| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 6/30/2009 10:08:16 AM | Yes we all have baggage and it's our job, as rational minded adults, to take responsibility for our own baggage.
Unfortunately some people insist that others carry their baggage... And so begins drama... | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 6/30/2009 10:40:53 AM | boloteee - Great list.
I say the sums up the basics of what I am not looking for in my relationships as far a s drama | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 6/30/2009 2:10:55 PM | It's the same to me as women who always put the usual bits about "wanting/needing a good man", or "Are there any good ones left", and "I want to be treated like a lady", etc.
All cliches due to some people being burned, and having no way in which to properly self-analyze themselves, or having an inability to articulate what they really mean.
I never saw "Baggage" or "Drama" as being gender specific, honestly, as I see these sorts of things in womens profiles as well.
But to answer your enumerated tid-bits:
1) this was probably stated by only 1 or 2 men at most. I disbelieve the methodology of your survey on this question
2) This could be legitimate, but honestly this sort of thing can be worked out/discussed prior to meeting a woman with child
3) This should go without saying in regards to all people seeking a relationship- I don't care if they have "money in the bank" as long as they hold their own. I'm not looking for a screwable piggy bank, I'm looking for an emotional partner. And the children- that's personal preference for the persons who you surveyed, a lot of men, especially the earlier in the 30s they may be, frown upon the idea of woman with child. It's sort of like the "new virgin test" with these guys.
4) Well this one could be true, especially if you're dating in the bible belt, after all does not the bible teach us, over and over, what a womans place is? I Timothy 2:11-14 immediately comes to mind. I suggest finding men who enjoy conversation, and dating outside of the bible belt, hehe.
Drama means bringing detrimental things/experiences into a relationship. While you can have bad experiences in your past, possibly which helped you become the person you are, no one wants to actually have to deal with your old/bad experiences (which probably should be dealt with prior to seeking a date).
Otherwise there are also a goodly number of people, men and women, who when dating has commenced, and things start getting comfy, feel the need to initiate various changes to the other person and their lifestyle. This is drama.
And I could probably find more examples of drama, but by now you should get the idea.
Oh, I will never message a woman who has anything about what she hates in a partner, anything about drama, finances/materialistic desires, or goes on in the most unegalitarian sense about how a 'man' should treat a 'lady' (and thus set back any advances in equality 30 or more years). /wink | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 6/30/2009 3:54:42 PM | Nothing more likely to throw some women into a rage than this stuff.........
I am not going there other than to say that one of the biggest things women tend to do is jump to conclusions about stuff and over analyse. A lot think they are mystic meg... | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/2/2009 1:27:04 PM | Well, mostly what it means is that the guy in question is too inarticulate to express himself other than in empty generalities.
What is "drama"? Pretty much anything the speaker does not like and feels like labelling.
One man's Stratford Festival relationship is another's idea of an exciting time. One man's idea of tiresome-but-necessary emotional maintenance in a relationship is another man's idea of H*ll on Earth. Tastes vary.
The only difference between guys under 30 and guys over 30 is that guys over thirty have had a few more years to figure out what they **do not** want, which (generally speaking) is nonsense that various women subjected them to when they were under 30, and they'll have less tolerance for it. Baggage is kind of the wrong metaphor, because you're actually leaving stuff behind rather than taking it on. Leaving stuff behind like a need for validation and approval from others for one's choices, for example. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/2/2009 3:30:56 PM | Well, I don't think it's helpful to state "no drama" in one's profile but I'll guess the reason men over 30 are cautious in that regard is because they are experienced enough by then to know that women are crazy. The ones under 30 haven't had enough experience to have that figured out.
Shortly after the Mars and Venus books came out, a guy told me, "I wrote a new book. It's called Men Are Stupid and Women Are Crazy." I think he summed it up neatly. If you can accept that, life is much easier. | |
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DJ-78
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Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 57 | |
| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:24:42 PM | Between going to school, my work, growing a new business, and everything else I have going on in life I don't have time to deal with someone else's drama. I've manage to make my life drama free so why would I take on someone elses? Plus if I have to dedicate time to dealing with drama then that is taking me away doing something postive and meaningful in life.
To me if I have to have deal with the same issue twice then I need to stop dating you. The first time we acknowledge the problem and I give you a chance to fix things. The second time it happens I let you go. No point dealing with the same issue a third, fourth time etc. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:27:03 PM |
"Does each man who says it mean something different?"
Most likely, YES. Every human being has a different sent of past experiences, so each persons definition of "drama" will probably be slightly different.
For me personally, "NO DRAMA" means: "You don't make things unnecessarily difficult." It means that when I'm in a relationship with you, I expect you to help work towards the mutual goal of helping make our lives EASIER, SIMPLER, LESS STRESSFUL and BETTER.
DRAMA means you are probably doing stupid shit like: getting arrested, gossiping/causing fights with friends/family, wrecking the car, wasting money, making poor decisions,etc.
NO DRAMA means you: anticipate needs and plan ahead to simplify potential problems, you communicate clearly and intelligently so we understand each others ACTIONS as well as INTENTIONS, whenever you make a decision you think of how the outcome will affect your partner as well as others around you,
NO DRAMA means you are "part of the solution, not part of the problem(s)" | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/2/2009 5:16:53 PM | Infraradiant --- STANDING OVATION!!! Great answer - but really it describes an well balanced adult - which is what most people seek I would assume.
