| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:41:20 PM | Drama.....everyone has some sort of drama from time to time, I certainly do. Whether it was my daughter going batshit crazy as soon as she hit her 18th birthday and driving us all crazy because she had the insane idea that she didn't have to listen to anyone anymore or go to school on a regular basis (she has always been an A student and yearbook editor, not to mention captain of the tennis team, forensics team, drama club, etc), or moving to a new apartment, or the death of a close relative, or a friend in need who needs emotional support, or perhaps getting sick together and spending a week on the couches together while you both recover. These are all the dramas that a relationship goes through in the normal course of life.
If you love one another, and are mature adults, you handle these things rationally and work through them together. They come with the territory. They may test us, but they make us so much stronger.
Drama that we can live without? Throwing a fit because of something stupid, like him leaving his towel on the bathroom floor everytime he takes a shower, or leaving the toilet seat up all the time. I gave up this battle a long time ago. I just pick up the towel and put the seat down. Why waste the time, energy and ruin the mood by b1tching about something so trivial? And he doesn't get mad if I spend a half an hour looking for the right shade of lipstick to match my outfit...yeah, it may be trivial to him, but it is one of the things that I hate, lipstick that doesn't match my outfit, and he just sits down, watches tv until I find what I'm looking for, then we go on out to wherever we were headed. Drama comes when people lose control of their emotions about trivial things. If we learn to control ourselves and accept one another's quirks and little actions that may not be perfect in our eyes, we can keep the relationship going smooth and both be so much happier and be supportive.
Beth | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/7/2009 12:51:13 PM | Amongst the men from POF that I've had contact with, drama seems to mean being able to stand up for yourself and expecting to be treated respectfully and fairly!
Last example; A bloke who said it was just me and him and he'd stopped looking made his profile visible again and called it 'drama' when I asked him about it. I didn't go ballistic or jump to conclusions, or make accusations, but I did mention my surprise...I'd been open about me having a hidden profile but still logging in to use the forums.
I see men with this definition of 'no drama' as being emotionally immature and certainly not serious relationship ready. Quite frankly, I welcome the warning when they post 'no drama' in their profiles as I'm pretty sure that means I don't want them! | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:05:05 PM | Strange, I've only read 'no drama' on women's profiles. But then, I don't peruse male profiles with high regularity.
My guess, is that 'high maintenance' is out of the window. Perhaps, a woman who is actually emotionally available and looking for a relationship would not fall under the 'no drama' umbrella.
OR...it's just a way to say 'I'm sick of shallow folks with poor people skills'.
I give up. I really have no idea what it could mean. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/8/2009 2:33:46 AM | | OP, no drama means not spazzing out like you did in your original post. I would never use such a worn-out phrase, but in general I think it means no psycho chicks that over-analyze every word, gesture, pause, etc. and seem to need unnecessary conflict at all times to make life interesting. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/9/2009 11:26:03 AM | | I have met observed alot of women and some of women cannot live without drama in there lives. This means always having something to complain or argue about, always in someone elses life, babdy daddy drama, A woman who will where revealing clothing not for her man but to make other guys look and flirt with other guys and then go back to her man and tell him guys are hitting on her or being rude. Ok so I have dated some of these women and now that I have I don't want too. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:54:26 PM | TO OP:
for me no drama means.....I am not your personal jesus.
when the day is done we all have to figure out life for ourselves, the answer is always found within, dont try to find the answers in us. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/9/2009 7:25:10 PM | BDM - You brought up a good point..
[/"No Drama: I don't mean those things that come up in everyone's life from time to time that require you to suck it up and deal with (family emergencies, health problems, etc.), I mean those things in life that come up because of and are made worse by a pattern of poor life choices."]
It seems there is a 'general/broad' thread of what is considered drama. Best bet would be to ask. My children are not drama, nor do I consider them baggage as my definition of the term differs from others. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/9/2009 7:49:54 PM | since i fall into that category of men and have sought to reduce the amount of drama in my life, i will offer my thoughts on the drama i have experienced and would not like to experience again.
