| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/14/2009 11:13:06 PM | It seems everyone has a different view on it with the same end result. Hassles!
I always thought of Drama would be a person who has so many hectic things in their life that when you see them it wears you out to be around them? Drama has many faces.... | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/17/2009 11:09:07 AM | My 2 cents..
Drama: Designed to deflect responsibility and/or limit intimacy..
How to detect it: Listen for "you, they, he, she" when they talk..
How to find a drama free match: Listen for "I" statements.. They will talk about their actions, plans, mistakes, successes, thoughts, etc. This allows the other person to get to know them better. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/17/2009 1:49:49 PM | I dont think of children as drama, but at 30 I would rather be with someone who has no children because with a person who has no children I have the chance to start my own family and not have to deal with problems that might arise from having another family already there.
I think that as you get older you start to think about a family if you dont have one, its harder having to deal with another child that isnt yours, I been there and I had to always bite my tongue with certain things because the child isnt mine so therefore I could not say anything to him | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/20/2009 3:48:49 PM | I think men at this age, like most women, are just tired of the drama that seems to come with love when you're younger and not as mature in the fine science of relationships.
I'm not sure that I would post that in my profile but you can usually spot it quickly in the early stages of dating and extricate yourself if necessary. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 10/2/2009 1:36:02 PM | In my opinion, you're only hitting one pretty valid point.
I think you jump to conclusions in your 4 "translations" you listed above, and your breakdown of them afterwards.
1) Of course we don't want some psycho ex-inmate stalking around. Who doesn't? Would a female in a relationship want an ex or her current man sitting out front in her 2001 VW Jetta? Thought not.
Biggest part is not the "inconvenience" of said convict-ex-person hanging around, it's the ability to make wise choices on the part of the girl that's the biggest issue. You date tose kinds of guys, yes, I will not even remotely consider dating you. Period.
2) Everyone wants their partner to be able to pay the bills and be fiscally responsible. Non-issue, not needed to be brought up. Besides, I think women, on a whole, are generally more responsible with their money than men. Opinion. Kids? Why not be choosy? Sorry, but maybe the guy wants to have kids with you, or not at all, and the presence of kids already REALLY screws up that possibility? Kids dampen the dating scene, to be very blunt. But it's true. If you're a woman with kids and single, you know it. So do men. Deal if that's his choice.
3) Talking back. I won't even honor this one, It's ridiculous. Next.
4) I think one of the biggest reasons they say that is that they don't want to be "henpecked" and nagged to death. If you feel the need for "drama" in your life, and desire to drag us into it, please move on. If you feel that your man needs to be involved in the minutae of your life, every last part, please, move on. That's a recipe for divorce. If you want a man to be your gossip partner and rag-on-people buddy, move on. Men don't want this. In fact, themajority of us don't understand why you care "what so and so wore, and why so and so's husband is a prik, an why you hate Felicia (who's a biotch of the highest order, and did you know what, SHE even once..." blah blah blah puke.
That's my opinion. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 10/4/2009 6:56:42 AM | I have a very simple view of what I consider a "drama free" person to be.
They act like an adult when it comes to communication. When they have a problem they come right out and say it or if its not important enough they keep it to themselves and deal with it. No passive aggressive games, no go-away-come-here push pull crap. No trying to use emotional manipulation. It fits for both sexes and its vital to maintaining a relationship, well for me at least. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 10/24/2009 7:00:47 PM | I was told the other day..that a horrible date I had..cheapo and creepy...was due to my drama...
I wnet to the ladies room in a restarunt and..put my bag on the sink..only spot in a tiny place...anyways..I did not notice that hot water was dripping..bag got ruined..including contents..and I had to dry out the items on the table...
I did not ask for this to happen.was not too thrilled to lose a 300 buck handbag...and a lot of the contents...but..stuff happens...
I was told that this was drama?
is this so?
If so.if a tiny life mishap is considered drama......
I will never again talk to a man whos profile says drama free...as I think his brains are in the wrong place...
I searched,found this thread and read most of it....
and decided that most of the men complaining about drama..are just NOT nice guys..yes..of course..some are reasonable....
but..who on earth can expect things to never happen to them? | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 10/26/2009 9:28:45 PM | I think everyone has some degree of drama whether they like it or not. Personally it's just those who seem to have 'extra'.
I agree omitting someone from a story or cutting them out of a picture just in case they might 'offend' someone is overboard. If someone's that easily offended, they probably have confidence issues. I also agree however that someone going on & on about exes and whatnot constitutes 'too much drama'. That's one thing I believe most understand, what extent constitutes too much will likely vary some though.
