| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/16/2009 2:58:31 PM | "Many guys over 30 are a bit burned out by life."
Try dating 80% of the women over 30. 1,2,3 kids, many times multiple jobs, 1,2,3 psycho ex's/baby daddies. Multiple****overs.
Ha! I am so ready for the the future. I can't always say that about my female counterparts.
And to the lady who said everyone has baggage/drama. Speak for yourself. I have one regret. I fVcked up, dealt with it and moved on. Otherwise, I am a carry on kinda guy.
I said it before, I'll say it again: many ladies need a frickin' bellhop for the baggage they bring to a relationship. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/16/2009 3:35:48 PM | | The problem with drama is that it begets drama. If your SO is a drama king/queen, then your life becomes permeated with it as well. Heck, most of us experience enough drama at work, why the hell would anyone want to come home to a second helping? After a while, I think we should all clue into that. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/17/2009 7:32:06 AM | I agree about drama being a hell-hole. Better to be alone (one kind of hell-hole) than be dragged down into an even deeper pit of hell, one filled with torment and aggravation that chews at the innards until a person gets sick and dies. Home should be a place of bliss and love, not drama.
Got multiple kids from multiple partners and still dealing with those exes, ladies? Woman up and simply admit that you were horny and fell for a--holes, then try to acknowledge that good sex does not have to mean anger. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/17/2009 4:37:41 PM | Theory 1: Because they are living in "La La World" ?
Theory 2: Perhaps they have some Fantasy Land Image of what life with a woman should be like? The truth is life doesn't go perfectly smooth and in normal daily social interaction people will have conflict and problems occassionally...it is non-realistic to not expect conflict now and then... Perhaps these guys have picked the wrong chicks in the past that wanted to have "heated argument" about silly issues and they should have picked a more mature chick from the beginning and they wouldn't be thinking anytime a conflict or problem arised it couldn't be settled in normal tone of voice and with reasonable adult conversation? Just one theory...
Theory 3: Perhaps they came from family background that problems did not get resolved good and arguments happened in their families over minor issues?...
Theory 4: Perhaps they have dealt with some truly dramatic ladies and got tainted view of everyone now?
I could go on, but I'll spare everyone...lol | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/17/2009 10:51:31 PM | I have a couple of guy friends in their 30's both saying they don't like "the drama". What they are doing is going from woman to woman like bees to flowers in a garden. They are all sweetness and full of promises when they first approach their target but they don't want the flowers to think there was anything more going on than simple pollenation when they are ready to fly away.
They don't like hearing the flowers complaining that pollen was taken from them and that "Mr. Bumble" has said he wanted a relationship when he actually planned on flying away a.s.a.p. to the next pretty posie. This garden analogy amuses me but it fits.
These guys don't want to be confronted with their bad behavior and are mostly the cause of their own "drama". I would suspect a woman who talks about "drama" is also playing a lead role in her own theatrics. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/20/2009 11:25:19 PM | lol Im not trying to make men over 30 look burnt out .. not at all! lol
But yes people of any age or gender can get that way I guess when they have to deal with issues in life .. most definitely.
So I guess here is the next big question .... IF A LADY HAS DRAMA IN HER LIFE (I dont know anything, lost her job, kids actin up, ex is a psycho on a restraining order, she has a car with four flat tires .. who knows .. just drama right) IF THAT LADY HAS DRAMA FOR WHATEVER REASON ... and she is attempting to rebuild her life, and is otherwise a rather stable cool lady .. should she hide/lie/omit the drama from her conversation with a new man .. or tell him and risk being judged as a drama queen or whatever?
Because as I read the last few posts it occurred to me that many things labelled as "drama" could actually happen to otherwise worthy people - who just have a bad run of luck in life or what have you.
No? | |
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OKRob
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Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 107 | |
| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/22/2009 4:14:15 AM |
When I have inquired with a couple of men individually looking to find out what they meant I got a different answer from each of them
I am always amazed at the amount of posts here where women seem to think all men think in an identical way about everything and anything. It's ridiculous.
Do you think the same as all other women?