1. i would like to know the medications, the dosages, and the diagnosed emotional instabilities up front. this generally has contributed to the emotional drama that comes and goes like the wind. i recently had a great relationship undermined by some emotional drama. i thought things were going great until the 'pressure' of the relationship became too great; i was too demanding; and she didn't want to communicate with me anymore. yes, i admit that all disagreements have two sides, but i am not the one seeing a therapist.
2. past relationships tend to bring all kinds of drama, from me included. but no man likes to be compared to an ex; regaled with stories of how great or bad an ex was; or realize that not all ties to the ex have been severed. that creates for drama. i have my own, but i don't parade it around in front of my dates.
3. similarly, i don't want to compared to someones father. enough said.
4. i am not a pet project. yes, i believe that a burgeoning could should discuss their dreams and aspirations, but at the same time, it doesn't become my job to make a woman's dreams come true. i have enough trouble making my own come true. that is why, it is good to see a woman making her own way in the world; employed, making money, and empowered. that is dead sexy. yes, nobody is perfect and everyone struggles, but there is a difference between trying your best and waiting for a savior.
5. children are not crutches. i have two daughters that take up a huge part of my life, but at the same time. i do not put their upkeep in the hands of anyone else. they have a mother and a father. mine even have a step-father. i do not ask any woman to come in and be some surrogate mother-figure to my daughters, so i would balk if it was "expected" of me to be some father-figure. personally, i would do it because i love children, but chafe if it became an expectation or mandatory part of the relationship. until two people are married and bound, they are just dating and as such, the relationship should be managed between two people in love. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/10/2009 1:41:47 PM | Hmmm you seem to have done a lot of research on this subject but it seems like most of the people you spoke to do not understand the english language ... especially 1 and 4.
I am not drama shy but what I would take it as is not wanting women who are all consumed with things in the past such as relationships. There are some who constantly talk about their ex ... if women are still not over their ex why do they try dating again ? | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/11/2009 1:17:49 AM | Despite the visits from the abrasive crew - this thread has been very enlightening and informative beyond my own expectations! Thanks to all who have participated in a positive light - I appreciate the time and thought put into your responses.
I even enjoyed a good laugh or two - lol - indeed!
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/11/2009 6:16:27 AM | | Most single men (such as me) at my age of 31 have had a lot of failed relationships, some of which down to cranky girls etc. Thats probably what they mean. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/11/2009 8:06:00 AM | lol... it is definitely number 2 for me..
i want a women who speaks her mind and is not going to keep her true opinion from me. i don't care is she is flat broke with no money in the bank as long as she didn't spend it on crack. i definitely don't want a no expectations relationship. friends with benefits makes me sick; have a little self respect..
yeah so like i said number 2.. i have no problem with anyone's child and will be very accepting if i am accepted into that persons life. however, i will not deal with being told tough he's my baby's dad and we have to do things together as a family or i need to put up with him putting wedges in our relationship. i am a man and will not bend over and take it from another guy thank you..
other than that.. i have no problem with what a girl does... unless of course she's turning tricks and then i have to draw a line there as well.. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/11/2009 11:04:41 AM | I am with the men on this one - sorry girls.
I have been out with a guy who was overly jealous and possessive to the point of being OTT, when I gave him no cause to be, because his ex girlfriend was insecure and would let guys be way too touchy feely when they went out. I paid the price for her dodgy behaviour and thats what I call BAGGAGE - I don't need it thanks.
Having a history and a past is natural to all of us and its useful to acknowledge it, IF we learn something form it. This isn't really unecessary drama. This is valid broken heart territory, which feels terrible. This is when you go to a friends house and cry on his or her shoulder with a bottle/bottles of wine (depending on level of the trauma) and high fat or sugar foods to drown your sorrows.
Then there is a time and a place to go out with your man/woman and have a damn good time drama free. 'Drama' in my book is trivial nonsense made out to be important. I am sorry, but it just isn't sexy, fun, interesting, a good laugh or anything other than boring.
I want to have fun, not listen to someone moan about meaningless crap.
Life is way too short ! | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/12/2009 8:32:17 AM | Because we don't want a woman with a crazy, stalker of an ex.
...we have our own share as it is.
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/12/2009 9:07:34 AM | I read somewhere something kind of funny
here goes...