I don't view kids as drama or baggage personally. Kids can be a cool bonus depending on the person dating and/or kid. A single mom who doesn't want to be responsible(wants to go clubbing all the time, date someone so they can 'babysit' for free, etc), kids who are spoiled and/or scream all the time, the oft-bemoaned 4-kids-by-3-guys-under-25 types, someone with a psycho ex (although that one may be overlooked if the person's a good person without the ex in the picture-worth the hassle/threats), those sort of things I'd consider unwanted drama/baggage.
Gold-diggers I'd consider drama. On a side category of this would also include the 'Princess'/high maintenance types. Personally I'd much prefer to find my Queen than some girl (and not that kind weisenheimers).
Someone who's always looking to improve their guy, or nag them, or comparing to other guys all the time would be unwanted drama to me.
This certainly isn't all-inclusive as the details can change person to person but those are some of the things I think of when someone refers to drama or baggage. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 10/26/2009 9:35:02 PM | I have a very simple view of what I consider a "drama free" person to be.
They act like an adult when it comes to communication. When they have a problem they come right out and say it or if its not important enough they keep it to themselves and deal with it. No passive aggressive games, no go-away-come-here push pull crap. No trying to use emotional manipulation. It fits for both sexes and its vital to maintaining a relationship, well for me at least.
That's actually a good brief summary.
On an anecdotal note: Happiest couple I've known for some time split the bills and that was the only finances they shared. His money was his, hers was hers. Granted this isn't possible for everyone but it seems most women these days do work. If either wanted something they got it with 'their' money. No fights over money=drastically fewer stressors in their relationship, ie drama.
debranator: I definitely wouldn't classify that as drama. If anything it's just bad luck that, if things continued well, would be a good story to tell a year or three down the line. It may however add a bit to the guy's nerves (especially if the first date) because now they may think they have to not only make a good impression but do it around the mishap. It's a situation that will change depending on the person on both sides, and it sounds like he chose to make it a death blow without giving it a chance. Now if one were to go on & on & on the entire night about the bag or try and get the guy to replace it off the bat, that would be drama and/or a death blow from the female side. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:18:08 AM | | Had a good chuckle reading your profile, Debrantor, insofar as you either are most skilled at tongue in cheek, or that you're simply the most cheeky person I've seen on this site. I sincerely hope that it and your post was written in jest, because if not, then you could be congratulated for depicting yourself as a stereotypical caricature. If you wish to assign a heightened magnitude to your recent misfortune on level with one who has just buried their parents or children, then that's your perogative, but sorry, I'll cut you down in a heartbeat. Oh well, guess I'm just a cold **stard who chose his username well. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:47:34 PM | Have you ever dated that guy that has to fight someone every time you go out? If you have I can only imagine how fast that would get old, and you might be willing to deal with it when your younger but there is a point when you absolutely do not want that anymore. Well women are the same way to us men. There are many things when your in your 20's that your willing to put up with but the point comes when you don't want that at all! For me the Drama free is:
1. looking for someone that is happy more often then not
2. Yep, no crazy baby daddy - this can be handled though.
3. a woman that learned you don't have to **** all the time -
Younger women in their early 20's mostly have just not learned that every little thing is not the end of the world and doesn't need to be problem for the whole day.
We all have drama, period! Drama free is dealing with it and getting over it. as per the coments you got back from guys:
1. No strings - well that's no strings not drama - they are on the wrong site. lol
2. I understand the baby daddy but grow a set - its always odd dealing with your girlfriends baby daddy weather he is crazy or not - deal with it!
3. yep - that guy was an idiot but not a sucker
4. This is my favorite reply - A woman that doesn't talk back is called a doll!! lol
That guy shouldn't be allowed to speak - should just be a new law. If your a moron and speak: $2500 fine and 90 days in jail with bubba to show you your place!! lol
I'm no politician but someone needs to make this happen.
So Drama free simply put - cut the kids games and BS!! thats it.
As for the horny guys, the women are just as bad. I've noticed so many profiles of women talk about not looking for sex and they are wholesome women blah blah blah...
yet most have that one pic of themselves with the camera looking down at them so you can see the cleavage! How contradictory!
