cool. But I do think I'm entitled to ask them. How I ask them, and when I ask them is my decision and my choice, and my manner in which I do so? I didn't refer to or mention. I simply said I did it. Perhaps I do quite tactfully and with such prowess and skill that the man is putty in my hands... Regardless I didn't say it. YOU did.
If it were a liar, he'd just lie about that stuff anyway
Liars very rarely are capable of lying to me. Perhaps because of my professional training in knowing how to ask questions and get the truth to be revealed.
Hell hath no fury like me when someone attempts to con me.
I am not any easier on myself if I allow myself to be conned or lied to because someone had a pretty face or felt I didn't have a "right" to ask him the hard and challenging questions.
I think it's a savvy dater who does this prior to meeting someone from the internet.
Many women come on these forums to bytche and moan about how they met a man who wasn't what he had presented himself to be. So many women say how they were "fooled" or "conned" or he was fatter, older, balder etc., than his photos.
RM, I challenge you to show me one place where I have been fooled or conned by a man I have met online and came back here bietching about it.
It doesn't happen.
Why not?
Because I invest my time in the pre-date research and am not disappointed with who I meet.
As to the OP, there seems to be a great deal of concern about your willingness to be sexual with this person. And I get that you are now being very defensive about the attacks on you.
However, regardless of how intact your sexuality is - it is not a wise move to meet someone on the internet, who you know next to nothing about, and after four weeks of electronic communication you determine that tonite's the night.
It simply isn't a logical or safe or ethically smart choice. I believe that's why you're getting some flack over it.
Women are putting out very easily in the name of their new independence and sexual awareness. And it's making females in general appear to be morons.
If you don't wish to have these types of dates again in the future it's time to be a little more wise about how to go about it.
Me thinks perhaps it's why the men are so miffed we'd make so many queries of them before putting out. Possibly they'll have to man up and be better men....
Just a thought. | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:15:14 PM |
You can't force truth but what you can and might want to consider doing is making sure that you've had an extended period of time with them in your initial discussions. Time itself will help you to pick up on patterns and it is those patterns that form "netspeak". If, over a period of time, you are unable to communicate with him at night or on weekends... if he doesn't give you his home phone number... if he suddenly exits conversations where he doesn't come back... if he doesn't post a picture... if he suddenly starts typing strangely... All of these things are about patterns that you can pick up on over time... Without that time, you're hooped and taking a rather sizable risk.
Excellent, as well as getting the home phone... Of course there are men that don't have a home number to call. My ex hasn't had a home phone since we got divorced 8 yrs ago, so what can you do about that???
OP, the reality is that no matter where you meet a person, I met my ex husband at church, who would have thought he was a liar... I know it is hard not to sounds like the queen of paranoia, but the reality is there are liars out there, and NO MATTER how much skills you develop before meeting them, you are going to have to take the chance they have lied about something....
IE: Ohhhh you wouldn't believe how long it has been since I have had loving... Yeah, if you don't mind that they are counting it in seconds, and that was 2 nights back..
People who are a certain way will tell you anything to hook you... What I learned was to NOT take the whole thing seriously, had coffee dates, and really watched how the person responded to questions I asked... I of course after refining my "interview skills" over 7 yrs can get a good idea of "tells" of honesty, verses deception...
Example a majority of people will not lie about their date of birth or birth mo, so you can start the "tell" of an honest question... Ask enough benign no reason to lie questions, then see how their responses change when they start to lie about something...
It takes a bit of practice, but after a while you will pick things up really fast... Chatting on the net, or on the phone a person can say anything, and it is hidden behind not being seen... Thus you might as well get to the meet as soon as you can, save both sides time, and you will be able to see if they are trust worthy, or full of crap real fast... | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:40:36 PM |
Which may be the case if those questions would offend, it's entirely within a woman's right to ask a complete and total stranger off the internet those questions BEFORE meeting him and having intercourse with him.
Maybe it's just me, but I'd have no problems with those questions if I was dating....
I know the more comfortable a woman is with me, the more likely it will go further... some of these guys are shooting themsolves down by being overly defensive...
I am actually surprised more women don't ask these kinds of questions...
