| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/4/2009 5:53:40 PM | a great question, i've enjoyed reading this thread, however, i'm not drama shy: i HATE drama.
if you think about it, drama typically refers to situations that become dramatic for little or no reason. most men in their right mind don't have the time, inclination or patience to deal with a contrived situation when there are real issues to deal with. drama usually starts with phrases like, "why didn't you call me back?", "where were you?", "who were you with?", and are more often than not fueled by jealousy or some other type of insecurity. healthy relationships will have their share of those things, but are not ruled by them. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/4/2009 6:49:32 PM | The same reason you ask for "men who dont want sex" basiclly, your not going to find it, and this does my head in, the whole point of "male and female" IS SEX... jezzzz
If youdont want sex, then find a woman (same sex partner, they dont fit then). But to answer the question, most over 30 seem to have found someone with a link to a muppet or treated bad.
Personally i never do "relationships" i find release other ways so i dont have all the hassle of real life problems..... it just seems way to complicated but i already know that to find someone real who likes the same thing is about as possible as winning the lottery (which i also do and havnt won (yet))
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/5/2009 6:54:30 AM | @ SFX Group
Yes I agree- we were put on earth, opposite sexes - to PROCREATE - not just to have sex directly. But if I followed that mandate I would only have sex the amount of times it took to get pregnant - and then stop .... never having sex again! lol (ridiculous notion)
Yes it is all about luck and opportunity and some believe its fate whether or not you will find a person who likes the same things - but in saying that - some of the best relationships are help strong by two people who dont have to have the same identity necessarily. In this I mean - often there are two people who have the same beliefs about the important things (family, money, habits etc) but are very different in all other ways. I have found that a good amount of difference dont cause drama but actually ENHANCE my existance.
For example - I built a business with a man whom I loved very much and it ran like a well oiled machine although we were VASTLY different. He was strong, fit, good with his hands and had much technical knowledge of things. I was intelligent, consistent, thorough, driven, and a people person who was completely useless with my hands in a technical sense. But where I lacked he picked up the slack - and where he lacked I was all over that. We had all bases covered and RESPECTED each other for our differing areas of expertise.
That being said - relationships arent supposed to cause a hassle - they are supposed to be the solution! When you are in a relationship with the right person, you feel like there is no other place to be and everything you do as a person, or together, is done with a certain mental comfort. At the end of the day, no matter how hard the day, you go to bed knowing you are ok because your better half is next to you, and together, you can work it out.
Just my take on things. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:06:30 AM | @Mister Chi ... yes I agree with you - no relationship should be strife with jealousy. If it is - its for one of two reasons..... either one partner cannot be trusted, or one partner isnt feeling confident about themselves.
If I were to ever have the misfortune of feeling this way in a relationship - for EITHER reason - it would be time to take a pause from that relationship until I sorted out who I dont like more, my mate or myself. Either way - both are reasons NOT to be in a relationship at this time.
I have witnessed both sexes do the whole, where were you who were you with in an accusatory manner - and its rather sad to watch.
I have asked those questions of a man I have been involved with but only if something out of the ordinary had happened (such as him walking into the kitchen covered in orange paint - or he is telling me how he managed to win tickets to a great ball game for us) In those situations I have asked such questions because they were part of a story being told ..... but usually I didnt need to ask .. on a normal day he was rather open about his life and daily travels and we would co ordinate our schedules as the end result of each day - was to get back to each others side.
I only remember feeling jealous on a couple of minor occassions which werent even worth repeating or making an issue over, and I channeled that energy into a small reminder of how much I really valued my mate. Often, when a man treats you like you are the center of his universe you dont worry about any other woman on the planet in any serious way - he could dance with a naked woman in a g string in front of all our friends, and I just laughed because I knew the only place he wanted to be at night was home in bed with me.
He never proved me wrong.
I am glad you enjoyed the post, thanks for sharing,
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:24:16 AM |
She lied to me,her friends and her family about anything and everything.From the big to to the small it was always a lie.and when she was caught in the lie she would try turning it all around to make the victim the bad guy
It is very hard to corner a compulsive liar when they are good at it. I was married to one for 9 years, and I can say that because she was diagnosed by a professional as being one, was not my opinion, but the truth of her lies came out in such a way she was diagnosed as such.
Because when you love someone, you are caught in this position where you want to support them, but it takes a while to realise just how much you are not seeing their daily actions, and it takes a while to get them out of your life. Since they are crazy, they can cause you many of problems.
And I will agree, if a woman says 'No Drama" on her profile, I give her a wide berth. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:29:56 AM |
I have noticed in reading profiles of men between the ages of 30 and 45 that they continually say "woman with no drama or baggage" "a woman who is drama free" etc etc etc. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN AND WHY DO THESE MEN FEAR IT SO?
Naw, you know some guys will say anything to get a chance at a date, and well, they just copied this from many of the women's profiles, copy cats.
