| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/25/2009 3:20:09 AM | | drama to ME---imature....I don't like hate, fighting,mean people and I want a mature woman that can talk maturly about anything and work things out.....kids are drama?....NO there just kids.......Maybe you are not mature enough to deal with kids......imature-A girl who when you take her to a bar will go about the bar flurting with guys or maybe start fights in other ways between guys.....I would never be so disrespectful to a girl I'm with......I have flat left dates at the bar over this without batting a lash....."maturity"...it covers many things | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/25/2009 9:21:07 AM |
I guess most men have had experiences with women who have been crazy, emotional, clingy, etc... thus having their own baggage and being leary of someone new they meet.
On the other hand like this quote, some men may have never been in serious relationships before and are finally ready to find "the one". I don't think they picture their soul mate making their life a living hell full of drama.
I have been in two very long relationships, though never married. I only hope I have learned from my life experiences to not make the same mistakes. When I was younger I sought after passion, but now I want a peaceful healthy relationship. I guess I want "drama-free" but a little bit of baggage is expected unless I date a few years younger. [One of my male friends who is my age (30) said he only dates women who are 18-21 because they have "no expectations" and "not jaded", but that should be a whole other forum!]
I've had my share of psycho exs and I'm not keen to getting into another. Part of being a strong, confident man is knowing when to walk away from someone who is bad for you. Staying with someone who isn't a good fit for far longer than you should shows a lack of self-confidence and proves one is clingy/needy.
Not wanting drama in your life (and by that I mean the kind of drama that can be easily avoided, not the drama that life brings such as when a loved one dies, etc) doesn't mean you're somehow seeking perfection. It's a good sign that you're confident enough to not get yourself into a bad situation, and stay there.
....I would never be so disrespectful to a girl I'm with......I have flat left dates at the bar over this without batting a lash....."maturity"...it covers many things
Agreed. Like I said before, if you are a strong, confident man you just don't put up with the crap. Drama, as much as women would like to deny this, is one way they "test" their man. I don't put up with it. If it continues, then I simply end the relationship. I can handle being tested. An occasional test or drama queen are two totally different things. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/25/2009 12:23:15 PM | Drama would be psycho ex's
And this whole "I told him we were done, and he said ok and found someone else, why doesn't he like me anymore"
All that kinda $hit, the games etc. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/25/2009 1:17:02 PM | | Most men are truly children we have our own drama in different ways it just comes with life experience anyone that things they are going to meet someone that is a 100% footloose and fancy free needs a swift kick in the ass by reality. Granted no one wants to meet someone that is mentally unstable or potentially a stalker but these are things that you learn about someone by getting to know them and communicating. My only scare is some of the women I have met have some ill gotten idea that right away upon meeting them that you are going to know they are the "one" that's not really drama but it's a definite deal breaker... alright I am rambling now and shall stop. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/25/2009 3:44:08 PM |
[One of my male friends who is my age (30) said he only dates women who are 18-21 because they have "no expectations" and "not jaded", but that should be a whole other forum!]
Note, having dated younger and my own age, I can safely say that drama is ageless and timeless. Sure, younger women may have less expectations, but they're usually a lot mess mature. They still can create a heck of a lot of drama.
Older women have drama too, just usually the more mature in nature.
So having dated both, I say just heed the red flags. Date who you want (and who wants you) and forget about age. Look at the inner person and their maturity as far as their ability to handle stress, drama and relationships. It has much less to do with age as it does their overall maturity (mentally, not physically).
Cheers. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:36:54 PM | "Shy" of drama? The word shy isn't appropriate- the word "undesired" is. Drama is what keeps plots rolling in movies.
I prefer sober and sane people. They're consistent in behavior and logical in their actions. I don't think too many people later in life want to deal with a life of hell with emotionally unstable people who bring their past baggage and attitude problems to the table. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:43:42 PM |
Sorry but not everyone fits into your square peg.
I have ZERO and I mean ZERO drama in my life. No psycho exs, no job stress, no financial issues (not rich, just not broke or in heavy debt either!). Life is awesome because I've made it that way (with help from God, of course!).
