| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 8/31/2009 10:52:03 PM |
It's secret code for "I'm really an unsupportive man"...If you have any problem in your life I don't wanna talk about it and I'm not gonna help you....It is an overused term...I will be glad when the trendy use of it drops...We have a brainless society sometimes that is selfish and jumps on the trendy labeling bandwagon and will use this term of "no drama" until it is ragged and worn and will be glad when it turns into dust....I'm glad to see some wisen up to the use of it...
There can be some issues that REALLY ARE DRAMA...the small issues blown out of proportion and I know that may be why the labeling started, but some guys and gals have jumped on the band wagon and abused this term...It's become secret code for "shut up and don't talk...I just wanna have sex with you...i have no use for u as a human being and could care less about your life"...
Supportive men are getting few and far between..it's gettin scary out there...
These guys that dodge drama may have a closet full of skeletons too...
Have to wave the bullsh!t flag here. I have "no drama" in my profile. When I was married, I helped my stepson with homework, baseball practice, paid an ever increasing amount of bills to raise him while I was with his mother, and watched him when my wife wanted to go out with her friends - all while putting up with the wife's overgrown child ex. At the same time, I told the wife she could leave her office job and steady paycheck to go back in sales like she wanted to and I'd make sure all the bills got paid in the lean months.
Unsupportive??? I don't think so. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/1/2009 3:31:00 AM | "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN AND WHY DO THESE MEN FEAR IT SO? "
For me it means several things...
I don't want to be judged because of some crap your ex did or said or thought. The fact that guy cheated on you is no reason to treat me like I'm also cheating on you.
You have psycho ex boyfriends, psycho mother, etc. someone who is likely to bring a lot of drama and BS my way... I'll pass. I'll opt out.
If you're pron to fits of clinical depression, you have anger issues, or you gossip and talk crap about anybody who isn't in the room... I'm not interested. Too much trouble and too much complication.
I'm looking for a compatible person for a relationship... not a fixer upper project. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/1/2009 9:42:11 AM |
It's secret code for "I'm really an unsupportive man"...If you have any problem in your life I don't wanna talk about it and I'm not gonna help you....It is an overused term...I will be glad when the trendy use of it drops...We have a brainless society sometimes that is selfish and jumps on the trendy labeling bandwagon and will use this term of "no drama" until it is ragged and worn and will be glad when it turns into dust....I'm glad to see some wisen up to the use of it...
There can be some issues that REALLY ARE DRAMA...the small issues blown out of proportion and I know that may be why the labeling started, but some guys and gals have jumped on the band wagon and abused this term...It's become secret code for "shut up and don't talk...I just wanna have sex with you...i have no use for u as a human being and could care less about your life"...
Supportive men are getting few and far between..it's gettin scary out there...
These guys that dodge drama may have a closet full of skeletons too..
Ok wtf "I'm really an unsupportive man." Just because we don't want any
drama doesn't mean we wouldn't support the woman not only financially but mentally.
I do agree that it is a overused term. A lot of times its thrown out there when the guy cannot think of any other reason he broke or breaking up with her. He'll just say she was a drama queen and the other people in his circle of friends understand the why?
Supportive men are few and far between out there but for the most part those guys are the guys that most women wouldn't date for some other bs reason. Oh I forgot a woman can have choices and be selective a guy has to take what he can get and be happy with it.
Oh well best of luck to everyone  | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/1/2009 10:35:26 AM | | OP...Everyone has drama.....The difference is do you carry it or drag it? I carry mine but have met a lot of people who drag it. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/2/2009 9:58:26 PM | | A lot of people specify that they want no drama, it really has little to do with age. Personally, I think it's dumb for anyone to put what they don't want in their profile because a lot of the things they list can be arbitrary and may filter out people to whom it doesn't actually apply in the author's sense of the term as well as be ignored by people to whom it does. And eliminating people on criteria that isn't something immediately observable about them is impossible anyway. I mean, unless your email address is something like jesus@gmail.com or something, do you really need to make some attempt to dissuade people from messaging you? | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/3/2009 10:28:28 AM | "I posted on my profile that I dont want horny dudes sending me email."
All guys are horny, as are most women, but that does not mean that all men expect sex right away.