A friend of mine once put a guy through the third degree in a bar. She asked to see his ID, and he got defensive. He kept hedging on it...She finally said (and in a nice way, not aggresivley...), "Show me your ID, and I'll buy you a drink..." he still refused... she told him to take a hike... | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:59:46 PM | | "Looking For Other Relationship" has a clandestine connotation and certainly appeals to men who are inclined to cheat. I suggest you change what you are looking for on your profile. | |
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| Answers...
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:17:41 PM |
How current are your photos?
Not very. Frankly I just don't care enough about all of this to bother with no photos. However, only one person has ever told me that I didn't look like the guy in my pictures...and she said she thought I was "darker" (...smh...God help some of us and our issues...)
Do you have any taken this week?
Nope. See response to question one.
Could we web cam so that I may see you in person before meeting at a new place?
Nope. I don't own a webcam. See response to question one.
When did your last relationship end - completely? (no clinging calls, or texting)
Good question. Fair question. I would do my best to offer as full, complete and honest answer to this as I could...given that I didn't take care to commit the date to memeory of a calendar. But...I get this.
Where does your ex live?
This question fail to see the relevance of, other than to establish that she doesn't live with me (which is bullshit...as much as I am one to stick up for the separated people, being one myself...there is NO WAY I would be dating someone who still had the same address and an ex spouse. No....WAY.....). Now, if all you want to know is that she doesn't live with me, cool. If you want an actual address, you can go to hell.
If he has room mates who are they, how many are they, what are their sexes, and ages, who sleeps where, etc.,
Damn reasonable question. I DEFINITELY get this. Frankly, I wouldn't date anyone that had a "roommate" of an opposite gender. I just wouldn't...for reasons not the least of which would be that I couldn't see how said person and I would be compatible. The sort of woman *I* would date is not going to live with a man she isn't fcuking. Just not. I am 43...not 23....and if you can't appreciate how a 43 year man might not thinking you living with another guy is cool, then we really aren't compatible. A mature, reality based woman would ABSOLUTE think to herself "gee...this could end up being an issue for dating" before she ever took on a male roommate...and wouldn't do it.
In general, reasonable questions, though you might not like my answers. And if you don't, that's ok...other fish in the sea for both of us. | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 11:15:57 PM | ill start by saying im sorry if i hurt your feeling, but this isnt just for you
This is life. Come join in the fun!
Anybody has a chance to fly...want to fly with me?
Want to take a swim in Lake Bisteneau? Jump off my pontoon boat and swim with the gators?
You choose what you think about my weight. I am 5'6 probably should weigh about 140 to 150 considering I am extremely muscular but I weigh about 185. Yea, I would say I am too chunky but so what have you looked in the mirror lately and evaluated your looks as opposed to the way you looked 20 years ago.........spot on!
CRAW DADDY'S RULE!
ok let start with this.. your profile reads like a escort ad and you dont have a pic. you give no indication of anything and you chose to be anonymous a guy will already assume your hiding something. if hes actually looking for someone to have a lasting relationship with he will not contact you.
Initial contact for one week via e-mail here. Moved forward to iming then to texting,talking on the phone. His profile says single. He tells me he has been married once before and then in a long term relationship for ten years but never married. He then decided he didn't want to be alone and joined POF.
this is where the power of the internet comes in. youve been burned 8 times so you know what a player is by now. you have his email his name and general location. did you check my space and the other dating sites for his profile. did you look in the phone book to see if he was listed and if anyone sharing his name was listed in the same house. its not paranoid and if a guy says it is, then he's probably trying to hide something.
What questions can I ask to prevent this kind of situation. How can I get these men to be upfront before I invest time and "thoughts" about them. All I want to do is make sure that I am clear as they are that we are free to explore life together and not only when their partners arn't looking.
r you married or seeing anyone..how many favorite does he have.. .is his profile perfect???? have you caught him in a lie or has every avoided a question(changeing the subject, asking the same question back with out fully answering you), have doctored pics or no pics, and look at the screen name. and when your talking, pay attention to everything not just the sweet parts.
i can, if wanted to, point out 4 potential players on this thread alone, and one is a woman | |
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| having a SO or a Wife but not at home
Posted: 6/28/2009 11:31:32 PM | Lil Brooker....I about threw myself off the couch when I read that. I had no idea I had "looking for other relationship" on my profile. I BET that is the problem. I don't know why that slipped by me.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU....I feel like the simplest of changes can make the biggest difference....and this one....I think will.
So, I guess all forumites should check out the profiles when someone posts...they can spot something we posters didn't see or think about. | |
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