What would Freud say? He'd say "Dude, you really have your stuff together!!!"
Not every guy over 30 has issues. Some of us are quite capable of eliminating drama and stress in our lives, and that includes not getting attached to significant others who feed off it.
Some women would categorize men in my situation as a tad "boring" because I lack the drama. And that suits me just fine :)
Beautifully written.
When in the hell did we find drama to be "acceptible?" Perhaps if there was more people such as yourself, people who refuse to be enablers for this kind of behavior, then we all wouldn't have to put up with it. And we shouldn't. Why should I put up with it, when I know that there are others out there who are not drama queens, and who are not insecure and clingy? I'm wasting my time otherwise. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/26/2009 2:51:39 PM |
Beautifully written.
When in the hell did we find drama to be "acceptible?" Perhaps if there was more people such as yourself, people who refuse to be enablers for this kind of behavior, then we all wouldn't have to put up with it. And we shouldn't. Why should I put up with it, when I know that there are others out there who are not drama queens, and who are not insecure and clingy? I'm wasting my time otherwise.
Thanks :)
Drama and those who seek it actually NEED it to feel excited about the relationship. Those who are drama-free (to those seeking drama) appear "boring". I don't know about that. Life is stressful enough, why do people feel the need to toss fire into the flame? lol.
If you remove the drama-seekers out of your life and not enable them, you'll find yourself much happier. And strong, confident people can easily recognize drama-seekers and walk away. I've done it many times in my life. Some people don't understand why I'd walk away.
The simple answer is "I don't need it in my life." :)
It has nothing to do with being afraid of it. It's that I simply don't put up with it.
Cheers. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/26/2009 3:03:04 PM | | no drama means, a persons life that is all over the place, chased by creditors,ex boyfriends, out of control children, and problems keeping employed. that is all drama no guy likes or wants that, everyone has enough problems of their own they dont want to start something new with all that extra stuff happening | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/26/2009 6:08:27 PM | think of the 16 yr old drama queen. Everything is a big deal, they are always in other peoples business, and lack the ability to take things in stride.
Baggage to me means that you are a man hater due to past bad experiences and no long have the ability to deal with a person as a unique indivisual, but rather as the combination of all the ***holes you have dated in the past.
I am 42 and my life is drama free. there are no big deals, no daily crisis, just contentment.
I aim to keep it that way. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:15:22 PM | | The real question is why would anyone want lots of drama??? We cant escape drama unless we live isolated life style with no interaction with outside world. It dont mean we need to go looking for it. Like it was stated before it also has to do alot on how you handle what ever life throws at you. No reason to inflate an ant into an elephant. For some people guys and girls they attract drama if there is not drama they would create it, look for it, and try and suck everyone into dealing with it. I think its a personely flow they got. At 43 i rather not deal with it unless its normal daily life. Its not only guys that are drama shy plenty of women are drama shy as well. I want to go to sleep with a smile on my face and wake up looking forward for the day ahead of me. Is there anything wrong with being happy???? The only people that worry about why others dont like drama are the ones that bring drama into everything they do... | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:48:58 AM | +1 to your original post. People who have the need for drama/crisis in their lives are generally clingy people anyways.
1) I'm sorry you can't keep things out of your pants. Having kids out of wedlock is a bad idea and I don't have any so I can't commiserate. I don't sleep around and am not interested in an instant family where I'm not going to be an equal partner in raising them. Only exception is teens where there's nothing but drama and I'm just as stupid as their mother. Nothing I say or do will be right to them but respect me if I stay out of the way for a while so I can determine what demon of hell is currently possessing your child. (BTW, if I was only half as smart as I was at 18, I'd be an Einstein.)
2) Just because we are dating/dated, my personal finances do not become yours. Once married, I expect to be an equal partner in the finances and this is much easier to do if you can get your financial life is in order. If you have me start talking to collectors about your debts, you can expect me to dump you within 24-48 hours.
