| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/30/2009 7:58:54 AM | Last said:It's not a British, thing, Serenity. I was born and raised in the central plains of the U.S. and I'm almost that bad. And yet, my ex was one who never closed the door (even when the kids got older, which actually kind of bothered me), and in fact would call for me or the kids to come in there to talk to her about something while she was taking care of .. necessary business in there. It was one of those areas we never did quite jibe on, as she never truly understood how uncomfortable it made me, and actually seemed amused by my modesty. Mind you, the bath is not completely off limits to me. Being invited in to share the shower is fine. But while my partner is attending to personal hygiene and intimate grooming? Nope. I'm fine with just seeing the finished product. I don't have to be there. And vice versa.
Indeed when the door is closed it is for a reason. This open door would have bothered me as well since I too am a very modest (shy) person.. but this goes way beyond that in my mind. Goes to respecting privacy.
There are times when my partner coul enjoy a swim in my huge big garden tub with me and times when I am doing my private thing.
I have always had my own bathroom and when my sons visit they have the other bathroom with the walk in shower.
Once my younger son wanted to swim in my garden tub since I a light show going on in it underwater and he wanted to experience that. I also have nature sounds that are pipped in.. So I tossed some algae marine in, and lit all the candles around the tub and let him have at it.. lol
I know how to spoil myself rotten at times..
thecatsmeoww | |
|
| |
| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/30/2009 8:37:09 AM | there are a number of things i would not want my man hanging with me. beauty maintenance is one. shopping, since i like to shop alone for the most part, lunch with girlfriends, are a few.
separate time is good for relationships | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/30/2009 8:55:11 AM | One thing I miss when in a relationship that involves sharing the same residence is a private place of my own where I can retreat. It wasn't so difficult when it was just the kids and me cuz my bedroom was my sanctuary, and they've never been allowed in my bedroom cuz I keep loaded weapons. I remember in my last marriage that even my husband had his shed (man cave) but I had no place that was mine alone. IF I had that kinda space with such a place it would be off limits.
Last night for the first time in a long time I went by myself to see a gf at her house for a few hours. That was nice. I used to do 'girls nite' with her and a few others but I think it has been nearly a year. I told my bf that if the girls were going out this coming Thursday I might go since I don't have to be at work on Friday and he's cool with that but unfortunately they aren't doing anything this week. The rare times I get to be with the girls like that or at one's house or 'doing lunch' to catch up, maybe talk about developments in our love lives, compare hormone replacement therapies, etc. are off limits too.
Some of my time with relatives, especially my daughters, is off limits. We may discuss private matters that aren't common knowledge even among other family and some discussions with my daughters are just private between us.
I do have issues about privacy cuz I was never afforded that growing up in my parents' house. My purse is off limits period to everyone regardless of gender or relationship as are the drawers where my things are kept and my mail is nobody elses' business. | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/30/2009 8:59:31 AM | I guess you can fuse hearts.. I tend to think of fusing bones..
thecatsmeoww | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/30/2009 5:48:49 PM | | I have no off limits. If you really are that bored that you want in on my bath time,sock hunting,mucking out the pet dragon or crawling under the car, then take a pew.May draw the line at dumping though.Prolly only cos you would get in the way of my rapid exit!! | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/30/2009 11:37:56 PM | actually, yes, a lot of what i do would probably seem pretty boring to another person, partner or not. i think that alone might guarantee us separate time.
or maybe if a partner really (not in that noxious controlling intrusive kind of way) wanted to be there or pitch in when i'm dusting books or trying to figure out which raspberry canes to clip (that takes time, i suck at gardening and worry about hurting the plant), or editing (that's a scintillating contact sport for sure), or wandering around trying to remember where i left my glasses (which i can't find because i don't have them on and can't see)... maybe that's love? | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 7/1/2009 3:58:33 AM | andserendipity said: or maybe if a partner really (not in that noxious controlling intrusive kind of way) wanted to be there or pitch in when i'm dusting books or trying to figure out which raspberry canes to clip (that takes time, i suck at gardening and worry about hurting the plant), or editing (that's a scintillating contact sport for sure), or wandering around trying to remember where i left my glasses (which i can't find because i don't have them on and can't see)... maybe that's love?
I like that and yes that is doing things together.. Rather than one just watching due to being insecure. In your scenario both oars are in the water and they are rowing hard together..
thecatsmeoww | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:52:05 PM | That sounds like a control freak...or man w/ no interests or hobbies or friends.
Or both
Why didn't you just put your foot down and let him know that you didn't feel comfortable w/ him going everywhere.
If a person can't respect another's private space...then the relationship is in trouble.
If they won't change...end the relationship. | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 7/2/2009 12:44:37 AM | | Judging my family is off limits. I can **** about them, but don't you put them down. Observations are ok - I do expect honesty - but don't you dare critcize who they are unless we are alone and you are just agreeing with me or comforting me. | |
|
| |
| This place is off limits
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:52:07 AM | no excuses please said: Why didn't you just put your foot down and let him know that you didn't feel comfortable w/ him going everywhere.