Back on topic.....
Anybody with a couple of issues or a bit of baggage has had some life experience and the test of a partner is how well they cope and support and deal with such things.
Your question works the opposite way around. There are as many female profiles out there that specify a dislike for drama and issues. Why do you think it's unique to men.
Verrry frustrating... The amount of gender pigeon holing that goes on when it's nothing to do with gender. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/22/2009 8:07:08 AM | Bolotee - message #21:
Women are notorious for acting ridiculous and playing games. Unfortunately being in our 30's doesnt always equate maturity.
These are just a few of the silly things Ive seen my gal pals do/say.
1. He made me angry therefore I will sleep with his friend.
2. He made me angry therefore I will stay out and party all night giving him the impression im doing something wrong so he will *chase* me.
3. He made me angry therefore I will not answer my phone for days at a time and cause him undo worry, over something ridiculous as him not picking up his underwear.
4. He made me angry therefore I will stomp my foot and pout acting 4 years old.
5. I just met him and I want him to love and adore my children when they are screaming and yelling in a restaurant. How DARE he even THINK of asking my children to be civil.
6. We slept together twice, I want him to meet my entire family.
7. He didnt text me back right away OMG he is cheating.
8. How DARE he even consider going out without me. He must be cheating and doesnt love me anymore.
9. How dare he even fathom the thought of taking up a recreational activity without me. You mean he likes his own friends too? The NERVE!
10. He hates talking to me about makeup and cute lil nightgowns. Why does he ignore me after 45 minutes of this? How RUDE of him.
The list goes on. All drama. All garbage men do not want to deal with.
Amen to every word of that! | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/22/2009 11:44:05 AM | I've dated women with and without drama and definitely prefer no-drama for good reason. I dated a self-proclaimed drama queen for most of a year and had the following types of things happen:
1) Somebody would be bugging her for money, so she'd have to call or text me to complain about it while I was at work
2) Somebody in her family would get in trouble for various reasons, she'd call me or text at work to tell me about it
3) Pets would run away, guess when I would hear about it?
4) Old boyfriends would come by and harrass her, stalk her or start fights with her
5) She did a few suicide attempts to keep it interesting mainly when I'd try to break up with her.
6) Guys would sexually harrass her at work
7) I'd get hit for looking at other women while we were out even though I hadn't even noticed whoever it was.
8) She'd come up with questions like "If I started smoking would you break up with me?" and then when I'd answer truthfully she'd be mad at me for days. She had a new one almost daily, and I'd always give the wrong answer.
9) She'd get pregnant and then after a couple of months lose the babies (I'm confirmed medically sterile after over 40 checks where I had my vasectomy done)
Normally I wouldn't mind if something would happen, but this woman was a magnet for trouble and almost got me fired. She had a few things go wrong EVERY SINGLE DAY. I told her to stop bugging me at work and she didn't stop so I stopped answering her calls or texts at work and then that's all I'd hear about all night. The only reason we dated so long was because of the suicide attempts, she'd try to kill herself whenever I'd try to break it off.
I dated a couple of other women with some drama in their lives and have now decided it's not worth it. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/22/2009 12:26:36 PM | "Well after all, Pickering, I'm an ordinary man,
Who desires nothing more than an ordinary chance,
to live exactly as he likes, and do precisely what he wants..."
There comes a point in life when the blood cools in a man, and what he would do for a Klondike Bar is less than what it once was. The breeding years have passed, and he either has or hasn't, but has no intention of raising a teen while in his sixties. Pornography is at his fingertips in an unending quantity if the steam valve needs release. He can go bowling, or stay home - he can go to a movie where things blow up, or hang out down at the local and talk meaningless talk with others who have chosen to do so. This is a serene life, if not ideal.
We've learned that relationships are Very Nice, but not critical to our continued existence - we shall not die without one.
Getting into a relationship will make life different - we know that, and accept it... but we realize that we have the right (and now need) to control exactly how much disruption we will accept in our lives to make the relationship a pleasure for us instead of a burden.