3) You chose to date psychos (yes, not all ex-'s are psychos) in the past and now they come back. Please do not take their calls (unless you had children/dogs with them) and you're not going to the bars with them for old times sake. These psychos are not your friends. Deny them their fix and watch a mild mannered psycho go into a rage. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/27/2009 8:24:09 AM | | I think that you questions can be posed to both men and women. Anyone who claims that they want "no drama" is fooling themselves, in my opinion. If you are divorced, and/or have children, there will be some level of drama. Otherwise, you wouldnt be divorced! As long as you dont let the drama run your life, or that is all you talk about...then drama is acceptable. Dating when you were in your 20's had less drama, now in my thirties, there is drama, it is just how you deal with it that matters. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/30/2009 10:08:51 AM | Holy Hell , why does NO DRAMA have to be so complicated. Where I agree NO DRAMA is rather unrealistic of any age, I can understand why they ask for it. Hell I ask for it. Drama brings you down, it is annoying it makes people whiney and all highstrung and shyt... And what guy or girl for that matter wants to walk into a shytstorm of crap when they are just trying to get to know someone.
Some people have more issues than others, are always in a mess, or there is always some crisis brewing in their life, they are addicted to it. So lets change the term up a bit and ask for No Drama Whores!! Drama is going to exist on one level or another in peoples lives it is to be expected but it is also expected that it isnt a 24/7 event either.
So, just because men ask for NO DRAMA it doesnt mean they are asses. If that is the case Im an ass too. No Drama Whores for me, thanks!!
^T^ | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 7/30/2009 10:17:33 AM | I kind of understand what men mean when they say "they don't want dramma".
Last year I tried something different with a guy I was dating. Normally I am very intense, I like to talk, ESPECIALLY if I am having a problem which is like everyday LOL! But I tried to do this, when I am with him I just talk about nice things. I look nice, smile, am pleasant. If he says something I litsen, I take cues from him before I say something. It was amazing how much the guy got into me when I did that. He wanted to spend more time with me, wanted to be around me all the time. After performing my little experiment on the guy, I thought I had had enough of him so anyways the next lucky guy I know how to make him feel special but he has to be the right guy. You can't do that sort of think with a jackass, they will ruin your life. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/1/2009 8:44:57 AM | | I don't think men over 30 are shy,maybe just cautious.I'm quite a bit over 30 but do not feel it or certainly act it.I think some men are as afraid of women as much as women are afraid of men.It all comes back to the pains,emotional or phisical, we have sustained in our former relationships.I was married for 24 years, had 2 great kids,and now I'm pretty much alone on a big horse farm.I would say I'm one of the cautious ones.With a little luck things will turn around. sam | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/1/2009 9:15:25 AM | Anyone that says they don't want any drama are the drama causers. Stay away from anyone putting this crap on their profile.
I don't put the age with the expression either. All ages of people put it on their profile.
Baggage is another one of those stupid catch phrases. If you want to call life experiences baggage, ok, I packed my own bags. I never asked anyone to carry them. I don't want to carry yours either, but they are part of you. Without a past, you couldn't be who you are today. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/1/2009 2:29:37 PM | Everyone has a past, and some people have truly horrific ones. But that doesn't make the person dramatic, nor a victim. Just someone who has lived through experiences; it is how they reacted to those experiences and let themselves be shaped as a person (did they grow, flourish, shrivel, fight back?) Drama is not the experiences nor the past; but the present mindset on outlook, isn't it? The gunshy, constantly wailing about the unfairness of either one person or life with no happiness nor expectation, where the conversation ALWAYS gets back to a couple subjects where all the passion is kept. When a person's biggest passion is hate and resentment, there is not a whole lot of room for love or romance. Nor optimism nor fairness, because the resentment of the one bleeds over into the rest of "their kind". They start looking with filters.