Obviously this guy is lost, and he will get exactly what he is seeking, Drama. Sounds like he has lost touch with his intuition. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/8/2009 9:40:32 AM | "Drama Free" means that she lives a normal responsible life and doesn't have a constant barrage of childish fighting, behavior, or other misfortunes all over her. She's someone in control of herself and while she'll have a past, it's not a constant problem in the present.
Number one amount of drama are the women with fragile egos. The ones who seemingly get into teenage battles with peers, despite that they're all adult age. The ones who seem to be gossiping all the time and getting into squabbles over stupid things.
I also call someone with a lot of drama those who hang with people like that. So if your friends are constantly backstabbing one another and/or causing trouble in life, then that's drama.
"Drama free" means you're 100% OVER the exes and any bad experiences. Daddy didn't love you growing up? Doesn't matter because you're fine...you got therapy and throw darts at his picture. You never shed a tear about it and work hard to never be like him. You dated not one, but a string of bad boys who all became jerks that emotionally damaged you? Doesn't matter because you're fine...you don't carry torches for them or question your self-worth. PLUS you learned what a real man is compared to the fantasies you carried.
Someone with drama and baggage would be the kind who cries at night and is an emotional wreck with massive trust issues because she let her own bad decisions destroy her life. Women with drama and baggage always pick jerks as boyfriends...over and over...then come to the nice guys later in life because they're desperate.
"Drama free" means you have a stable life. You work, pay your bills, do your routines, and maybe come off as "boring" to some "children". You're not constantly losing your job or struggling to make ends meet. You have something to offer both employers and men...rather than just a pretty face who realized she can't get by in life on looks alone.
NOW...in terms of actual children, most men don't mind women who are single moms. What we don't want is the psychopath douchebag who shows up at your place screaming at you in a drunken rage after midnight. We don't want to hear about the baby's daddy who never gives one penny of child support and how life is so hard. We don't want to have to jump through massive hurdles to go out on a date with you because you can't seem to get any alone time and can't afford a sitter. We certainly do not want to be measured up to be a replacement husband/daddy.
"Drama free" means a healthy, happy, fun RL that isn't loaded with massive amounts of insanity that drive us away. If your life is a mess...fix it. Don't just go looking for a man thinking that will fix it all. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:41:14 PM | | These men are only fooling themselves. Everyone has drama, including men. Why are they on a dating site anyway? They have had to have some kind of drama to be here. As for the horny guys, they don't have a life. I think most women have had the same issues. I have had some men that set rules as to what I am to wear? Not with me, I can be extremely stubborn and will do the total opposite if a man dictates orders to me. These men need to "WAKE UP" and stop treating women as sex objects and controling freaks. I love sex but I want it to be with someone I care about and treats me with respect. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:57:37 PM | | there is a post on profile reviews tips for women, it is pinned. It may answer your questions. And its funny. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 8:59:49 PM | As a male in his early 30s, no drama for me means that by this point in life I know what I want in a woman and in a serious relationship. Therefore If I am with you, I am WITH YOU!
Just because I have a female friend or am talking to another female, or even look at the opposite sex it does not mean that I am trying to sleep with them. Relax and give me some trust. On the other side I will not grill you every time you talk to another man or tell me about one of your male co-workers. I trust your judgment.
No drama means that you can recognize that while we are a couple we are still two separate individuals. If I want to go do something and you don't and I do it without you, It does not mean that I don't love you or that I am cheating on you. If you want to go do something and I don't, Go have fun! I will be waiting to hear all about it when you get back. As long as we still spend most of our time together doing things, whats wrong with being apart for a few hours? As much as we have in common there will always be those differences. If you were exactly like me in all aspects I would probably find you a little boring.
I means having a partner who is realistic about each others roles in the relationship and what our partners strengths and weaknesses are.. We may screw up, so what? We can most likely fix the problem together.(And by this I don't mean cheating, that's a big no no on both sides.)
Basically it comes down to giving the other person respect and trust expecting the same in return. I want you to help me solve my problems, not fix them for me and vice versa.
Relationships are teamwork not competitions.
That's just me tho. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 10:34:54 PM | Ok. So I tried to read over what everyone was saying, but didn't make it all the way through the whole list....anyway...
I, myself, am a person who seeks ANTI-drama...just like the men do.
I think there has been some slight misinterpretation on this topic.
For people that say anti-drama, for the most part, it refers to personality, lifestyle, and how they handle themselves in daily situations and life.
We're looking for someone that doesn't sit around and **** and whine all the time.
And, yes, there are A LOT of people that do.
Someone who isn't uptight. Someone who doesn't throw hissy fits and overreact all the time. Someone who doesn't constantly pick battles and fights. Someone who has a sense of humor about things.
We look for stability, good head on the shoulders, honesty, etc.
A good way of saying it is this...
The OPPOSITE of "drama" is "laid back".
I can't really describe it any better than that.
Granted, things like...oh let's just say...
crazy-baby-mama, who has a drug addiction and is struggling on welfare...
Well, I don't know one single solitary sane MAN that would EVER want to date a chick like that. YIKES!
Nobody wants to be a babysitter when it comes to relationships.