I expressed my desire to go to the hair dresser alone. I told him I wanted to surprise him when I got home and by him being there I was unable to do that. I guess he did not hear what I was saying and wanted to be there sipping coffee while Jean Pierre worked on my hair.
I guess I hoped in time he would get bored of it? I really did not wish to put my foot down over what I consider not to be a major issue but it very annoying to me.
As for the marriage I did not end it, he did. He called a few days later from his father's house and he told me he had issues with his self esteem that he had to work on and that was that.
thecatsmeoww | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:40:56 AM | ^^^^^
If you "really didn't wish" to put your foot down...then why are you now complaining about the results of your inaction?
Your ex obviously had insecurity and control issues.
You allowed that to go farther than it should have.
Shouldn't that have been a lesson for you as what NOT to accept in future relationships rather than an indictment of your ex's character? | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:50:12 AM | We have no one but ourselves to blame if anyone steps over our boundries.
What you have no boundries?.................exactly why people take advantage of you.
People pleasing only creates resentment in the end. | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:09:05 AM |
My checkbook and credit cards are off limits. 
That's for durn sure!
messages this short may not be charged to my credit card | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:53:00 AM | I only have two "off limit" things with my sweetie. My poo-time, and my crossword book. Other than that, I'm totally content to include him in whatever I'm doing. I'm just happy when he wants to be around for the rest. | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:35:54 AM | Please leave me alone at work.
Don't mind you in the bathroom but if I'm on the crapper nuff said. | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 10/17/2009 9:38:43 AM | So when in a relationship what is off limits to you? The bathroom mainly, except for taking a bath or shower together.  One curiousity question: why do men like to watch women put on their makeup?....or is it just something that happens to me.?..and I don't even wear much.
Oh, in the kitchen when I'm trying to cook. It's hard enough w/o someone looking over my shoulder or distracting me..... :-p | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 10/17/2009 9:45:02 AM |
One curiousity question: why do men like to watch women put on their makeup?....or is it just something that happens to me.?..
We have poor memories and forget what you look like before/after/during/in between,,,
Oh, in the kitchen when I'm trying to cook. It's hard enough w/o someone looking over my shoulder or distracting me..... :-p
I like to cook and I do tend to ask someone to sit while I'm moving around,,, I don't mind if they want to join or just watch but the constant moving out of the way because they're trying to get a position so they have my eyes on occasion while I'm cutting stuff,,, lol,,, come on,,, ya want me to lose a finger? | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 10/17/2009 9:49:27 AM | and the off limits place,,,
I used to have two of them,,,
one of course is the crapper with the smelliscous aroma
the other was a place where I went to play cards, an illegal place, a rarity until one of the wives decided she had to be there, then another, then another and eventually,,,
you guessed it, it got busted and closed down,,,
a tradition dating back 60 years
-sigh-
and all we did was drink coffee, play cards and talk about anything without having to watch our mouths,,,
 | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 10/17/2009 9:52:44 AM | I'm not positive, but watching you put on your make-up when you're not wearing much can be a lot of fun. We guys are just very visual, you know.
Like Michigan, I like to cook. So unless you're cooking a secret surprise, I really enjoy helping out in the kitchen. It's fun, and can be some real quality time. Don't let it get around, but I even do dishes.  | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 10/17/2009 9:55:41 AM | We guys are just very visual, you know. LOL So I've heard....
...and I don't even wear much. LOL I meant I don't wear much make up....was there some confusion....?
msg 70 & 71
I like to cook. I'd much rather the man did the cooking and I'll watch. | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 10/17/2009 10:00:17 AM | OP
My mother was married to this ***hole for almost 20 years after my father died at age 44. This guy would not let her out of his site and it seemed I could never have a private word with mom until he became ill with cancer and could not follow her around as much. She was almost to the point of divorcing him anyway.
I have seen some BF's that will not let their GF's out of their site.
It has been my observation that some men are extremely insecure. | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 10/17/2009 10:03:53 AM | Now see,the kitchen would never be off limits in my world. If he wants to be cooking in the kitchen, I'll be as helpful as I possibly can. However, if he wants me out of the way, I'm fine with that too.
<div class='quote'>I'm not positive, but watching you put on your make-up when you're not wearing much can be a lot of fun. We guys are just very visual, you know
I just caught that...you devil. Be careful ladies, he's quick. (not in that sense) I mean I wouldn't know.....oh nevermind.
...maeflowers | |
|
| This place is off limits
Posted: 10/17/2009 10:18:13 AM | Ah come on CD….she might like to sit there and hand you the thingamabob and whatchamacallit while you are tinkering!
| |
|
Home
login 