There is not a single man on the forum - or on the planet - who has not, with great frequency, been treated by a partner in a manner that would have been unacceptable, had it gone in the other direction. Men get swatted. Men get berated. Men get yelled at. That kind of stuff would have a woman screaming about poor treatment - but perfectly fine in their own arsenal.
So, once well clear of a relationship, considering going back into one again raises the welts on some well-kicked dogs. Sure - I want a relationship... But... Don't bite me if the day isn't going your way. Don't think I find it cute when you hit me "lovingly" for buying something you don't approve of. Don't try to better me for my own good. Don't tell me that my X does not belong on/in my Z where I like X to be. In short, Don't treat me in any way you yourself would not want to be treated.
That's Drama my serene life does not need. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/22/2009 7:48:16 PM | | I think men get jaded at that age. They want lazy worry free relationships. When you're dating people past the age of 27, there WILL be some type of baggage. That's just the result of life. They need to get over it. I can't stand jaded men.. what a turn off! | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/22/2009 8:16:00 PM |
Some of these guys who want "drama free"..seems like they want cardboard woman with no past, present or future.
haha!! so true....and kinda boring!! All that and yet...u shouldnt have been "born yesterday'!! | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/22/2009 11:34:47 PM | IF A LADY HAS DRAMA IN HER LIFE (I dont know anything, lost her job, kids actin up, ex is a psycho on a restraining order, she has a car with four flat tires .. who knows .. just drama right) IF THAT LADY HAS DRAMA FOR WHATEVER REASON ... and she is attempting to rebuild her life, and is otherwise a rather stable cool lady .. should she hide/lie/omit the drama from her conversation with a new man .. or tell him and risk being judged as a drama queen or whatever?
The short answer is just don't bring it up...at least not on a first date. What your describing is a "crisis" problem, not drama. If you are in a "crisis" you might want to consider whether you are ready to date. The difference is one is real and the other is fabricated.
I have dated a few women that have their "crisis" moment for various reasons that I won't go into out of respect for those individuals. I have done my best to help them through those times. Life happens, tragedies happen, we are all human beings that need compassion and understanding during trying times.
One way to identify "drama" is that it tends to be something very selfish, though it may be veiled in terms that suggest other people, society, god are the cause.
If someone is stable and drama free, the circumstances that you mention are manageable and can be dealt with responsibly.
Sincerely,
Taltos | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/23/2009 12:15:25 AM | | I think that just about every man wants a drama-free woman, regardless of how old the guy is. Men want a woman is attractive and fun to be around, not someone who is whiny and a big pain in the ass. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/23/2009 12:26:08 AM | OKROB ... its really NOT that serious dude. I can only speak on the MENS PROFILES because I dont look at women's!! I am not here to meet chicks .. thats your department --- I am here to meet a man --- and that is why I am asking MEN what they mean by drama. Get it?
And furthermore - yes I stated that I got a different answer about the same statement from each man I asked -- -I did not say that surprised me -- I simply stated what I had heard so far ... .from different men.
I guess it was my innocent way of asking does Drama have a specific meaning most of the time - or is it always different based on the guy who puts it on his profile. I dont have drama, that I am aware of, and I saw over and over again men saying NO drama --- is it wrong to wonder what they mean?
You need to lighten up dude - sometimes there is no hidden agenda or meaning - its just someone speaking to others to see what they say about the simple matter.
You are most likely frustrated because you are automatically ASSUMING there is some jaded issue where there is none - it was an innocent question from someone who is relatively new here. Dont give yourself grief by inserting what you THINK is between the lines - there was nothing there. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/23/2009 1:30:02 AM | Sublime - I agree - jaded anyone is a big big turn off for me as well. I have met men so jaded in passing, in person, and online who have said to me that they want a certain type of woman and when they are presented with a woman like that they say -- she is lying - or she is not telling everything - or its an act lmao lmao. Whatever!