(but I'm betting, though I could be wrong, that in the case of a huge proportion of guys who use that line; they want someone they can call spur of the moment when they feel like it and "pick her up" for some fun and stuff and expect her to keep quiet and available the rest of the time for when they next "get an itch" and be ok with that. No strings on her side; all strings on his. But again, I could be wrong in what their intent was when an individual uses it). But it seems that that line many times is used to keep women in their place and without expectations of any kind. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/5/2009 1:59:39 PM | Drama or baggage will mean different things to different people after all,let face it,most of us aint mother theresa.Im however spiked about what the OP said about (I posted on my profile that I dont want horny dudes sending me email - they should visit the adult entertainment section of the yellow pages and not waste my time - but that is beacause 90% of the email I receive here is a cry for sexual release (ugh). )
Does this mean that most guys here actually see this site as nothing more than a way to make sexual contact? if 90% of all emails the average woman get's here is all about getting sex then that means there's a very slim chance that the 10 % of us who actually send emails because we want to get know women through dating long before sex havent got a chance in hell.Cynicism is bound to kill of any optimism.Well I still enjoy and learn a lot from the forums so it cant be all bad. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/5/2009 3:00:20 PM | | to me it means that you will not bring your past in the realtionship with or the need to consiciously or unconsiciously compare me to your last relationship good or bad if i can get the same clean slate that i ma willing to give you i dont want to be bothered | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/5/2009 6:31:45 PM | | My opinion is men are over women who are SUCH girls. What I mean by that: insecure, high maintenance, texting all of the time, pushing for commitment, he said she said BS....that is my take. I think men want a women who is in check with life, secure with themselves, doesn't have the x-issues, nagging, pushy, comfortable in their own skin, not jealous. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/5/2009 6:38:36 PM | | There is drama and there are hurtles in life. Two completely different things for sure. Everybody has hurtles in life. Not everyone has drama. Some people, especially MOST women thrive off of drama and the attention, good or bad it attracts. It’s embarrassing to be around drama queens. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/6/2009 12:18:43 AM | Well, this is what my profile has on it, though after reading this thread, I'm thinking of expanding the definition.
"No Drama: I don't mean those things that come up in everyone's life from time to time that require you to suck it up and deal with (family emergencies, health problems, etc.), I mean those things in life that come up because of and are made worse by a pattern of poor life choices."
There is no one official definition of "drama" versus "baggage" (or any of the other problem areas brought up in this thread). However, for me, I'm fine with baggage but not drama. Examples as follows.
Baggage: You have a child.
I'm willing to participate and help out in an amount in direct proportion to where we are in our relationship. Can't find a sitter to go out? Staying in is fine.
Drama: Your cherub fancies himself "gangsta" and you won't let me beat it out of him.
I'm not willing to put up with a druggie, thieving little POS.
Baggage: Your child's father is still in the picture.
I'm fine having a mature adult that wants to be an active part of raising his children around - within reason of course.
Drama: Your ex is a substance-abusing POS that can't keep a job and won't go away.
You can ask me to put up with your ex or support a stepchild, NOT BOTH.
Baggage: You have had exes that cheated on you.
I'm perfectly willing to let someone I'm in a relationship with know where I am at all times (at least as is practical and reasonable). If you're in a relationship isn't that something you should know about each other.
Drama: Your trust issues are so severe that you can't trust me.
Accusations of cheating, checking my cell phone records, etc. (since I'm a police officer and use my phone for work - good luck with this one - I wouldn't be able to tell you what most of the numbers I called were about)
Baggage: You are in some way burdened by helping out family.
I cared for a sick parent in the past - it's what you do.
Drama: The parent you're caring for won't accept that you're a grown adult and can't keep their nose out of our relationship. You have a close relative that's an alcoholic or drug addict and is always "borrowing" money or needing a place to stay.
Drama: You falsely claim pregnancy and cancer to keep me from breaking up with you.
Drama: You have POS friends that want to call you up every time they have a brush with the police because they think your police officer boyfriend/husband can help. (Thankfully my ex had enough sense to realize no good would come from me speaking to her friends at those moments - or really EVER about those subjects)
I'm not saying that I've had ALL of these happen (some, but not all), but I figured they'd be good examples of what I meant by "drama". | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/6/2009 3:23:47 PM | | I find that men over 30 have real jobs. Currently, go to medical school and I have found that drama in my personal life affects my professional life. I will not sacrafice what I have worked for so long for someone that I have known only a couple of weeks, if that. Besides, everyone has B.S.. | |
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