'Women go out of their way to find reasons to not be with a man they are intrested in so its best for the man to highlight his good sides as much as possible.'
If you were married before that is bad, if you have never been married that is bad, if you have kids its bad, if you didnt have kids its bad. For men the best tactic is to change the subjet as quickly as possible in my view | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/13/2009 10:21:55 AM | | I had only the vaguest notion of what drama was before reading this thread. Thank you for that public service. I was beginning to believe it was a superstition handed down through antiquity until it had lost any relevance and was basically warded off by all, out of habit, like "bad ju-ju" or something. Though now that I think about it, drama could be considered a form of bad ju-ju... | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/13/2009 11:59:07 AM |
I have noticed in reading profiles of men between the ages of 30 and 45 that they continually say "woman with no drama or baggage" "a woman who is drama free" etc etc etc.
The same can be said about a lot of womens ads on this site, who are in the same age range if not younger. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/15/2009 3:08:55 PM | It isn't just men...it's women too. I don't want a guy around that has a lot of drama /psycho ex girlfriends ect.....
Who does??? I guess the older you get the less tolerant of drama you become.
What a weird question. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/16/2009 9:05:49 AM | if you want to know about DRama, listen to marry j blige song "no drama" or fantasia "baby mama." can a drama queen be a diva?
people who are drama or type A personalities can cause a lot of turmoil (men and women). i am a laid back, quiet, down-to-earth, witty and soft spoken but refused to be over-burden or ridden with a man who cannot control himself or ex-wife/baby-mamma who wants to be a "problem." normally, i just don't return calls, makeup excuses rather than tell "him" i don't want to be bothered. i don't like to hurt people's feelings intentionally.
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/16/2009 12:23:55 PM |
Despite the visits from the abrasive crew - this thread has been very enlightening and informative beyond my own expectations! Thanks to all who have participated in a positive light - I appreciate the time and thought put into your responses.
I'm glad that you are sticking around to follow the thread. I hope you stick around long enough to read this. Here are two examples of drama that I've experienced in my own life:
1 (At 18, this was the first woman I had ever touched) I complimented her on a part of her body. A day or two later, she showed it to me. In response to my comment, she had taken a razor blade and cut about 20 parallel incisions into that part of her body for the purpose of displaying the scabs to me.
2) (At around 33, the eighth woman I had ever touched) She was insecure about her appearance. I kept trying to reassure her over the course of months. She called me from five hours away to tell me that she had eaten rat poison and was going to die so I would be happy. (She didn't die.)
Now, if you are now going to ask me why I dislike this kind of thing, I am afraid that I shall have to insult you. Anyway, I've gotten better at avoiding this stuff. That's the long answer.
The short answer is men don't like women with Cluster B personality disorder, even the sub-clinical strains that are promoted by every women's magazine on the shelves in the grocery store. I've seen estimates that about 12% to 15% of the population has Borderline Personality Disorder, and that it's 2 to 3 times as common amongst women. So it's a fair risk.
Still, it's stupid to put "no drama" in one's profile. It just attracts them. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/16/2009 1:39:28 PM | Life is too short for B.S. Maximize pleasure & minimize pain. If you cause me pain, I cut you off quickly.   | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/18/2009 4:22:30 PM | If it's not too late to comment...... Men over 30 are drama shy because we learn what to stay away from. Translated, it means what does not work for us as individuals.
I'm 37 not married no kids. I did not choose to be this way. I've always wanted kids AND to be married. Three long-term relationships later here I am. The three are 2, 6, 6, put in some time in between for soul searching, dating and years go by quick. Drama or rather red flags are not worth wasting time on. If enough pop up the judgment call to cut-losses and move on is made. From seeing my friends (both male and female) struggle along in failing marriages it is better to be single than miserable. My only regret is not having kids. Even if they are to some, chains that keep them in a horrible marriage. They at least have their kids. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/18/2009 5:48:31 PM | | Speaking for divorced guys in general, we're "drama shy" because we've already lived through it once and don't want to deal with it again. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:48:34 PM | winfieldbrian <--------- You sir, said that well.
I know all of us has a little drama. Its the ones how actually enjoy it I avoid. | |
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