Many more responses here that i really like which show me the kinds of things women have done which would be classified as "drama". But the last few posts which go into detail about the dramatics ... seems that they have in fact been with very spoiled, selfish, immature, dysfunctional women who dont know how to communicate effectively. I know for me .. if something SERIOUS is bothering me I will talk about it ONCE .. and hope for resolve. If it happens again .. no need for discussion ... I leave. But the little things really arent worth all the stuff some of you guys have went through - she stayed out all night over ya jockeys on the floor? Hmmmm ..
Taltos - you sound very reasonable and thats great - to me those are the worst things that can happen in a womans life ... most things outside of those "crises" as you nicely call them... the drama type things described in this thread -- are really just based on a womans behaviour and what she will/will not tolerate in her own life. It also goes to maturity of the woman and what she chooses to project onto her SO and HOW she chooses to share it with him. I like to believe there is a time when a girl becomes a woman - maybe that has to do with age, or life's stage, or experience .. not sure its the same for everyone but a woman would do the best she could to preserve the harmony in any relationship she values, and if that means cutting the excess fat out of her life .. then so be it.
Thanks to all once again - really entertaining and enlightening here - I must say to the guys who have had all that real "drama" sorry for that, I wonder were there any signs the girl was like that in the beginning . .or did she just become a whiney manipulative spoiled drama queen mid stream of the relationship? | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/23/2009 1:58:48 AM | Whose to say.
Maybe she was just "putting her best foot forward" and then later revealed her "true self".
Maybe we were too busy walking around with rose-colored glasses and finally took em off or they got broken.
Or maybe even we weren't so aware of the drama at first, but became more sensitive to it, later down the road. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/23/2009 6:20:22 AM | Drama is a part of everybodys life ...unless you live in a bubble ..or have an IQ under 60..even then what helemt to wear on what day ???
Everybody has baggage and bs..EVERYBODY !
What men over 30 don't have drama ??!! ..what is it that Freud would say about that ??
If you belive men over 30 have no drama then...
Hey I have this bridge I'd like to sell you. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/23/2009 10:25:45 AM | Hahahaahahahahahahhaah....i'll reply in a second after laughing stops....hahahahahahaa
Baggage people. for gods sake, we are in our 30's. do people think we have all lived the last 30+ years in a room with no windows or outside life ? Of course we will have baggage. Id say likely 50-60% have a child, or more. 30% likely have been married and are divorced/divorcing. most will have had a long term realtionship and known love.
If someones ad says anything to do with Baggage.....click the back button quick.
Now, this is not to say that you have to accept some nut job with so much baggage Terminal 5 will go into shutdown again. If they turn around and have more issues than that of a political party then perhaps a slightly wider birth, perhaps a mile, will be in order. Kids, past life experience and past realtionships are going to have happened, accept them. Most of the baggage is past history anyway, its things that have happened and made the person better, so dont see it all as negative.
Oh, and if a guy says he doesnt want baggage he may well be married and just after getting a stick weiner !! | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/23/2009 11:45:09 AM | | There’s a difference between baggage and drama. Baggage has to do with circumstances. Drama is the way the person reacts to the circumstances they are presented with (or make up). Baggage is universal. Drama is when you drag everyone else into your baggage. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:10:52 AM | Well, for me it means someone who doesn't go flying around the room on her broomstick over every little friggin' thing!
Because by the time you're over 30, you've discovered that that little bucket of water trick you saw in the movies doesn't actually work. It doesn't melt her, it only makes her hit for distance... And then the flying monkeys attack you!
and THIS is your prospect of "domestic bliss." It's bliss for HER, cuz basically, you'll say or do anything at that point to get the flying monkeys off your back, and the broomstick out of your butt. "Yes, my queen."
Excuse me, but I have to vomit now!
No one, male or female, likes being on the receiving end of temper tantrums over stupid $hit that nobody really cares about. Life is too short! And, no, thank you. I would not like my balls cut off and placed in a jar because you are unhappy about something... AGAIN! STILL! CONSTANTLY!
Life is too short, and there's too much fun to be had to put up with that crap!
So "NO DRAMA!" | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:10:32 PM | I don't have NO DRAMA on mine, should I put it?
I guess if I had it in my profile, it would mean someone who complains a lot about every thing.