So to offer some help, be thankful that you get comments like #4 - its so much easier to weed out the dinks with comments like that and keep looking. We all want the sex - keep looking and you will find those of us that want the rest of the package with it! | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:46:10 PM | | The definition of drama and baggage will vary from person-to-person. I also get the impression that some people hate those words. For me, drama means non-sense and baggage means complications. I don't want to be with a person who tends to make a big deal of nothing and brings a pile of problems with her for me to solve. Do I fear this? No. Do I welcome it in my life? No. Obviously, no one is perfect, but I do have defined limits as to what I'm willing to accept. It's called standards and we all have them. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:55:13 PM | I find the ones who have to say they don't want drama are usually the ones who thrive off of it.  | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:31:25 PM | "I have noticed in reading profiles of men between the ages of 30 and 45 that they continually say "woman with no drama or baggage" "a woman who is drama free" etc etc etc. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN AND WHY DO THESE MEN FEAR IT SO? "
That means they not looking for a patient, they don't want to be your psychologist. If you had drama in the past, forget about it, don't mention that with them. Why not enjoy your present life with all the good things? | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:55:30 PM | | Drama means that there is always something stirring the pot,ex's,kids,friends..whatever...the attitude of the drama Queen is "i'm worth it"....they are not. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:13:21 PM |
I was told the other day..that a horrible date I had..cheapo and creepy...was due to my drama...
I wnet to the ladies room in a restarunt and..put my bag on the sink..only spot in a tiny place...anyways..I did not notice that hot water was dripping..bag got ruined..including contents..and I had to dry out the items on the table...
I did not ask for this to happen.was not too thrilled to lose a 300 buck handbag...and a lot of the contents...but..stuff happens...
I was told that this was drama?
I once pee'ed my pants during a date and had no choice but to dry out my underwear on the table. This was a tiny mishap that I didn't ask for, no big deal right?
Drama is how you deal with stuff. You made a big deal out of nothing (albeit it sucks) and your actions didn't change the fact that your purse and contents were ruined. What you did is drama. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:48:01 PM | From I understand, it can mean a variety of things such as:
1. A woman who hasn't gotten over a broken heart from her past lover that may have cheated on her or abused her. In which case, she may pine all day and night about her ex, and her unhealed feelings against her previous lover may (and USUALLY does) spill onto her new lover.
2. Could mean a woman with a psycho ex who continually stalks her, and threatens or assaults anyone new she may be seeing.
3. As for the children thing. I could see a dead beat father of her two or three kids, who left her high and dry, and she ****es about him day and night.
4. Drama could mean drug problems.
5. Could also mean someone who has to be the center of attention, and when they're not, they start God awful scenes just to get that attention. This includes high maintenance. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:42:05 PM | | I am a woman and cannot stand drama. Some people seem to be drama junkies and I avoid them like the plague (male and female). Life is too short to always be looking for ways to stir the pot. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:33:09 PM | What??? Drama shy??? It's not about being drama shy, it's about being TIRED of the drama, always waiting for the next shoe to drop. It's about not wanting to live life in suspense.
Yes, people live, have children, exes, money issues, and other things, but then there are those women who seem to thrive on having a crisis, or three. Maybe it's just personality. Whatever it is, I don't get off on constant drama. I'm an easy-going guy, and I would really like to meet an easy-going woman. My ex always had to have *something* going on whether it was good or bad. Maybe it was her ADHD, maybe she learned it, I don't know. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:51:32 PM | I'd be a little leery of men in their 30s and 40s who insist on "no drama, no baggage."
Sure, there is such a thing as too much drama, too much baggage. But in my experience, what a lot of the "no drama" guys really need is for someone to invent a sex android they can pull out of the closet when they're horny and put away afterwards. These are often guys who want sex without any of the normal complexities of human relationships. Well, people are not androids. People are not blank slates. They were fully formed human beings long before they met us, and come with all the usual mix of experiences, ideas, fears, aspirations, etc. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:33:17 PM | | It is because older men (at least in my case) have had to deal with drama and the people who attract it to themselves. Since I am drama-free with effort, it is nice to have someone in a relationship who feels the same way. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 11/8/2009 11:44:14 PM | | I'm not scared, just don't want to deal with it any more. Past experience with native woman. Lol... | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 11/9/2009 12:25:05 AM | My idea of drama is more of a woman's attitude.
It would include overly needy, possessive, jealous types. My ex used to scream, yell, and cry for little or no reason, just cause she felt like she needed attention and I had to give it to her no matter what I was doing. Also I've had women I just met flip out cause I didn't text back soon enough or I was busy at the moment. Not a good way to make first impressions.
I would never equate "no drama" to a NSA situation.
Paying her own bills I would think of as an independent woman.
Baby daddy stuff, that's a drama of a different sort. Unfortunate, but not really what i think of when I hear "no drama".
I'm definitely not saying that a woman's feelings don't matter and there should be no talking back. Every one should stand up for themselves. Arguing can be a good thing but sometimes it's just drama for no reason. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 11/9/2009 3:50:02 AM | nothing to thrive off in a drama filled new potential partner...
but can always lend a shoulder or an ear to a new friend with needs
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