So when men say they want a woman with no drama - that might mean they are willing to bend on whether she is an adult or not - but not to any serious degree!
Like my young son when he was home from his first day of Grade One - he announced that he wouldnt have difficulty finding a good wife when he grew up because he found "the one" perfectly suited to him right there in his Grade One class.
After careful probing it came out that her name was Jasmine.
His younger sister, attending the same school. but in Kindergarten, got this look of horror on her face and blurted out, "YOU CANT MARRY JASMINE IN GRADE ONE - SHE PICKS HER NOSE AND EATS IT!!!"
And my mild mannered son mustered up some fire in his belly to defend his future bride by spitting back his instant retort .....
"NUH UH -- SHE DOESNT EAT IT - I WATCHED HER FOR A
LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG TIME!"
Every man has his standards I suppose.
Thanks all.
Hugz | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/2/2009 5:27:00 PM | I met this really great looking guy on an interracial dating site. He's a writer like me and working a some tv scripts for a new series. He's 6'2" and sexy, plus he's a decent writer. The trouble with this guy is that he's always got DRAMA going on in his life.
When I met him he was up north visiting family. His sister was pregnant and the guy she was with was a loser so he was constantly talking about fighting with his sisters boyfriend. Then when the writer came to Texas to see me, his car was stolen and he had to go to Okla to get it back. His phone was stolen too. That was the reason he hadn't called me in a week bec his phone was stolen.
And guess what? He needs to borrow some money till he can get straightened out! In spite of his great looks and talent, this guy has too much DRAMA in his life for me. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:04:58 PM | Ummmm .. I dont really read "drama" .. that had flashing neon sign all over it that reads 'PLAYA PLAYA" to me .. just my gut feeling though - I could be wrong.
Either way - you probably made the right choice. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:29:31 PM | | I'm over 30 and I don't want drama either. Drama goes both ways and I don't want it, so why shouldn't men be able to have the same request? Drama sucks...no matter which gender it comes from. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:26:06 PM | I dont think I was implying that men cannot make the request for "no drama" I was asking what they in fact mean when they use the term "drama" in case my original post wasnt clear to you.
Sorry about that. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:31:51 PM | | i notice the 'drama' term in a lots of chicks profiles. it is in so many of them that it is a turnoff just to read the word. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:52:13 PM | I can understand why someone would be turned off by a profile that states "No Drama". The fact that it is stated, suggests the person has been through "Drama", and though, there is a stated desire to avoid future "Drama", there is a distinct possibility that the author is in fact the progenitor of said "Drama".
Even if the author is not the progenitor, there is no guarantee that the "Drama" might not visit the new relationship.
Did I mention that I hate the term "Drama"?
Ultimately, there is a certain presumption that if you are older than 30, you should have experienced enough life to know most causes of "Drama" are self-created and immature.
Thus, I wouldn't suggest mentioning "Drama" at all in your profile.
Taltos | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:23:31 PM | Here's my take on it:
My life is very calm, serene and awesome. Like everyone, there are issues that arise here and then that are stressful, but overall, my life is full of peace. I don't want that peace interrupted by someone who constantly has drama in their life.
I don't mind being there for someone through tough times or dealing with issues, but continuous drama is bad for the soul! | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:37:32 PM | | Edit: I had a link to a great example of "drama" that we like to avoid, but delete happiness once again strikes and ruins what would have been an otherwise great conversation. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:15:03 PM | I cannot stress this enough, the term "Drama" is negative, and will always have negative connotations. I implore you all to remove it from your profile and, in its place, write something positive. Such as seeking someone who is Socially Mature, Comfortable With Who They Are, or Has Resolved All Previous Relations.
It's clear to me from reading this thread that "Drama" is interpreted in many ways--none positive. Eliminate this term from you profile and I assure you, you will have more success.
/rant off
Taltos | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/3/2009 3:24:51 PM | What if I have to ask???
(blank stare)
Could you elaborate since I cannot infer nor presume to know what you are thinking or how you would finish that statement.
I must admit I am curious though - usually people ask questions because they want to hear the responses from others.
Did you have some other thought on the matter? | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:10:47 AM | Yeah,
Never try to change a man.. either accept them for what they are.. trust me.. woman you will never find prince charming.. 100% satisfaction... so accept them.. & learn to deal with the negative connotations.. or move on....
just like men.. will never find 100% satisfaction in us woman.. because we can be big ****es at times.. and.. they gotta do the same for us :)...
you try to change a man into something hes not ... your going to push him away.. YUP!!! and.. if you love him... i think he deserves better anyways......everyones annoying in some way.. DEAL WITH IT... | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/4/2009 6:33:23 AM | Ask the women who ask for drama free and you will get the same answer. Some of us men are trying to avoid past mistakes with future relationships. We are all working hard for what we have , and we are trying to minimize our risks.
I'd say point 2 is very relevant in the OP's opening statement as is a woman that has a career and can contribute her share, if the relationship goes to blending houses. I also put in my profile no one who is constantly seeing a Shrink. Deal with your issues before you start dating please! It may seem harsh but I am not playing Therapist thank you. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/4/2009 6:43:52 AM | #1...Ive seen woman want some time,#2 is understandable,#3bills?who doesnt have them...and if your messin with her,her children come with the deal...lol.#4...most woman have been mistreated for one reason or another...treat her right and for the most part shes golden....but as for the no drama thing...been my experience that some cant live without calamity in their life....that would be my only problem....issues arent a problem but constant.....NOT! | |
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