Every little thing turns in to a big problem which sucks the joy out of life. It can turn a happy outgoing cheerful guy in to miserable unhappy person. When woman like to create DRAMA, they can do it with everything.
Usually:
You are the nicest guy when you do what they want but when you do what you want, they start talking about how great their ex-boyfriend was (Oddly enough she is no longer with the ex, I wonder why?)
Basically DRAMA = SELFISHNESS. When the woman is so selfish, she makes herself happy at the cost of making you unhappy and usually that does not bother her the least. It could be from how she doesnt have any shoes to match her dress to having not enough salt in her cup of soup. (if I had no shoes to match my suit, I'll go and buy one but not complain to my girlfriend for 2 hours about it and make her miserable..) They can usually find a reason to complain about pretty much anything.
You can hand them the entire world in their hand and they'll ask what else you got!. No way to make them happy. So that's my description of girls with drama and I am sticking to it.
Speaking from personal experience, I highly recommend staying away from drama queens. I much rather go out with a happy cheery girl next door than a smoking hot chick with drama. It is not worth it. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/24/2009 9:59:36 PM | It's not that we're drama "shy" -- so to speak.
It's simply that if WE don't bring any "baggage" to the relationship (and I don't mean kids), we'd like to be in a relationship with someone who is also along the same level.
What do we mean by baggage? Emotional turmoil, psycho ex's, women with debilitating financial situations, etc.
What this all amounts to is that if you don't have your act together, then perhaps you aren't quite ready to date yet. Now don't get me wrong, I completely understand if you're trying to get past a bad time in your life. I just think that while you're getting through it, get support from friends and family.
By walking into a relationship where there are factors that can cause a lot of unnecessary stress, you're not really setting the relationship up for success. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/24/2009 10:05:41 PM |
Drama is a part of everybodys life ...unless you live in a bubble ..or have an IQ under 60..even then what helemt to wear on what day ???
Everybody has baggage and bs..EVERYBODY !
What men over 30 don't have drama ??!! ..what is it that Freud would say about that ??
If you belive men over 30 have no drama then...
Hey I have this bridge I'd like to sell you.
Sorry but not everyone fits into your square peg.
I have ZERO and I mean ZERO drama in my life. No psycho exs, no job stress, no financial issues (not rich, just not broke or in heavy debt either!). Life is awesome because I've made it that way (with help from God, of course!).
What would Freud say? He'd say "Dude, you really have your stuff together!!!"
Not every guy over 30 has issues. Some of us are quite capable of eliminating drama and stress in our lives, and that includes not getting attached to significant others who feed off it.
Some women would categorize men in my situation as a tad "boring" because I lack the drama. And that suits me just fine :)
Cheers! | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/25/2009 2:48:39 AM |
Sorry but not everyone fits into your square peg.
I have ZERO and I mean ZERO drama in my life. No psycho exs, no job stress, no financial issues (not rich, just not broke or in heavy debt either!). Life is awesome because I've made it that way (with help from God, of course!).
What would Freud say? He'd say "Dude, you really have your stuff together!!!"
Not every guy over 30 has issues. Some of us are quite capable of eliminating drama and stress in our lives, and that includes not getting attached to significant others who feed off it.
Some women would categorize men in my situation as a tad "boring" because I lack the drama. And that suits me just fine :)
Cheers!
I am still learning how to quote on here...
I guess most men have had experiences with women who have been crazy, emotional, clingy, etc... thus having their own baggage and being leary of someone new they meet.
On the other hand like this quote, some men may have never been in serious relationships before and are finally ready to find "the one". I don't think they picture their soul mate making their life a living hell full of drama.
I have been in two very long relationships, though never married. I only hope I have learned from my life experiences to not make the same mistakes. When I was younger I sought after passion, but now I want a peaceful healthy relationship. I guess I want "drama-free" but a little bit of baggage is expected unless I date a few years younger. [One of my male friends who is my age (30) said he only dates women who are 18-21 because they have "no expectations" and "not jaded", but that should be a whole other forum!] | |
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