My opinion of "no drama" is simply a guy's way of saying we are do not want to meet someone crazy (like many of the items that you listed above.) But it also indicates that a guy may actually want to take things slow. For me, it means "I'm ok with you having kids, but don't call me the day after the first date and ask me to watch your kids, or fix your car for you, repair your roof, etc..." It also could be an indication that any particular guy has had one or more relationships end in a bad or dramatic manner. This affects everyone, granted, but it could be a sign for women/potential dates to takes things slow.
Another example: I've had (I'm sure we've all had) relationships where the partner continually brings up their ex(es) a lot. I've had an ex who made us change where we were intending to eat because one of her ex-boyfriends was eating there as well. That said to me: 1. She was not over him, and would rather be with him than me, and 2. Showed a lack of self-confidence on her part. or 3. She expected a confrontation. This to me equates to drama, or at the very least, the potential for it.
Everyone has their own baggage, but some folks just wear it on their sleeve, which to many men equals drama. Relationships can be difficult with just the problems both people have in their own lives, why add the problems of other folks to the mix as well?
Hope this makes some semblance of sense to you, OP. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/3/2009 8:56:15 PM | | O.k a girl asked me out for a movie. We went out on date grabed something to eat watched a movie. had a good date.. damn she calls me 4-6 times a day with every single problem.. Her pc crushed her alarm clock broke and she over sleeped.. Every time she has problem she calls... Now thats way too much drama. Thats after one date only. Got tired of her drama within a week. There is more then one kind of drama.. what ever it is you got to deal with it... | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/3/2009 10:40:16 PM |
"I posted on my profile that I dont want horny dudes sending me email."
What bugs me is when i see that in a profile that has 6 T&A pictures.
I saw a profile the other day where a woman had pictures of her cleavage... and I don't mean incidental cleavage. I mean the cleavage was the star of the pictures. They were pics taken to highlight and show off the cleavage.
And she says in her profile that she's sick of comments about her chest.
I read that crap and all I can think of is the poor **stard that finds himself in a relationship with such an irrational person. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/6/2009 9:07:15 AM | I like how the OP keeps popping in here thinking the rest of us are nuts for not wanting to indulge her drama. Whatever. 
This thread has made me think that some posters interpret "drama" far too broadly and I think it should be narrowed and a third category be added. As I see it:
Drama is unnecessary conflict borne of some trivial event to which a healthy person would respond with a shrug of the shoulders and move on while one inclined toward drama would dwell on it for some period of time making all around them annoyed, if not miserable, until the next trivial event.
Baggage is the emotional attachment to the past whether it be people or events. We all have that involvement but it's whether and how we let it affect our present and future relationships that defines whether it's carry-on or we need a cart for it.
Complications are the third category I wish to add to this discussion. Involvement with other people always leads to some measure of complication. We hope that those complications will be pleasant and enjoyable and lead to a more rich and full life, but sometimes they go the other way and become a wall to continuing the relationship.
I think children fit into the latter category as they add another level of complexity to a relationship.
Now I'll sit back and watch as the drama types go ballistic over this post.  | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/6/2009 12:45:53 PM | Women included...I'm not shy or fearful about drama and/or baggage...I consider it my preference to avoid as much as possible...everyone has a level of drama because life in general has it's difficulties...that does not mean that I'm not supportive to a person's plight...what I will not get involved with is a woman that creates her own or self induced drama in whatever the circumstance is...if for example the conflict between her and her ex is one sided meaning that he is just giving her the grief and is primarily keeping it going...I will be totally supportive and help in whatever measure she wants...if on the other hand she is feeding off his drama  and is not doing things that will curb or elleviate the situation then I cannot work with her and will take the step back especially if she is not honest with herself about her responsibility in the matter. This is what I look at when it comes to drama.
My two cents worth | |
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DJ-78
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Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 212 | |
| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/6/2009 3:05:38 PM | I'm drama free and proud of it. Why shouldnt I expect the same in someone I'm dating. I have alot of postive things going on in my life (going to school, starting two companies, working at a great company etc), I don't need any negative distractions pulling me away. I valuable my time and I use it to do positive things that will take me to the next levels in life. I can't control people but I can control who I allow in my life.
I belief in fixing problems and moving forward, not dealing with the same bullsh*t over and over again, which is essentially what drama tends to me (in my book).