As the expression goes....there are plenty of fish in the sea... | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 11:24:44 PM | | I am actually pretty drama-patient with a woman- I recognize that life throws a lot of hardship our way at times. I draw the line, though, at mood disorders, temper problems, preexisting children, and most bi women. Those are levels of drama that, although I don't scream it on my profile, I do reject. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/11/2009 2:30:37 PM | A woman who can accept me just the way I am. Not to expect changes, but is willing to grow together and let whatever changes change naturally. Life is too short for excessive arguing and relational discord. Most of us came from a relationship like that and don't wish to revisit it.
The two questions I ask when I'm in a relationship. "What would I change about her?" and "What am I willing to change about myself to get her to change?"  | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/11/2009 8:43:42 PM |
I have noticed in reading profiles of men between the ages of 30 and 45 that they continually say "woman with no drama or baggage" "a woman who is drama free" etc etc etc. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN AND WHY DO THESE MEN FEAR IT SO?
What it means is simple: I want to spend time with the woman I am with, and I'd like our time together to be focused on us.
"Drama", for me, is **meaningless** BS. This is not to be confused with some legitimate point of debate or issue in your life. But many women (and more than a fair number of men) seem to almost "get off" on silly, even stupidly-repetitious BS that serves no purpose other than to raise one's blood pressure and provide a focus for incessant whining.
I understand passion about things in one's life; I'm deeply passionate about the things I care about, and that's a good thing. But drama isn't passion - its wasted energy.
Its not that men fear it - it is that many men simply don't have time for it, as its neither productive or enjoyable, and for many people it literally consumes them. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:08:57 PM | “A woman who doesnt have a psycho baby daddy just released from the penitentiary shacked up at the bottom of her driveway.”
Yeah I would also have to agree. That statement is the very definition of the word "drama."  | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:15:35 PM | i've seen far worse in some profiles....once stated VERY clearly he didn't want anyone with ANY sort of mental problem to contact him. i'm sure he got tons of replies 
i've asked a few men what 'drama' meant to them and their view fell in line with soap operas.
people who have had bad experiences in life say no drama which may possibly mean they're looking for someone who is calm in nature and isn't one for causing problems.
just my opinion. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/15/2009 6:46:54 AM | Men of all ages should be "drama shy."
Who needs to waste time and money on an emotionally or mentally unstable person? | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/15/2009 7:01:21 AM | | Not averse to drama--just think there should be more time making love and less time fighting, y'know? | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/15/2009 10:58:34 AM | it sounds like you have heard nothing but a cop out.
drama to me...is calling me up at 8pm because you can't pay your insurance bill and we have been dating only 2 weeks.
Drama is sitting there crying because i say i think i need to go home because you have 2 out of control dogs that are standing ON MY CAR! I am an animal lover but dang.
Drama is me calling at 830 at night the lady is crying because her son stole a pistol and was playing with it and accidentally shot themselves in the leg with it. (this is not the drama part)
this is.
no charges were filed against the 16year old because the mother is an idiot and wants to raise a child that will never learn that there are consequences for their actions.
How about the son who crawls through the window at 3 am because he forgets his key.
Four cases of drama four different people.
No drama means no craziness.
Not dirty diapers not kids behaving like kids. (age 0-17)
Not women who have an oppinion.
but pure unadulterated craziness.
God i need to write a book. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/15/2009 3:39:16 PM | After reading most of these entries I noticed a few things:
1) Baggage and Drama is different peeps. EVERYONE has baggage. It starts when you grow up...otherwise could be told as experience...just a negative way. Drama is stuff you hope you only read or see on TV. (sounds cheesy but true)
2) Drama can include: Ex's or baby daddy/momma, family issues, finances, and past relationship issues.
3) Drama doesn't discriminate between the sexes! Just like everybody can be an A**hole, anyone can have drama.
I like to think of drama as issues that the other person hasn't taken care of yet. I dated a woman, who wasn't upfront in the beginning, who had a son which was arrested with an ex who not only didn't help his son but also didn't want to sign the divorce (she said anyway) papers, and had constant issues at work. The more I found out, the more I found her less and less cool to be around because it wasted maybe an hour or two just to get to us and this happened all the time.
The thing is drama causes stress, wastes time, and alot of times wont let you live a current life just in the past. So like when women put on a decent guy that doesn't lie (don't ask about weight then ) it's the same as "no drama" for us. Just the past still haunting us.  | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/15/2009 5:32:07 PM | | I want a chick without a lingering Ex... I mean I can be tolerant, I don't want to deal with some girl that's going to run back the second he comes calling. Also, I know I'd rather have a girl without kids because I eventually want kids of my own someday. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/16/2009 10:10:19 AM | "Many guys over 30 are a bit burned out by life."
I believe that statement could easily apply to both men and women over the age of 30. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/16/2009 12:02:55 PM |
I believe that statement could easily apply to both men and women over the age of 30. That's true, it's not gender-specific. However, the thread title referred to men, and I modified it to not blanket ALL men. You just took it the next step.
So let me go an extra step to say it isn't just for those over 30. | |
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