Before I consider a serious relationship with a woman, I check everything out...
-- relationship with her family (does she have that brother that is in and out of jail)
-- her friends (does she have that girl friend that is in a on/off relationship with some a--- hole, and always wants to cry to her about it)
-- happiness with her work,
-- happiness with in general. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 8:25:04 PM | | What it usually means is that the men in question want sex but don't want to deal with a real, living, breathing person. Real people have baggage. Real people have drama. To expect a grown woman to arrive in your life a blank slate is idiotic. Men these these need to grow up. Or visit hookers. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/8/2009 5:00:05 PM | They mean:
No swapping the kids every other day with your ex;
No ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends on your speed-dial;
No stalkers;
No guy friends who constantly want to become more, even if you have no interest.
Basically it comes down to this: Relationships are hard enough without adding all of these other variables to the dating process, particularly early on. A guy wants to know that while he may not be the 'center' of your universe, he does make the top three. He wants and needs to know that as things progress he will be important to you, and that he will not be fighting for your attention and affection right from the get-go. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/9/2009 11:56:32 AM | Hmmmm.. NOT wanting drama. Tryin to figure out WHY that is a bad thing.
1st. they are MEN. Men are logical. Drama has NO logic.
2nd. Your #3 is right on. ANOTHER man's children IS filled with Drama. Why on earth would a man VOLUNTEER for all that crapola?
3rd. I'm sure you have, or have had girlfriends whose lives were trainwrecks. They went from one drama to the next trauma. Now either you enjoyed the wreck, or even YOU distanced yourself from them. Think about that long and hard and ask yourself
Would you have tried to hook up your brother, whom you supposedly LOVE, with that trainwreck?
Seems pretty clear to me why men dont want drama.
Edit: There were so many pages of commentary I didnt bother to go read them until AFTER my post.. However I did catch a couple and am disgusted by one in particular
NOT wanting to START A NEW RELATIONSHIP with a "Drama Queen" does NOT make a man "unsupportive" that is so much crapola. That's like saying I dont want to have a new boss who is an a$$hole translates into "I dont want to work anymore"
Comeon people.. connect the dots just a little?
The act of getting involved WITH women is going to add MORE drama to our lives than being alone. We KNOW it comes with the territory. Generally speaking, a man accepts having to deal with a certain amount just to get the "goodies" of female companionship. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/11/2009 4:15:17 AM |
2nd. Your #3 is right on. ANOTHER man's children IS filled with Drama. Why on earth would a man VOLUNTEER for all that crapola?
Beats me, but there are plenty of women who have no problem, it seems, finding step-dads for their kids. That's not a situation I'm interested in and I'm upfront in my desire to not be a step-dad. That removes me from consideration from about 95% of the dating pool at my age.  | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/11/2009 8:23:53 AM | I am definitely a guy who doesn't like Drama, since I live a pretty low key lifestyle. While the word may mean different things to different people, to me it means:
a) I don't want a drunk/angry/jealous ex-boyfriend coming around my house 2 a.m.
in the morning
b) I don't want collection agencies calling at all hours of the day, looking for your last
3 months utility bills.
c) I don't need to hear about what Janine did to Marcy, how Amy is a b!tch and how
Wendy is sleeping around with 5 guys for hours on end. There's a reason I don't
watch Desperate Housewives or Big Brother.
d) Act like an adult and keep out of control emotions under wraps. I can understand if
you are angry about something, but let's keep it within reason and move on when we
can?
e) And don't involve me in your personal S@#T unless it actually involves me. I
won't get between a feud between you and your aunt Thelma that's been going on
for years. I may love you, but I'm not the answer provider for every problem you
have.
f) Learn to let go of the small stuff and not make a mountain out of a molehill. I know
that woman's blouse doesn't go with her pants, but what the heck do you want me to
do about it?
g) Talking behind someone else's back is not a cool thing and does not make for
conversation between me and you. If it involves you directly, fine, get it off your
chest and can we please talk about something else?
If you can promise me the above, I promise not to do it as well and we can have a drama-less environment.  | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/11/2009 9:27:02 AM | | Because the older you get you realize that drama and chaos are not something that just happens to cross your path and turn your day all sideways, its brought on by someone who craves it and constantly finds themselves involved in it. Not realizing they are addicted to chaos, mostly for the need for attention... a very selfish motivator considering the disruptive nature of it all.... | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/12/2009 8:48:27 AM | Well I can only speak for myself but no drama for me means a woman who isn't self-destructive. So excessive alcohol, drugs, unable to put the past behind her (when it's not creating new problems in her life and she has no power to change what happened).
A good woman with kids and bad ex who isn't helping her isn't drama in my opinion, it's a problem but not necessarily of her making. No job and no plans to get one when she is the sole support of her kids? That's drama.
I tend to think of it as someone who creates more problems for themselves. Of course someone who does that constantly probably is in some form of denial so they don't think they have drama anyway. lol | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/12/2009 11:35:12 AM | As with most intelligent posters, I won't speak for anyone other than myself, but to me, "drama" is when a woman acts irrisponsibly in a manner that has a negative impact on my life, wasting my time or other resources. When a woman is too busy focussing on all her friends BS to squash her own, or so hung up on what OTHER guys have done that hurt her in the past that she continuously responds to me in a defensive manner based on assumptions that I'm doing likewise rather than simply asking me what MY motives and intentions are and trusting me to answer honestly. Don't group me up with all the guys from your past who wronged you. I'm an individual and a responsible and honest one at that and will resent the HELL out of being treated as a threat to you based on your PAST experiences. Voicing concerns, telling me about those past experiences and communicating about your fears of being hurt that way AGAIN, are reasonable within limits, but acting on assumptions that I AM doing the same things some other idiots did to you is offensvie and wastes my time. Communicate effectively and ASK me questions, LISTEN to the answers, THINK about those answers and how they support my claims so you will have REASON to then TRUST the answers given, or go away and find someone else to make rediculous accusations towards. I can't STAND a woman who runs around half****d like a chicken with her head cut off based on assumptions because she is in to big a rush to ask questions, has too much "baggage" to accept the answers, or is too involved in everyone ELSES crap to focus on and handle her OWN crap responsibly. It's that simple for me. It comes down to wether or not she is a good listener and will take the time to think about what I have to say, and focus on her OWN issues and keep her nose out of MINE when permission to "help me" has not been given. I'll do likewise and tend to my OWN business, and only adress HERS when it is getting in my way, and she has the right to adress my issues ONLY when they are getting in HER way. I make every effort to AVOID letting my own issues affect others negatively, and expect the same in return, hence, "drama free".  | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/12/2009 12:00:32 PM | Here is a great example of "drama" that occurs when a girlfriend doesn't realize her boyfriend is on a vacation that she had been informed about previously:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1918771
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rynb
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Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 222 | |
| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/12/2009 12:56:08 PM | Drama free means different things to different people but as a general rule of thumb, something like you have a crazy ex bf, you have a substance abuse problem, you have
serious emotional problems, ie you are extremely moody and indecisive or just
general immaturity that you typically find in the 20 something and sometimes older
age group. We just want someone that is level headed and doesnt change there mind
constantly and is emotionally stable. not much to ask but hard to find it seems. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/13/2009 2:03:53 PM | I don't know what most guys think, but when I read a profile which says drama free, below is what I think.
Don't turn mole hills into mountains. Life has plenty of pain, suffering, and misery. If you have a friend or family member facing a serious medical condition, a death, or some other major tragedy, that is life. If you are constantly coming unglued emotionally about every little minor thing which happens, then you are way to much drama for me.
Unfortunately many of the women who put 'drama free' in their profile tend to have way to much drama in their lives. | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/13/2009 6:03:26 PM | Most men over the age of thirty have had so many negative experiences with women or life in general that is is truly time to learn to cruise. Why would anyone in their right mind want drama and only a sistah with low self esteem would need confirmation in a negative light to ensure her that the man loves her. We as perspective mates need to learn how to be friends in love,respect our mates and love unconditionally. treat one another as you need and desire to be treated.
Vincent | |
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| Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy?
Posted: 9/13/2009 6:57:32 PM | It depends on what's meant by "drama."
Life is drama. Everyone has to deal with the issues of their friends and family, and your relationship partner would have to be involved in it, too. It's just a part of who we are as humans. In order to find someone who was drama-free you'd have to find someone who had zero social interaction.
If I want to be with someone, I'm going to be with that person and accept all the issues that she has going on in her life. | |
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